Corruption Of Innocence edited version
by Beatrice2
Summary: Severus Severus falls in love with an empath, a previous student of his and she knows something about him that no one could ever believe. Set roughly ten years after HP TPS - Not SLASH. Contains dark themes and erotica. Complete R&R :o)
1. Chapter 01

Okay here is the corrected newly revised *edited* Corruption Of Innocence.

As before I do not own the Harry Potter universe all is owned by the brilliant J K Rowling and Warner Bros. I am not receiving any money for this fan fic. 

This story is rated R for adult themes including mild horror, rape, depression, and sexual relations, but is predominantly a tale of bravery, commitment and romantic sensuality. 

Severus Snape

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A corruption Of Innocence`

Prologue

Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft And Wizardry was a large and impressive building, standing atop a craggy hill overlooking an expansive lake. Surrounding it were rolling moors and ice capped mountains. A castle with a deep and intrinsic antiquity, hidden in the untamed wilds of the Scottish moors. Buried also within it's ancient stone walls, willowy towers and turrets was a school steeped in magical reverie with a colourful history of over one thousand years.

Not only did students and staff reside there, but also an odd assortment of the not so living, the ghosts and ghouls of Hogwarts past and present. 

It was mid January. Snow still fell outside covering the unbroken landscape in a thick white blanket. The lake was frozen over and the children made extra value of it when not at lessons, to skate or slide. The giant squid lay dormant beneath the surface. Only when spring came and the ice finally began to melt did it emerge from its silent slumber, but until then the students were safe to play.

It was late, darkness had befallen many hours previously. The bitter coldness of the winter nights were only marginally warmed a few degrees by the roaring open fires throughout the castle interiors, except for hidden passages and secret tunnels, unused classrooms and the dungeons. 

The sound of quiet footsteps and a rustle of fabric could be heard echoing faintly through the long dark corridors. A figure swathed in black made his way down into the dark recesses of the dungeons. The only visible light was the lantern he was carrying with him. 

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Chapter 1 Incubus

The man sat at an old antique desk, quill in hand sifting through a pile of parchment. His dark eyes flickered with weariness, reflecting in them was the dancing flame from a lit candle. He sighed as he finally placed the feathered writing instrument down and stirred as if in trance into the dancing flame, a hypnotic quality that caused his eyes to momentarily close. The man slumped forward, his mind and body wavering on sleep. 

Black hair was flung forward narrowly missing the flame, causing it to dance with determined fervency until it finally calmed of it's own accord. 

The man groaned almost inaudibly and pushed his head with some effort away from the tiny beacon of light and warmth, his fingers pushing back the loose tendrils of hair out of harms way. For a few seconds he let the flame warm the exposed pale skin of his cheek until the sensation of burning forced him to pull away. 

He stood up, noticing the chill creep through his body and he took a moment to stretch tense muscles, forcing warmth back into his aching shoulders. He had stayed in the same position for far to long. 

Then he blew out the candle and went to bed.

He lay there alone in the bitter coldness that was his room. He deliberately kept his chambers cold, believing any warmth created unnaturally or by magic was a luxury that he simply wasn't worthy of. 

Every night was the same. Every night when the darkness finally claimed him and sleep ultimately took him into unconsciousness. Professor Severus Snape, Potions Master, head of Slytherin house would weep silently unbeknownst to him in his sleep.

Nothing would change, nothing in the last thirty or more years had changed. Painful memories some so intense they had been shut away into the deep recesses of his mind never again daring to re-surface for fear that he would be sucked down into something so despairing that he would never be able to pull himself up and away from.

He lay there deep in personal tragedy waiting for his nightmares to start all over again. 

Exhaustion from a particularly arduous day and scarcity of sleep the previous night had brought him to his bed. Severus tried to avoid sleep for fear that the night time terrors would break free to the surface and consume him once more, _like_ tonight.

And as he lay with his mind wavering on memories and long forgotten dreams he started to ponder Albus Dumbledore. A man, the sole person he could admit he truly trusted. The man who had brought him out of one particular hell and threw him unknowingly into another, spared him from the wizard prison Azkaban and for his retribution made him a spy. Not long after he found his vocation as a instructor, teaching Potions to untried school children. 

Only he and Dumbledore knew about his other occupation. A double agent, to spy on the Death Eaters, particularly Voldemort. It was costing Severus' his new found fragile freedom as well as his emotional and physical health, but some how he always managed to get himself out of a dangerous sticky situation without the Dark Lord suspecting he had returned to the other side and make it back to Hogwarts reasonably safely, if not exhausted, and that a medial potion couldn't cure. 

Sometimes Severus Snape wondered whether Azkaban could be anything worse than what he was dwelling in now or whether a kiss from a dementor, would or could give him the peace he secretly longed for.

Professor Dumbledore would never know the exact truth concerning Severus' past. Only one person had an inkling and she was gone from his life a long time ago and then it was only by a misfortunate turn of events that she did know by accident and telepathy. He was too ashamed, to proud to openly admit the secret tragedies that had befallen him many years ago. As a child, orphaned from the age of one, then later as a adult, and what finally drove him over to the other side in the first place.

With Voldemort finally defeated along with his merry band of followers, Severus Snape was free. Free to leave Hogwarts, free to leave England if he wished, free to leave the land of his twisted and bitter past. Only that he couldn't. Something kept him from taking that final step and begin a new life. A life he genuinely deserved. He wasn't sure what it was, and why that strange nagging feeling at the back of his brain told him to stay put.

The nightmare came, blindly real, Severus awoke screaming and sweating. Sitting bolt upright in the bed, the blanket fell to his waist revealing pale almost white skin, flesh that probably hadn't seen sun light in years, and scarred from years of torment and pain. He ached terribly and leaned forward as if to vomit. Nausea subsided as did the memory and finally after minutes of just staring at the folds in his blanket he relaxed just enough to sigh and slump back down against the pillow.

Black strands of damp hair were plastered over his face and he weakly pushed them back out of his eyes. He moaned softly then flung his right arm rather haphazardly over his face, shielding his eyes from the deep crimson to violet light as the sun slowly made it's progression across the sky, advancing into day.

__

What time is it? he thought with a sigh. 

Finally he moved his arm just enough to see the clock, an old battered wooden thing positioned next to his four poster bed on the small cabinet. _Six thirty,_ he read. The professor moaned again realising that in just under two hours he would have to suffer the consequences of bothersome children once more. And he felt as if he had only just got into the blasted bed.

__

Damn it, he thought and closed his eyes. _Damn them all,_ he lay there letting himself fall into a restless slumber once again, permitting his dreams to take over his mind, flicking their angry flames into his wounded and battered soul.

At first he dreamt he was standing in a night time desert of barren sands. 

Alone and desolate Severus pulled his cloak tightly around his body warding of the cold. He stood for a moment staring out at the windswept landscape debating which way to go. All around, in every direction was nothingness. The place appeared devoid of even the most basic of life. Severus Snape was entirely alone. 

After a while of silent contemplation he hiked his way across the wilderness with no idea in with direction he was proceeding. Irrational fear tore at the edges of his mind and he forced himself to rationalise the situation. He had to keep going despite the obvious conclusion, stranded and alone with no idea where he was that he'd probably perish by morning if some strange beast or climatic change didn't get him before sunrise.

It seemed as if he'd walked for hours. Every direction looked the same. He turned and looked behind him. The only blemish on the sands were his own foot prints which quickly enough were brushed away by the numbing winds. 

He gazed up at a clear star lit sky. Pin pricks of light shining like millions of diamonds spilled onto black velvet. Severus shivered, the flimsy fabric of his cloak gave him no protection against the elements, especially out there. He wished he was wearing his long woollen coat. 

As he watched transfixed by the sky it changed from a starfield to daylight blue, diluted with a scatter of white fluffy clouds. His ears suddenly picked up the sound of a crowd. Severus frowned at the sensation of blades of grass under his feet. Looking down expecting to find his booted feet, he frowned as his eyes fell upon his bare legs. For that matter he was barely wearing anything at all. 

There was laughter. 

He looked up scowling and saw the crowd. He was standing on the Hogwarts Quidditch pitch, fuming with rage, freezing cold and unveiled in front of the entire school. Children and adults were laughing alike. 

Humiliation turned a turn for the worse when he noticed several of the children pointing at him, Severus realised then that he was completely naked, exposed to the entire school. 

Abruptly he covered himself with trembling hands, but as soon as he managed to conceal himself his arms were pulled back to his sides. Professor Snape noticed Dumbledore in the not so far distance shaking his head and tutting in disparagement. 

Severus' embarrassment of being naked in front of the school quickly changed to terror when he felt something grabbing at his genitals. There was a low horrifying growl sound. He looked down to discover a huge black dog, it's savage jaws narrowly missing him. He gasped in fear, the fight or flight reflexes were engaged. With his heart virtually leaping out of his chest he ran panting, with all his might. 

With pure terror he tore across the Quidditch pitch with the vicious beast lagging on behind him. Within the obscurity of brazenness the crowd was cheering. He turned to look. People were jumping up and down frantically, waving and jeering at him. He heard a distinct chomping sound of jaws impacting together. For a second sharp pointed teeth grazed his behind. 

Severus turned to look the other way, pausing for a fraction of a second, a second to long, the dog pounced and the next minute he was sprawled on his back, with the dog's head nestled between his thighs. The potions master frowned down at himself. His eyes widened, heart pumping frantically, he could feel the blood rush to his face, an intense cold sweat coating his skin. The adrenaline rush subsided to both exhaustion and shock. Instead of the dog ravaging him, there appeared to be a small woman.

He let free a small cry, he recognised her immediately. The woman, or rather the girl for a more exact description glanced up at him, her verdant eyes sparkling mischievously with the intention of doing whatever she wished to him. 

He froze.

She laughed lightly, it was music to Severus' ears, that same delicate little laugh he'd heard so often before. 

Severus felt her tongue flicker over his navel, then she blew cool air. The girl gazed intently at his face and smiled before kissing a path up to his chest. She paused again before he felt her mouth lapping very delicately at his hardened sensitised nipples. 

"How does that feel Severus?" She whispered. The professor was shocked both by her treatment of him and her addressing him by his given name. 

"It's... get off me will you?" He snapped. She giggled and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before dropping down beside him, still too close for comfort. Severus edged away, but was stopped by her arms entwining around his shoulders. 

"Taya Matterson-" he began to say, but was pushed down again, words forgotten as her small hands slid tantalisingly slowly down his torso. Severus swallowed realising with horror that her caresses were stirring something deep down within the very core of his being.

"I wanted to please you," she whispered as she slid down beside him, then her voice changed to sadness. "I always wanted to please you, but you never noticed me. You always ignored me, everything I did was wrong even before the..." Her voice trailed off and she lowered her eyes to stare at the ground for a moment.

"You hated me," he muttered. "At least that is what I first anticipated. If it wasn't for your bloody 'gift' you and I would never be in this ridiculously absurd situation." He frowned. "Do you really want me?"

The professor suppressed a shudder as her right hand slowly slid down his arm, pausing to caress the Dark Mark before resting it on his shoulder. She looked up at him and locked her gaze with his. Her clear emerald eyes glistening slightly as if from unshed tears.

"Tell me that you liked it. Severus, tell me to do it again. Tell me to make love to you."

Severus bit his lip, why was saying a few simple words so difficult? Even if in a dream? His brown eyes, almost black in intensity locked with hers. He studied her face. The way her long wavy mahogany hair framed her face, her huge green almond shaped eyes framed with long dark lashes, the sprinkle of freckles on her nose and the slightly parted lips. _She is perfect in every way,_ he thought dully. _Completely opposite to me..._ Severus lowered his head meekly and swallowed. 

"Yes," he said in a voice barely louder than a whisper. He closed his eyes, as he felt her fingers brush his lips.

"Only if you beg Snape," came a horse reply.

Abruptly he opened them again. Taya was gone. 

In her place was the man that had abused him for years. Severus felt a harsh stubbily face scratching against his cheek, a mouth hard and cruel pressed onto his, forcing a brutal kiss. A tongue penetrated licking him inside, tasting him, it lapped against his own tongue, slow and deliberate, humiliating, perhaps pleasurable if was with her. But she wasn't here, he was.

Severus froze, unable to move, unable to do anything to prevent what was happening. He was beginning to wish he was still naked and running through Hogwarts' Quidditch pitch, not here. 

He felt cold stone beneath him. and vice like grip on his bare arms. The grasp was only released for a fraction of a second and a hand stroked the Dark Mark branding on his left lower arm like Taya had moments before, a sign that ment a person had given their life to Voldemort, a life no longer their own, but an existence of twisted pleasure and violence, mingled with contempt, a Death Eater.

But for him, Severus Snape's experience had been far from twisted pleasure, he was the twisted pleasure and delight of another. 

The younger man prepared himself for the onslaught. 

Then he woke up. The sound of his alarm clock going off. Pain gnored at his brain. He sighed. At least he had been spared the rape for tonight. Anger tore through him. Severus grabbed the small wooden clock and flung it across the room, where it smashed into the opposite wall facing his bed. It slid down to the floor where it rested for a few seconds before magically reforming itself. 

The clock was as battered as ever, scars of previous attacks of rage permanently etched across it's face and casing. 

He was angry at his old master, mad at Taya for appearing like that in his dream, mad at her dream image making love to him, something that perhaps he subconsciously craved for. 

Severus hauled himself out of the bed and stalked to the bathroom.


	2. Chapter 02

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Chapter 2

A Meeting With Dumbledore

Professor Snape stormed into the great hall at breakfast enraged with the world. He snarled at a terrified first year at his passing then settled in his place at the teachers table.

The professor of Transfigurations, Minerva McGonagall passed him a side ways glance of annoyance while the headmaster, Albus Dumbledore simply raised an eyebrow. This little episode was nothing out of the ordinary at Hogwarts. Severus had arrived many a time enraged about something or another. Of cause the rest of the teachers and children were innocently spared Severus' reasons for his little outbursts of aggression.

Professor McGonagall frowned over at Dumbledore and peered at him over the top of her small oval glasses. 

"Albus, he's getting worse," she murmured. "We can't let Severus continue like this." Pausing and took a delicate sip from her tea cup. The headmaster sighed, and rubbed his long crooked nose. "What if one of the children-"

"Minerva!" Came a hurt reply. Dumbledore shook his head. "Severus is many things but he'd never hurt a child." McGonagall scowled. "Very well. I'll have a word with him." He glanced over at the potions master who simply sat there, frowning over at the Gryffindor table. The cup of tea and his plate untouched.

"Aren't you hungry Professor Snape?" Called McGonagall, her voice tinged with a slight Scottish burgh. Severus turned his gaze away from the table of laughing happy children. Innocent of anything he had endured at there age. Innocent of the world and it's evils.

Realising that a few of the teachers were staring in his direction, Severus managed to grimace. It was the closest thing to a smile he could muster this morning. He deliberately took a gulp of the cold tea.

"I'd like to have a word when you're finished Severus," said Dumbledore. A small grunt sound came from the potions master. The headmaster took this for an agreement, looked away and started chatting to Professor McGonagall.

"Wonder when she'll arrive?" She muttered. Dumbledore smiled faintly remembering his previous student with warm reverence.

"All should be ready now," he answered. "I'm waiting for an owl to bring me her news."

"Ah," McGonagall nodded in understanding and noticed Severus casting questioning glances over in her direction. "I wonder what he'll make of that?" She said under her breath. "Have you told Professor Snape yet?"

"I'm going to shortly," said Dumbledore rising from his throne like seat. He adjusted his robes then crossed over to Severus.

"Are you ready, Professor?" He asked. Severus grunted again in agreement and stood up. Dumbledore noticed that he had touched no food, but decided against saying anything. 

Sustenance had been the furthest thing from Severus' mind in the past few weeks. He hadn't eaten properly in months and it had started to take it's toll on the potions masters frame. The only hunger he really felt was to rid himself of his torrid memories and slump into a cold oblivion. Together the Headmaster and Professor Snape left the great hall and proceeded towards Dumbledore's office.

The room was warm brightly lit and comfortable to live in. This reflected the headmaster greatly. Behind his desk were twenty or more living portraits of previous headmasters and mistresses. They smiled as he stepped into his office, but as soon as Severus made his swooping dark appearance the smiles were abruptly wiped off their painted faces. 

Even Fawkes, Dumbledore's pet phoenix was unnaturally silent and still. It took the golden bird a few long heart beats until he hopped over to Severus. Seeking his pain the bird began to sing. For a long moment that was all the potions master heard, a gentle sorrowful song. He reached out his hand gently stroking the soft feathers. Fawkes reclined his head and gently nuzzled against Severus' hand.

Dumbledore glided over to his seat behind the desk then motioned for Professor Snape to sit in one of the facing leather chairs. Severus stiffened and remained standing. The bird flapped slightly, sending a cloud of fire red and gold feathers into the air. He took off and landed back onto his perch. Severus pulled the cloak around himself, reminding Dumbledore of a bat. The tall, gangly white bearded wizard studied the younger man and withheld a small smile.

"Very well," he said then cleared his throat. "Your re-application for the Defence Against the Dark Arts job has been denied." Severus wasn't surprised, but with the sudden departure of the previous teacher and he being the only wizard with the suitable credentials and experience, Severus had silently been hoping that he may this time around be given the job. 

"I have my reasons," said the elder man aware how keen the potions master wanted the vacancy. 

"You are no doubt qualified for it, but then that would leave the potions position vacant. Since you are the best skilled potions teacher in all of Britain and a very valuable one at that. I felt that it's simply more a logical reason for you to continue with the position you currently hold."

Severus folded his arms across his chest. His cold dark eyes pinned at the headmaster's forehead. "Then who?-"

"Arr yes," came the curt reply. "I believe you remember Miss Taya Matterson?"

"How could I possibly forget," muttered Severus sarcastically under his breath. For a second the memory of the dream touched his consciousness. _Her tender swollen lips upon him, her tongue lapping lightly against-_ He gasped at the memory, disturbed by his reaction to it. The moment he realised the pressure growing between his legs was the result of in-pure thoughts, angry bitter ones quickly paid to rest his ever consuming passion. The professor swallowed and felt a rush of grim awareness pass through him. He frowned and buried his hands inside his cloak hiding their trembling.

"What about her?" He asked with a mixture of curiosity and dread. How was he ever going to survive being near her when even a silly dream had caused his body to react disturbingly against his own will and what about her infliction? Her special 'gift.' Severus felt his restraint further slipping away, and he quickly re-shielded himself.

Dumbledore smiled. "You looked lost in thought there for a moment Severus. If I remember correctly back a few years, there was some feeling behind that cold wall." Severus stiffened again, but said nothing. He noticed a definite twinkle in the elder man's eyes. Dumbledore smiled again, but Severus didn't return it, nor even a weak sneer. 

Deep down inside, in the deepest recesses of his soul Severus knew he had loved her. She had been sixteen then. He remembered noticing all of a sudden that the shy little girl from Slytherin had blossomed into a beautiful young woman. And he punished himself for his attraction to his sixteen year old pupil, a girl who's very life was barraged with an unwelcome gift, who's mind should have been focused on her school work and what sixteen year old girls normally thought about. Not bitter, emotionally frozen potion masters, who made it his daily routine to make people hate him.

__

She had always been a strange one though, he thought. _Totally unsuited to the Slytherin way of life. Secretive, shy, kind, like a delicate flower, easily bruised._ His mind wondered back to his own school days. A quiet, reserved young boy, but perspicacious and egotistical. Something's hadn't changed much through the years. 

"Totally un-Slytherin," he muttered out loud. Dumbledore frowned.

"Pardon?"

"Never mind."

He had wondered many times whether an error of judgement had been made by the sorting hat who had put her into the Slytherin house. She seemed more suited to Hufflepuff, another of the four Hogwarts houses. The others remaining were Gryffindor and Ravenclaw. Gryffindor the brave and fearless, Slytherin were unscrupulous and cunning, while Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw although equal favoured and noble weren't the most renowned houses in Hogwarts. They were more suited to those quiet, intellectual souls. 

Severus moved position slightly.

"I insist, Professor," said Dumbledore curiously. Severus made a humf sound.

"I said that Miss Matterson was totally un-Slytherin."

"Curiously so," commented the other man.

__

I wonder why she wants to come back here? Severus pondered silently and his mind once again journeyed back in time. 

Taya was twelve. It was her first detention with Severus Snape. 

__

It had been a terrible day especially with potions. A particularly complicated potion had cause her a diabolical amount of grief. 

The potions master stalked the classroom commenting disapprovingly at all of the Gryffindor students including his own house which was quite unusual, he favoured his own students except it seemed for her, and he made use of his disapproval by bullying her as much as those in the other houses. He had wished that she would toughen up a bit for her own sake. 

Taya Matterson wasn't short of supporters he remembered. There was a Gryffindor girl she was regularly seen with, and this annoyed Severus Snape even more so. For a Slytherin to be seen with a Gryffindor outside class was a great demeanour to the memory of Salazar Slytherin himself, the founder of Slytherin house.

This took Severus back to the time he'd established a close knitted friendship with a Gryffindor girl, a memory he'd rather forget. So he wasn't one for promoting outside house camaraderie to his students, he believed that Slytherin and Gryffindor, for that matter the other two houses were just not ment to get along. 

Taya being no stranger to his regular chiding tried to keep as much a distance away from Severus Snape. She sat at the end of her row gazing at the porridge like contents in her cauldron wishing with deep conviction that it would change to the proper colour and consistency that the shrinking potion was supposed to be.

Anxiously she looked over at her neighbour's concoction, correct of cause, after all it was a relatively easy spell. Perhaps if she knew that she wasn't being tested the sludge before her may have been correct. She dreaded the possibility that the teacher would make her try some. She looked over at him, dressed in his usual black attire and wearing an imposing stare. Taya was terrified of Professor Snape, but it gave her a little comfort to know that she wasn't the only one. 

There were numerous rumours going around the school about him. One of which was that Severus Snape was a blood sucker, a vampire. She shivered and without giving it much thought pulled her collar higher up her neck as if in any moment he might swoop down upon her and sink deadly fangs into her neck. 

Taya listened as Severus appeared to have lost complete control over his temper and yelled at a small Gryffindor boy who shrank even smaller in his seat when the potions teacher saw the supposed shrinking potion, a glob of dark green putrid goo. 

He normally kept his cool, keeping his silky voice low and slippery. That enough would normally put a disobedient student into his or her place. Sometimes, but not very often something made his icy constraints crack, rapidly turning his temper into blazing fire. 

Taya cringed and felt as if she were one inch tall as his shadow swooped down behind her. He leaned over her, both arms clamped down. His large hands on her desk, his arms either side of her trapping her in her seat, like a prison.

"What is the meaning of...of this?" His voice was soft, unctuous and dangerously quiet. Taya swallowed down a lump in her throat. 

"The...the potion you told us to make sir. I tried sir, but it's too difficult." 

"You foolish girl," muttered the professor exasperated. "I explained it to you THREE times. Can't you get it into that thick head of yours the dried mandrake root is added before the monkshood." Severus pulled away. Taya hoped he'd said his piece and move onto the next unfortunate victim. Unfortunately for her he did the exact opposite. 

"Detention, here seven o'clock sharp. You'll be brewing the shrinking potion again until you've mastered it." An evil grin played on his mouth slightly. Taya made a squeak sound. 

"All night if need be." Tears formed in her eyes. The potions master looked at her as if repulsed. "You call yourself a Slytherin! Pathetic." His words cut into her like a knife and she sobbed, burying her face in her hands. "T...t...twenty points from Slytherin," he stammered. Some of the students gasped, but he silenced them with a look. 

"Professor Snape really must be in a really bad mood to take points from his own house," muttered a brown haired Gryffindor girl with long plats.

"Greasy haired, hooked nosed, blood sucking git," replied a small red-haired boy. "He even made one of his own cry." 

"Get out," Severus said apparently oblivious to the comments going about him. Everyone remained unmoving. Severus' upper lip quivered. "GET OUT," he roared. With that all the children collected their things and ran for the door. 

"WAIT," they stopped dead in their tracks. Severus' voice quietened to a unpredictable silky timbre. "You will get the results of the test next lesson. You're lucky I never asked you to test your pitiful excuses for a potion on yourselves. No doubt ninety nine percent of you will fail the test." 

Taya was the last to get to the door and couldn't have got away quick enough had she not distinctly heard Severus mutter, "Blasted children. Why on Merlin's grave did I have to come here, lumbered with a bunch of pathetic cry babies?" She went to step out of the door when she sensed Severus behind her. She tensed and slowly turned around. He gazed down at her and met her eyes. Instead of rage that she expected to see, his eyes were hollow and empty, his features devoid of emotion. "Don't forget Matterson, here in the dungeon at seven o'clock. You don't want worse things to happen to you other than a detention." She swallowed. Fear welled up from the pit of her belly and she clasped her books protectively against her. "Expelled," he hissed turning away and strode purposely toward the back of the room. 

Taya Matterson arrived for her detention three minutes to seven o'clock, he remembered distinctly. 

She stood trembling outside the closed door to the potions classroom and straightened her pony tail. She swallowed and took a gulp of air preparing herself to whatever lay for her behind the closed heavy wooden door. As Taya reached out to knock the door suddenly opened. A wearily looking Professor Snape stepped out and nearly walked into his student. He frowned down at the child before him.

"What?" She opened her mouth to reply, but Severus interrupted. "If you need to see me make an appointment tomorrow."

"But sir?" Taya frowned in confusion. Severus sighed.

"I'm busy. I have important matters to attend to unlike you I'm sure. Now go away."

"But...but you said-" Severus started walking. Taya ran to keep up.

"WHAT?" Severus sighed. " Stop harassing me."

"I'm sorry Professor but you called me here for a detention." Severus stopped in mid stride, looked down at the small girl, frowned and rubbed his chin.

"Oh yes. Matterson." he murmured in disgust. "Go to Professor McGonagall. She no doubt will find you something to do."

"But-"

"Tell her I sent you. Good NIGHT." With that the head of Slytherin house turned and stormed down the candle lit corridor his cloak billowing behind him. 

As Severus stood there entwined in memories, Dumbledore shook his head and frowned at the other man. Albus Dumbledore always had an uncanny ability to know things. People suspected that he knew about everything that went on in the school. Little did Severus know that he was partly hiring Taya Matterson for Severus Snape's own good. 

The headmaster had quite a good relationship with her, since her parents' murder at the age of ten, he'd taken a keen interest in the girl's upbringing. She lived at the school since that age, up until she left at eighteen. She was like the grand daughter that he never had, but she was a distant relative, Dumbledore had been the only relation she had left.

Severus glowered through hooded eyes at the smile on the headmaster's face. 

"I take it Miss Matterson has been hired then?" Came a chilling voice.

"You are correct Severus." He nodded.

"Then if that is all, may I go?" Severus turned to leave. The headmaster shifted his position slightly and steeped his long fingers before him.

"Um, no," he began. Severus turned and waited silently, looming like a black shadow. "I've noticed lately you...how should I put this?" 

"I've know idea what you are talking about, Headmaster," he answered irritably. He was getting slightly frustrated. 

"You seem a little flustered lately,"

"Flustered?" His gaze fell on Dumbledore as if he were staring at something disdainful. "Why should I be flustered? I have my job." Severus glowered menacingly at Dumbledore, "I have my work. Why should I be..._flustered_ as you put it."

"I don't know Severus, you tell me? But I'm not the only one who has noticed." Professor Snape took a step towards the door. Dumbledore quickly got to his feet and leaned over his large desk. 

"This IS about Miss Matterson isn't it?"

"What would you have me say Professor, that I love her?"

"Do you?" Dumbledore's expression was deadly serious. Severus felt his cheeks burning.

"Of cause not. That is a ridiculas notion." 

"Then if that's not the case is there anything I can do?-"

"There is NOTHING you can do." The tone in his voice was raised slightly. "May I leave now? I do not want to be late for my class." Dumbledore nodded then sighed.

"You know, you can always come to me."

And with a small quiet slippery voice Severus said, "With all due respect Headmaster, my private affairs are my own." 

"I understand," muttered the other man. "You may go."

"Thank you," replied Severus quietly then left.

He hadn't thought about her for some time that dream had come quite un-expectantly and now it was stirring all matter of different feelings that the professor understood very little about and they confused him. Feelings that made his body betray him, feelings that cropped up in his mind unaware, stalking him in the dead of night, causing him to ponder at the extraordinary situation. Severus sighed. It was like going through puberty again and that was something he's rather forget. These feeling were absurd, frightening even.

Why did this bother him so much? He had wondered this a countless number of times. 

She had been gone a long time so why were those feeling returning? He was drowning in them.

The last he had heard she had gone to live in Norway with her great great aunt. He couldn't remember the old woman's name not that he was entirely interested. He didn't really know Taya Matterson that well anyway, despite teaching her for seven long years, he was more interested in the academic success of his students than their personal lives, especially his own house, Slytherin. 

He paused in mid stride for a moment as he made it down to his classrooms. His mind hovering over the past, of lost loves and lost hopes. He couldn't possibly mean anything to her. Not after all this time. His mind flickered back to an event seven years that day exactly. A kiss, a mere kiss that was all it was or so he told himself. Probably a dare, but he distinctly remembered feeling something from her, however indeterminate and faint. 

That simple kiss had brought no end of trouble between them and it didn't help him to know that he had been wooed successfully by a seventeen year old girl. 

For her it only deepened the telepathic contact, her gift a powerful yet rare condition affecting a girl or boy at the start of puberty only to grow stronger through adolescence until it became so powerful that a person could never be drawn away.

He'd pushed the fact from his mind years ago. He didn't believe in such nonsense, merely superstition brought on by hopeless romantics or those wanting to inflict fear into the minds of sensitive souls.

What chilled him then? Even now after several long years apart was the thought that she probably new everything, however subtle or vague. Taya would have seen the bulk of what was torturing him. He had tried to shut that thought out of his mind, not entirely successfully. Taya Matterson had resolved to spend the rest of her Hogwarts Potions final alone, being supervised by another teacher with no contact between herself and Professor Snape. 

He too kept his mind sharply focused on other things throughout the day. He couldn't let risking himself be read further. He didn't entirely understand the gift, what was uncommonly identified as an Empathic Nervous Stimuli, an ENS or for a better word, an unconscious mind link. What he had gathered after reading several volumes on the rare condition that is was regarded as an ancient curse inherited from past generations to the next.

Since Taya's parents were dead. There was no way she could be prepared for it until it came about by itself, that being to late. Taya was thrown in at the deep end and it put Severus into a difficult situation.

Only at night did his control diminish and he couldn't be blamed for that. Only Taya herself knew whether she could sense him then, probably the most intense time. He hated to think that she could plough through his mind as easily as one walked through the air, consciously or unconsciously.

He shook his head then continued walking. _She is probably married by now, with children_. Severus grunted slightly, was their a hint of jealously there mingled within his mind? _And she is coming here, to Hogwarts._

The dream was still there, badgering his consciousness even when he finally stepped into the classroom.


	3. Chapter 03

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BFONT FACE="Arial" SIZE=2P ALIGN="CENTER"Chapter 3/P

P ALIGN="CENTER"Violation/P

/BP ALIGN="JUSTIFY"That day hadn't been an easy one. Several students misbehaved. Severus rewarded them by taking a total of twenty five points from his own house, much to the shock of his students. Taya Matterson was still clearly on his mind. What would he do when he saw her again? She was now a grown woman, independent with ideas and insights previously unknown to her as a child. He shook his head. And with a life of her own. What was possibly making him believe that she could ever want him? He reproached himself for his stupidity. But what Iwas/I bringing her back to Hogwarts? He wondered again./P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY"The professor sighed as he crossed through an invisible arch way leading from the classroom to his private quarters. Muttering an incantation the secret doorway solidified into a wall./P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY"Once inside his bedroom Severus shed himself of his clothes, hoping perhaps he would be shedding some of his unwanted thoughts as well. He strode over to the bathroom naked and stepped into the shower. A jet of cold water pummelled his body and he recoiled from the shock, and took a few moments to re-adjust the temperature. Once adequate he stepped completely under and let the water soak his black shoulder length hair.

His mind carried him away into his deepest fantasy. _He was in her arms, warm and safe, protected from any more harm and any more fear, bathed in her love for him, a love he privately hungered for but believed she never would give him, even if she did he would probably deny it. That brief moment long ago in a confused state she had kissed him. He couldn't deny that he had practically melted in her arms. Only if he knew the answer to a question plaguing his mind for seven long years. Had there been any kind of feeling besides bewildered passion from her or was it just the reaction of teenage hormones, a confused mind or a dare? _

Professor Snape fell back into the fantasy again. She held him close against her breast stroking his hair, stroking all the anxiety and tension away as her fingers massaged the pressure points at his temples. 

Severus stood upright. She gently pressed her hand against smooth skin, onto his heart then she leaned close, her lips tenderly caressing his. 

She took the bar of soap and ran it slowly down his body. She placed the bar back down on the rack and began lathering him. He felt her hand slide over his lower belly before stopping to massage his private parts. He watched inquisitively as Taya continued cleansing him and her fingers stroking his tender swollen flesh. 

The potions master suddenly cried out. He was shocked by his own voice. 

After the scare subsided he became aware of the burning hardness between his legs. He had no choice now, he had to release this urgency. The more sooner he did it the more quickly he would return to normal, so he hoped.

This was another pleasure he had denied himself for such a long time, but she, that young woman was fighting him to relieve himself of all that pent-up repressed emotion. 

Severus groaned. He was both angered and excited by such unfamiliar sensations,. but how he longed for her to do that to him. 

"I wish you were here," he thought out loud. His eyes were now burning from tears unshed. He knew she could pleasure him better than he, with his uncertain clumsy attempts to gratify himself. 

Finally after an agonised few minutes he came. Horror and disbelief at his brief moment of delectation filled him with self loathing. He leaned back against the wall letting the shower jet wash away any evidence that Severus had been touching himself.

Now clean he stepped from the shower and performed a simple drying spell before he went to bed. 

No sooner as his head hit the pillow he fell into a surprisingly pleasant dream.

IP ALIGN="JUSTIFY"She was kissing him, tenderly and slowly. Her arms slid around him hugging him too her protectively. In his dream he longed for such tenderness, such warmth. He heard a small strangled cry from her, the sound reverberated in his ears, turning him on, arousing his senses as well as his mind. /P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY"Her hands struggled to unfasten the clasps of his robes, so he removed them himself. Taya leaned in close, kissing his neck and shoulders. Obviously not close enough because she shifted her position and sat in his lap. She fitted perfectly against his bare chest, curled into him with his large hands around her waist and his warm sweet mouth against hers. /P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY"Her hands slid down his back taking a moment to pause on the jagged scars inflicted upon him years before. A soft caress was met by a faint groan from him. He slumped forward, completely relaxed as if his very existence rested on her touch./P

/IP ALIGN="JUSTIFY"Severus awoke with a start. He could feel the sensation of her mouth on his lips as if she had really been there. For a second he looked down, determined to find her laying beside him in his bed. He knew the second he looked down it had been a dream. He dropped back against the pillows with a sigh and turned over pulling the heavy blankets around his shoulders. After a few moments he was sound asleep again, but not dreaming such a pleasant and contented illusion of peace./P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY"It was the same dream, a dream he re-lived night after night, week after week, month after month and year after year. Many consecutive years had past when the actual event had happened but the real scenario was as fresh in Severus' mind as if it had happened yesterday./P

IP ALIGN="JUSTIFY"A hand caressed tender skin, the delicate caress of his torturer before a pain was wretched through his body. /P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY"Severus lay face down in a cold darkened room, much like that of his dungeons at Hogwarts. He was naked, wrists and ankles were bound onto rusty metal hooks on the floor by invisible magic ropes. His legs were spread unnaturally apart./P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY"The man dressed in dark blue robes trimmed in gold paced for a few moments around Severus' prone form on the cold dirty floor. He finally took a position near his head and squatted down so intimately close to his face he could feel his keeper's dank putrid breath on his neck. The man breathed on him obviously aroused by Severus' evident discomfort. A low bitter cackle came from the man's lips. /P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""Beg," came the voice that Severus dreaded hearing, just one word that promised so much to come. /P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY"When he gave no reply the professor's hair was roughly grabbed and Severus' head was pulled up, he was met with a maddening grin. "You will beg me. Eventually it will be the only thing you have left and you Uwill/U plead for it. You hear me Snape?" The voice grew louder in his ear and his head was jerked awkwardly back./P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY"Severus snarled through clenched teeth, trying not to let the discomfort show. "I'll never beg...you...you have my body...but, but you will never have my soul..."/P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""Tut, tut," came the reply. "How wrong you are my dear man. Maybe you won't beg today," the man shrugged, "but you will." He smiled and dropped Severus' head painfully back down. /P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY"A finger lightly brushed his right ear then came to a stop just before he pinched the lobe hard between finger and thumb. "Listen very carefully Severus, all your dreams and stupid fantasies will end here. In this room. Your chastity will be mine shortly and I won't except your pleads for mercy-" he paused. "Humm, but perhaps-that'll be more fun." A low growl came from Severus' throat. "You won't move, you understand. You are completely under Umy/U control."/P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""Bastard," Severus spat./P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""How old are you Snape?" Came an aching voice. /P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""Twenty-" /P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""Such tender flesh, untouched, Ah, Severus Snape my virgin. What were you saying?" The man's head pressed into Severus'. He stared into hollow grey eyes. So pale that for a glance they could have been colourless. /P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""Twenty ...." A pitiful sound of cruel laughter came from the man./P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""Twenty and you've never been touched?"/P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""Why should I tell you about my personal life?" Came a blunt reply./P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY"The man glared into Severus' eyes. The dark brown irises had turned to icy black from bitter rage. The man never once taking his gaze away, deliberately un-nerving the young potions master. Severus blinked, then turned away, only to have his head fiercely pulled back to face the other man. Suddenly with no warning harsh cold lips crushed his. He felt the lust burrowing up into the other's through the bruising kiss. He screwed his eyes closed and struggled to concentrate on keeping his jaw locked in prevention of the man's tongue from entering his mouth./P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""Get off me-" came a bitter reply as he foolishly forgot his struggle to keep his mouth closed. /P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""Oh, you like it then," came a voice deep with arousal. /P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""No...I bloody well do-NOT," Severus yelled as a finger nail scratched his cheak drawing red fluid. He dearly wished that the man would stop. Instead the agony was prolonged. /P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""Beg me Snape and I might just stop." Severus glared devilishly, and venom was choking his words./P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""You BAS-"/P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""Shush now," came an interruption and a finger was pressed onto his lips. Severus fought the urge to bite it off, regretting it neither the less, his doing so would probably result in something far worse happening to him than rape./P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""Can I please get up now?" He drawled angrily. This wasn't why he joined The Death Eaters, to be sexually and verbally abused. /P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY"Voldemort's second aid had been given the choice of a person to abuse and use. Severus Snape the best skilled potion's brewer in Great Britain, and also the most knowledgeable in dark arts. He had been chosen much to his horror and when demanding to know why Voldemort had let the evil twisted creep abuse him the Lord simply laughed and shook his head before turning stone faced and ordering him to be taken away by a squat middle aged, grey haired man with a ruddy complexion called Dionysius Lorsekruker. By day he would work for Voldemort, creating some of the most toxic and deadly potions to man, by night he was Lorsekrucker's toy./P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""I would have told you if I had enough," came an annoyed reply. "Besides I'm enjoying this,/P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""Tell me, you are very young to have the title of Professor?"/P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""I studied hard. What is your point?"/P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""You did remarkably well for some one of your age," he smirked, "and lineage. Your family would have been proud." Severus eyed him suspiciously. "They were held in quite high regard were they not Sev?"/P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""I wouldn't know," he replied. Lorsekruker frowned./P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""What do you mean you don't know?"/P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""I never knew any of them. Why?" The older man shrugged./P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""Just wondered, but what about your parents? You just said you never new your family."/P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY"Severus wanted to say that it was non of his business, but his bit his tongue. "Well, as I said before. I never new them." /P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""Sarcasm is one of your stronger points," Lorsekruker said greasily. "But you'll never use it ON ME AGAIN. UNDERSTAND? Or you may find yourself waking up one day castrated!/P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""There is something you might be interested in though, Snape." The younger man remained silent. "I knew your parents." Severus flinched as Lorsekruker brushed strands of black hair off his face and flicked his tongue in his ear. "I knew your mother, heard that Cornelius Denningport legged it after Alana Snape fell pregnant with you. Funny how you took your mother's name, he was a Muggle after all." Lorsekruker got the desired reaction from Severus who looked genuinely shocked. /P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""I am of pure descent."/P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""You are wrong there. You are of Mudblood stock." Severus' eyes narrowed, anger threatened to explode, he forced himself to remain icy, and appear objective./P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""That is impossible. Lord Voldemort would have never let me-"/P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""There are things on this Earth that even a lowly Muggle descent like yourself are unaware of. Lord Voldemort has his ways and reasons, perhaps in time he may wish to divulge." Severus frowned./P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""You lie!" The elder man laughed aloud./P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""Pity, Snape. You've lived with an illusion all your life and never once speculated that your pitiful excuse of a father was a Muggle? You truly are a pathetic creature. Sometimes I wonder why the Dark Lord ever chose you at all for his coven." Lorsekruker shook his head wondrously. "But since you are the only man to be able to brew the Beelzebublia potion with any success..." His voice trailed off into silence and he grinned foolishly. Lorsekruker slid a finger slowly in a drawn out fashion along Severus' jaw, educing as much discomfort from the younger man as possible./P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""Cornelius Denningport was the lowest of the low," he said. "To bloody scared to take the responsibility that Alana was with child and was of magical descent. True, she came from a family of high regard, but when she met that bloody Denningport chap and eloped to Bristol they never spoke to her again,/P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""She was a fool. No money, no friends to help support her, only Denningport and look what he did? She ended up here. I was gracious enough to take the stupid cow in, give her food and shelter." Lorsekruker smiled, a toothy irate smile, tinged with insanity. /P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""In return she offered me the only thing she had." He chuckled absently, a glazed expression was cast over the man's face as if deep in remembrance. "She was quite a goer Sev, willing to do anything even when heavily pregnant with you."/P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""Are you implying that my mother was a... you lying twisted-" Before he could finish the sentence Severus was met with a harsh blow across the face and felt a sharp crack. Blood streamed from his nostrils. Lorsekruker laughed. /P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""Whoops, broken your nose there Sev."/P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""Don't call me Sev," he hissed through blood./P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""What would you rather me call you, SEV? Stupid unworthy git? Mud Blood? Or perhaps-" He leaned close and whispered. " Bastard? That's who and what you are aren't you. You can't deny that your father doesn't give a toss about you and your mother, well, she was nothing more worthy than a whore." Severus clenched his jaw. /P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""My mother was murdered when I was one. She was not a whore." Lorsekruker stood up and began to disrobe. /P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""That's right. By me. How does that make you feel Snape?" Severus told himself that he wouldn't react, wouldn't give that man the pleasure, but his eyes were betraying him. Lorsekruker continued. "She was my whore. I barely forgave her for sleeping with filth like Denningport in the first place."/P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""I don't believe you." /P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY""Believe what you want, Mud Blood," he said then muttered a cognizant spell before lowering himself over the younger man's prone form./P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY"/P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY"**/P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY"/P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY"Lorsekurker dressed quickly and without another word left Severus Snape to his pain and tears. /P

P ALIGN="JUSTIFY"Finally after sobbing which seemed like hours, exhaustion grasped him like a cloaked dagger. The spell broke, he finally passed out./P

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	4. Chapter 04

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Chapter 4

Haunted Memories

Severus awoke in a flood of tears, his skin was prickled with goose bumps. He was freezing but damp from a cold sweet. He wondered how he ever survived his terrible ordeals. But now, he lay back cold and shuddering. He held his head in his hands sobbing over his excruciating past and lack of love. 

He flung himself back down for a second before pulling himself out of the bed. 

The mirror showed him something he always didn't want to see. He scowled at the reflection of himself. The pale waxy skin, scruffy black hair plastered his face and neck. Puffy red bloodshot eyes. The delicate skin beneath them was swollen with dark rings, the lack of a befitting sleep. 

"You look terrible," said the mirror.

"Shut up," he yelled back slamming his fist against the unbreakable glass and sending the frame wobbling precariously against it's moorings. He wrung his hand from the pain, cursing oaths that would make even the most open minded wizard or witch blush.

He ran his hands through his hair in an attempt to loosen coiled knots before heading off to the bathroom.

Severus Snape was fifty one years old, alone, friendless, but he had once loved Lilly Evans before her untimely death at the hands of Voldemort. She was a proud Gryffindor, he was a Slytherin. A relationship destined for failure he reasoned in later years. And she was the mother of Harry Potter who he resented perhaps because he long wished he was his father and not James, the man who stole Lilly's heart and left Severus' frozen. 

While as students, he and Lilly became unlikely close friends despite the disagreements between himself and The Marauders. In his last year she became more to him than he previously thought or expected. A deep burning passion and love for her had left a heavy burden pressing on his chest that he could no longer keep locked up inside. 

That was the time his heart was shattered forever and drove Severus Snape down the dark harrowing road of despair and to the Death Eaters.

He had prepared to admit his feelings freely only to be told that Lily had accepted marrage to James Potter. He never told her his unspoken heart's desire.

Severus stood alone in his classroom awaiting the group of second year Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff students. No doubt they would be along shortly. Students never turned up early to his classes, and they dared not be late. If they were they would be met with a most enraged potions master. People didn't like to cross him when he was annoyed, only to be lashed out at by what some children called, 'The Devil's tongue.'

He thrummed his fingers rhythmically down on the wooden desk. 

Something flickered through his mind and he opened a secret drawer in his desk. He took out a tiny ruffled piece of paper. It's edges dog eared and warn. There was a faded black and white image printed on one side, on the other was written 'Alana Snape with Severus, aged two days. 

He had never known his parents, he whole heatedly disbelieved what Lorsekruker had said to him about his mother. He'd seen a few photographs of Alana Snape, but this one was the only one he owned, faded and worn, but the image was still crisp and clear. 

He gazed at the moving image of his mother. He thought she was beautiful with the pale creamy skin, and the same almost black eyes as he. Her thick silky hair was long and black falling almost to her waist judging from the photograph. To him she looked as beautiful as a statue of Aphrodite. Her murder at the age of twenty eight, Severus being just over twelve months old had pretty much near destroyed him from the start, as a baby. He had to be strong, had to survive, living a desolate life in the orphanage. But the thought that he had, had a mother, owned a picture of her and knew she had loved him, it kept him going. Some of the others weren't so fortunate. 

He couldn't, wouldn't believe with a passion that she had some kind of relationship with Lorsekruker. 

He was an only child. From the few images Severus had seen of his father he was tall with dark reddish brown hair, and his eyes were blue. Clearly he'd inherited his father's nose, but nothing more. Perhaps if it hadn't been broken he may have resembled him more. This was perhaps a mixed blessing. He despised his father for leaving him, neither caring whether he lived or had died.

He placed the tiny passport sized photograph into the palm of his hand and gazed at a tiny but moving image of his mother almost longingly. She was smiling at him. Her dark eyes full of love and meaning. In her arms she held a tiny bundle. A tiny sleeping baby boy with thick black fluffy hair, was wrapped in a soft blanket and she was rocking him gently. 

A slight smile touched the corners of his lips for a brief moment, but his subtle expression of happiness was abruptly replaced with a definite scowl when the group of bumbling second year students finally came tumbling into the classroom. 

He quickly slipped the tiny moving photograph back into the drawer of his desk then continued to glower as the last of the class slumped into his lesson. He gazed down at all of them with definite disdain etched across his features

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	5. Chapter 05

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Chapter 5 

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Can I Really Love Professor Snape?

A young woman dressed in dark velvet and silk chocolate robes with matching high heeled boots slammed the door to her apartment closed. She dropped her bag onto the carpeted floor in the empty hall with a thud then stepped into the near vacant lounge. Most of her things were already packed and ready to be taken to storage. 

Only those few items which she would need with her would accompany her on her journey including Muggle money, Passport and her wand she would carry on her person. Items like clothes books, trinkets and other accessories were packed neatly in cardboard storage boxes that stood in the lounge and bedroom of the eighteenth century three story building she had been living in for the previous four years. It stood over looking a large bubbling brook. It was a tall lopsided white building with ivy growing up most of the walls, sneaking over the windows and made the interior of the house quite dark. 

The building stood next to two other equally peculiar looking houses. Together they stood the middle of a small village in Norway, surrounded by a large surplus supply of weeds, tall grasses and trees.

She would be leaving in a matter of days, as soon as she had completed the final technicalities and contacted Albus Dumbledore. 

The village itself was non descript. Mainly consisted of modern houses built in the last fifty odd years or so. The population was mainly Muggles, non magical people, but a few witches and wizards were sprinkled here and there. The people kept mainly to themselves. They were friendly enough but always on the lookout of the strange and bizarre or suspecting strangers. 

The place had a history of being peculiar. Ancient superstition claimed that the village that once stood instead of the town was often ransacked by evil warlocks and ghostly phantoms for it's secret treasure, a mythical substance that was rumoured to bring the soul's of the dead back to life. 

The high street had a few chocolate box style shops, but nothing overly impressive or grand in scale. No supermarkets, no large chain stores, mostly tiny private run stores, grocery stores, a sweet shop, a small post office, a public house or two and a few well hidden from Muggle eyes, magic shops.

Shortly after she left Hogwarts Taya Matterson left Great Britain and sought out her only other remaining living relative apart from Albus Dumbledore. Great, great Aunt Mordrid. Then aged one hundred thirty two, the elderly lady, that kept sixteen rattlesnakes as pets, was close to death. 

Taya stayed and lived with her until Aunt Mordrid's departure to the other world. After her death she met and fell in love with a man while working at the Norwegian Ministry Of Magic in the capital city of Oslo. Their affair ended rather suddenly after Taya's discovery that Lucas Hansan was already married. Their relationship had been stretched and sketchy at the best of times and that was before her discovery. She wondered why she had fallen for him in the first place.

Taya sighed as she remembered her foolish amateur first attempt at love. She always knew, at the back of her mind, she never really loved Hansan. Something subliminal nagged her consciousness, it was met with a prickling sensation at the back of her mind and a garbled communication from a source far far away that was her true destiny.

It was nearly midnight. Taya carried her hot chocolate into the darkly lit sparse bedroom, set the stemming mug of liquid onto the floor and undressed ready for bed. In a matter of days this life would be over and a new one would begun. 

She lay there remembering the place that gave her friendship and security when her parents were tragically killed. Her first meeting with Professor Dumbledore, then her only remaining living relative. He took her in a year early, gave her a room to herself set her an education and prepared her for her first true year learning the art of magic.

Taya smiled to herself as she sipped the sweet rich taste of the chocolate. Her mind drifting slightly. It would be strange living in the castle again. No electricity, only candle light, no computers, no central heating, at Hogwarts real open fires were used. 

The best thing she could remember of all was the delicious food. Non of the pre-packed ready meals most Muggles ate. Granted here in this small out of the way town food was more organic, but it lacked the variety offered at Hogwarts. 

She had never really given it much thought on how much the house elves must slave over cooking and cleaning after hundreds of children and the likes. But now she was grateful. Grateful to be going back.

Taya picked up the letter that lay open beside her, written in green ink. She scanned it with her eyes for a moment and gazed down at the crest at the top centre of the page. Her fingers slid over the Slytherin segment, a snake. It was her own house while at the school. Then she read it the upteenth time.

__

Dear Miss Matterson,

We are pleased of inform you that your appliance for the position of Defence Against The Dark Arts has been accepted. 

We look forward to seeing you on the fourth of January.

For more information please do not hesitate to contact Professor Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster.

Yours sincerely

Minerva McGonagall

At the bottom of the page was a hand written side note from the headmaster himself.

__

My dearest Taya, 

It will be delightful seeing you once again. The staff and myself are looking forward to seeing you. 

I hope you are keeping well, 

Kindest regards and best wishes Albus,

She sighed feeling a sensation of content as she folded the parchment in half and slid it back into the envelope. 

Her eyelids were growing heavy and she had finished her drink. Taya snuggled down into the warm blankets knowing what would follow shortly as soon as sleep took her, carrying her across the plains of time and thought into a world of dreams and make believe.

Taya's dreams weren't no ordinary dreams, developing and growing into something much more meaningful than she could ever have imagined. Dreams linked to someone with whom she hadn't seen in seven years. 

__

He lay there beside her. His body was warm and an arm comforting her in the silent bliss of his embrace. She felt safe, secure, locked in never ending peace and sanctuary. He stirred slightly and she felt the soothing pressure of his body, as he moved in his sleep. She felt a rush of steady passion wash through her, sensations entwining and she felt a brief but sensual shudder.

For a fleeting second his lips brushed her neck and a hand slowly slid down the length of her arm. She surrendered a gasp of pleasure.

He opened his inky black eyes and smiled faintly at her, taking in her beauty before he sat up letting the heavy blankets fall to his naked waist. 

He leaned intimately closer while flicking the beautiful raven black hair off his face. She had never believed that his hair was greasy, only excessively shiny. And to touch that hair, a mass of silk, to run her fingers through the thick strands. She shifted readying herself for what was to come. 

She quivered as his hand slid tantalisingly down the centre of her back. His sensual mouth once again met hers. An open slow kiss was met with a small growl from the back of her throat, then the kiss deepened. She let him inside her. While his tongue was exploring the fleshy tissue inside her mouth she felt him harden against her. 

She pulled suddenly away from the kiss, momentary shocked that she could arouse such deep passion from the raven haired professor. Also blatantly aware that her body was experiencing delightful surges of previously unfounded feeling.

He blinked, those beautiful dark hooded eyes mesmerising her, binding her closer until...

Taya Matterson woke up. Confusion plagued her mind for a moment. She groaned softly upon remembering the dream. A bitter sweet fantasy played out in her mind. 

Her dreams had become more erotic as the days passed and she remembered every one of them, every scene, every sensation. Be it colour, touch, smell, or taste. 

On hearing the news that she had been offered a teaching position at Hogwarts roused a keen passion inside her. Making her heart skip a beat, and her skin flush from excitement. Sometimes when her mind bordered on sleep she could feel the familiar calling.

She remembered her ex boyfriend, pale skin, dark blue eyes and sandy brown hair cut in a shaggy style reminisce of the eighteenth century. He wasn't handsome in the traditional sense of the word, but had a definite flare of elegance. He had been twenty five when they met, she a shy eighteen year old witch with a past and he, a nobody really. They met at the ministry, she only just starting as an apprentice Defence Against The Dark Arts administrator and he, an accountant for the same establishment. 

He had been her first boyfriend although she gathered that he, Mr Hansan had a substantial list of past admirers and consorts under his belt. Only later after two years in the relationship she finally discover that he was engaged in several affairs with two different woman and he was himself already married.

They split soon after. She came home un-expectantly early one evening to discover one of Hansan's admirers in their bed with him. Enraged she fled and moved into the house she currently occupied. That was five years ago. She had realised long before their parting that Hansan wasn't the one she needed. 

That person had cut himself off from love and was far away. She didn't even know whether Severus Snape still taught Potions at Hogwarts. What would she find when she got there? She wondered. Would he still be that tall, lonely dark man or had he finally found love? And what about the 'gift?' Would it be rekindled upon entering the hallowed halls and towers. Was her dreams anything to do with it? Only time would tell.

Her indescribable attraction for the head of Slytherin House had caused her grief and confusion as a young girl. She first became aware of it mid way through her third year but not until her seventh did her 'crush' ignite her soul and body like it was doing now.

Like any other first year attending Hogwarts school of Wizardry and Witchcraft she despised Severus Snape. Taya was at first appalled to discover it, but as time slowly passed she soon had to deal with the handicap of sensing Severus Snape's thoughts. 

When her 'gift' first developed she was appalled by Severus Snape's cluttered, vengeful and indigent mind. Only sensing hate, rage and anger. Subtle shadows of other emotions would come later. As a fourteen year old school girl who should have had other things, girlish things plaguing her consciousness she hadn't been prepared for the barrage of negative emotions that were thrust upon her every time she was in close proximity to Severus, and she hated him for it. 

Taya couldn't tell anyone, least of all Professor Snape. 

When at fifteen a letter came her way sent by a previously unknown relative from Norway a great aunt (Dumbledore had been searching for years to see if there was anyone else no matter how distant was related to her. The search had been successful. A white haired very elderly lady had been discovered living a life as a reclusive witch.) Taya was both flattered, excited and confused by the arrival of a letter for her from some long lost relative. 

Upon opening it her excitement was rewarded with dread. Great Aunt Mordrid had inquired whether she had developed any strange empathic abilities. It was well known in her family, her great great grand mother had, had the 'gift' too. 

She wrote back to the aunt, a stranger to her, telling her she had experienced nothing that would point to the definition that she was empathic. She didn't want to tell anyone, least of all a stranger. 

What really angered her the most was Severus, her empathic ability to read only his thoughts was the consequences of a rare and degrading ability handed down through her family. Now and again missing a generation until now. 

Her 'gift' was the ability to read her lover's mind. As a fourteen year old girl the prospect of Severus Snape being her future lover was catastrophic at the least.

As she grew older and into womanhood, her uncanny knack for sensing the potion master's feelings grew stronger until it got to the point she could read him wherever she was, she felt trapped in her own body, bombarded with another's thoughts, thoughts she didn't want, thoughts and emotions, she would gladly give up her soul to the devil to get rid of. But it got worse. The older, the maturer she became the greater the intensity of the link until she could feel everything he felt. She thought his suppressed anger was damaging enough but when she started to feel his hidden pain then came the blatant horror of it all.

She cried herself to sleep at night. Awaking every so many hours from dreams so disturbing with flashes of light, images of torture, a dark haired naked man either sprawled on the floor, or curled up in the foetus position sobbing silently, and the screams of pain and desperation

Then something happened. An event that would change their lives forever.

__

It was her final year a Hogwarts and Taya was just eighteen. After a particular gruelling day. Potions was the last subject and she hated Severus Snape with a passion or so she thought. 

Taya felt nauseated from both apprehension and anxiety. In any other circumstance she would have skipped Potions had it not been for a very important test and Taya didn't want to risk detention alone with Professor Snape in her present condition especially if in the unfortunate circumstance she were to throw up. 

Pale faced and aching she made it to the dungeons where Potions were taught. She was late and hoped desperately that Severus wouldn't notice and she could sneak in. 

She made it to the large wooden door. It was closed. Not a good sign. No doubt Severus had already began lecturing. 

Taya took a deep breath hugged her stomach for a second in an attempt to ease both discomfort and nerves. She placed her hand on the door and without even the slightest pressure it creaked open. She swallowed and slid unnoticed into the classroom. She quickly made it to her seat. No sooner as she sat down she saw Severus's cold eyes bore into her. Her face dropped when she saw his expression. His face was an expression of deep rooted resentment. She not only saw it physically but felt it too, it was like black fire billowing up inside him. Severus Snape was like a bomb ready to detonate at any moment.

She wondered briefly whether he knew she could feel him. She sighed deeply, perhaps too loudly because Severus swooped over to her, eyes narrowing and his head was positioned directly in front of her. Taya gulped and felt a surge of un-suppressed rage mixed with something else. Disorganised images, feelings of terrible hopelessness, and to her utter disgust, deep and powerful lust? Directed at her? 

"I'm sorry I'm late sir," she whimpered pitifully realising in horror that she had been starring at him hard. "I...I haven't been feeling well."

"What?" Barked the professor. His eyes, darkened to black, fathamless captured hers, daring her to look away. Then something bizarre happened. She stood up and leaned over the desk then grabbed Severus' collar pulling him forward. She reached up and he responded. The kiss was soft, gentle even. Not what she had anticipated from him. It was actually quite pleasurable. Something in her had always thought that Severus Snape would be perhaps brutal sexually. This was a complete astonishment. 

The kiss deepened, his arms were around her and she heard him make a small almost strangled sounding groan before he pulled away. 

Severus took a few staggered steps backwards, obviously distressed by the intimate contact. Without realising what she was doing her fingers locked around his face, their eyes falling into each other. She was met with a dazzled assortment or horrifying images, terror, anger and pain was suddenly thrust into her. Taya recoiled and the last this she was aware of was his hands on her face and the shocked expressions on the other students who had just witnessed Professor Snape kissing her before she slumped into deep unconsciousness.

"Blimey, wish my boyfriend was as good at kissing as that," someone had blurted out.

When she awoke in the hospital seven days later she was met with a grim faced Madam Pomfrey. 

"Oh my dear," she whispered. "I'm so glad you have woken. I was beginning to wonder despite all the magic and potions given to you if you would ever wake up." She wiped her forehead on the back of her hand.

Taya frowned and sat up. "Why am I here?"

Madam Poppy Pomfrey sat down on a near by chair. "You passed out in Potions. Professor Snape carried you here himself. You should have seen people's faces when they saw you being carried in here by him of all people..." She started muttering to herself. "The Professor said you touched him and then you collapsed. Do you remember?"

Taya frowned then nodded. "Yes." she said with grim realisation. She pressed her fingers to her lips. She could still taste him. The kiss and it's subsequent after-effects were clear in her mind.

"Do you know why you collapsed?"

"Kind of." Taya swallowed and half expected the worse to happen. Poppy looked mortified. "You never informed your aunt did you?" The Matron shook her head ruefully. Taya's eyes widened. How could Madam Pomfrey possibly know about her aunt? Dumbledore she gathered. He undoubtedly received word from Aunt Morgrid to. It would only be natural that he would have heard about it.

"No. I didn't think there was any reason to, besides I don't even know-"

"No reason child." Her voice rose a little higher and it took the nurse a few seconds to calm. "You have the gift." The word sounded like a curse to Taya. She staired blankly out of a nearby window. "Of cause Professor Snape now knows," came Poppy's voice which abruptly took Taya out of her self cocoon. She nearly jumped off the bed in shocked alarm. "Steady dear, you'll do yourself further damage."

"You... you told him?" Taya gulped air. Her heart sunk as low as feasibly possible. Poppy lightly touched her arm and avoid the question. "Professor Dumbledore has told me to tell you that your weekly Potion class will from now on be taught by Professor Tingle on Thursday at half past two. I believe you had a free period then?"

"Yes," came a quiet voice. Taya looked back out of the window then quickly turned and stared at Madam Pomfrey. "Shouldn't I at least speak to Professor Snape?" she questioned.

"Oh no no no. He understands. With your 'gift' you must avoid him at all costs, your... love for the professor must be contained Taya, at least until you've finished your schooling. I believe you have eight weeks left." Taya looked horrified.

"Love!! I don't love him Madam Pomfrey. It's been a nightmare ever since I discovered I have this gift. I don't love Professor Snape. Not one bit." 

Why did we kiss? She thought. I was on the verge of throwing up one moment then pulling him to me the next. He didn't exactly force me into it. He didn't do anything other than glare. Why didn't he stop me? She frowned, confused and baffled by her own feelings. Taya screwed up her face in disgust all the same. Raging hormones on both parts, she thought in dread. Oh Gods, he liked it. Taya felt disgust and she remembered the soft little noise he made when she pulled away. Oh krikes what if he ...? She shook her head trying to force an image of the Potion's master's in a state of obvious sexual arousal from her mind. 

What the hell did I kiss him for? Taya rubbed her eyes. How long had she been unconscious? What day is it? She thought. Saturday. 

"OH Merlin!" She exclaimed. Madam Pomfrey gave her a sad smile. Taya swallowed her painful dry throat. The image of the kiss invaded her mind. But did I like it? I was the one who kissed him in the first place. What was I thinking? Right in front of everyone. They're think I've gone raving mad. Perhaps I have.

"He's he's horrible..." she said out loud. The matron sighed and shook her head.

"Oh, alas child you may think that now, but this 'gift ' has you in it's vice. It won't let go." Taya stared at the nurse, her gaze unfocused. 

"I've looked into this rare condition and what I've read about it is that will you love this person even if you can't see it now." She paused. "In the end you'll have no option but to-" she frowned suddenly, "And you shouldn't be talking like that about your teachers." Taya frowned.

"But, We can't choose who we love." Poppy nodded sadly.

"I know we can't, but he's your destiny, love. You can't get away from fate." Taya slumped down on the pillows and paled. Her mind accessing dangerous memories. She glared at the matron until she got up. "You need to rest Miss Matterson," she said and left her by herself. 

Taya's thoughts hummed together in a jumble of chaotic distortion, only that they weren't her thoughts at all, they were somebody else's memories, and they came flooding back. She watched Madam Pomfrey straighten another sleeping student's bedcovers before she left the room.

Finally alone she could perhaps properly assimilate what happened. Did she like it? She was the one who pulled him into the kiss in the first place. 

"He was so gentle," she whispered and was shocked by her own voice. "Oh Gods." She wiped her mouth on the back of her hand as if trying to remove the vestiges of the kiss, but she was unsuccessful. Her lips tingled almost pleasantly. 

Something in her heart was awakened. I wonder what it would be like, she thought. Being with him, sleeping with him in his bed, holding him at night being able to touch his mind without even touching? 

Something disturbing began poking at her mind. Then she remembered, she had seen straight in Severus Snape's soul. Harsh images, cold and painful. Taya sighed and she turned over onto her side and pulled the blanket up to her neck. Her eighteen year old mind having to cope with seeing Severus Snape raped would plague her forever. 

Something burned deep in her heart sending her into the depth of despair. This time it wasn't hate for the Potions Master. Tears filled in her eyes. 

"No wonder he's so bitter and nasty," she whispered. Her thoughts wondered back to what she had earlier said to Madam Pomfey. I don't love him. How could she love someone like him? A vindictive twisted man so corrupted with self hate it reflected on everyone else? Was it a lie after all? She thought with a frown. Can I really love Professor Snape? I'd have to learn how to control this blasted ability. Then she remembered his eyes and the soft touch of his hands on her face before she passed out in the classroom. 

The last thing she remembered before a light sleep took her was the icy chilliness of his skin. Gods, he felt so cold, she thought suppressing a shudder and she closed her eyes.

Taya sighed remembering the past. Over time her question had been answered. Yes she did love him. But what kept her away? Fear she guessed. 

Her previous boyfriend hadn't been what she needed at all. She knew that now, plain and clear. Why had she been so blind? Would Severus Snape be anything different? Would she had loved him if she had never acquired the gift? 

Being away from Severus had only dulled the ache in her heart it hadn't erased it. Thinking that if she travelled as far away as possible the 'gift' would fade. Unfortunately not. Despite her past relationship her mind always sort his. In sleep she felt him. In her dreams she made love to him. Was her ex boyfriend simply a shroud, Severus's cover-up? She felt suddenly guilty. How could Severus live with so much pain? 

__

Why didn't he try to find me? She wondered with a sigh. _Denial again,_ she realised. _To deny himself of love. And everyone hates him there, what would make him feel different about me? He probably still thinks I hate him, and could never love him._ Then she saw in her mind those haunting dark eyes the moment before the kiss, something had replaced theusual cold icy stare, a desperation, a longing so deep rooted.

I wonder if he's ever actually made love? Probably not. she thought sadly. _I wonder if he's ever kissed anyone else before me._ Taya shook her head and rubbed her eyes.

"I'm coming back for you professor," she whispered as she wiped her dampened cheeks of tears. "I'm coming back for you my love."

****


	6. Chapter 06

****

Thank you to everyone who has reviewed. Please keep those reviews coming :o)

Chapter 6

Return to Hogwarts

The owl took the letter from Taya's hand as soon as she finished writing and addressing the envelope.

__

To Professor Dumbledore, Headmaster, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Scotland.

It gave a little hoot then fluttered over to the window, turned it's head to stare one last time before it took flight out into the country.

A week past uneventfully, but Taya Matterson felt a strange kindred feeling of content returning when she arrived at the gates of Hogwarts castle. Leaving her old life behind her a new one just about to start. She had made arrangements for her apartment to be rented off until further notice. 

A feeling of sadness crept into her subconscious. Would that life, living as a Muggle in a town of Muggles be missed? She sighed and took in the cold Scottish air, the smells and of retiring to the place of her childhood made it seem most worthwhile.

It was dark outside. She had been travelling all day, The horseless coach turned and vanished into the night. She picked up her luggage and trekked across the yard to the great double doors. She was greeted by a woman swathed in luxury green fabric, her dark hair was swept up into a tight bun. Taya recognised Minerva McGonagall immediately. _She's changed very little through the years_, Taya thought. 

"It's wonderful to see you again Miss Matterson," the elder woman said with a smile.

"And you, Professor," Taya replied humbly.

"Come now, you're not a student any longer. Call me Minerva." She reached out her hand and lightly clasped her arm. "The professors are dying to see you again," she said happily. 

__

All except one? Taya wondered.

They stepped into the entrance and Taya looked around her. Everything looked the same as the last time she was here. 

"You can leave you bags they will be taken up to your room shortly. Come this way." Taya took one last look around the entrance and followed the Transfiguration teacher past the great hall and up four flights to stares.

"You must be tired dear."

"Yes I am a bit," she said while stifling a yawn. _Wonder what time it is?_ She thought.

"Where did you say you were living?"

"Oh," she paused. "Denmark. "

"Travelled all day then I assume? No magic?"

"No unfortunately. I left at four this morning That's why I'm wearing Muggle clothes. Didn't want to look too out of place at the airport. Though people do dress in all styles, but wearing long crinoline skirts and cloaks kind of draws attention." The other woman nodded.

"Perhaps get something to eat then get some sleep I say, There will be a staff meeting tomorrow at nine o'clock sharp." Taya nodded. Minerva smiled and stopped at a small dark door. "We're here, this is your room." She stretched out her hand, then opened the door with a mutter of magic words. "The password is 'moonstones and chucklepuffs', but you can change it if you wish."

Taya stepped inside. Sure enough her luggage was all ready there positioned at the end of the large four poster queen size double bed. "Good night," the professor called and left before Taya could reply.

She stared around the room. It was fairly large, decorated like everywhere else in Hogwarts' a medieval design. Thick purple velvet drapes were pulled over the windows, the bare stone floor was covered in a rich intricately woven rug. Near the bed was a table covered in white linen. Positioned near the fireplace were two lounge chairs and situated between them both was a small stand positioned on top was an assortment of food and drink.

Another door leading out of the room, was where Taya supposed was the bathroom. She was correct. 

"Hello," said a small squeaky voice. Taya looked around in mild surprise at hearing the unknown voice. Then she caught the sight of the mirror. A largish gilt one hanging on the wall next to the door leading to the bathroom. 

"Oh," she replied.

"You look tired. Long journey?"

"Yes." Taya felt slightly foolish conversing with a mirror. She knew talking mirrors existed but never before had she seen one. 

"I expect you will want to get some beauty sleep. You know, lack of sleep can cause havoc to your complexion. I recommend a nice long soothing bath. Remember to use moisturiser afterwards."

"Yes," Taya was mildly amused and gazed at her reflection smiling. The mirror chucked.

"It'll take a bit of getting used to."

"Yes it will."

"I mean exfoliating."

"Oh."

"Good for the pores. I suggest it you know. I'm good with beauty tips. Just ask." Taya turned away and noticed a yet another door smaller than the other which led into a small work room. A polished desk stood at the corner with a large over stuffed leather chair facing. Book shelves covered the walls, devoid of any books at this point. All her books and heavier items Taya couldn't carry herself would arrive tomorrow. 

She dropped her cloak onto the bed and slumped down into one of those most comfortable looking chairs. 

"You know, I used to live in a beauty salon," said the mirror ending it's conversation. Taya poured herself a cup of tea and ate a little sponge cake before retiring to bed.

Taya awoke early. She slept well but immediately felt consternation at the prospect of joining the other professors in the staff room. She was a little confused why she hadn't sensed Professor Snape. A pain in the pit of her belly told her something that she didn't necessarily want to here. 

In one way she didn't want to see him again yet another feeling bit at her, what if he was no longer here? Perhaps he wasn't here after all, perhaps he had left, had finally found someone. She would have to ask somebody if she didn't see him soon. Fear welled up inside her then a horrible thought came to her mind. _What if the potions master's finally gone mad with loneliness and pain? Oh Heavens this is silly._ _Must compose myself. _

He might already be in there, she thought as she stopped outside the staff room door. Something lurched in her stomach. _It's only butterflies,_ she told herself. Nerves. Only nerves. _Once inside you'll be okay. _

Someone brushed passed her. Taya looked up, seeing nobody she frowned then looked down, a small man hastily started through the doorway. He looked up at seeing her.

"Better hurry up dear, the Headmaster will want to start in five minutes." The small man suddenly beamed and recognised her. "Miss Matterson what a pleasant surprise to see you again." Taya watched as the small person rose a few feet off the floor and came to a stop facing her.

"Professor Flitwick, likewise." she said smiling back_. _He extended his hand and Taya shook it. 

"Come in. Come come, make yourself at home." Taya stopped at the door way and gazed around. The tiny man hovered over to a vacant chair, it's seat propped up by a surplus amount of cushions. He sat down and rested his tiny arms on the surface of a large polished round table. 

Her nervousness was still slightly evident as she stepped into the staff room. All appeared accounted for and she felt a distant uneasiness as she stepped over to the tables and everyone's gaze fell upon her. 

Dumbledore was quick to change the currant mood. He stood up and spread his arms in welcome.

"Welcome, welcome, Taya," he said cheerfully. The other teachers nodded soberly in agreement. "It's a great pleasure to see you again. You remember everyone? There are a few I expect you don't." The headmaster turned and gestured to the others in the room.

"Miss Matterson our newest member of staff and our new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher." Taya stood quietly nearest to the door way. Dumbledore frowned ever so slightly in her direction then smiled. "Come sit. Perhaps you'd like to join me for a cup of tea later and perhaps a clotted cream scone?" 

"That would be nice Professor," she said.

"We'll make it early afternoon then. About half past two?"

"Yes all right."

"Splendid, splendid," muttered the headmaster rubbing his hand together earnestly.

She took a hesitant step towards the group of teachers whom were talking quietly amongst themselves all except one who was sitting by himself. For a second she turned back to look at Dumbledore, but he was now talking to someone else, a small elderly witch with a long pointed nose, someone she didn't recognise.

Taya swallowed down an unwelcome surge of dread mixed with a little excitement. 

Dressed in his customary black Severus Snape sat stiffly on a sofa near the roaring fire, talking to know one. The flames reflected in his swarthy browny black eyes, perhaps a true reflection to what he may be feeling, but his face was a void. Taya frowned at herself. She could feel nothing. Nothing at all. Not even a glimmer from him. 

Since it was the only free place to sit she sat down, but as far away from him as possible. Severus said nothing. He was studying his hands and was now gazing blankly at the headmaster.

"Perhaps you'd like to join Miss Matterson and myself for tea and scones later Severus?" The potions master blinked, and reacted slightly as if he had been disturbed from a dream.

"Perhaps another time Headmaster. I have a number of things to do before the students return after the holidays." 

"Very well." muttered Dumbledore who then smiled over at his young relative before turning his attention to the meeting. "Welcome back everyone. I trust you all had a pleasant break. There are a number of items to discuss so I believe we should begin."

As Dumbledore spoke, Taya turned her gaze at Severus. He was tall, willowy even, and he was still slim. He could almost be described, _beautiful_, came the thought. In a dark, haunting, gothic kind of way if one looked close enough, beyond the sneering and sarcasm he could be attractive. It was an exact description of the man. 

__

He looks exactly the same, she thought. _I wonder if there is any truth about the Vampire thing?_

She watched him, noticing the way he held himself ridged, clearly at unease. His black hair fell to his shoulders, a little silver was sprinkled at the temples, the dark hooded eyes held no clue at what he was feeling. _And he's still wearing cloaks indoors, he can't be that cold all the time, it's quite warm in here, there is a blazing fire,_ she wondered while gazing at the sobriety of his apparel, the way his coat fastened up to his chin. She noticed just a hint of a white shirt revealed at the collar and cuffs, revealing very little skin. _Hum, possibly a metaphor, not wanting to be touched, like a security blanket._

Severus Snape turned his head towards her when he realised she was staring. Words weren't needed. She smiled at him gently.

"Hello Professor," she whispered.

"Miss Matterson," said Severus getting to his feet. He stepped over to the large centre table where the majority of staff were sitting. The coldness in his voice matched the chilly stare. He quickly looked away, his attention focused on Dumbledore.

When the meeting was over, pleasantries were briefly exchanged between the old and new staff then everyone else left the room. Taya caught Severus' arm. He turned, a look of shock was quickly replaced with a sneer.

"Why have you come back here?" He demanded in the most coldest tone he could muster. Taya recoiled. His voice made something burn in her despite his abruptness. If it hadn't been for the cruel tone in his deep velvety textured voice, the sound may have caused something else even stronger to evolve within her. "I thought you were in Norway working for the Ministry."

She gave her best smile, despite the anxiety. "Well, for one thing a new DATDA teacher was needed, and yes I was in Norway, but I was called here," she shrugged. "And secondly..." She swallowed, not too sure whether to say so or not, "for you." 

The reaction he gave startled her. Severus' eyes widened in shocked apprehension and he stormed out of the room, cloak billowing behind him. Taya frowned behind him. "What did I say?" She muttered more to herself than to him because Severus Snape had already gone.

Professor Dumbledore's private rooms were the same as she remembered them from her school years. She was standing looking at the phoenix who gazed back at her with large golden eyes before swooping over and settling on her shoulder. Taya looked up with a smile as the empathic bird began to sing a soothing melody.

"You still have him then?"

"Oh yes. Isn't he marvellous? Here." Dumbledore passed her a cup and saucer. Taya sat down on one of the recliners and gazed into the fire.

"He's still the same," she muttered.

"Who my dear?" Questioned the headmaster after taking a sip of tea.

"Professor Snape. Still as kind and friendly as ever." She turned and lay her tea down on the coffee table. "He's still as cold and miserable as before. Has nothing really changed since I was here?"

"Tut tut, Miss Taya, if you were still a student you may have qualified for a detention." She caught a twinkle in the elderly wizards eyes. "Not for him I believe. "

"Oh."

"Why do you ask?"

"I just wondered. I don't know. Wondered whether he got married or for all I know he could have five kids by now." She shrugged and thought, _As unlikely as it sounds._

"No. He's the same old Severus Snape."

"Albus I've been meaning to ask you something?"

"Hum?"

"Why did you ask me here?"

"Ah." Dumbledore nodded and folded his hands in his lap. "We needed a new Defence Against The Dark Arts teacher."

"Yes I know, but there are plenty of other people capable of that, better than me. Why didn't you give it to Professor Snape? It's well known through the student body that he's after it. It was in my time at least."

"I wanted you here," Dumbledore leaned forward adjusting his spectacles. "I've known you for years now. When you last wrote you told me you had given up your job in Norway, and was planning to come home any way. Then there was that nasty business concerning your um, Mr Hansan." The professor was quiet for a long moment. 

"Yea, don't let me forget it will you?" She smiled. "He was a right ..." Dumbledore laughed lightly.

"About your favourite teacher." Taya laughed knowing exactly who the elderly man was referring to.

"What about him?"

"I've been noticing things about Professor Snape lately. He's very unsettled."

"Unsettled?"

"More so than normal. I can't get him to talk about what is bothering him. Been trying to for years you know."

"What have I got to do with it?" 

"Here, have a scone," he said passing the plate. Taya smiled briefly and took one. "They are quite delicious,

"Perhaps you can talk to him?"

"Me? What makes you think I can do anything?"

"You have that ability don't you?" Taya gazed down at the floor. 

"I'm still burdened with empathy. It's faded, but I think he's shielding himself from me." He nodded. 

"Thought as much. Severus Snape has a will the strength of iron but beneath it..." He took another scone. "He loves you."

"He what?" Taya stood up and laughed. "Professor Snape told you that? Are you sure he wasn't just having you on?" Dumbledore shook his head.

"I don't think so. Even so I would like to ask a request of you my dear."

"I think I can guess. I'm free, unattached, and have this curse." Taya slumped down into the chair.

"Do you have any feelings for the man?"

"Ah, you are a match maker now are you, Uncle Albus?" Dumbledore raised an eyebrow then a slight smirk appeared at the corner of his mouth.

"Perhaps I am."

"My feeling aren't important where Severus...um, I mean Professor Snape is concerned. He'll deny me whatever I do."

"You could try?"

"If I striped naked and ran through the halls wearing only pink ribbons and bells he probably wouldn't bat an eye lid." Dumbledore laughed lightly.

"I'm sure he'd notice that. I'm not suggesting you try it mind you."

"He's not interested Uncle Albus."

"I think he just...well, scared."

"Yes, but how do I get through to him?"

"With tact, delicacy, and patience. He's been alone for far to long." 

She got up to leave but felt a hand on her arm.

"Taya do this for yourself and Severus not because of me." He swallowed. "Do you love him?"

She sighed deeply and her hand wandered up to her head, lightly massaging her temples. 

"Yes I do." 

"Then that's all that is needed. Time, patience and love." Taya nodded. "Oh and welcome back to Hogwarts."

"Thanks Professor." Dumbledore leaned forward and embraced her. "I've missed you, you know."

"I've missed you too." She lightly kissed him on the cheek. "Oh, and thanks for the tea and scones."

"Go run along dear. I've got paper work to finish." Taya turned to leave but turned back.

"Why all this interest in Severus Snape in the first place Albus?" Dumbledore smiled.

"Let's just say that a long time ago Severus Snape came to me for help. Now, he's not the kind of man to ask for help unless he was so desperate that his very life depended on it. I of cause granted him that help and he's been at Hogwarts ever since. I'm kind of fond of him. He has had a terrible past."

"Oh?"

"Severus was a Death Eater long before he was a teacher."

"Oh my God. How could you ever let such a-" She was horrified. The phoenix fluttered off her shoulder and landed on Dumbledore's desk.

"He was drawn into it for reasons I'm not really familiar. I know that he lived with a family of Death Eaters for a while as a boy but... I believe Severus Snape had a good enough reason. Not because he wanted fame, glory, revenge, perhaps it came into it, but from what I can gather it was the only family he ever really had. He may not look like it but Severus is a sensitive soul. Under all that armour." Her eyebrows flew up in amazement.

"I don't understand."

"I really shouldn't be telling you this but since...Well Severus grew up in a Muggle orphanage for a time then ended up living with that family who had a grown up son. A terrible place it was, depravity, the worst kind, and they were the blackest of dark witches and wizards there were. Those were dark times you know. Many orphan children ended up living in dark wizarding families. We brought him here, to Hogwarts, gave him an education gave him choices." Dumbledore sighed deeply. "Unfortunately he picked the wrong ones. But neither the less here he is now."

"Has he ever talked to you about his time as a Death Eater?"

"Very little. No personal information. For a time he was a spy for us, until Voldemort's defeat. You are going to have to ask him. I have no more information to tell." Taya smiled and bid farewell for the afternoon.

Her days at Hogwarts were pleasant enough, the children mostly behaved themselves and she found that she enjoyed their company as well as the other teachers. But the one person she had vowed to get closer too even if perhaps a mutual understanding avoided her at all costs.

He only spoke to her in the confinements of their work subjects, nothing was discussed on a personal level.

As her sixth year class left one student stopped and gazed up at her, the girl's clear blue eyes settled onto Taya's with a questioning gaze.

"Miss, do you love him?" Came an unexpected question. Taya's own eyes widened, then she forced surprise to leave her face.

"Love who Miss Appletoff? Who are you referring to?" The girl smiled weakly.

"Professor Snape, Miss." Taya was slightly taken aback. How could one of her students possibly know about her feeling for Severus? She pondered for a moment. Had the girl seen an adoring expression on her face when talking to him? Surely not. Taya kept her emotions in check when at least out in public view.

"Oh-" She frowned at herself and rubbed her head. After a moment or too she looked directly at the sixteen year old blond haired girl staring with a puzzled expression. "You shouldn't be asking question's like that," commented Taya angrily as she began retrieving her books.

The girl began to turn away. 

"Wait, your telepathic aren't you?"

"Yes Miss."

"Wasn't your grandmother the famous aura Madame Teresiana Appletoff?"

"Yes, Miss. She was. I've inherited some of her abilities."

"Then you should know not to read other people's minds." 

The girl nodded and gazed at the floor. "Off you go now. I have a lot to do, and keep your mind on your own business." As the girl went to step through the door way Taya called out, "I would appreciate it if you didn't mention this or you might find yourself loosing a rather excess amount of house points." She didn't like to sound sharp with any of the students but when her personal feelings were in jeopardy of being spread around the school she had no choice. 

She watched her go and plonked herself down behind the desk. Lucy Appletoff had addressed a question she had began to wonder herself lately. He was still as miserable, stubborn and nasty as she remembered him and she still loved him, perhaps even more so despite his deliberate avoidance's. What was she going to do about Severus? She sighed deeply and absently slid a quill between her fingers, caressing the feather. 

Her mind seemed to wander into a fantasy, a dream that could only be realised if she took the step now. Severus Snape would never take it upon himself to turn to her. She knew then that it was completely up to her to win him over, to eradicate the self inflicted torture he was forever projecting onto himself, and causing grievance on others, namely herself.

She pulled herself out of her day dream and stood up. In her mind she was debating on what to do next. 

She had left him alone as he had requested. It had been four weeks since Taya arrived at Hogwarts. She marvelled on how he managed to keep his feelings locked inside when previously, the battering of uncontrolled waves of raw emotion was quite literally pounded into her brain, but now after so long, his control was faltering. She sensed that, and he was struggling. 

She too was struggling, struggling between releasing him from his hellish prison of torment and the growing desperation for his touch. She would achieve neither if she left him to his own devices.

Taya straightened her robes, ran a hand through her untamed hair and left the class room. She proceeding down the deserted corridor. Most of the students by now were safely in their common rooms or dormitories, but a few mingled here or there. There were a couple in the great hall. 

It was getting late. Tea time was less than an hour away she had time to do what she must and she had put her heart into succeeding.

By the time she got to the dungeons she wondered whether Severus would still be inside. Sure enough he was sat deep in concentration at his desk evidently marking student assignments. He didn't look up when she quietly entered the room and stood silently near the door, a distance from him. She was the first to break the uncomfortable silence.

"Severus, we need to talk," she whispered.

"Did Dumbledore send you? He has a penchant for offering me assistance." Severus frowned. "That which I don't need!" He added a little too louder than he actually ment to.

"No," she whispered. A little white lie wouldn't hurt and besides, she mainly came to visit him because she wanted to anyway. 

"I've nothing to say," he murmured without looking up.

"But I do." There was a long silence before Severus finally lifted his head and gazed at her through narrowed eyes. 

__

Gods, she's beautiful, he thought. His tone of voice was different to the one in his head. "Then say it, but be swift." 

"I want to show you something."

"Can't you see I am busy. I have papers to mark," he said scowling with indigence. She smiled weakly and walked passed the rows of empty school desks stopping only when she came to his. She reached out her hand and lightly stroked his cheek. Severus recoiled in alarm, the quill pen he was holding slid from his hand and dropped to the floor and he nearly sent flying the red bottle of ink in his haste to pull away. 

"Does it really cause you that much distress?" He swallowed, fighting the irrational rush of fear as it quickly rose and settled in the pit of his stomach. "Even a simple touch," she whispered with a sad smile.

She knelt down beside him to retrieve the quill, then placed it onto the surface of his desk. Sensing his unease at her closeness she drew a step back when she saw the eyes. Her heart seemed to press deeper into her chest, thumping madly. 

The maternal instinct to reach out and comfort him took a hold of her, Taya struggled to subdue it while feeling a subtle yet familiar tugging at her soul and brain. He really was that scared she realised.

"Why are you afraid of me? The last thing I want to do is scare the living day lights out of you." He remained quite and picked up the quill, absently stabbing the nib onto blotting paper. After a time he looked up, but avoided eye contact.

"What would you have me say Miss Matterson?" 

Why did he feel like this? This fear. In his dreams he allowed her to touch him anywhere but in reality... that was quite a different matter altogether.

"I don't know."

There was silence, only the sound of birdsong drifting through a high up narrow window and the far away voices of children as they passed in the corridors. Severus Snape looked up expecting to see that she had left him in peace. He scowled in remorse when he saw that she was still standing there. Her hands clasped leisurely in front of her.

"Don't be too surprised that I don't immediately come running into your arms," he murmured sarcastically.

"I wouldn't dream of it.," she said with a smile. "Look, why do you keep shutting people out when they want to help you?"

"You really don't have any idea, do you my dear? Any inkling. Have you not heard the rumours? I'm sure you heard a few while as a student here yourself. Shall I list them?

"You really don't have to-"

"I'm a vampire, had a troubled childhood, I eat children - that is a rather more imaginative idea don't you think? My mother was a fallen angel, I'm a Death Eater, I'm a spy, I've raped, maimed and murdered. My mother was bewitched by fairies. A lost love. There are many others that I have heard through the years, some quite remarkable, often amusing. Speculation about me doesn't get you anywhere Miss Matterson."

"I don't believe half about what they say, you deliberately keep it that way so no one can touch you. Why?"

"Because there are things no one should ever know. Even you. You've seen into me, however briefly. I do not wish to push my own experiences on another."

"Even a friend. Sometimes it helps to talk about-"

"Especially a friend. I would not wish it upon my worst enemy, the life I have had to endure." _Maybe perhaps Sirius Black,_ he pondered. 

"Severus, please let me into your world.," she whispered. He got up and edged as far away as possible then stopped.

"If I ever even contemplated letting you see me for who I really am I'm not sure that you could...handle it. Or I for that matter," he murmured. "I can't."

"Why?"

"Because it wouldn't be fair on you. You remember what happened?"

"Well, yes, but that was years ago, I've grown since then. I'm not a child any more. I think I'm prepared. I wasn't then." She took a step closer and reached out brushing cautious fingers to his lips. His skin felt like ice. For a second she felt the onslaught of horrifying, angry/bitter feelings and tragic memories. She recoiled in disgust.

"You see," muttered the professor. She realised that it had taken a great deal of strength to let her see that much into his mind. 

Mentally she shrugged off the repulsive images and forced herself to grasp his shoulders pulling him closer and slide her hands over the heavy black fabric that covered his chest. His eyes were wide, lips parted slightly. She heard his breath catch in his throat. 

For a second he did nothing, and he made her wonder briefly if he actually enjoyed the feeling of her hands on him, but apparently not because he twisted out her grasp and hastily pulled his cloak around himself, gazed at her for a moment perhaps to long because he swiftly left the potions classroom without saying another word.

Not long after he had left Taya dropped down into the chair and began to cry softly for the broken man who in her soul she heard weeping night after night. How would she ever get through to him? How could she ever ease those images in her mind and smother her own self doubts? How would she ever shatter the wall he built around himself and break him away from sexual repression? It would do him the world of good to let out all that frustration if only he would let her help. 

She wiped her eyes and was preparing to leave when something caught her attention. She carefully slid the envelope from under the heavy books resting on the table turned it over in her hand and noticed in surprise it was addressed to her.

Hastily she pocketed it and left for her quarters. 


	7. Chapter 07

****

Chapter 7

The Love Letter

Dreams are strange things. The way they pick at your subconscious bringing out your deepest desires, longings and fears in weird mirages. Dreams can be pleasant, but they can also be terrifying. A dream can represent your deepest terror bringing it to the surface and forcing you to deal with it. A dream can also be a fantasy, a psychological representation of wants, yearnings and hopes. 

It was late. Taya had awoken twenty minutes previously from the mental cries he made because of the nightmare. She couldn't leave him like that anymore. It tore at her heart to know he still suffered so greatly. 

She gazed in the mirror and brushed her dark, slightly curling hair into place before wrapping a shawl around her shoulders. She placed the hairbrush down and headed out of her rooms to her intended destination.

The dungeons were always cold. Especially at this time of year. This February was the coldest she could ever remember it to be. She slipped silently down through the deserted corridors until she came to the Potions classroom. She always guessed that Severus' private chambers were located near his classrooms.

As of recent her uncanny ability to sense him had gradually returned. Mostly at night had it been the strongest. She learnt he had successfully managed to shield his thoughts from her, but with her apt mental ability she was breaking through that barrier without any conscious thought. 

Upon reading the letter though it had only strengthened her desire to ease his fears and push away the loneliness. She doubted that he had ever intended to give her the letter in the first place, but she knew about writing down thoughts, longings and dreams in the form of a message even if it were never going to be read by the person addressed to. It was a kind of psychological therapy. 

She wondered if it helped him. In a way she felt guilty for reading his personal letter. At least now she knew the truth and she couldn't get those words out of her mind. 

__

To Dearest Taya,

I don't know what I shall do should leave me again, I could never speak of this to you out loud, but I confess after all these lonely years I think I have fallen in love again. I loved Lilly unconditionally, but she is dead, I realise now that she choose that path to follow. I neither the less regret her decision to marry Potter, but time can not change. 

Then I met you. Pure, kind and gentle, totally un Slytherin, then you kissed me. 

I became weak. As your teacher I should not have let it happen, but I did. 

My heart does bleed for you, my body aches for your gentle touch, and my soul, I am not even sure what my soul requires. 

I do not necessarily expect you to love me, but in my heart I do know that I love you more than any pretty words can say. I can never rid this fowl, evil smelling emotion from my breast. 

What can I do? I know that I am not worthy of your love, dreaming is the only thing I have, my precious dreams and demons. 

And now words fail me. 

It is most difficult to write these words even though you shall never read them. 

I feel shame.

Yours most sincerely 

Severus Snape 

"You don't have to feel shame for loving someone. I'll show you, Severus," she said feeling her cheeks flush. Such poetic words written from a previously thought of un-passionate man.

For a second she held the letter in her hand, thought briefly about putting it back down on the dresser, but instead took it with her. 

Dressed in only her night clothes and the shawl Taya stopped at the door to the potions classroom. She brought out her wand and was prepared to recite a magical incantation when it swung open before her. She took a step back when the man she sought stepped out into the darkness and virtually bumped into her. She caught him, her hands steadying his arms. Severus froze then roughly de-tangled himself from her grasp.

"What are you doing down here?" He spat angrily.

"Looking for you actually." Severus turned and finally met her gaze. His expression twisted in annoyance. "It's late, you wouldn't want to be caught here alone especially by Peeves, remember you were terrified by him."

"I was twelve. Most of the children hated him." Severus grunted. It was true she had been terrified of the mischievous poltergeist. Now however the troublesome ghoul was the last thing on her mind. 

Taya now took the opportunity to look at the professor closely. In his hand he held a lighted candle. She frowned. "Where are you going?" 

Severus was wrapped in his cloak ever so tighter, but underneath she noticed he was wearing a long dark grey night shirt and his feet were bare. 

"Nowhere. It's non of your concern." 

He brushed passed her and continued down the hall. Taya ran to keep up. She swallowed and prepared to voice her thoughts.

"You can't sleep again can you? You are going to get that letter aren't you?" Severus looked if he was about to commit murder, but his voice remained unchanged. She held out the parchment towards him. He grabbed it from her.

"You read it I suppose?"

"It was addressed to me." 

"It was private."

"Then you shouldn't have left it where people could find it. What if one of the students-"

"You... you BLASTED GIRL." His voice rose to a shout and his whole body tensed. His hands were fists. She saw the white of his knuckles and for an actual second thought he was going to lash out physically. Severus forced himself to relax, force his voice to calm. He knew he'd never lash out physically, not any more, especially not at a woman, the woman who had slithered under his restraints, battled her way into his psyche, the woman he dared even to admit to himself he loved. 

"You have read it then?" He said in a flat unemotional tone.

"Yes," she admitted demurely. She noticed something momentarily flicker on his face then it was gone replaced by his usual narrowing of the eyes and furrowing of the brow. 

"Are you still having nightmares?" 

"Leave me alone." he muttered. "You've done enough damage."

"What? " Hurt was registered in her voice. "What do you mean by that? What damage. I've done nothing to you." 

"You kissed me remember. Why did you kiss me? You humiliated me in front of the entire class."

"If I remember correctly you seemed rather to deep in lust to notice." Severus' jaw clamped. Taya noticed a tiny vain throbbing on his forehead, stress was welling up inside him again.

"You're going to burst a blood vessel, Professor," she said in her best intimidating tone and scowled nastily, but Severus didn't seem to notice he was staring at a point on the wall. Finally he spun around, hands on hips and glowered down at her.

"Why did you have to read the bloody letter?"

"Curious."

"There is a Muggle saying," he said. "Curiosity _killed_ the cat."

"Well, perhaps the cat does like to get it's paws wet once in a while. I'm the one who has to live with your feelings battering my mind all the time," she said prodding him with one finger in the centre of his chest. She was enraged and realised what he was indicating at. "Are you threatening me?" 

"Perhaps I am," he spat and she made a small strangled noise in frustrated desperation. Taya through up her hands in defeat.

"I'm the one who has to deal with your rapes as if they happened to me." Severus stopped dead, all colour drained from his face.

"How do you know that?" His voice trembled.

"I have this blasted gift. Remember." She tapped her head. "I've seen it."

"Why did you not tell me before? Had I known that you saw that I-"

"How could I, you barely let me say one word with out snapping my head off. There's nothing I can do about it except live with it. I can feel you here..." She pressed her hand to her heart. Her voice softened, her eyes burning, "...all the time and there isn't anything that can take it away. Even being out of the county, living away from you, with other people doesn't make it any easier. You can try and shield your feeling from me, but in the end they will always break through. Don't you see. Even when I'm asleep I feel you." He didn't reply.

"For Pete's sake." She pulled him forward, slid her arms tightly around his body, reached up on tip toes and kissed him, he didn't respond, he didn't move, he didn't even pull away. 

She released him, desperate to force passionate emotion from him. It was futile. Confused and ashamed she turned to walk away.

"Wait," he called. She turned back and noticed that his fingers were pressed to his lips. "Very well I agree to talk about it, but on one condition." She stared at him with pleading tear filled eyes. 

"We really do need to talk about it. All of this. Tell me?"

"Promise that you don't try and force it out of me."

"Of cause not, Professor." Taya brushed her fingers against his cheek and he closed his eyes. "Come on. My room is nearest from here."

Severus took a step back. "What makes you think I will go with you tonight?"

She smiled sadly. "Do you have much choice? You either have another nightmare and then I can't sleep, or you start thinking about what we have just said and avoid me at all costs. We can't ignore this forever, Severus. I plan staying around longer than the previous DATDA professors."

Something made Severus Snape follow her to her room, whether it was genuine longing or an obligation he wasn't sure. 

Together they stepped into the warm comfort of her abode and she led Severus to one of the chairs by the fire. He was shivering she realised. He sat down on the edge of his chair stiffly and gazed into the flames. Taya knelt down beside him.

"Professor Snape?" 

He finally turned to her, uncertainty touched his face. She reached out and gently brushed a finger over his lips. He felt her move closer, then arms wrapped around him. Taya pulled him against her. To her surprise there wasn't any resistance and she held him. Severus didn't struggle. Instead he broke down sobbing silently against her shoulder.

She pulled his face up and met his eyes. Tears streaked down his cheeks and she wiped them away. 

"I feel so foolish."

"Why?"

"It is obvious why you have brought me here." She was silent. "I've never as so much touched...a woman." Taya shook her head.

"You're not foolish, you're just inexperienced. It doesn't make you any less worthy of it. Besides, better starting later than never at all." She smiled. "And I'll enjoy teaching you."

"Then it appears that the tables have been turned," he muttered darkly and stood. Severus was flushing, then the coldness in his eyes returned. "The prospect of one of my ex-students teaching the teacher about sex, ridiculas." He pulled away and stood. _Why me? Of all the men in this ruddy school. You pick me._

She seemed to read his mind. "Because, because..." She shrugged. "I don't know. I only know that this was meant to be."

"I am old enough to be your father," he stated heavily. 

"So what! I like older men." Severus winced.

"I sometimes wonder whether I'd be better off alone. If it hadn't been for that kiss I would never-"

"It's not my fault Severus," she whimpered.

"This is bloody ridiculas."

"Why is it ridiculas?"

"Before you came along I was at least content with being an old miserable git."

"Severus," She stepped soundlessly over to him, "You have to learn to let go of the past and embrace the future."

"Easy words for you my dear, but ... the past has shaped my future and nothing or anyone can change who I am."

"I know you can't change who you are. I don't want you to be anyone else but yourself, but you can change your ideas, your motivations, your wants. Needs." Severus looked sour. " Didn't you have anything to aspire to when you were young?"

"Aspirations are for the-"

"Never mind." She sighed and looked down at the smooth stone floor.

"There was one thing." Taya gazed up and noticed the anxiety in his face. His sallow complexion paling even more and his dark doleful eyes were glazed and sombre. He appeared to be debating his next proclamation.

"And what would that be?"

Severus swallowed. Taya noticed the slight tremble of his lips and feared for a moment whether he was going to weep again.

She got up.

"Tell me," she anwhispered into his mouth. For a brief moment his mouth brushed against hers and she felt the exhalation of air caress her slightly parted lips.

"To be loved," he whispered. 

__

She was drowning, falling into a dark whirlpool that was his eyes. And she was being pulled into them, spinning faster and faster into the dark inky depth of his vision. 

She landed and felt the sensation of the floor under feet and her arms- Her fingers seemed to move forward as if daring. Daring to reach out and touch the man before her. A stranger. 

A dark depressing shadow seemed to rest upon her mind and she was faintly aware of the sound of weeping. But Severus wasn't crying, at least not on the outside. Inside he was trapped inside a labyrinth of despair which he could not escape. The sad thing was the despair was his own doing. The only way to rid himself of the pain was to let go.

Taya realised she was inside his mind, but he didn't seem to care. She wasn't even sure he realised it himself. Severus was cloaked in his own darkness. She reached out with her mind and grabbed the thing she was focusing on. It was dense, dark and clammy. Smoke filled the empty space between her mind and his. She struggled to see into him. Only after a few blind moments she realised that he was projecting the smoke himself. A defence mechanism. 

His mind was ragged and broken at the seams. Despair was choked at every corner, heavy morbid images of chaos and disillusion were shoved at her and she fought with ever ounce of integrity not to be swallowed down into the dark murkiness that was his conscience.

Someone screamed. It was a bitter twisted sound of pure hate. That hate, that sound she realised was coming from her. She hated what they had done to him. They had torn at his battered withering mind and soul not only raping his body, but his mind also. It may not have been a physical or physiological act thrust upon him but it was there neither the less. They had sought his mind in whatever way means and invaded it by force.

Taya found herself spiralling down a dark tunnel then she saw light. She felt the breath in her lungs, the feel of his taut body pressed against hers.

"It was necessary for them to get the required information. Sometimes I couldn't access it from my own memories so they took it by force." It was his voice. He was speaking to her. Reality seemed to crash down and she was back inside her own mind.

"Death Eaters," she murmured to herself. "Painful?"

"Indeed. Something's I have witnessed were so traumatic that the only way they could gather the necessary information was to search my mind."

"That's so terrible," she intoned. 

Severus nodded once.

"But it was necessary. It was part of the job. I had chosen my path. I took it and excepted it."

"They are bastards. All of them, " she raged.

"You may have called me one too if you had known me then."

"Oh Sev." She slid her arms about his waist and rested her head against his chest. "That was a long long time ago."

__

You may not be so compassionate if you had witnessed it at first hand, he thought. 

"I think you've found it." 

"What?"

"What you have been looking for," she murmured into the fabric of his cloak. He felt her warm breath penetrate through to his skin. 

"What are you droning on about?"

"I've got the key to the locked door." 

"Stop those confounded riddles woman!"

Taya laughed out loud.

"You don't get it?"

"NO."

"Your aspiration."

"What? Have you lost your mind?"

"I love you," she said simply. 

Never before did he feel such a wanting desire to simply melt into her embrace, but he pulled abruptly away when he heard those words.

"You can not possibly love me. This infliction you have has clouded all rational reasoning. I am a horrible person. Many can testify for that."

"They obviously don't know you very well and they've never seen into your heart." Severus shivered despite the comforting warmth of the room.

"I know what I feel Severus, gift or no gift. It's there and it stays."

"I must leave. This is obviously the result of excess hormones on my part." 

He turned towards the doorway. Taya was shortly at his side. 

"Don't clam up Sev. I know this is difficult for you and you're embarrassed. Scares you to death doesn't it?" She caught him there, right in the centre of his heart. He turned his head and looked down at her.

"I am scared." He was shocked by his own admittance. Taya didn't seem to hear him and was beginning to feel defeated. He was as stubborn as a ox.

"You can go if you want to. I won't force you to stay." Severus swallowed, mustering up courage and enough intrepidity to avoid running from her when the going got to tough to handle.

"No, I want to stay here with you." She smiled gentle.

"Did you really read all of that letter?" He asked pulling it out of the inside pocket of his cloak.

"Yes." She lowered her head feeling terribly guilty.

"Here, It is addressed to you after all." He offered it to her. Graciously she took it from him.

"I'm truly sorry Severus. If there is anything I can do to re-pay you. It was a terrible breach of privacy. I shouldn't have taken it."

"It was after all addressed to you."

"Well yes, but-"

"Read to me. Aloud."

Taya looked shocked. "What? Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Okay then." She sat down in the adjacent chair, took the letter from the envelope, carefully unfolding before she began. 

Afterwards when she looked up and saw his face, slightly flushed from both embarrassment and the reflection of flames from the fire he spoke.

"It was difficult to write. "

"I'm sure. It was very brave of you."

"Brave?" He smiled slightly. "How could I be brave? I never intended for you to read it."

"Yes, but you wrote your true feelings down. That is a very brave thing to do in itself." The professor snorted. "It's true. You've always bottled up your feeling and to put them into words-"

"It is juvenile foolishness."

"Did it make you feel any better though?" Severus thought about this for a long while then looked up.

"Are you playing my therapist now?"

"Don't be silly." She frowned at him.

"You flatter yourself."

"Severus, you don't have to hide behind any false pretences with me. You are avoiding the question."

"And the question being?"

"Did it help writing it down?"

"Yes," he finally said. 

"Then that's good isn't it?"

"How can it be good. I can not keep from thinking about you. I am at an awkward predisposition."

"Why? It's not bad to feel vulnerable. It's human. It makes you human."

"But I am not human."

"Don't be daft."

"I was a Death Eater. I have done terrible things."

"What about the terrible things done to you?"

"There is no solace for what I did. I joined the warriors of the Dark Lord."

"You are still living in a self made purgatory, Severus. Your crime was long ago as I keep telling you. You've served your crime. Your punishment is over." She moved over to him and leaned in close taking his face between her hands.

"Your only crime now is isolating yourself from the world. You deserve to be loved by someone special enough, patent enough to show you, guide you through the difficult times ahead. I'm not saying it's going to be easy, it wont. Please open your heart, just a fraction like you did in that letter." He looked down cast. "For me?"

He managed a weak nod. Taya smiled. She gazed at the roaring fire then threw the letter onto it. The parchment curled and smoked as the flames ignited, destroying it. 

"I want you to love me," he whispered softly into her ear.

"I already do. Our love will be like those igniting flames," she whispered. "Burning forever. And beside we don't want our precious love letters getting into the mitts of those children." He was about to say something when she interrupted. "Come on let me lay you down." Severus pulled away but was abruptly held and led to her bed. She pulled off his cloak then proceeded to unbutton the night shirt. He simply stared at her with those huge unfathomable dark eyes, but tensed when he felt her fingers slide under his shirt and caress bare skin.

"I know you've wanted this for a long time. Oh god, I've wanted it too," she said with a sigh and finished unbuttoning the thin grey fabric and pulled it open. 

"I feel your desperation," she murmured while running her fingers over his temples and sensed the subliminal longing in his heart.

Taya heard a feeble "No," as she ran her hand over the slight curve of his belly. Her reaction to his pale scarred skin was shock. 

"Oh Gods. How did you get these?" She slid her fingers over the deep scars as if her touch could melt them away then focused on a particularly deep one across his throat, silvery now but for a time it must have been an ugly obtrusive purple slash.

"They beat me."

She pushed him back against the pillow and climbed onto the bed beside him, her touch never leaving him. Severus finally let his eyes close as her mouth met his and a tender kiss progressed.

"Severus what happened to you?" She said after a time of quiet reflection.

"It a long story. I don't like to think about it much."

"I can understand," she whispered. "But please tell me what happened to you." 

"Perhaps another time." Taya gazed at clock on the mantelpiece. It said quarter past four.

"You are right," she murmured. "I have a class to teach early tomorrow, first period."

"And I am fatigued," he said. Taya nodded. 

He got to his feet and abruptly re-fastened his night robes then grabbed the black cloak. Severus turned to the door then stopped. "If you love me that much please understand that I need some time alone to digest this evenings little chat."

"Of cause." Un-expectantly he took her hand and lightly planted a kiss on it before she pulled it away. Taya smiled almost shyly and felt her cheeks flush.

"Goodnight Miss Matterson," he said then glided with his usual customary grace out of her rooms towards his own quarters.

"Good night Professor," she whispered behind him.


	8. Chapter 08

****

Chapter 8

Rabbits **And Rain Clouds**

She was late. Breakfast had started twenty minutes earlier. It had taken her a considerable amount of time to catch the rodent, a tiny snow white lop eared rabbit. She growled at her predicament as she carried the small burden down towards the great hall. She was already in a bad mood, but she couldn't resist the rabbit and the fact that the tiny creature was cute. _Beyond cute_, she thought. 

Upon finding the animal sniffing about outside her room she lifted it into her arms, stroking absently through the soft dense fur as she carried him down the stairs.

The rabbit didn't struggle at all. It seemed quite content sitting in the palm of her hand, nose twitching, eyes darting as if in wonder at the new unfamiliar surroundings. It seemed quite tame, well cared for and rather chubby. It's long white coat was well brushed and tangle free as if it's owner took a lot of deliberate time and care over it.

It must have belonged to one of the children, but how it had escaped the dormitory and ended up outside her chambers remained a mystery. This bunny was obviously well loved, she thought. Probably breaking some child's heart if they knew that their beloved pet had escaped.

"You must be hungry little fella," she whispered into the creatures' fur.

The hall was just around the corner. She stepped through the double doors and proceed towards the high table. She felt a strange sensation of unease. Granted she was late which wasn't that unusual for her, but there was something else nagging at the corner of her mind and it wasn't the tiny rabbit she was cradling. 

The students had already started eating and a few had already left, thus savouring half an hour or so before the lessons started. She looked down at each table in turn. The Gryffindor table was virtually empty. Most of then had undoubtedly scoffed down their breakfast in haste. It didn't surprise her because the entire house was off on a visit.

The other houses appeared vaguely perplexed or to put it mildly grumpy. Taya smiled and remembered her first school visit with her class mates. It had been an enjoyable experience, a fun day out visiting the old mystical ruins of Glastonbury Tor. The entire place reeked with the pungent smell of magic and mystery.

She came back to the present immediately when she realised that one of the teachers were missing. Her eyes darted, searching. 

Slightly panicked she joined the fellow teachers and staff at the table at the front. Professor Dumbledore waved her a good morning. Minerva McGonagall smiled and another fellow with whom she had never seen before nodded. She was soon met with a familiar welcoming scent of buttered toast as it drifted to her nostrils. Taya's stomach rumbled. She realised how hungry she was and sat down next to the headmaster.

"How are we this fine morning?" He said while buttering a third slice of toast. Obviously no one had noticed the tiny rabbit. Gently she pushed it towards Dumbledore.

"Okay I 'spose." She shrugged. "Albus I found this." Professor McGonagall smiled. "Outside my rooms. One of the children must have lost him."

"Or her," called a short stout witch wearing a long midnight blue pointed hat with a kink near it's tip.

"Oh dear me," said the headmaster grinning slightly. He took the tiny bundle off Taya and stood up to address the remaining children in the hall. "Everyone please may I have your attention." There was sudden silence in the hall. Taya saw the worried childish faces. Why would Professor Dumbledore interrupt in the middle of a meal unless something most grave was happening.

"Miss Matterson has found this rather charming fellow. Please come to the high table who ever owns him." Nobody moved. The children swapped mystified glances at each other.

"The child who the rabbit belongs to must have left," said Taya taking the rabbit back into her hands. "I better take care of it until they realise he is missing."

"I'll have a notice pinned up," Dumbledore retorted and stroked the creatures small head. Abruptly he pulled out his wand from robes. Waving it about, a carrot appeared out of thin air. Taya smiled as the headmaster offered the vegetable to the rabbit. It sniffed cautiously at first then started to nibble at the tip.

"Any interesting news to report back," asked the elderly wizard inconspicuously.

"Regarding?"

"Just wondered how you and Professor Snape were getting along. I heard he was avoiding you. Is that true?" Taya sighed then frowned. 

__

How does he know? "He's finding it a bit difficult to handle I think."

"That figures." Dumbledore turned away and gazed along the table at Madam Pince, the school librarian. "My dear would you be kind enough to pass me the strawberry jam?"

"Of cause Headmaster," she replied in a rather snobbish voice. 

While Dumbledore was spreading himself a generous helping of jam Taya continued.

"I spoke to him last night or was it early this morning?" She frowned down at her porridge and gazed un-expectantly across the teachers table. 

"Not sleeping again I gather?" He said referring to Professor Snape. Taya gave the headmaster a sideways glance. 

She gently placed the rabbit, along with it's carrot onto the table directly in front of her then noticed the definite sneer of disapproval on Professor McGonagall's face. As much as the Gryffindor head of house found the rabbit cute she obviously regarded it being placed on the table rather unethical. 

"Albus," she stated. "Is it wise to have a rabbit sitting on the table while we eat?"

He smiled at her. "I'm sure he/she is quite safe Minerva." McGonagall made a humf sound and stuck her nose up at the headmaster before promptly turning around to address the person sitting at her other side. The rabbit mean while continued to happily munch it's way through the carrot. Dumbledore conjured up a leaf of cabbage.

"What were we saying?" 

"About Professor Snape," Taya reminded him.

"Oh yes. He's not sleeping to well then?"

"No. I don't think he is," she muttered while avoiding the distinct questioning in the elderly man's blue eyes. "Tell me Uncle Albus have you seen him this morning?"

"Professor Snape? Oh no dear. I thought perhaps-" Taya shot him an angry look. 

"No I haven't," she said crisply.

"Forgive an old wizard. I hope you don't mind me saying so, but I thought he spent the night with you."

"Still up to your intuitive tricks again are we?" Dumbledore smiled. Sometimes he un-nerved her. The headmaster did seem to know everything that was going on in Hogwarts. Sometimes the very building gave her the impression that it was alive. She got the distinct perception that the walls had eyes and ears. It gave her the creeps since she was a child. _Perhaps it was the ghosts,_ she thought.

"Now now my dear Taya. You know I didn't mean to be personal. I just thought-"

"Well he didn't stay and I certainly didn't." she snapped regretting the sharp tone in her voice.

"Speaking like a true Slytherin, child."

Taya smiled weakly. "I'm sorry Uncle Albus. I'm feeling a bit under the weather I guess."

"How so?" The headmaster dropped his toast onto the plate and gave her his full attention. 

"Lack of sleep too I think." She shook her head. "I'm worried about him. Last night something happened." She swallowed. "I shouldn't really be telling you this it's very personal."

"You have my complete confidence Taya. This will remain purely a secret between the two of us."

"Okay." She nodded. "Last night. Well, Severus and I were talking then something happened. I was kind of sucked into his eyes. I don't understand it. Then I began to feel a pull and the next second I was inside."

"Inside?" Dumbledore frowned.

"Yes. Inside him. His mind. It's never happened like that before. I mean we were just taking. It was quite scary. I've always had some kind of control however slight, but I've never been sucked directly into his brain like that. It's always been more like an outside impression."

"Perhaps if it bothers you that much will Poppy be able to-?" Taya registered the concern in his voice but shook her head.

"No Albus. I can't. The thing is, I saw things. Terrible feeling and images. It was awful. Worse than what I've seen before. I'm frightened that I wont be able to help him because of my own fears. What if I get pulled back in again some how and I can't free myself? It was totally out of my control. I don't think he even knew I was there at first."

"You see my dear, what I have read about your ability is that in a moment of... um shall we say passion you will feel this tugging and you may even link together telepathically." 

"I know that," she whispered almost inaudibly. "I thought I had rein over it, I thought I could now control it to a certain degree. I feel like I did before as a kid who has just realised it." Taya shook her head. "We were just talking and then it happened."

"Passion can mean anything my dear."

"I see. Then you think-?" Dumbledore abruptly looked in the other direction and raised his hand. 

"Ah my dear Professor Snape how nice for you to join us." Dumbledore smiled up at the tall dark figure approaching the front table. Taya swallowed and felt her stomach lurch slightly. It was like seeing him for the first time every time he stepped near.

Severus nodded at the remainder of the teachers sat at the table then finally glanced at Dumbledore and Taya. 

"Headmaster, Miss Matterson." He sat down next to her and poured himself a cup of tea then noticed the rabbit. His mouth went dry.

"Are you all right?" She looked concerned and Severus felt her hand lightly brush his under the table. Then she noticed his fixed gaze on the rabbit. "Oh... and yes meet our new friend. Flopsy here decided to go for a morning stroll. Funny I found him outside my door."

Severus swallowed.

"Her name isn't Flopsy," he said gravely. Taya frowned and watched him curiously. He scowled, sitting as still as a statue, arms folded across his chest.

"Her?"

"Hum." He tried to appear un-nerved, but she noticed a slight twitch to the mouth. 

"How do you know?" Black eyebrows knotted together into an angry frown that was muted considerably due to the red flush radiating his normally wan cheeks. 

A slight mischievous smile lifted the corners of Taya's mouth.

"It's... it's Jym Jams," he muttered.

"Jym Jams? Alas. Severus please enlighten us." Dumbledore abruptly stared at the blushing professor while trying to repress a chuckle.

"Before you ask anymore ridiculas questions of me," he spat, "yes she is mine and no she isn't for the cauldron." Both Taya and Dumbledore looked mystified.

"Oh... My... God," some one blurted out near the far ends of the table. Severus flushed even more then realised with relief that the wizard who had shouted out those words was talking to his neighbour about something completely different.

"You own a bunny?" Taya questioned wide eyed and mystified. The potions master suppressed a groan, but rolled his eyes. Jym Jams abruptly looked up as if realising she was being talked about and bunny hopped over to the potions master. He picked her up. The rabbit closed it's eyes savouring the moment of being snuggled in her master's warm hands.

"Yes." He nodded. "She must have got out last night. I carelessly left my door unlocked."

"She must have known you were with me for a while. She was sniffing under my door."

"She could probably smell you," pointed out Dumbledore. 

"But didn't you notice that she was missing last night?" Questioned Taya.

"No." Severus gazed down at the white fluff ball. "I was tired. She normally doesn't venture out very far, especially outside my rooms. I hadn't known that I'd left the door open."

"It was lucky I found her. You would never have lived it down if it was one of the students."

Severus stiffened uncomfortably.

"I see you are enjoying this." 

"We don't mean to embarrass you. It was so...unexpected."

"Indeed. I expected if you had a pet at all it would have been a large black hairy tarantula," said the headmaster with a grin.

"Or a snake," Taya said.

"Too obvious my dear. Severus here is full of surprises." The headmaster appeared deep in thought. "Maybe a reptile, but never a fluffy little bunny." Severus forced a smile. Had his face not have been of flesh and blood it would have most certainly cracked.

"Why do you keep a rabbit anyway?" Asked Taya.

"Is it that incredible that I have a familiar?" 

"Well, no..."

"You just didn't seem to be the person to care for rodents as pets, not as potion ingredients," interjected the elder man. "And how long have you been keeping this little secret from us Severus?"

Severus fumed beneath the surface and felt that his blood close to boiling point. 

"Since you appear to want every little bloody detail I suppose I will get no rest until I tell you," he snapped angrily.

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled.

"I was visiting Diagon Alley when..." he paused, "there was this shop." Abruptly Severus hid the rabbit under the table when he caught Hagrid gazing at him. Knowing the gentle giant's fondness for animals Severus knew that he would be over in a shot. "I intended only to buy potion ingredients, but I saw this tiny lone rabbit all by itself, obviously ment for the pot so I..." He shook his head. Under the table no one could catch him gently petting Jym Jams. 

"You felt sorry for her?" whispered the girl.

"Yes."

"Oooooh that is soooo very sweet. You do have a soft spot." Severus narrowed his eyes, his glare as cold and as sharp as daggers.

"Under normal circumstances I would not have looked twice. I was obviously quite deranged at the time." Both Taya and Dumbledore laughed, but from the look on the other man's face he was deadly serious and they quickly silenced. 

"May I now forgo any further humiliation?"

"Of cause, of course." Dumbledore's eyes however could not hide his amusement because the potions master obviously saw so.

"Headmaster!" He exclaimed, as if the other man had just spat out something rather nasty. 

"Oh alas poor Severus. I am truly sorry."

"Severus took on his customary sneery expression and straightened as if out of habit. "And I must apologise for my lameness. I am late because I over slept then I tried to find my rabbit." Taya smiled. She was feeling love, compassion and a strange softness towards the potions master. The uncertain fear that had temporarily grasped her before the discovery that 'Jym Jams' belonged to Severus vanished.

Dumbledore was now standing along with the rest of the adults in the room. The children were now long gone and the great hall was virtually empty save for the few teachers and Hagrid. Taya commented silently to herself that Filch and his cat Mrs Norris hadn't been present. For that matter she hadn't seen Hogwarts' caretaker for a couple of weeks now. She looked at Dumbledore as he passed her by. He smiled faintly, gave a paternal squeeze on her shoulder, nodded then was about to leave with two witches, a wizard and the half giant Hagrid who was informing him about a strange two headed snake he had recently come across when he stopped.

"Oh I forgot to tell you we are having a temporary caretaker for a couple of weeks while Mr Filch is off on holiday. Guess what?" He didn't give them time to reply and continued. "He actually took my recommendation to have a holiday. He's gone to Cornwall to visit relatives. I still can't get used to the fact he's gone for a while. Mind you..." his eyes twinkled. "...that cat did get on my nerves a bit." Taya chuckled and thought that the cat as well as Filch got on her nerves quite a lot more than a bit. Not that she was going to tell Professor Dumbledore.

She caught a questing glance from the potions master and smiled sweetly at him.

"So Headmaster who has been employed?" Asked Severus.

"Yes. That's just the problem. We have someone in recommendation but he's been proving a bit allusive." Dumbledore scratched his nose. "Don't know whether to try again or wait a bit longer."

"And who is this fellow?"

"Hum, a man calling himself Sylvester Cloppe." Severus was frowning. "Heard of him Professor?"

"Not that I can remember." The headmaster nodded.

"Well then, good day to you both and regards to Jym Jams." Severus glowered vengefully. Obviously the discovery of the rabbit had amused some people. The headmaster found it charming that the cold lonely potions master would choose a fluffy little bunny rabbit for a companion. "Oh and Taya..." He winked inconspicuously then passed.

The only two remaining were the potions master and the defence against the dark arts teacher. 

Severus spoke.

"I must make my departure Taya. I have blasted first years to teach in ten minutes. The accursed creatures will no doubt be turning my classroom inside out even before I step through the door."

"They can't be that bad?"

"Trust me. Potions and brats don't make an amenable combination. Sometimes I wonder at the absurdity of it all." For a few moments he was silent. "Can I see you again tonight?" Professor Snape asked. Taya smiled then hugged him quickly.

"Yes of cause you can."

"Thank you. I believe I was going to tell you about my life." Her eyebrows raised slightly at his rather cryptic and dramatic statement.

"Okay. Tonight then. My room? Nine O'clock?"

"If you wish. The dungeons are rather chilling this time of year." 

__

Aren't they always? She thought.

Precisely at nine that evening Severus arrived. Taya had left her door unlocked so he could see himself in. Cautiously he stepped into the warm comforting room and was immediately embraced by the woman he loved. For a moment he was taken aback. She was wearing a stunning velvet emerald dressing gown that accentuated her equally stunning green eyes. 

It left Severus Snape with a lump in his throat for a minute. Did she require more than he could give tonight? He found himself wondering whether she was wearing anything under it. She noticed the look on his face and smiled.

"I've just had a bath. Pointless getting dressed again. Do you mind taking your shoes off. I know it sounds silly but old habits don't die. Mum was always moaning at us for not taking our shoes off when coming indoors." Taya took a moment to gaze out of the window before pulling the drapes closed. The black sky was clear and the stars illuminated the heavens and Severus pulled his boots off. 

"I'm glad you came. I did wonder," she commented turning back to him.

"You doubted me?"

"A little bit." 

"I have a confession to make," Severus stated abruptly.

"Oh?"

"A little white lie."

"And what might that be?"

"I nearly didn't go to breakfast. It was true that I over slept but only by about five minutes then I was looking for Jy...my rabbit but I was in truth I was a little afraid to see you."

"Me?" She hugged him again then abruptly pulled off his cloak, folded it neatly and placed it down on a chair. Taya withdrew her wand from her gown and pointed it at the other large arm chair facing the fire. She muttered a silent spell and the chair grew and swelled to a size that would accommodate both of them. "Will you sit down Professor?" Obediently he took his place by the fire. Un-expectantly she kissed his forehead. "Would you like a drink? Tea or something. I've not got anything alcoholic mind you."

"No thank you." She sat down beside him curled up close and gazed into the dancing flames.

"I-"

"I bel- Please go ahead my dear."

"It's funny, but I actually seem lost for words."

"It is a miracle," he said under his breath. Taya giggled and slid her arms around his body.

"You have a sly dry sense of humour, Severus. It suits you perfectly." The potions master's facial expression was strange. "You were joking weren't you?" He managed to make a very slight, but barely discernible smile, but a smile neither the less.

"I believe you wished to know more about me?"

"Yes. Well, we know you have a pet rabbit and..." She shrugged. 

"What would you like to know?"

"Fave colour? Let me guess bright pink." He made a sound that was almost like a smothered laugh.

"See you can do it Severus. You laughed."

"I am utterly serious Madam, if you don't mind."

"Okay. Tell me about your childhood. Did you have many friends?" This time his lightened expression darkened to something far more sombre that touched the outer edges of pain. "You don't have to tell me anything that's too painful mind you," she added. The professor nodded then began.


	9. Chapter 09

****

Chapter 9

Severus' Story

"I was a Death Eater as you know." He swallowed and waited for a reaction from her. When none came he continued. "My mother died when I was still a baby. I never new my father he left before I was born. My mother was thrown quite un-expectantly into a group of Death Eaters, she was claimed by one and became his consort. When she died I was dumped at an orphanage. I spent many years living there as a Muggle in a Muggle orphanage. After all I myself aren't of true blood. Why they didn't kill me I've no idea, but there you go, 

"They were hard times. The people were cruel and beat us regularly. To a child under the age of six that was terrifying. It was like living in the past not the twenty first century,

"The building itself was previously used as an asylum. Only recently before had it been refurbished to cater for children. Mostly children found on the streets. They were very strict there. One foot out of line and you were in deep trouble. It was a crushing sort of grey desperation, rooted with a deep foreboding depression. No individuality, no artistic aspirations, literature was scarce, dusty, archaic, if at all. I would just do my best to blend into the walls'

"Of cause they all thought I was mad."

"Why?" Taya shifted herself onto an elbow and studied him. Severus turned to face her and was met with a soft kiss.

"I was the small, shy child that no one wanted to talk to, who spoke only to the walls and invisible people. Sometimes things happened. Items disappeared only to reappear days or weeks later. I was punished for that. The adults thought I was deranged. I saw ghosts, spectres, dead people. The orphanage was haunted, after all it had been an asylum." He shrugged slightly. "It is difficult to remember exactly. A child's impression. I block most of it out. Childhood for me was one of those unpleasant events I just had to get through, not to be enjoyed. Innocence was lost years ago."

"But they must have let you play sometimes?" Severus laughed a bitter sound of remorse, tinged with horror at the memories flooding back into his mind.

"Of course not. Playing was for weaklings. We had no toys, no games, nothing. We lived in two dormitories. One for the girls the other for the boys. We weren't allowed to mix however. We never saw any of the girls. Sometimes we even wondered whether they actually existed, or whether they were just figments of our imagination."

"Then there weren't any female wardens, teachers?"

"Not that I can remember. Each year was kept separated from the next. If there were any women then they must have kept to the other years, 

"The Headmaster was a cruel man. Sometimes I would hear children screaming and bury my head in shame. I dread to think what they did to those poor creatures."

"But what about you?" 

"They never abused me that way if that is what you are thinking." He shook his head and shot a rueful expression towards her. "I think they were a little afraid of me. I could do things, remember? Like I said, make things vanish. Some people said I was devil spawn, others commented on my apparent lack of intelligence."

"But you're the most intelligent man I've ever known. How? How can they say that to a little boy?"

"They wanted to keep us in order. Fear was an adapt way to discipline powerless children."

"Didn't the social services have any idea what was going on?"

"How should I possibly know that?" He spoke if it was the most distinct thing in the world, words tinged with obvious, but subtle sarcasm. "We were living in the middle of nowhere, no roads, no Muggle automobiles. All I could see were fields in every direction, and dead trees. I wouldn't know one way or the other if anyone else knew about us, 

"When I was eight I'd had enough of that place and escaped. Ran away if you like. I was surprised how easy it was to leave. Perhaps they thought that no one in their right mind would try and escape. There wasn't really anywhere to run to other than the country side. After all I was thought of as mad."

"Did they ever catch you? What happened?"

"I would assume that the orphanage was located near London because that is where I went. It look many days on foot. And as a starving frightened child it seemed all that more worse." 

__

How can it be any worse, wondered Taya. She eased his head onto her chest, her hand reached up stroking his hair.

"I was finally discovered by this man called Mister Rastlemouth. I told him who I was and he recognised my name. He told me I was a special person. He promised me warmth, food and kindness. Rastlemouth noticed my gifts and for a half blood he thought I was very cleaver and had potential. Unknown to me the man was in league with 'You Know Who.' After a few days I was smuggled out of what you may call genuine humanity and into the clutches of the Death Eaters. I had no chance against the world alone. I lived the next few years with..." his voice broke off into a quiver. Taya feared he was weeping but from the look on his face, his expression was remote and guarded.

"It's okay, you don't have to tell me anymore if you don't want to." Severus looked up at her and took a deep breath.

"I'm...fine," he murmured the continued. "I lived with this family, the Fiendlows. They taught me many things and told me I was a wizard. Of cause I didn't believe them at first. Only when things started to happen at a more regular basis that I believed. For a while I actually felt happy there. They clothed me, the mother even gave me a few toys to play with. She was actually quite kind, but elderly. She died soon after, leaving behind her only son and a daughter, 

"I learned more while living with that family than my entire seven year stay at Hogwarts and I only lived there for two years. I'm sure you have heard that when I first arrived here I new more about black magic than any second year and I was ten years of age,

"Professor Dumbledore had apparently known about me which was a small miracle in itself. He got me out of that situation and brought me here. I spent a whole year researching, studying the subjects I would be partaking in the next. Not until I was eleven I was permitted to study in classes like everyone else,

"I assumed the Headmaster wanted to allow me some personal freedom before the work began, but I felt at a loss. I was bored mostly, nothing captured my interest. I felt I had no one to commune with,

"I suppose I had an advantage over everyone else. I researched late into the night sometimes. I could never sleep properly, and Dumbledore granted me special permission to use the library up until midnight, way past curfew,

"That was very good of him," said Taya.

"Yes well," Severus looked down at knees. He look a long mornful sigh then looked Taya directly in the eye before drawing his attention to the large clock on the mantleplace. "I knew he always felt sorry for me, but I never understood why. I never felt sorrow for myself and had little time for those who did."

"But Severus, you were ten years old!"

"Yes. I felt like an old man trapped inside a child's body. I never felt content or releaved that I was now free." 

"I suppose I should have been grateful to Dumbledore, but I felt more alone than I ever had. I missed those people. I knew what they were doing was wrong, but they were the only people I could justify calling my family,

"I spent the entire eight years at Hogwarts never leaving once. Even during the summer holidays I remained within it's towers. I wanted to leave, wanted to go back to them and feel important again. I felt wanted and useful while living with them. I felt a kin with them, I blocked out the fact that what they were doing was harmful, not only to me but to hundreds of others." 

Severus closed his eyes for a moment, his mind filling with images, memories, some long lost and forgotten, while others remained as fresh and as vivid in intensity as the day he had experienced them. For a long while he sat in silence. The quiet broke the chilling jagged spell that seemed caste upon his mind.

He looked at the girl sitting beside him. Her expression was grave, her eyes empty. Taya turned her head, eyes widening slightly from the realisation that he was staring.

"Severus?"

"Forgive me." He stood up and turned away to stare into the fire. "I feel that we must cut this meeting short. I..."

"Hurting?"

"It's difficult speaking off this...so openly."

"I understand." She smiled and joined him by the fire place. Taya reached out to touch him but he pulled away. 

"You couldn't possibly understand," he snapped. She opened her mouth to say something, but closed it again when he continued. "You may have the ability to see into my mind but you can't possibly know what it was like for real. No one can." He sighed deeply with deliberate annoyance and touched fingers to his aching temples. "This was a bad idea. I...I should be going. Good night Miss Matterson." Taya looked down at the floor. Was she expecting too much from him? Was she pushing him too hard to get him to confide in her. The last thing she wanted was to shove him away.

Severus Snape slipped his boots on and then grabbed his cloak. He headed for the door while flinging the cape around his shoulders. His body felt like a heavy block of ice. Freezing needles of pain jabbed at his spine and the sickening wrenching sensation of nausea took hold of his abdomen. It felt as if his stomach was gorged with rocks, grinding and crashing against each other, pushing the bitter taste of bile up and into his throat. He felt the familiar feeling of burning in his gullet and the taste of acid. 

A disturbing heaviness pressed down onto his shoulders. In one way he wanted to just quietly take his place back down on the sofa, but in another he wanted to get away as quickly as possible and bury himself in the darkness of his dungeons. 

Just as he prepared to walk out on her something made him stop and turn around. In any other circumstance he would have kept going until he was safely consumed within the dark depth of Hogwarts' dungeons. Something, an attachment to this young woman and an uncharacteristic feeling of guilt halted him in mid stride.

"I...um, I'm sorry I was angry," he said, "but I need some time alone now. I need to think things through." 

Tears welled in Taya's eyes. She felt isolated from him, from his feelings, from her own feelings. Dark emotions were skimming the surface of her conscience. Pain was wracking at her brain. She saw from the look in his eyes he needed time away from her. 

For a brief second his iron clad control relaxed again. "I just need a few days, a week at the most." He thought for a moment. "In four days I will see you again." 

Taya's heart lurched in her chest. For a distinct moment she had thought he didn't want her any more. That he had reverted to his old broody, bitter self permanently. That the last few days had been a waste, that trying to get him to open up had been in vain. She smiled and reached out her hands, but didn't touch him.

"I would very much like to see you again." He nodded. "For a moment there I thought that I had lost you."

"You haven't lost me. Am I not still standing here?" She smiled again, a slender shiver of relief washed though her. His subtle attempt at humouring her had eased her distress.

"Thursday night then? The same time?" She stood stiffly waiting for his answer. Taya didn't realise her eyes were pleading.

"Thursday night." Severus turned and walked out of the door. 

Taya blew a small breath of air out between her lips and plopped down on the sofa. _Four days,_ she thought. _Just four days. Four long bloody days._

Those four days had been torturous for Taya, spending the evenings alone with only the echoes of his thoughts for company made her feel restless and unsettled. After the forth day he came to her room as promised and was rewarded with a crushing embrace and tender kisses.

"I missed you," he whispered while gazing into the fire that was her eyes. 

"I missed you too, love." She took his hand and held it in her lap. "I've been thinking." Taya paused while studying the intensity in his dark eyes. He was frowning slightly. 

"What is it?"

"I've been pushing you too hard." He made a slight face that plainly expressed that he agreed then raised a brow in consideration. "It's my fault and I'm bloomin' lucky that you decided to stay with me. You are right of cause."

"Indeed," he muttered under his breath. A weak smile touched Taya's lips. She looked down at her hand still clasped around his. At least he hadn't pulled it away. For extra conformation she squeezed tighter.

"I don't really understand, but I can try. That is all I can do Severus." He nodded.

"During the past four days I've been giving a lot of thought to US."

Her eyes widened. "Yea?" 

"And to Lilly."

"Lilly?" She frowned. "Who...?" 

"Despite what you may have heard or thought, I did love another, but it was years ago,

"I was seventeen and foolishly fell. I... fell in love with Lilly Evans, Potter to you. She married Harry's father James, a year after. Lilly had been my one and only true friend through my student years. I felt more lost than I ever felt in my entire life that last year. She had given me hope and the realisation that the Death Eaters were evil and gave me the strength to put all those terrible childhood experiences behind me,

"She ment a lot to you?"

"Yes. Obviously." Severus nodded. "We talked about everything. She knew my secrets and I hers. But she had everything, parents, friends, those who loved her. I had nothing but my memories."

"Didn't she know how you felt?"

Severus shook his head. "How could she? How could I tell her? Lilly had just became Potter's fiancée. She was swept up in it all. To foolhardy to notice what was happening around her. My world was breaking down around me. I realised that I truly was alone. I suppose it was bitterness that pushed me back into the dark side."

"The Death Eaters?"

"I was about to get to that," he snapped. Taya stiffened slightly beside him.

"Sorry Sev." 

"You are quite right," his voice softened a fraction then became hard and cold, "I joined the Death Eaters. They offered me the feeling of belonging when in truth they just utilised me to their advantages, 

"I kept it quiet that I was half Muggle. There were those if not all who wouldn't have hesitated to kill me on the spot. Somehow Voldemort always suspected. I have no idea why he didn't end it then but...then I met Lorsekruker. He knew of cause, being in some kind of an alliance with my mother, Alana Snape before I was born, 

"Voldemort soon betrayed my trust, I was nothing but his pawn, he exploited me. Voldemort gave me to him as a gift to use as he liked,

"Can you now see what you have got for a mate?" he raged. "A pathetic excuse for a man. To weak for his own good. To pitiful..."

"Shh" Fingers brushed against his lips. "They tortured you, broke your soul and expected you to just carry on. You are not pathetic Severus, you are traumatised. Only now you have really began to face it all. You have crossed the first path."

"What path?" 

"To freedom, to sanctuary. You don't believe it now, but in time."

"He raped me," he murmured in a voice barely a whisper, but choked with an intensity of quiet rage. "He raped me and he kept doing it. Voldemort just laughed at me and I thought he was my friend." Severus' throat felt painfully dry. "By day I made him his deadly concoctions, and at night..." 

"But you got away."

"Yes," came a stifled sob. "I got away."

"How?"

"Lord Voldemort wanted a spy. Dumbledore was a threat to his power. It was my only chance. I went to Hogwarts on Voldemort's request and told Albus everything, well not everything, but... The Headmaster is too kind for his own good you know. He gave me sanctuary here, I become a double agent. I have lived in this castle ever since."

"What happened to your Mum?"

"She was murdered by Lorsekruker when he had enough of her and she wanted out. He said she was his courtesan."

"Do you believe him?"

"I don't know," he muttered.

"Is your father still alive?" Severus looked up. His eyes were glassy, but were malevolent and full of hate. 

"I don't know," he said quietly turning to avoid Taya from seeing the darkness in his gaze. "If you are suggesting that I seek him...He left my mother because she was pregnant, and he couldn't cope with the idea that she was a witch." Taya nodded watching as he approached the fire place, and lay one hand against the mantle. Slowly she neared him and when contented that he wasn't going to do a run like the other evening lay a hand against his shoulder.

Severus shot around and was met with an unexpected gaze. She reached up and took his face between her hands and stroked his cheeks gently. He lowered his face not wanting her to see the tears that had began to gather in his eyes.

She pulled him closer and back into a warm embrace, arms circled him spreading a comforting warmth throughout his body. After deciding that the unshed tears wouldn't betray him he finally allowed himself to gaze at her smooth youthful face.

"You've been alone for too long Severus." He sighed and buried his face against her shoulder. 

"You've never made love have you?" She commented as she massaged his scalp with her fingertips.

"No," came a quiet shameful reply. He looked up. "I was only just twenty and still a virgin when he...when he raped me. I never knew what it felt like to be loved, never new the feelings, the sensations what some of the other boys in my year at Hogwarts described,

"Sometimes they disgusted me with their crude, blunt descriptions about... sex. I always believed that making love to someone should be special, they went on about it like it was nothing more important than the rain." Severus shrugged at his lame comparison. He stopped and wiped tears from his eyes. He was surprised how openly he was talking about sexual matters with her. 

For a long moment he studied her face. He noted that her expression was sombre but compassionate. She didn't judge him, didn't snigger or ask why he still retained his chastity at twenty like some would considering how liberated the nineteen seventies were. Some he gathered would laugh in his face. 

He lowered his eyes.

"Does it bother you that you've never...done it before?"

"Done it before?" He said sneering and broke away from her embrace and settled himself down on the sofa. "I have had it done to me hundreds of times before."

"I mean made love."

"Why should it?" He sounded wretched. "What I have not experienced I can not miss."

"I suppose, but I know you fantasise." He looked up suddenly but didn't answer. "And it still scares you." It wasn't a question it was a statement but he took it as the former.

"Yes."

"Of cause you are. You've only experienced the horrible wicked stuff. Not the nice, caring, loving side." Her expression was as lugubrious and as guarded as his. "Severus are you afraid of me?"

"No. I am afraid of what you might do to me."

"I would never force you," she said sadly. 

"I don't think I could ever... Not after what he did to me. Fantasies are different than real life. I feel safe in them."

"What makes you think I wont keep you safe for real?" He found he couldn't find an answer to that.

"I know you want me," he said. "You probably have conceptions about me in your head. I could never live up to your standards of expectations."

"I don't have any standards set, Severus. I just want to make you feel happy. If for any reason you give me something back then that's great, but my main goal is just to... make you feel happy and nice." She stepped over to him and pulled him back onto his feet.

"It takes time," Taya whispered, remembering Dumbledore's words, "patience and understanding. I've got all the patience in the world." Severus felt numb.

"I can never forget," he said as his mind found the memory of Lorsekruker again. "You will certainly need a lot of patience with me if you truly desire to be with me." A sad smile brushed her lips.

"You look really tired," she commented. "Let's have an early night. I gather you haven't been sleeping. He opened his mouth to protest but closed it again when she smiled gently and removed his jacket and trousers. "Just sleep," she re-assured him and took his hand.

****


	10. Chapter 10

****

Chapter 10

The Gift

His peaceful slumber was soon interrupted by the most incubus of nightmares.

Severus awoke. Screams of terror awoke Taya. This hadn't been the first time. She felt him pull away and watched as he ran across the room and drop down to the floor near the table and curl into a ball. She ran to him. Slid her arms around him, what more could she do to soothe him. He sobbed, the dream was so real, he ached, his body rejecting her caresses. Finally he calmed enough to let himself be taken back to her bed. She lay him down and wrapped her arms around him. 

"I feel you," she said in a whispered sob. "Oh, Severus. How can you cope with this night after night?" He cried in her arms, burying his face, to ashamed for her to see him. There was only one thing she could do and now nearly two weeks of his nightly terrors it was time she broke with her own fears and help him. It scared her but he was more important than her trepidation.

She slid her fingers under his wet hair, and pushed it off his face. Taya took deep breaths forcing herself to relax and she closed her eyes. 

"What are you doing?" He said between angry bitter sobs noticing that she appeared not to be doing anything.

"Shush now," she whispered. Severus struggled fear was clearly evident. "Relax your mind, We will go through this together."

"Please no," Realisation struck him like a heavy blow across the face. "Please I beg you. No." The words remnant from a certain memory came into his mind. "Oh Gods." He shook his head, eyes darting as if searching for an escape route. "I can't let you do this. No." His breathing laboured. Taya leaned in close.

"It's all right darling, you're safe now. You're with me. Well go through this together," she repeated. The memory of Lorsekruker invaded his mind. _You have my body but you'll never have my soul,_ how wrong had he been. Suddenly he felt his mind relax and Taya slid into him. She enveloped him, pulling him closer and closer into her, bathing his tortured mind in the glow of hers. 

The image of Severus' abuser came to her. She saw the dream, as real as if it had happened a moment ago, not thirty years in the past. Severus had been an innocent, his chastity taken from him by force. The man in blue raped him, broke his soul, never again could he live without the constant terror, the nightmares that coerced his soul atomising any kind of peace inside. Taya stroked his soul and captured it's essence into herself.

__

Feel me Severus, he felt her say rather than hear. Love enveloped him, love, tenderness, passion, everything he denied himself of for years. 

She felt herself falling again, his eyes swallowing her up, pulling her into him. She felt as if she were attached to an invisible cord, bit by bit it was pulled in taking her with it. She felt everything, she could touch things she had never deemed possible and only a blink away. 

She saw the images, the depravity and the loss. With all her might all her strength of will she embraced them, taking the pains from his past into herself. 

For a brief moment they were one then she pulled away. She felt dead, a sickening lurch pulled her down into a tunnel of blackness then there was his eyes. They were all she could see. She physically had to pull herself away before she was swallowed into them again. She was crying.

"Please... don't leave me," he whispered inside her. She still felt him despite the vestiges of the fading link and his cry made her reach out. She clasped his face between both her hands lightly rubbing at his temples rubbing away the migraine that was rapidly forming. 

Her soul had soothed him, but now she was gone. 

"I won't leave you. I'm here," He closed his eyes and let her fingertips gently stroke his eyelids. He felt light and heavy at the same time. His mind felt pleasantly relaxed. 

Finally she removed her hands from his face and slumped down beside him on her back. He found she was smiling at him. Taya was exhausted. Tears slid without encumbrance down his cheeks. "I'm here," she said quietly.

Severus closed his eyes again and saw images, echoes of her when she had been inside him. 

He turned towards her, reaching out he slowly brushed her face with cautious fingers. She took his hand in her own. "I have to sleep now," she said. "It takes a lot out of me." Professor Snape nodded.

"I better leave now then." He moved, but stopped when he felt her hand stroke a line down his back. 

"I don't want you to leave. I want you here with me."

"Really?" 

__

Why did it seem so surprising to him, she wondered. 

"After all I put you through?"

"Yes, my love. I want you here. I don't want to think of you cold and alone down in those dungeons. Please...Severus cuddle me." He was about to say that he didn't cuddle when she pulled him down anyway. 

Letting caution to the wind he slid strong arms around her and lifted her small form on top of him. She sighed and breathed in his scent. His skin felt warm for once. Not deathly cold, not clammy nor feverish.

When he awoke beside her, she was curled close with her arms wrapped around his torso, he found her smiling at him. Evidently she had been watching him as he slept and he felt slightly annoyed.

"What?" 

"Good morning to you too, Professor," she said grumpily, then laughed lightly. "I was just thinking how sweet you look when you are asleep."

"Sweet?" Severus looked horrified.

"Yes." She smiled then leaned forward to plant a light kiss on the tip of his nose. "Stop scowling Severus."

"I am not scowling," he said defiantly.

"Yes you are. You always scowl when you are annoyed. Severus raised an eyebrow as if offended then managed a weak smile. Taya smiled back and kissed his lips softly. "That's better. Your face wont crack from a little smile."

Loosening himself from her embrace he sat up. Taya followed suit.

"Why don't we do something together today," she said. "After all it is Sunday. No kids, no lessons."

"What did you have in mind?"

Shrugging, she said, "I don't know, maybe go for a walk or perhaps visit Hogsmeade. I haven't visited there since I was a student at this school. What do you think?"

Severus thought for a moment. "I would prefer to go for a walk, maybe fly?"

"I haven't flown on a broomstick for some time, I guess I'll be a bit out of practice but, okay then."


	11. Chapter 11

****

Chapter 11

The Picnic

After an unsteady start Taya managed to get the hang of travelling by broom again. It was true she was out of practice but with Severus' assistance she just about managed to re-capture her past knowledge of flying.

It was around lunch time when Severus and Taya made their decent onto land. Taya with some difficulty and Severus with his usual elegance landed perfectly. He helped her to her feet and together they set up camp. 

Taya sat down on the blanket and patted it for the professor to position himself beside her. 

"I prefer to remain standing," he muttered coldly folding his arms across his chest looking out across the wild landscape.

"Suit yourself," she said. "It is beautiful here. Don't you agree?"

"Yes," he murmured. "But very cold. I still do not see why you wish to sit on the ground and freeze."

"Do you want something to drink?" She asked pulling out a tiny basket the size of a dice from her cloak. Abruptly it swelled over a hundred times it's previous size until it was a large picnic hamper. She began unloading it. It contained all manner of delicious foods. Cakes, sandwidges, hot pastries, tea and coffee, fruit. Severus finally turned after a few moments admiring the view and sat down. He really was quite hungry.

She smiled at him and handed him a mug of freshly brewed tea. And she herself started to nibble on a triangular cut cheese and cucumber sandwidge.

"It's so nice to be able to leave the confinements of the castle once in a while. Don't you think?" Severus nodded and selected a sandwidge himself. "You are very quite today, are you all right?" She asked gently.

"I have been thinking about my past, but to your question yes I am quite well."

"That's good then." She brushed his arm lightly with her hand. Severus responded and turned to watch her as she ate. She smiled at him between bites. "What?"

"You really are quite magnificent."

"Why thank you Severus. Nobody has ever called me magnificent before." She smiled a little embarrassed then clasped his hand gently.

"What do you really think of me? Truthfully," he asked not quite knowing what the answer would be or whether he would in fact like it.

"Oh," Taya hadn't been expecting such a deep question. "You are kind of lovely."

"Lovely?" Severus screwed his face up then quite un-expectantly smiled. A true genuine smile not a sneer or that evil grin he sometimes used on the children to intimidate them.

"Okay then, perhaps that was a stupid choice of word. Your mysterious, brave, alluring, intelligent and hypnotic." He found his cheeks were heating. Taya captured his gaze. "Are you blushing?"

"Indeed not," he replied defiantly. "It is merely the chilling breeze. He shuddered involuntary. "It is cold."

"I thought you were used to the cold 'an all. Living down in those dungeons."

"Apparently not." he thought out loud.

"Shall I continue? Wanna know the rest?"

"Perhaps I don't, but continue if you really must. I see that you relish the chance to humiliate me in person." Taya chuckled and gently stroked his cheek.

"You are blushing, embarrassed are we?" she whispered. Severus cast her a look that would send any first year running for their life. 

"I most certainly am not."

Taya giggled despite herself. "Sly, cunning."

"Will you kindly shut up now?" He turned his head away. Taya swore she saw a slight bashfully smile on his lips. 

"There," She pointed. "I was telling the truth, You are embarrassed as hell."

"Thanks for pointing out the obvious."

"Arr poor Snapey Poo's embarrassed," she said in an exaggerated whinny voice. That did it. The professor was fuming. His eyes were as dark as they could possibly get. He reached out and playfully pushed her onto her back, making her surrender a fit full of hysterical giggles as he tickled her. She cackled much to Severus' annoyance. "And your everything that makes up a true Slytherin-" 

His body was pressed against her. Abruptly he pulled himself away before he actually lost control and was propelled into a needy clinch. She gazed at him deeply then remembered something from her childhood. 

"Hum, I always felt out of place in Slytherin. I thought that it was mistake that I was put into there. Maybe there was a reason after all."

"And that is?"

"You?"

"Perhaps." He nodded.

"Stop frowning Sev, I'm trying to study you."

"I am not-"

"Yes you are." His eyebrows rose a fraction then he relaxed his face. _Hum,_ she thought. _He really is quite handsome when he isn't sneering at people._ _And he does have quite an endearing smile when he allows it to show._ Severus looked away slightly uncomfortable with being gazed at so intently.

"Hum," she smiled. 

"You are not still teasing me are you?"

"Of cause. It's so much fun."

"Your idea of fun is certainly not mine."

"Open your heart Sev. Give in to it and let yourself have some fun. You are kind of chilly, reserved." She swallowed and wondered whether perhaps she should have kept quite. She noticed his discomfort. "I love you all the same."

"I can not help what I am," he said sadly. Taya was touched by his uncharacteristic gentleness. She thought perhaps he would retaliate in a typical Snapeish sort of way, fuming and storming. Instead he remained placid and silent, but from the troubled look in his eyes she had obviously hit a raw nerve. She felt terribly guilty and had quite expected him to go straight for the throat.

"But that's because of how you were treated in the past. Compared to what you've been through you've come through exceptionally well considering. If it were me..." Her voice trailed off. "How did you survive it?"

"Truthfully I do not know. I ponder that myself at times. I have had plenty of opportunities to...to end it all but-"

"You didn't. And that's a strength of character."

"A strength? I have always considered it a weakness."

"That you didn't kill yourself? Oh, Sev. That's so sad." She lightly brushed the dark hair off his face. He couldn't meet her eyes, full of compassion and sorrow. He lowered his head as if ashamed. 

"You told me you had a secret goal to find love. Hasn't anyone really told you that they loved you before?"

"Not that I can recollect. I do not remember my mother, so..." 

__

No wonder he feels so sad, she thought.

"You must have been very lonely."

"Yes."

"You don't have to feel like that now. I'm here. I'm here to help." She caught his down turned face and lifted his chin. "Promise me you wont end it all. Even when things get so bleak that it seems the only way out."

"Of cause not." Severus frowned at her. 

"Good." Her lips brushed his. For a moment he tensed then pulled away.

"You're really quite shy aren't you?"

"I am not shy," he said defiantly. "How can I possibly be...ridiculas. I see what you are doing. You are trying to evoke embarrassment out of me. AGAIN!"

"Shy Sevvie." She chuckled with that delightful laugh of hers. 

"It's not working. You are behaving quite childishly. It is not becoming of a woman of your calibre, and don't dare call me Sevvie," he replied slightly annoyed and slightly perplexed.

"Is that why you are blushing again SEVVIE?"

"I certainly AM not Miss Matterson."

"Oh dear I have upset you now. We're on second names again are we? Feel, your cheeks are burning." He brought his hand down abruptly and stared blankly into space.

"I'm sorry Sev, I couldn't resist winding you up."

"Humf." 

"You know you are really quite handsome," she said suddenly and chuckled again.

"You think I'm handsome?" He almost laughed out loud. "Not from what I've heard."

"They are just to blind or to stupid to notice," she commented. "Stop sneering will you. If you looked normal for once in your life then perhaps you would have to beat off admirers with a stick." He raised an eyebrow.

"Most sensible people have the intelligence to run away from me, not fall to my feet in admiration."

"Perhaps not. I don't want other people drooling over my boyfriend. Sneer at them all you like, Precious."

"You really consider me your boyfriend?"

"Yes. We're together now aren't we?" Her face hardened slightly.

"Then I suppose I am. That would make you-"

"My girlfriend. Clever boy Severus." She giggled almost like a schoolgirl.

"Are you mocking me now?"

"Of cause not." She kissed his hand.

"This is all so new to me," he commented suddenly. "These feelings, even this situation seems quite absurd." He shook his head perhaps wondrously and pulled his legs further against his chest, resting his chin on his knees. "It will take time getting used to it."

"Yes I know. We'll take each day as it comes." She gently loosened him and pushed him down onto his back, snuggling down beside him. "I would love to lay here with you forever," she whispered in his ear. Severus turned his head to face her and was met with a soft kiss.

For some time they lay in silence simply watching the clear blue sky. 

"I love you Severus Snape," she said breaking the silence between them.

"You say that a lot. Do you _really_ mean it?"

"Yes I do." His arms wrapped around her and she rested her head on his chest listening to the gentle rhythm of his heart beat.

"I love you too." She sighed feeling that this moment was the best she had ever experienced. His fingers slid through the loose waves of her hair, stroking gently. It seemed that time had stopped and that moment would last for an eternality. 

Taya finally pulled herself up and sat on her haunches. Severus followed suit and reacted in surprise when she positioned herself on his lap. She leaned forward an invitation to touch her if he choose. Severus kissed her softly. It was pure and untainted, chaste even.

"Am I doing this right?"

"Most defiantly," she murmured before returning the kiss. She heard a strangled moan from him when she expertly eased his lips apart seeking the intimate contact of his tongue. Something she had aspired to do for a long while now. Only now she had the courage to do so without the danger of him fleeing from her. He didn't resist the contact and she tasted him, explored his mouth. He was sweet.

The unhindered contact was rousing a deep urgency in his loins. 

The next minute he became aware that she had unfastened his jacket and was now prizing apart his shirt. 

"It's freezing are you insane?"

"You wont feel the cold in a minute," she said smiling. Her hands slid between the seams of the crisp white fabric seeking out naked flesh. Her palm spread over him, stroking the warm skin under the stiff cotton. He swallowed nervously wondering whether he had let her go one step to far. 

Something akin to bravery and a boldness made him remain still and let her continue with her curious exploration. Her hand slowly made it's way down, lightly easing her fingers over the fabric of his trousers. She could feel the tension hidden behind black fabric. His body was betraying him, yet again.

His stomach muscles clenched and he prepared to move. Then an incriminating frown appeared on his face, all tenderness and weakness replaced with anger.

"What the hell am I doing?" She shook his shoulders gently. "I was insane to... What...what are you doing?" He felt her mouth envelope his right nipple, her tongue lapping gently. He gasped and cried out from the intimate contact. 

"I'll make it special for you," she whispered, "for your first time." 

Severus by now realised she had gone to far. The pleasing sensations that had slowly crept from his genitals to his brain and to the rest of his nervous system were abruptly dissolving into a squirming desperate exigency to get away. 

"Not now." He hissed angrily while at the same time trying to keep his voice level and from revealing the disquiet he was feeling. Fearfully and abruptly pulled her hand off of him. 

She kissed his cheek, "It's okay," and pressed her palm against his chest. The biting air had caused his flesh to crawl into goose pimples and his nipples to shrivel and harden into two deep fuchsia nubs.

He opened his eyes. The fuzzy feeling was lost, quickly replaced with a cold chill that ran though his body.

"We can't do this here," he said in a tone that could burn holes into the frigid atmosphere. 

"Why not?" 

"Because..." She frowned. "Please don't take this the wrong way, but I can't." He shook his head. "Not yet. I just can't. Not out here." He gently eased her off of him and shrouded himself taking himself in check. 

"I'm sorry Severus. I didn't mean to push you too quickly." He nodded then stood up, the cloak blowing about his body. Shortly he felt her standing behind him her hand gently resting on the small of his back. "Severus?"

"Yes." He spoke without turning.

"I need to tell you something." This time he turned. She saw alarm in his eyes.

"What?"

"It's okay," She whispered. "I feel I want to talk to you about my Mum and Dad."

"Tell me."

Taya sat back down hugging her knees. "All that stuff about you and your time in that horrible orphanage got me thinking about my parents. As you know they died when I was ten."

"How?" 

"Murdered. Both of them and my little sister. She was five. It was stupid really. Three innocent people."

He joined her and seated himself. 

"They were in Edinbrough at the time just out shopping like everyone else. They liked Muggle shops as well as ours and they regularly visited the Muggle parts of the city. And then there was this explosion. Some nutter had set a bomb off. They were killed where they stood,

"I suppose I should count myself lucky really, compared to what you had to go through. Uncle Albus...I mean Professor Dumbledore was there for me, he brought me to Hogwarts and made me safe. Sometimes I think that I could have been there with them that day." 

"Where were you then?"

"School, 'Mistress Pompernickles For The Under Eleven's,' 

"I remember this police lady come to get me. She told me what happened and looked after me for a bit. The wizard social services gave me a home for two weeks. They were really nice people, kind. They tried to be understanding but they didn't really know what it felt like. I cried every night the two weeks I was there until I received my letter." Severus stroked her arm. She smiled weakly at him through blurry vision. Abruptly she wiped the tears from her eyes before they could even drop.

"I went to Hogwarts shortly after, 

"The look on Mrs Hedges face when the night bus arrived to pick me up." She smiled for a moment. "I didn't think that poor woman would ever get over the fact that I was a witch, even though her own sister was and they lived together in the same house. I can't quite understand it. I mean it was fairly obvious. There was magic stuff everywhere. I guess her sister just thought she was a bit weird or something, or didn't believe it,

"It's funny looking back isn't it?"

"Yes." Severus squeezed her hand. 

"I hadn't thought about Mum and Dad and Jessica for years. It all brought it back to me."

"I'm sorry I should never have burdened you with-"

"That's okay Sev. It's kind of made me feel better talking about it with you. I still have my photos and the memories, I'll show you them sometime. I still haven't unpacked a lot of my stuff. Do you have any pictures of your Mum?"

"Only one. I carry it with me always."

"Oh that's really sweet. She must have loved you very much." Taya held his hand.

"I can only hope so. Here!" He took the small dog eared photograph of his mother from out of his robes and gave it to Taya.

"She's beautiful Severus," Taya said gazing down at the raven haired woman. "Is that you?" She pointed at the baby.

"Yes." Taya looked up at him then back down at the small black and white photograph of his mother. 

"You look a lot like her you know. Especially the eyes and the cheek bones. No guessing where you inherited your hair from." She handed the picture back. Abruptly Severus confined it to his cloak. "I love you Severus," she said. "So much." Her eyes were burning from tears again. She felt a familiar empty sadness but at the same time the emptiness in her life had been richly filled.

"Are you all right?" He questioned.

"Yea." She sniffed and wiped away fresh tears that had slid down her cheek. "I never thought I could feel so happy. Now I have you." She hugged him tightly. A smile touched his lips.

"I've never experienced such devotion."

"I devote my life to your cause."

"Come on now it is twenty five to two," said the professor glancing at his pocket watch. "You wanted to see the lakes before sunset." She nodded then began sorting the picnic things ready to put away back into the shrinking hamper.

It was mid afternoon when they landed again, or rather Taya landed in a tangled heap after colliding with a tree, the broomstick a splintered mess on the floor, the tail branches sprayed in every direction. Severus immediately picked her up off the cold frozen ground and hugged her too him. She clung to him shivering and felt a pain rise up her arm. 

"You are bleeding," murmured the potions master taking his hand away from her arm and gazing at his blood soaked fingers. Her cloak was torn, and underneath the heavy woollen jumper was in bloody tatters. Severus turned her slightly and pulled away the damaged cloth revealing the wound.

"I don't think it's too bad. I have something back in my private quarters that'll heal you. There wont be any need to visit the matron. Taya nodded, to numb from the shock of making a fool out of herself in front of Severus Snape on her first flying trip in over seven years. 

"Why didn't you tell me you couldn't fly at all you foolish girl." Annoyance played on his features. "I would never have suggested we go anywhere If I had known that you..." He stormed off to retrieve his own broom which was left disregarded, half concealed in the undergrowth of weeds and grass. He got on his hands and knees cursing under his breath, silently resenting the fact that he'd been led into his predicament in the first place.

"Well, I thought I bloody well could, OK?" She stammered angrily back. "I told you I was a bit out of practice."

"A bit?" Severus sneered and brushed himself off. "Let's get you back to the castle. You're have to hold on tight. I'm not sure whether this old broom can support both of us." 

__

Oh great, she thought. _Just what I bloody need_. She watched as Severus straddled the broom and kick off the ground a few inches, hovering. 

"I have been meaning to get a new one. Pity, this old thing is virtually redundant. It's adequate for myself. I've had it for years and I know it's quirks and qualms. It is only used to me. Whether it will favour another passenger we will have to see." She nodded and managed a weak sarcastic smile. 

"Well, come on then! Don't just stand there idly. Get on. I preferably wish to get back to Hogwarts before day break, you know." Taya gave him a quick enraged stare and slid on the broom behind the professor. She slid her arms around him and held on tight. She felt compelled to slide her hands around his throat rather than his body. 

Not risking herself any further injury or insolence from Professor Snape she clung on for dear life not murmuring a single word the entire journey back.

They made it back to the castle at night fall. Silently she followed him down to the dungeons. 

He waved his wand at the lock on the door to the potions classroom, muttered an indiscernible spell and pushed it open. He paused for a moment to check if she was still there. Taya stopped and wondered whether to follow any further. She was still mad at him. 

"Well, what are you waiting for? Come on stop dawdling." Severus leered at her. For a second longer she remained standing where she was but the pain in her arm was arguing with her. The potions master didn't turn back, but carried on walking. She assumed that he just expected her to follow. She gave up and followed him to the back of the room where the hidden door way was situated. He stopped then waved his wand back and forth twice, muttering to himself. The wall fell away into nothing. Taya could see a dark passage way.

"This way," he said. She followed then turned to look one last time behind her. The doorway once again solidified into a wall. She followed him down a flight of twisting bare stone steps, one of the many dusty secret passage ways. This one was only lit by the flicker of subdued torches, but was quite free from cobwebs, spiders and other creepy residents. 

They soon came to an archway and Taya felt a blast of cold air hit her from the opposite direction. She guessed that passage led up into the open.

Stepping through the narrow archway they came to a large wooden door. Severus pressed his hand lightly against it and it swung open with a creak. Abruptly the lighting was ignited. Candles were everywhere. Tall, sleek caste iron candle holders littered the place. Beautiful in their design and practicality. His home was like something out of a gothic novel. 

"My humble abode," he muttered. 

She stepped cautiously into his personal domain and realised she was standing in small narrow hall. In front of her was a sitting room, with a desk positioned in the far left hand corner. The fire place was unlit. Two winged chairs faced it. At the opposite side of the room facing the desk was a large and impressive bookcase, ancient volumes of spells, books covering everything from the dark arts to modern reads about new found potion brewing and also a few zines concerning Muggle chemistry was littered along with other antiquity that rose to the ceiling. Positioned beside the shelving was Jym Jams' rather overly proportioned cage. At present the little creature was no where to be seen. She was probably curled up asleep somewhere. Sure enough the house rabbit was fast asleep, lodged between a cushion and the arm of one of the arm chairs. 

Her eyes followed the perimeter of the room stopping to admire a cupboard. The large doors were constructed from a glassy crystalline substance, lead lined and intricately patterned. It's contents partially obscured by the frosted glass, but undoubtedly contained strange macabre ingredients. 

"I see you have noticed my collection of rare ingredients," said Severus. "Only the best is kept down here. I certainly don't want grubby little hands tainting my personal stores. Oh and I must warn you. Most of this stuff is deadly in it's raw state. I advise against you touching it without precaution and the necessary protection. I am sure that you know of that any way, but be reminded." She nodded. "I keep the key on me at all times in case you need it."

Taya felt a surge of pride. At least he trusted her. But neither the less for some reason she felt if she was trespassing. This was his territory. She had never before visited his private suite of rooms even though they had been together a considerable number of weeks.

There was a chamber she supposed was the bathroom, and another undoubtedly was the bedroom. He pushed the door open and indicated for her to enter. His sleeping quarters were minimalist and bare but she couldn't take her eyes off the huge, imposingly impressive four poster bed, draped with green silks and velvet. 

It was domineering, oak she supposed, intricately calved with inlays of ebony. Chubby cherubs were splayed out over the headboard and she wondered for a moment who else he had dragged down here to his secret chambers to be vanquished and ravished over. 

__

Don't be stupid, she thought. _He's never been with anyone else. Doubt many people have seen these rooms. I could probably count the number on one hand._ Neither the less an erotic image filled her mind. 

Another image intruded into her consciousness. Images of him sleeping. _I wonder what he looks like asleep in that bed?_ She hypothesised. She quickly pushed that alluring image out of her mind. Her arm hurt too much for such idle fancy and her chest pained her. She guessed that she had bruised some ribs from the fall. 

Taya continued to gaze around the room, casting her vision on his things. Several candelabras were positioned here and there. Nothing overly fancy. There was a large polished oak wardrobe with matching chest of draws. A small uncluttered cabinet was positioned in front of the window. The same tactile sensual fabric matched the curtains that hung down majestically, almost to the floor in front of the small lead lined gothic window. 

There were no pictures, paintings, photographs or trinkets that she could see only the bare necessities. However the bare stone floor was covered with a large beautiful intricately woven Indian rug of an indiscernible age, but their were shelves of books everywhere. Despite the candle light it was dark inside. Lack of natural light gave the impression of majestic sombre. The walls were painted dark rich colours. The sitting room was painted in a succulent dark green. The bedroom, a dark red. It was very masculine in style and darkly elegant, reflecting the man who lived there.

She abruptly turned away and proceeded to remove her snagged torn clothes. 

Taya tensed involuntarily while pulling off the heavy Arran knitted jumper and depositing it onto the floor nearest the bed. 

"Sit," he ordered. 

"Charming." _Guess he's not used to pleasantries._

Severus Snape's voice had brought her back to reality. 

He pointed to an armchair positioned next to the bed. Obediently Taya sat down and watched the potions master leave the room. When he returned she saw he was carrying a goblet, it's contents steaming mysteriously and in his other hand a small wooden box. 

"Drink this it'll help stop the pain." She nodded and took the vial of liquid from his hand and cautiously brought it to her lips. Severus watched with a frown. "I assure you that it isn't poisoned Miss Matterson."

She laughed lightly then nodded before drinking the entire contents. For a moment her insides burned then the pain in her body began to subside. Professor Snape watched, then opened the delicate rose wood box. He took out a vial of something greeny blue and sickly pale. 

I noticed you fell on your side awkwardly," he said. "These are herbal ointments which will aid healing." Taya nodded expecting him to give her one then send her on her way. Instead he selected one of them and pulled the cap off. Taya stared. "I can't administer this unless you remove your blouse."

"What?" She looked momentarily surprised. Severus sighed. 

"I am not in the habit assaulting defenceless young women."

"You want to see me naked professor?" She asked. Her eyes were glistening and a mischievous grin appeared on her face.

"Don't be ridiculous."

"Look Severus, I'm not going to let you simply put that stuff on me even if you are my lover, I want to know what it is. You know I'm allergic to certain chemicals, organic or not. Remember when I touched that Tifftaff fungus in my third year. It made me come out in huge blue blisters all over my body." 

Severus grimaced slightly from recollected horror, remembering the terrible incident all to well. The blisters had burst all over the classroom floor, narrowly missing the other children but managed to burn huge holes in his robes and cause irritation to his skin. 

"It's a healing compound, I told you. Herbal. It is quite safe. I made it myself. It's got nothing in it that will cause any adverse reactions. I would not forget your allergies in haste." 

"Okay I believe you. If you made it." Her brows knotted together. "Did you just say I'm defenceless?"

"Very well, if you are going to be stubborn about it. You do it. Or would you rather see Madam Pomfrey?"

"No. All right." She stood up and regretted it immediately because of the stabbing sensation in her side. Severus pulled out his wand and pulled her forward. He eased up her blouse and with tentative fingers began examining the darkening bruises.

"You may have cracked a rib," he stated coldly. "Lay down."

"What?" He sighed.

"Look, if you don't want me to heal you then leave now and go and see Madame Pomfrey. I have the ability to heal some wounds. Otherwise lay down on my bed." She did what she was told and lay down. He sat down beside her and concentrated on the sore bruised flesh. His fingers slid over her. She tensed.

"I am not going to hurt you," he whispered gently. 

"I know you wont. It aches that's all. At least it feels a bit better. I think that potion you gave me is helping." He took a glob of the ointment and rubbed it into her skin. She felt the cold penetrate her skin, but gradually warm. His hands stoking rhythmically over her side.

"That feels nice Severus." She murmured.

"Well it should do I made it. It contains-"

"No I mean you touching me." He made a humf sound then waved his wand over her. The bruising disappeared. Abruptly Severus pulled her blouse back down.

"You can sit up now. Let me see your arm." She offered it too him without restraint. "You will need to undo some of those buttons. I need to see your whole arm." Taya smiled and slowly un-slid the tiny pearls, for a second revealing the pale skin of her bosom to him. She smiled when she noticed his eyes fall upon her breasts. Abruptly he pulled away. 

"Why did you do that for?" He murmured quietly.

"Do what?"

"Reveal yourself to me. I'm trying to heal you after all. I can't concentrate if you are going to flash your breasts at my face." Taya laughed out loud and abruptly did up a few of the buttons. Severus pulled down the sleeve and examined her arm. 

"I'm going to have to clean the wound," he said getting up to leave. 

"Do you think it'll get infected?" 

"Not if it is treated correctly," he called back from the bathroom. He came back into the bedroom carrying a small bowl of water, some white rags and dressings. "Hold still," he ordered. "This will hurt." He met her eyes. "Quite a lot. I suggest you hold onto me while I wash your arm."

He hadn't been wrong when he said it would hurt. Severus gazed at her in alarm. He hadn't heard such language before, certainly not from her, F-ing and blinding. 

"I take it that you have learned that from your Muggle companions?"

"God, I'm sorry Sev," she whimpered.

Severus nodded. "And I'm sorry I hurt you." Taya gazed at her red bloody arm in horror.

"I thought that stuff was suppose to heal me. Not make me bleed to death." He took one of the dressings and squirted it with the rest of the contents of the vial previously used on her side. Severus pressed it onto her arm then waved his wand over the injury. Carefully he removed the fabric. The wound was gone and so was the pain.

"I suggest you rest. For the potion and ointment to take full affect you need at least four hours of uninterrupted sleep. I shall walk you to your rooms." He began to exit the bedroom when he felt Taya close behind him. A hand slid up the back of his neck, stroking her fingers through his raven hair to the crown.

"Severus I don't want to go back there yet. I want to stay here with you." He turned his head and she brushed a stray strand of hair off his face.

"Oh," he murmured.

"Do you forgive me for making such a fool out of myself today?"

"Yes." She smiled glad that he had forgiven her for nearly getting herself killed. 

"I think I better buy a new broom and take some flying lessons."

"Or better still," he remarked. "Don't bother at all." A strange smile touched his mouth.

"That's so cruel Sev."

"I am simply stating the truth. You are a hazard to your health. And to mine." Taya smiled realising he was jesting her. She leaned close and looked down at her toes.

"You scared me," he muttered very quietly.

"I'm sorry Severus." She brushed her right hand down the left side of his face. He closed his eyes.

"I remind you that you must get some sleep." He turned away to give her privacy to undress. He took out his wand, cast a spell and a piece of delicate fabric fell out of the air. 

"Your the Professor," she said. He passed her the night-gown without looking at her and she put it on. "This is pretty," she murmured. He didn't comment on his choice of sleep wear he had chosen for her. It was decidingly feminine and shear.

"Are you decent?"

"Yes Sev." He turned around.

Severus pulled back the blankets on his bed. She got in and he covered her. She lay back closed her eyes and fell into a light soothing sleep. She didn't notice Severus slide beside her and draw himself up close.

He lay there silently hands clasped over his stomach. His thoughts he realised and his secrets were no longer concealed behind an iron facade of self control and hidden torture. He glanced at Taya sleeping soundly beside him. For the first time in his life he finally realised he was no longer alone.


	12. Chapter 12

****

Chapter 12

Unrepressed Desire

A man shrouded in a dark hooded cloak gazed unblinking almost longingly into the foggy depth of a crystal sphere that was positioned before him. Fingers captured the icy surface of the ball, slowly caressing as if touching flesh. He watched as if in a trance, his mind seeking out invading the centre of the swirling mass as it slowly dissipated leaving a hazy image behind.

The crystal ball hummed slightly and the fingers drew away from the surface. He took a shuddering breath of air recognising the figure illuminated within the rock.

The man lent forward and draw back the shroud covering his face. He smiled wickedly stroked his right index finger over the cold pellucid substance. 

Severus Snape alive and well. A small cruel smile touched his lips. 

"With a girlfriend," he muttered. "Well I say. I never would have believed." 

Abruptly he got to his feet distancing himself from the spying device. 

It wasn't a usual crystal ball, the ones commonly used for divination, this one was different. It had been in his possession since the dark times. A useful tool for espionage and a device that was highly illegal, cast from black magic. 

The image of Severus faded into the swirling fog again. Finally the fog itself solidified. 

"The Potions Master of Hogwarts." He shook his head. His mind was spinning and with it the shock of seeing Severus Snape again after all those years hadn't stopped his heart from fluttering. The man clasped the stone into his hands and hastily buried it into his pocket then left the room.

Severus Snape awoke with a start realising he had somehow managed to press his body unceremoniously hard against hers with his right leg draped over her hip. He decided to lay there a few minutes longer savouring the pleasing tingle between his thighs. 

Taya moaned in her sleep and became aware of the heavy pressure against her pelvice. It felt crushing but in a pleasurable way. She moved beneath the blanket unable to avoid rubbing herself against him. 

"Severus," she moaned trying to leaver him off her. "You're heavy." She was awake he realised and jumped with a start, abruptly de-tangling himself and vaulted off the bed.

"It's all right," she said slightly amused while watching Severus try to smooth his robes rather unsuccessfully. The creases appeared to remain a permanent commodity. She sat up and leisurely crossed her legs. "What time is it?"

"Half past eleven," he said glancing at the alarm clock.

"Did we actually sleep that long?"

"Yes. I think you better return to your rooms." Taya stretched like a cat and yawned. She noticed the potion master expression gazing down at her. She smiled up at him deliberately running her hand over the satin fabric of her night dress over her curves. She watched fascinated by his face then got out of the bed then pulled the satin up just a fraction exposing a thigh.

She moved seductively. Deliberately riding the garment further up her body until she heard him take a sharp intake of breath. Abruptly Taya turned around, her back facing him, leaning slightly forward taking the full advantage that she was turning him on. Taya abruptly concealed herself.

"May I ask a personal question?" He said in a shaky voice.

"Of cause."

"Do you normally put on seduction shows, or is it only with me? You seemed to take keen delight in exposing yourself despite your apparent physical aliments earlier."

"Did it not titillate you Severus?"

"Ha ha," said Severus sarcastically. "Your singular wit excels you into further comedic superiority."

"Why do you ask?"

"Curiosity." She nodded.

"That's a fare enough answer I guess. Severus are you aroused?"

"Waa... what?" He spluttered.

"Did my little show turn you on. I would be very disappointed if all my efforts were in vain."

__

Blasted females, he thought. She was goading him. Without realising it he made a quiet breathy sound. Silently Taya stepped towards him. She stopped about a foot away then lifted the night dress over her head and dropped it to the floor. Severus gulped. She was completely naked and was currently snaking herself towards him.

"Do you think I'm beautiful?" She asked.

"Yes." his voice was like the soft caress of velvet snagged over something caustic and rough. 

"Do you think I'm sexy?

His breathy sounds were now closer to that of sobs.

"Severus, can I kiss you?"

"Yes," he murmured. She drew close to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. 

"You know, this has never felt so right."

She closed her eyes and leaned close, lightly kissing him on the cheek.

A feeling burst out into his mind, his brain and his body, a wanting he hadn't freely experienced before had trudged itself to the surface leaving Severus Snape slightly confused, slightly bare and if not completely aroused.

The other days fumbling had taken him by surprise and left him quite literally quaking in his boots much to his disgust. He found himself scoffing at it. For some reason that day, with that uncertain turn of events had left an imprint on his mind. Unconsciously he had found himself evaluating the picnic like a teacher evaluating a test. It was true he had for a brief few moments fallen into lust, but rationale had won the day, causing his mind to deny those feelings and detach himself from them. But for some reason he was uncertain of those feelings that had returned to haunt him this morning. 

Had it not been from the mind blowing erection he had awoken with or the fact that when he had opened his eyes and found himself pinned down against his young lover maybe those passionate emotions wouldn't have stirred so bluntly and freely.

"Taya?"

"Yes?"

"I...want...you," he murmured.

"You have me." She kissed his chin.

"You don't understand."

"What is there to understand?" She cooed between her kisses. 

He took her small hand into his and brought it up to his lips lightly pressing his lips into her palm. She smiled up at him and the tender gesture he was making. He kissed her wrist then turned her hand over, softly drawing circles with his fingers before kissing it.

"I want us...I mean I want to...This is difficult for me," he murmured shyly.

"Take your time."

"I want to...be with you."

"Do you mean-"

"Yes. " He pulled away. "But I sincerely hope that you do not require me to be some kind of Casanova because... I have never before been in this kind of situation."

"Oh Severus-"

"Please let me finish. Frankly I hope that you still don't have riotous expectations of me. I myself never deemed that any value would come from-" His voice took on a hint of desperation. "I...I can't hold back any longer."

"Severus, are you trying to say that you want to make love to me?"

He took a deep breath. "As much as I desire to resist you I feel that I can not pull myself away from you. I think that I-"

"Sush." She pressed her fingers to his lips. "Do you remember what I said about not being afraid any more?"

"Yes." She leaned in closer still and pulled off his cloak that was creased beyond hope since he had used it for a blanket the night before. Severus stood there not knowing quite what to do. Whether to push her away or pull her close. Trepidation gnawed at his mind despite his passion. _Better stay focused_, he thought as she absently ran her hand down his body. _But_ _how can I when she is so...naked._

"Oh Merlin!" he breathed. _"_What is to become of me?"

Starting at the hem Taya un-slid the buttons from their latches then slid off the jacket dropping it onto the chair. She was met with a waistcoat of the same colour and fabric which was hastily removed. She pulled his shirt out of his trousers and loosened the clasp at his throat. Taya leaned forward then planted butterfly kisses on his neck relishing the fact that he didn't resist.

"Then I assume that you accept my offer to 'make love.'" 

"Yes Severus. Are you sure you are okay with this?"

"Yes."

"I was concerned because only a few hours ago you didn't want to. Tell me any time and I'll stop."

"I feel safer here," he said.

"I'm glad," she breathed and her tongue slid over his Adam's apple.

After a moment of gentle caresses she stopped.

"What do you want me to do?" He whispered in a trembling voice while staring at the naked swell of her chest. She took his hand and pressed it against her belly briefly before guiding it to the place she wanted.

"Here," she whispered breathlessly. 

Without taking his eyes away from hers his fingers gently brushed against her nipple. He abruptly pulled away when he heard a soft moan from her. "It's okay Severus, I like this, don't be scared." She leaned closer.

"What do I do now then?"

"You needn't do anything. I want to finish undressing you." 

"Very well," he said in an emotionless voice, a far cry from what he was actually feeling. With haste she removed the shirt. She smiled to herself as she eased the black trousers down over his slim hips and he stepped out of them.

He stood there virtually naked, she pressed her hand against his chest, the skin prickled.

"Your freezing," she commented. "No wonder, it's pretty chilly in here." She looked around for her wand, spotted it in the pile of clothes and picked it up pointing it at the unlit fireplace. A moment later a roaring fire melted away any remaining chilliness in the air.

Once again she took him into her arms, cautiously he responded and wrapped his arms awkwardly around her. 

"That's nice." she murmured to him and briefly lent her head against his chest. "Kiss me Severus." He leaned down cupping her face in his large capable hands. His lower lip briefly rubbed against hers then her jaw slackened as his mouth suckled her upper lip. He pulled her closer to him, stooping a little lower for better leverage, then the kiss deepened from a chaste touching of lips into something much stronger. The passion that had him in it's grasp a moment ago was readily replaced with red hot burning recklessness. He slid his tongue into her mouth seeking out, touching and stoking. Then at last he pulled away. 

"Taya?" he questioned in a voice so quiet it was barely discernible. "Please...touch me." She felt a flush of magical surrender claim her. She was touched by the soft tone of his voice. A complete contrast to the brash sarcastic way he choose his words normally, usually mocking other people. Then she became aware of the hardness pressing into her belly. 

She ran her fingers over his chest and abdomen but stopped at the waistband of his underwear. 

Stopping Taya looked up at his face. He nodded once. Taya smiled taking the invitation, then she slipped her fingers inside the band to stoke his bare hips for a few moments. 

"Now...please," he murmered faintly. Taya pulled the material down savouring the sight of him, the thick ebony curls that framed his heightened sex.

His eyes were closed. She became aware of his erratic breathing, the short abrupt gasps as he inhaled and exhaled in anticipation of what was to come next. 

Taya gently reached out and slid her fingers down the trail of belly hair and through the damp black curls. 

Severus swallowed hard, his pulse was racing and he was trembling despite himself and he was burning. Taya noticed the sheen of perspiration on his chest. 

She removed her hands from between his legs and slid them up his body to stroke his chest. He watched with odd curiosity as her teeth gently grazed a nipple, being careful not to inadvertently hurt him. Quickly she kissed him on the mouth. His eyes caught hers for a moment.

The faintest of a smile touched his mouth. She smiled back when his hand lightly brushed the side of her face. 

"You look lovely when you smile Severus." He lowered his head slightly and she caught a glimpse of another smile and a the slight pink flush to his cheeks. 

"Are you sure you want to do this? Me touching you. I mean if it's too soon please say now-" 

"Do you really love me? Truly love me?"

"You know I do. Do I still have to keep reminding you?" 

"Yes."

"Then I will. I love you more than anything in the world."

"Thank you," he whispered softly and pulled her hands onto his slim hips.

"Please," he murmured. "Touch me then." She nodded then pulled him over to the bed. He sat down. 

"Come here," she said sliding down to her knees on the floor. Taya gazed up into his face watching his expression as she gently eased his legs apart. 

Severus swallowed willing himself to remaim calm as her mouth was about to make contact with such a secret part of his body, a private caress that he had only ever experienced in dreams. 

"I want to ravish you," she said before finally kissing him there.


	13. Chapter 13

****

Chapter 13

Death Eater

__

Severus Snape was curled in such a tight ball on his side in the corner of the chamber, had anyone stepped inside they probably wouldn't have notice him. The room itself was small and dark. Nothing covered the bare stone floor and nothing hung on the walls save the mildew and a surplus amount of slime. He heard water dripping far off somewhere and it disturbed him.

He was alone. It was both a blessing and a curse. Those times he was allowed solitude he dwelled in the pain that had proceeded it. This time was no different. His keeper, Lorsekruker had left him alone like many times before to lick his wounds.

Gods didn't he feel cold. He shivered violently feeling the worse of his injuries, the pain and the numbing frigidity creep up on and over him, twisting their ugly spiny vines around his nervous system and into his consciousness, stifling what little moral and insolence remained. 

Only after the session did the real pain begin. Granted it hurt like nothing on Earth, but being left alone in this dark damp depravity called a room only made his mind clearer. What Severus really hungered for at a time like this was a foggy disbandment of his mind, not crystal clarity. He could only perpetuate in the misery of his situation instead of simply shutting down. 

Somehow he had always managed to shut himself off when the horrifying deeds were being committed, separating his mind from the harsh vestiges of existence and dwell in a self contained bubble into a whimsical fantasy. Sometimes this was the only thing he could do to stay sane. Disconnect himself from reality and let Lorsekruker get on with it. He had found that was the best way to remedy the situation, but it wasn't working this time.

Dionysius Lorsekruker was a cruel man. Over time he had began to break the proud young man, Severus Snape who had survived many tormented years alone. Merely existing as a commodity in a place ambiguously labelled an orphanage. 

The child, Severus Snape lived a few reasonably sheltered years with a dark wizarding family before he finally went to Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry. 

Unsurprisingly he was sorted into Slytherin. As a tiny boy, with keen sense of cunning and ingenuity his intelligence was the only thing that had enabled him to survive. Being a precocious child much was expected from him. 

With the knowledge and intellect he possessed Severus studied into the early hours of the morning, or until his eyelids dropped against his will and his body slumped from exhaustion. He was as skilled in potion making as any other of his subjects, making him an exemplar student.

But for him, his time at Hogwarts wasn't something he liked to dwell upon. Being a victim of bullies was'nt enough. He had nearly lost his life at one point during his seventh year. Had it not been for that irate James Potter, Severus Snape wouldn't have existed past the age of seventeen. Not that he wasn't thankful for young Mister Potter saving him from the Whooping Willow he wholeheartedly was, but Potter had taken the only precious thing he had in the entire world away from him and that was Lilly Evans.

__

Severus continued to sit alone. 

It had been more than an hour since he had last moved, a cramp was building up in his legs and his toes felt painfully numb from the chill. He shivered and watched the door. Still locked and still no sign of Lorsekruker. The agony of his past and his present and the quickly depleting chance of a future was creeping up on him. 

Carefully he moved his position and sat up stretching his long legs fighting circulation back into them. When satisfactory he pulled his legs against his chest and rested his chin on his knees. It was the only dignity he had left.

Being naked in a bitterly cold room didn't help his situation much either. He was bound to that corner of the room. Ankles being tied down to the floor by means of magic so strong even he, an accomplished wizard in his own right could not break.

He shivered and shuddered feeling the never ending cold creep through his body like a winding snake. 

At least he wasn't cold during the assaults. Only after when the terrifying bitterness of reality came crushing down did it really penetrate to the bone. 

At night time Severus Snape preferred the cold. It gave him time to think, to plan, usually futile sketches of hopeless absconding that even if he dared attempt would get him killed anyway. Which was worse, he wondered. Death or living like this? But today he would give anything to sit in front of a warm fire.

He gasped out loud when he heard the door to his prison cell blast open and in stomped Lorsekruker looking nothing worse for wear dressed in long flowing grey and dark blue robes. 

Severus gazed up at him with glazed, heart broken eyes then remembered his duty. He looked down at the floor awaiting the orders from his master. He had to obey otherwise he would be beaten. He had come perilously close to death a number of times, only to be brought back to life because Lord Voldemort needed him. Any other reason then the young potions master would have been slung aside and left for dead years ago.

Lorsekruker smiled, that deranged smile that promised more depravity and turpitude for Severus Snape. He never let him fall into the sweet open arms of unconsciousness when he hurt him, and he hurt him in more ways than one. Not always physically, but emotionally and mentally as well. The deranged assailant took great pleasure in chiding Severus about his supposed exploitation of Alana Snape, Severus' deceased mother. A woman he never even remembered, but loved unconditionally.

"Look at me Snape," came the cutting voice. A voice that always threatened to cut Severus into two. It was a voice that he had come to both respect and fear. 

Severus looked up slowly. He held onto himself tightly not daring to let go of his knees. 

"I have a little present for you, Severus."

The forboding time could'nt have been intrupted by a most welcoming presence. The Dark Lord glided into the room. His snake like face hidden behind the hood of his cloak, but the red devilish eyes glowed in the blackness.

"Snape?" He hissed as he stopped a few feet away from Severus who looked up with wide questionable eyes and still crouching on the floor.

"My Lord," he whispered and bowed his head. Lorsekruker was standing nearby.

"Master," he murmured then bowed.

"Dionysius, you may leave us. This is a subject of much secrecy."

"Yes my Lord," Lorsekruker trembled slightly. His usual cruel facade replaced with bumbling quandary. He turned and walked silently out of the room.

Severus found himself slump slightly probably from fatigue, but abruptly stiffened when Voldemort's icy talons brushed against his bare shoulder.

"Severus Snape," said the Dark Lord. "Arr, Severus my loyal follower. You have been chosen for a purpose, 

Voldermort frowned behind the cowl.

"I see that my friend Dionysius hasn't been treating you too well." 

Is that not plainly obvious, thought Severus. 

"All that will stop soon. I am sure you'd be delighted to know. Neither the less. You will go on a mission of espionage. Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft and Wizardry. You will spy on that impressionable fool, Albus Dumbledore and bring back any information that you deem important. He is clouding the minds of our followers and the problem must be rectified. Do you understand?" he didn't give Severus time to reply and continued. "Disclose to me personally anything that deems us of value. You will speak of this to no one,

"Tonight we will hold a vestige in honour of his majesty, the Dark Lord of Lords. In the morning we will seek out those who do not follow the path into enlightenment and they will be destroyed." Severus swallowed. "It is the beginning of a new chapter. The world has turned. Our very existence is under threat."

Voldemort pushed back the hood revealing a pale grey reptilian like face. The scarlet eyes glowed dangerously, eerily and directed their stare on the younger man. 

"You have been spared Severus Snape," he said. What did he mean by that? Severus probably would never know. "On your feet Death Eater." Awkwardly he stood shakily.

"Questions?"

"Yes. Why have you chosen me?" Voldemort laughed. It was a sound like tortured steel

"Because." Voldemort smiled un-expectantly. Through the thin lips Severus could make out jagged teeth. "Dumbledore is expecting you. You were a prized student at that school were you not?"

"Apparently my Lord."

"Sources tell me that he requires a potions master. You yourself have to admit you excel in the art of potion brewing. There has never been a better time than to get one of our own inside Dumbledore's fortress.

"Two open evenings are being held in honour of the four houses. I expect you to honour yours. And there are open interviews for teaching vacancies. I am told that several candidates have been seen already. I trust your devotion to the Dark Lord, Snape and your expertise to convince Dumbledore to take you. He is weak minded, but not foolish,

"Be sure to get the job Snape. My wrath will cost you your soul."

The bony hand once again brushed against his skin, this time dragging a gnarled claw like finger over Severus' lip drawing blood.

"You are free to bathe if you wish. Clean robes have been prepared. 

"Thank you Lord Voldemort."

"Good. You will leave tonight. A carriage will be awaiting you at half past nine. Be sure that you are ready. Fare well brother." 

Voldemort turned and swept out of the room leaving Severus Snape in his wake. He stood there for a long moment wondering. He took a deep sigh. Was it relief or something else? He didn't know yet. He had a chance. A feeble, but me." 

Severus Snape fell into unconscious. He wished that he would never wake up. 

****


	14. Chapter 14

****

Chapter 14

A Taste of Ambrosia

He was alone in his bed. It was the usual thing. He would wake up in a cold sweet, the bed covers in a twisted mangled heap and he would be despairing, crying desperately and longing for some kind of release only that he didn't think he deserved it.

Then he remembered Taya and the way she had made love to him, but unfortunately the nightmare captured his attention more than his loving experience with her three days ago. The memory of long ago seemed to exceed that nights' almost unbelievable reality. Should he go up and see her? He felt compelled to do so, but exhaustion kept him almost paralysed in his bed. Severus smothered a yawn and slumped backdown.

He was late for his first lesson of the day which wasn't an often occurrence. The children were milling outside the locked potions classroom chatting excitedly on whether Professor Snape would actually turn up. 

He thundered through the group of second year students with determination. The sound of excited chatter and childish laughter came to a stop immediately.

"In," he ordered. Just one word was enough to send a class of twenty or more children quaking in their shoes. 

As expected the equipment was already set up and ready. 

The children sat down nervously in their seats and waited. Waited for what? For the lesson to begin? They hadn't expected to see what was to happen next. 

He stood there observing the tense childish faces then something terrible happened. Something in all his time spent teaching at Hogwarts had never happened to him in front of a class of students.

He stifled a desperate sob and barely contained the tears. This couldn't have got any worse. Rage and confusion at his loss of self control sent him fleeing, slamming the dungeon door closed in the wake of his hysterics. 

He didn't stop running and didn't know where he was headed. Not that he cared. He just had to move, he couldn't stay still otherwise the shock would get him, stifle him, intrude intrude into his very being unless he simply wanted to crawl away like a wounded animal. But Severus was strong, determined. He wouldn't crawl under a rock and bury himself in the depth of his dungeons and lower his head in shame. Not any more. He had to keep running. He wouldn't stop, every gasp of air, every breath he took, oxygen pushed him forward. 

The adrenaline drive him, made him move faster. Luckily he saw no one in his mad haste to get away. He dreaded the possibility if he saw someone, anyone. 

Unconsciously he was drawn up to the fourth floor and slid unnoticed along the many dark deserted corridors, lit only by the dancing flicker of candles. He proceeded down hidden passageways, a labyrinth of twisting narrow colonnades and staircases towards the teachers halls. His rapid footsteps echoing along the stone walls. 

Severus skidded to a stop, panting and shaking slightly from adrenaline. He cursed as he hitched up the light fabric of his cloak when he nearly fell then he continued to flee. In what direction, his mind was unaware. 

Finally he came to a dead stop, facing her door. He took a moment to try and compose himself, to achieve at least some of the self control he had lost. The potions master was about to raise his hand and knock when the door swung open. 

Taya lunged out narrowly missing him, dressed only in her sleep wear. Her hair in disarray. Urgency was in her features, but she came to a cessation when she saw him. Flinging her arms around him she pulled him into her room kicking the door closed with her foot.

She took him to her bed and sat down beside him. From observation she had only just climbed out of it. The room was still dark, the drapes at the window were still clasped together.

"Oh Gods what happened?" she cried, stroking his face with frantic urgency. "I could sense everything." Severus opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He couldn't speak. His voice just seemed to vanish as if by magic. Even if he could get his tongue to work properly he didn't even know what to say.

He felt numb all over, it was as if his mind and body had been anaesthetised. He sat there staring at the opposite wall trying to make out everything, what was going on in his head. He didn't even know what really happened or what drove him to crack like that. Never before in his entire life did he feel such humiliation. 

For his students to watch his usual impeccable control, the nastiness and smugness to be reduced to nothing but slithers and cracked fragments was a blasphemy to all the years he had taken to master it. This even surpassed his experiences with the Death Eaters. That was how he felt at the present time. Perhaps in a few hours when he had calmed he may realise that his experience of today had been greatly exaggerated. 

Something came to nag at the corners of his mind. This little scenario would be floating around Hogwarts hallowed halls for years to come and the shocked faces of those children who had seen him weep would harass his mind for weeks.

Severus Snape was crying.

Taya wrapped her arms around him pressing him close to her. Her fingers slid through his hair and she kissed him frantically. She pushed him down against the soft coverings on her bed then lay down beside him coiling herself up tightly against his still trembling body.

She could feel his despair and the link deepened. 

The dream. She could have kicked herself if she could. _Why wasn't I awake. Why didn't I see this._ Anger tore at her conscience. She saw him gazing at the room full of children, choking up from powerful emotions that were overpowering him. He fled and ran. Then he was here sobbing like a defenceless child left to fend for itself. 

"What's happening to me?" He said in a desperate shaky voice.

"I don't know Severus." She answered truthfully.

He glared at her. "You did this. You did this to me. You took advantage of me, my weaknesses. I do not pretend that I am weak but why?" Hopelessness and grief was laced through his heart wrenching words.

"I love you, Severus." She whispered, words he longed to hear over and over again. He feared the moment she stopped saying them it was the moment she didn't care.

"How can you?" He no longer believed. Her words were just that. Words and nothing more. He pushed himself off the bed and started to pace the room. "You see who I really am, you strip me of everything I have. Before I was safe. No one had to know. But now..." His voice trailed off. Severus stopped and pressed palms to the side of his head. "I can not shut out this abysmal nightmare,

"You say you can try to understand, You never will. No one can. You say you can see through my eyes, but you were never there. You never felt what it like to be stripped raw. Even my mind isn't my own anymore and you say you love me. Powerful words that contradict everything, 

"I don't know what to do with it. I don't know what to do with this _thing_ you label love." He buried his face in his hands and sobbed. Taya went to him wrapped her arms around him. "All you believe and understand is that pain can be taken away with a kiss or a hug. It can't." He broke away then slumped down in a chair.

"It's deeper than that." He turned to her. Desperation showed clearly on his face. "Tell me what to do. Tell _me_ for a change. I don't want this responsibility. I'm burdened with to much all ready. I am sick to death of ordering other people about. Keeping those foolish children from making the same stupid mistakes I did. Make it go away." 

"You're not responsible for their choices, Sev. They have their own futures. You take on too many peoples battles. You are only human."

"They see me anything but human, and I let them." He sprung to his feet again.

"They don't understand."

"Do you?" His voice quivered. 

"Yes."

"I'm so lonely," he muttered through his sobs forgetting that he now had someone to care for him. Neither the less despite his new found companion his loneliness felt as desolate as ever.

"I'm here for you now, remember." She reached out to touch him, but he pulled away stepping back several steps. "You aren't alone any more." Severus managed a weak, but indeterminate nod.

"Taya, you will be better off without me. I will crush you. I can not do that to you. I would rather live in my own hell than crush you."

"We'll get through this together."

"Lorsekruker was right. I am nothing more than a half Mud Blood Bastard." 

Taya shook her head. She wiped her eyes and fought back the tears. A sob escaped and she went to him.

"Severus," she pleaded. "Please don't say that. I don't care who you are. I'm no special person myself." She wrapped her arms around him, relieved that he fell into her embrace, quietly leaning against her shoulder.

"I love you." she whispered and heard a muffled sob. "Perhaps you don't believe me at this moment, your stressed. You've just experienced what Muggles call a panic attack I think. When people are over aroused they jump to too many conclusions, reasons and thoughts become a muddled jumble." She shook her head. "I can't take those words _I love you_ back Severus, I would only be lying to myself, 

"I've spent too long brooding over it. I never felt such content as I have in your arms. Don't let them win Sev. Don't let them make you believe what they said is true. You are worthy. And..." she stammered. "...I need you to. I'm weak too. What am I to do if you leave me? I'll die without you here." He looked up while wiping his eyes on his sleeve.

"Of cause you wont die you foolish woman." He swallowed and touched her face. Reason had begun to return. "I'm the one being foolish aren't I?"

"Your not foolish Sev, your afraid. Fear can be good, but it also is a terrible thing. To much terror in someone's life will scare them stupid and make them hurt beyond pain." Severus nodded weakly. "Oh Mother Earth, you look terrible. You look absolutely exhausted. Why don't you get undressed and get into bed. I'll speak to Professor Dumbledore about your little upset. I'm sure-"

"You can't!"

"I'll explain you were taken ill. He'll think of something to say to your students. I'll fetch you a nice cup of tea then get some rest."

"Severus...Severus?" A voice was calling his name. It sounded distant at first then consciousness beckoned and he woke up.

"What?" He opened his eyes and was gently kissed upon the lips. 

"It's going to be fine. Professor Dumbledore has sorted everything out. He told the children that there was strange contagion outbreak among some of the students and explained that they hallucinated the entire thing. He even had them carted off to the hospital where Madam Pomfrey gave them a fake potion to drink. They think they dreamt it all."

"Oh thank the heavens," said Severus sitting up. Taya sat down at his side and smiled. "But he wants a word with you later." 

"Great," he muttered sarcastically.

"With both of us. After all the Headmaster was my legal guardian when I was at school, and he worries about us."

"What did you say to him then?"

"I said you were unwell, feelings so intense came bubbling to the surface and you simply couldn't contain them for much longer."

"You said that?" The professor looked horrified and Taya guessed his reaction would be anything but joy.

"Sev, I had to tell the truth. It was spoken it complete confidentiality. None on the students suspect anything. They don't know anything different. Like I said they believe they dreamt up the entire scenario. He sighed and realised what was done was done. Nothing could change the fact.

"Any way, did you have a good sleep?" She asked changing the subject.

"Yes."

"No more bad dreams?"

"No." He frowned. "That is most odd."

"I put some Sleepeasy in your tea." 

"How long have I been out?"

Taya smiled. "Twelve hours."

"Twelve hours? I should be-The rabbit!" Taya leaned in close.

"Don't worry about her. She's here fast asleep on her blanket. I collected her for you. I guessed you'd worry about her."

"Thank you. I must go." 

"You're not going anywhere. It's late. Half past nine. You are staying right here with me."

"I am? We will see about that." Taya giggled. He was beginning to sound more like his old self again. She slid her hand down his bare chest to his abdomen. Pausing for a brief moment to touch a jagged scar across his hip. 

He gasped slightly, surprised that a wound long since healed but inflicted upon him by Lorsekruker could feel so nice while being touched. Her hands moved position and began to stroke in a light circular motion over his belly. Severus grabbed her tiny wrists to prevent any more caresses.

"Please stay," she pleaded. "I want you here with me." He managed a weak smile, feeling a surge of love wash through him. 

"If I agree to stay, will you please stop addressing me as Sev. It vexes me no end."

"Okay Professor."

"Severus," he said firmly.

"Severus then."

"Another thing, promise to hold me again?"

"I thought you didn't want me to cuddle you anymore."

"I was... confused." he pause. " I lied and besides I feel safe when you hold me."

"That is so sweet of you to admit Severus." She hugged him.

"I want to touch you," he breathed in her ear. She smiled into the silk mass of his hair, smelling faintly of herbs and wild flowers.

He pulled her down until she lay at his side and she held him. 

They lay like that for what seemed like forever until Severus pulled her up into a kneeling position and lifted up the pale pink night-dress she was wearing. He took a gulp of air when he saw her and remembered four days ago when she seduced him. 

She was naked beneath the night dress. Her pale milky skin glowed from the candle light making her womanly body shine in eerie ethereal beauty. 

He lifted the floaty night dress over her head and let it drop some place on the floor. His hands slid over her, caressing her curves in the utmost gentleness and grace. She moaned almost silently relishing the light strokes of his warm, large hands as they glided over her hips sending delightful little shudders over her skin. Taya found it highly erotic, but she wanted more.

She took his hands and positioned them completely over her breasts. "It feels nice if you squeeze slightly." She closed her eyes relishing his gentle fondling. 

Taya moaned as his inexperienced fingers brushed over a nipple. He captured it between his thumb and index fingers causing the tender flesh to harden and procuring a low feral moan to escape her lips.

"Like this?" His thumbs brushed over her nipples, stimulating and soothing at the same time. 

"Oh, yes," Taya sighed feeling the sensations of deep pleasure growing throughout her body as his fingers manipulated her. 

"Is this okay?" She opened her eyes with a start when she felt his tongue gently lap against the sensitive erect tissue. "Oh God yes," Taya murmured enjoying the feeling of him suckling her, then she pulled his face so close that his nose was pressed into her cleavage.

Severus slid his tongue down the valley between her breasts, tasting her skin, slightly damp from perspiration. She was burning.

Taya arched her back pressing her flat belly against the toned smoothness of his chest. He gazed down her watching how her body reacted to him. His tongue flickered over her again. The stimulation causing the nerve endings under her skin to become so sensitised that she thought she would spontaneously ignite into flames.

His mouth freed her nipple and Severus repeated the process on the other. 

"Teach me how to actually make love to you," he whispered shyly releasing her from the brief moment of sensual bliss. She clasped his face with both hands and gently kissed him. 

Severus sat up. 

"Please, teach me," he repeated. 

"I thought perhaps you'd want to sleep some more?"

"I've slept for twelve hours without waking once."

She smiled then pushed him back down against the pillows and kissed the hollow of his throat.

"Very well Professor," she breathed. 

His fingers slid through the dark silk of her hair then stopped as they reached her back. For a second she closed her eyes, relishing his touch. After a moment of simple reflection she moved her head and gazed wondrously into the rich enigmatic pools of his eyes. 

Severus swallowed feeling a slight murmur of apprehension in his stomach. Taya seemed to notice and touched his temples, finger tips lightly touching the pressure points.

"I can feel you," she murmured feeling a wave of apprehension flood her mind. "You're still a little scared?" She wondered with a question and moved her finger tips to stroke his eyebrows.

Severus swallowed again. "Perhaps."

"It's okay. It's to be expected since you've never done this before."

He moved over and onto his side, and slid a strong arm around her. 

Taya arched her back pressing her flat belly against the toned smoothness of his chest. He gazed up at her watching how her body reacted to him. 

Taya grasped his hand pulling it roughly from her shoulder and dragged his fingers savagely down to her secret hidden place. 

"You want me to touch you here? Now?" He asked.

"Yes," she hissed, her voice seeming drunk from the intensity of the situation. She gasped as his long nimble fingers stroked beneath her then cupped her mound. For a long agonising moment he stopped and listened to the rampant beating of her heart and her unfettered irregular breathing. She gazed at him in desperation.

"Oh God, Severus don't stop now." 

The professor hesitated a moment longer then eased his fingers between her soft lips, noticing she was slick with anticipation and frantic longing.

Taya opened her legs wider, submitting to him her deepest most intimate part of her body, allowing him to accommodate her better and permit him leverage. 

"Touch here," she said grasping his wrist. "Slowly now." He found her nub, fingers stimulating, forcing her to nearly fall over the edge until he pulled away and inexpertly sort her opening.

He captured her eyes with his, and noticed the green irises had darkened with un-suppressed lust.

"May I?" He asked, his deep chocolate voice almost tinged with keen desperation.

"Yes," came the jagged riposte.

With gentleness and care he slid a finger into her core. 

He pulled out quickly when he heard her mutter, "No,"

"Did I hurt you?" He said sitting up, eyes widening in alarm. The fact that he might have hurt her caused his skin to chill and a fear to burn into his throat.

"No, Severus." She shook her head. "You are very tender. It's just that-"

"What...?" 

She smiled, sat up then pulled him to her, comforting him with an embrace. 

"Severus, I want you inside me." 

"Are you sure?"

"Are you? I wont force you if you think your not ready." 

"I believe that I am." He swallowed. 

"Severus thank you."

"Why are you thanking me for? You've given me so much all ready, more than I think I'm worthy of. I always thought I would be forever alone."

"You aren't alone now." Taya eased her left arm around his neck, her fingers softly smoothing his ruffled hair. 

"I had no idea that I could do that for you," he said with a raised brow. 

"You've surprised yourself?"

"Yes."

"You are a man after all Severus, your not emotionless or void. And you certainly brought me to um, satisfaction."

His throat spasmed into an unexpected gasp as her hands without warning slid down his torso. A slight, but opulent prickling sensation on the skin at the nape of his neck was rapidly expanded into waves of pleasure that darted down every nerve ending to his spine, tingles of pleasure, quenched by such a soft feather like touch on his erection as her hand came to rest around him for a brief shuddering moment.

"You liked that?" Taya murmured, noticing how his body seemed to suddenly respond, and the half closed eyelids.

"Hum."

"I have never felt an emotion so intense as this before," he said abruptly looking up. "I thought I was in love once-"

"Lilly."

"But I never imagined that it could be like this." Taya nodded in agreement.

"Nor me. I had sex with my last boyfriend, but it was nothing in comparison. I realise now that there was nobody else ment for me. Only you. He was a distraction. I was so bloody stupid to think otherwise. I thought I loved him at first, but I was so wrong."

She screwed up her face. "He was a pig, actually a selfish bastard to be exact. I discovered he was already married, but when we were together it was always you I was making love to. I pretended it was you. It was sex with him and love with you."

"How long were you together?" Taya bowed her head in embarrassment and smiled timidly. 

"Two years. Then I was on my own for five. I didn't want to wind up in another meaningless pointless relationship." Severus frowned.

"But why stay with such a man you did not love?" Taya shrugged then absently stroked the potions master's belly again.

"I was scared I guess. I didn't want to be alone and I was afraid of you. I thought that you would be brutal or something despite me loving you virtually to death. You see all I saw in your mind as a kid was rage and hopelessness, then when I kissed you in class that day-" She shrugged. "Well, I felt such keen passion I guess it scared me a bit even though you were...gentle. I still had images in my mind that you could, would... hurt."

"I would never hurt you. I know that I'm a bitter selfish git that-" 

"Shush." she pressed her fingers to his lips then removed them.

"I knew fully well what students are saying about me. I am not that foolish. I knew that I scare them. I admit I found a kind of gratification that they are afraid of me, but -"

"Don't start hurting yourself again," she said softly. "It's not your fault. But I wish you could have talked about it with someone, might have made it easier to bare." Taya caressed his face then noticed tears welling up in his eyes. "Oh Severus." 

"Please hold me," he muttered. In sympathy she eased her arms around him and he responded by hugging her to him in such desperation she feared that he would squeeze her to death, being as strong as he is. A moment later he relaxed the hug a bit. She kissed him on his lips.

"I should have done this when I was eighteen instead of leaving you all alone for another seven years then meeting that stupid prat."

"You were still virtually a child," he muttered.

"Yea, I guess I was really naive to fall for that bastard and move in with him. I feel so stupid for denying the gift. You know Poppy Pomfrey was right about it."

"Hum?"

"It does clasp you in it's vice and never lets go. But it did let me see you for who you really are."

"Is that bad?" Muttered Severus. 

"Oh no, 'cause not. If I didn't have the ability to link my consciousness with yours I may never have been able to help you with your pain."

"I see." He nodded. She gazed at him, studying his features, especially his sultry hooded eyes. She noticed that they weren't as black as she first thought. A very dark inky brown. Barely discernible from black. Taya frowned.

"Your eyes!"

"What about them?" He looked startled.

"They're brown." Severus allowed a light laugh which caught Taya by surprise. She wondered about the last time he had actually laughed aloud.

"Why? What colour did you think they were?"

"Black?" She shrugged feeling slightly if some what pleasantly embarrassed. Pleasantly because she had made him laugh. Embarrassed because she had mistaken her lover's eyes for black. Severus raised a brow. 

"They have always been dark brown as far as I can remember." Taya laughed and leaned in close to whisper in his ear, but her eyes were glancing down. 

"Come on my love. I feel that I can't wait any longer. I want to see your wand in action." The professor looked mortified.

"My what??" At that moment she steeled a kiss and proceeded to rouse his mood. 

Severus lifted her onto his lap and wrapped his arms around her. She brushed her fingers against the telepathic contact points on his face, constituting a link between them. She moved her fingers down, arousing him quickly. 

Severus quickened in her hands as they pulled away from the kiss. 

Her own body felt eager for his touch.

This would be his first time truthfully. Rape and the harrowing brutal experiences he had with a man didn't count. Only what was going to happen between him and Taya would now.

She pushed Severus Snape onto his back then straddled him. He was about to say something when she slowly guided him into her then begun to rock her hips in time with his. 

"Am I hurting you?" He questioned again.

"No," she shook her head. "Move your hips a bit more my love. I want to feel everything with you." He obliged and she cried out, a gasp of abdication as she felt him press further into her. 

Severus closed his eyes. Taya leaned forward and kissed him.

"I never thought it could be anything like this," he said sounding breathless.

"Is that good?"

"Yes."

"You're wonderful Severus."

Abruptly he slid her over onto her back this time taking the lead. It was bliss. He was making love to her with such tenderness he feared she would break like a china doll. 

She slid her hands down his back sending shivers of pleasure down his spine. Her hands grasped his buttocks. 

It was the first time that she totally joined her soul with his, and didn't sense the terrible heart wrenching despair and loneliness. The fear or the terrible feeling of hopelessness was pushed at the back of his mind. She could only feel his furious passion combined with her own as they both strained against each other and climaxed simultaneously. All she saw was his eyes, lightning reflected in them, a reflection of her own passion . 

His eyes pulled her into them she spiralled down into the familiar depth of his soul only this time she felt the intensity of his own orgasm, a detonation of illumination, visceral in it's drowning intensity. A rapturous assortment of physical and emotional sensations. She was swept away in it all. 

Only when she had lost a minute amount of concentration did the familiar dark tunnel take her back into her own mind again, and to be rewarded by the sounds he made and pleasurable sensations of his hips bucking wildly as he exploded, ejecting his hot liquids into his young lover.

After their love making Severus Snape pulled the blanket around both of them and held her close. 

Taya watched as his eyes flickered closed and a silent contented sleep bathed him in the darkness. She still felt the echo of his mind inside her, but for now he was safe, and she was content to simply watch as a slight almost child like expression was caste upon his features. 

Not long after she too fell asleep.


	15. Chapter 15

****

Chapter 15

The Truth Be Told 

"I still feel uneasy about this," Severus said wrapping his cloak around his shoulders.

"I know, but the Headmaster needs to know."

"Exactly, that is why I resent having to go," he snapped.

"I'll be right with you." She took his hand and gently kissed the back. "Remember it's only Dumbledore."

"Humf."

"Are you scared?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"Please tell me because it's okay to be scared."

"Yes. I'm petrified." Taya reached up and hugged him. "And I feel quite nauseous."

"You get butterflies too? I get them when I'm nervous. Let me rub your tummy." Severus gazed at her strangely with that raised eyebrow of his. He felt the sensations of nausea subside when her fingers slid under his robes and rub his abdomen. For some reason he discovered that he liked it when she stroked him there. Was that why she did it as much as she did? She was after all empathic. Severus managed a brief smirk.

"Does that feel better?"

"Yes it does actually. You would make an excellent healer," he said tucking himself back in.

"It's good that you are opening up to me. It take courage to do that. Come on let's get this over and done with." Together they passed the threshold to Taya's room and left for Dumbledore's office.

"He's changed the bloody password again," muttered Severus.

"Oh. What is it this time?"

"I believe it to be, 'Fudge Creams.' he said in a clear loud voice. The stone gargoyle moved and a passage appeared.

"I should have thought Uncle Albus would have ran out of sweet names by now." Taya added.

"Hum." 

"It'll be all right you know." Her fingers clasped his gently and they stepped into the passage leading up into darkness.

The Headmaster was sat at his usual place, behind his huge mahogany desk with his glasses positioned at the tip of his nose. He was immersed in reading the worn pages of a large volume. It's details were mostly hidden from view at the other side of the table.

Dumbledore tore himself away from the ancient book and smiled kindly at Severus and Taya.

"Ah, Severus, Taya."

"Headmaster I believe you wished to see me." 

"Yes yes. Indeed I do. Please sit down both of you." Obligingly Severus sat if not awkwardly. Taya remained standing behind him."My dear Professor Snape," he began. "I see that you two are getting on nicely."

"Admirably," muttered the potions master if not a little scathing at Dumbledore's personal question..

"Good. Now I have an understanding that you were taken ill yesterday?"

"You could say that." Severus shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

"My young friend informed me of the matter and I have seen to it that your shameless reputation has been restored." Dumbledore smiled.

"My sincere admiration for you Headmaster."

"Thank you, so kind." Dumbledore turned and smiled at the young woman. "Miss Matterson, may I have a few moments along with the Professor please?"

She gazed longingly at Severus who returned her a haughty look if not with a touch of desperation. She leaned in close and whispered in his ear, "I'll be in the other room Severus." For a moment he felt her fingers touch his cheek then she pulled away. "It's okay." She turned and stepped out of view leaving the two professors alone.

Dumbledore smiled after her but his cheery mood vanished as soon as she was gone. Severus felt a familiar sensation creep up his spine, anxiety at the very least was gradually rising and the nausea had returned.

"Tell me what happened, Severus?" Whispered Dumbledore gently.

The potions master froze, lost for words. He had the pure traits of a true Slytherin but how he was going to explain this one away? He had no idea at all. Taya had probably told the old man more than she admitted he realised and he was stumped, confounded for a conceivable truth that would let him off the proverbial hook.

"Tell me." Dumbledore's voice was soft, calming as if her were addressing an anxious child.

"I do not know where to begin, Headmaster." Severus lowered his head and gazed at his folded hands. 

"I must confess that I was shocked by Taya's information, but something terrible on the lines of abuse had crossed my mind previously." Dumbledore shook his head. "I wish you would have told me about this before. I would never have put you in so much danger had I known what happened to you."

"Thank you Headmaster, but I took my fate into my own hands. I choose the path and I followed it despite the consequences."

Albus Dumbledore nodded and pushed his spectacles back up on his nose.

"Of cause you did, but you didn't know the results did you?"

"I do not expect you to renounce me of my crime because of this Albus."

Dumbledore laughed lightly. "You were forgiven years ago. I'm not keeping you here against your will. If you feel that you wish to leave then you can. Besides partly the reason I kept you here was for your own protection and it really wasn't entirely my own idea to make you a spy you know. The ministry objected immensely to my pleas to let you stay here. Arr, but you are here after all, son." The elder wizard smiled. "You needed some place to call home after your...visits. Someone had to take care of you when you came back." The potions master sneered.

"The ministry wouldn't have cared either way," said Severus. Dumbledore nodded sadly.

"I know, but you needed a friend." Severus gazed at him wordlessly.

"Many still feel I should have been left to rot in Azkaban."

Dumbledore leaned forward and watched the younger man intently. "Do you still feel that way, Severus?"

He shook his head. "No."

"I'm so glad of that. Now that he's gone you can go. Despite how you may feel you are a free man."

"Do you mean, He Who Must Not Be Named?" Interjected Severus.

"Yes yes. And we don't call him that any more. You yourself must no that calling someone by their name de-powers them."

"I ment it in respect Headmaster. I did not wish to offend you."

"Never my dear Severus. No offence taken. And for that matter you served me well, served the Ministry well despite what some think." Dumbledore leaned closer and folded his arms. "Now tell me what happened yesterday."

"I would assume that Miss Matterson has told you enough for you to be convinced that I was...maltreated?" The trepidation was now fast turning into a rage.

"Not really." said the wizened old man. "As I said I had my speculations. She just confirmed them."

Severus sighed and realised he had no opportunity to avoid Dumbledore's pressing questioning. 

"I will answer your question, but it is a very long story. I suspect that you do not have the time to listen to me ranting on about my _deprived, abysmal existence_." Rage shone in the younger man's eyes and Dumbledore saw it.

"I'm not here to pry into your private affairs, Severus. Think of me as a detached observer." Professor Snape stood and forced himself to remain calm and objectionless. 

"You don't have to tell me things you don't want to. I'm your friend. I want to help if I can. Perhaps you could start from the top? The orphanage? Did they...abuse you there?"

"No," came a crisp reply. "With all due respect Headmaster I do not see where this is heading."

Dumbledore nodded. "In all my experience, and I've had quite a number of years to think about it and digest what people have said, or what's been written so forth I would say that you are dwelling in something akin to self hate. Am I correct?"

The potions master bit his tongue. "I think Miss Matterson is very good for you. Take her advice when given and use it wisely." He smiled and leaned forward. "She loves you you know. Very much. I see it in her eyes."

"I know."

"And...Do you love her back?"

"My feelings where Miss Matterson is concerned are my own." _And I will certainly kill her when I see her._

"Very well."

"What did she tell you about me?"

"She said you broke down without prior warning in front of your class then came to her. Is that true?"

"Yes."

"Tell me if you can. Why did you think you were reduced to tears?" Severus slumped down heavily and held his head in his hands. "I know this is deeply personal," murmured Dumbledore sadly. "Did it happen, um were you... hurt as a young man? Possibly while as a Death Eater?" Severus noticed that the elderly wizard chose his words carefully. He sincerely wished that he would let it be and let sleeping dogs lie.

He looked up. Something gave way in his heart. He felt a hand gently rest against his shoulder. The headmaster was at his side. "Speak to me as a son to a father if that helps." Of cause that didn't help in the least. "Tell me."

"There was a man. His name was Dionysius Lorsekruker. I do not know whether you have heard of him?" Dumbledore shook his head. "You are correct on your speculations sir, I was indeed hurt. Raped." Severus felt his blood go cold even saying the word caused him pain. The Headmaster sat down again rather heavily. 

"On Merlin's very own grave, you poor poor man." He closed his eyes. "Thank you Severus, thank you for being brave and sharing that deeply personal piece of information with me. That is all I need to know. I'm sure you will need the comfort of your girlfriend now."

"How do you...?" Severus was startled. 

"It doesn't take a wizard to know that you two are together. I however suggest you keep your relationship quite for the time being. You have my sincere apologies for prying into your private life."

Severus looked up and watched Taya enter the room just at the right time. 

"Uncle Albus?" She gazed steadily at Dumbledore who smiled.

"Sometimes no matter how long or how much you want to keep horrible memories to yourself it's always better to confide in someone else. I wont press you on this subject any further. Of course if you wish to-"

"Thank you Headmaster. I don't think any further discussions on my past are necessary." He turned to Taya and jeered slightly. The Headmaster nodded.

"Perhaps your heart will rest a little easier from now on. Off you go. Take the day off and enjoy each other's company. Professor Newt can take your classes for today Professor Snape and Miss Matterson I'll probably take yours. Good morning to you." Dumbledore looked down at his gold pocket watch. "Goodness gracious is that the time? I have a meeting in fifteen minutes. Must dash."

Once the Headmaster had left Taya slid her arms around Severus, not noticing the gazes on faces of previous Headmasters and Headmistresses. "You must really be hating me right now," she said. "I feared the worse when he sent me out. God I'm so sorry. Was it that bad?"

"Only that you apparently said more than you indicated to me." He was bitter but didn't pull away. Taya was grateful for that.

"Can you see though, Uncle Albus was worried about you. He needed to know. He told me that he had been worrying over you for years."

"I do not see why I had to-"

"It's only that he cares, Severus. There _are_ people who care about you. Not everybody is bad. And I still love you."

"Dumbledore knew about us didn't he?"

"Yes." She nodded.

"From the start."

"It was his idea you know."

"I guessed that."

"But I came to you out of my own free will. Not because of what anybody said or wanted me to do, but because I love you."

"You still love me?"

"With all your weakness and vulnerabilities." He looked slightly fazed. "Do you forgive me?"

"Perhaps."

"Please," she pleaded.

"I will have to think about it."

They stepped out into the small hall overlooking the magic escalator. 

"Please."

"You may have to work for your atonements." 

"And do what?" Taya screwed up her nose in mock disgust. 

"It is exceptional that you do it correctly. I do not wish to give you a detention."

"That sounds mighty interesting." She giggled. "What is it?"

"It concerns... love."

"I thought just as much, my love. Then why don't we go to your bedroom and I'll show you." He closed his eyes, leaning down slightly and she on tip toes. They kissed.

****


	16. Chapter 16

****

Chapter 16

The Library

The library was virtually deserted when Professor Snape entered the large chamber. It was past curfew so there was no danger of sneaking students. Rows upon rows of shelves and cabinets lined the room, containing the ancient scrolls, books, papers and various documentation.

He strolled over towards a tall imposing shelf near the back of the room until he noticed the woman sat at the near by table.

"Taya? My dear what are you doing here so late at night?" She looked up from her reading regarding the tall cloaked figure swathed in black gazing down at her. She smiled and stood up reaching out her hands to clasp his.

"Severus!" For a moment both were lost in time then Taya indicated for him to sit down. He complied and sat down closely beside her. His arm brushed against her. The contact stirring powerful emotions between them. They exchanged a brief kiss.

"I was looking for Dotty Morelop, you know the witch who invented the curse, Septiasteratos. I have a class in two days and we are studying blood curses." The man swallowed. It appeared to Taya that Severus winced slightly as well. "Are you okay?"

"It just brought back a rather disturbing memory."

"Oh Lord, they didn't? No?"

"Yes."

"How did you survive?"

"With great difficulty actually, a rather horrible way to go if you ask me." 

The curse was as brutal as it sounded and was considerably deadly. Only a few survived, those who did only lived to tell the tale because there was something in their blood that prevented the final horrifying stages. It was a curse that literally ment the victim practically bleed to death. A formidable and painfully slow death.

"Some how I was resistant to it's potency," he said. "Not that I didn't bleed." Taya looked horrified.

"They actually did that to you?" He nodded sombrely. "Merlin's balls." She hugged him. "You did have a rough time of it didn't you?"

"You could say that." He gazed down at the book she was reading. "Did you find what you were looking for?"

"Yes. I'm sure that the seventh years will find it interesting."

"Indeed. Youth has a penitent morbid fascination for the grotesque." She nodded.

"I also found this." She took a large red leather bound book from under several others positioned under the table. He couldn't see the title.

"The restricted section I would gather."

"And well hidden. Wouldn't want to give the students any ideas would we. I don't know what it's doing here in the school in the first place." Taya opened it for him to see. _I wouldn't be surprised if it was someone's little joke,_ she thought and a smile played on her mouth.

"The Kama Sutra. I suppose it deems some value, magic or otherwise. Indian sexual practices often include something more spiritual rather than just the basic act of copulation." He turned a bright shade of pink much to Taya's amusement. "Where did you find it?"

"Over there," she said pointing to an isolated section in the library. Many volumes were chained onto the shelf to prevent misfortunate happenings.

"I've never seen it before," commented Severus. "However I have browsed that shelf many times.

"Probably because you were never actually going out of the way looking for sex information." He made a little strangled sob noise.

"Perhaps. Why were you? Are you looking for something specifically? " His face dropped. "My techniques, humble they may be, am I not satisfying you?"

"Severus! You've got nothing to worry about in that respect. I was curious. If it bothers you that much I'll put it back." She started to get up but felt his hand grasp her upper arm. Taya looked down at him.

"You are angry with me," he stated turning around to face her. 

"I'm not angry with you." She stroked his hair, appreciating the feel of soft silk between her fingers. She coiled a few strands around her fingers then let go.

"Then please sit with me." She sat down, nestled on his lap. He hugged her against him.

"I love you," she murmured. He smiled faintly. Every time she said those words he felt a soothing crush in his heart.

"I just don't see the point in looking at other people while they..."

"Have you actually looked at the Kama Sutra before?"

"No," he said quietly. "What would have been the point?"

"It's only a guide to love making. I wasn't looking at it for the sole purpose that I needed another kind of...of..." She couldn't find the word.

"Stimulation?" He offered.

"Yes. And beside this copy seems to be a wee bit different."

Severus frowned and looked at her cautiously.

"How?"

"Look for yourself."

"I can't. It's to personal." Neither the less she opened it and heard a shocked cry.

"BLOODY HELL," he yelled. "It's us." 

His eyes widened at the moving images of them. Severus turned away, he couldn't watch. He tried to close his ears to the distinct sound of his own voice coming from the book as he cried out in rapture. Taya giggled as she flicked through the pages.

"Wonderful isn't it! There's stuff in here I've never even contemplated. Mind boggling, some of this stuff you would have to be a..." 

He turned back, eyes falling onto the page and regretted what he saw. Abruptly he pushed her off his lap. She noticed his expression wishing with all her heart that the page hadn't flipped opened specifically on that image.

"Severus?"

"How...how can this book turn you on?" He said darkly, his voice consumed with rage and pain. He was choking nearly on every word. He slammed the book closed. He stood up pacing for a minute then sat down again. The image butchered his mind nearly as intense as the memory of Lorsekruker when he violated him. Even the thought of doing that to Taya caused tears to form in his eyes. He turned away from the touch that stroked his neck, just under the collar of his robes. 

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "Doing it that way doesn't always correspond to rape you know, it can be nice." She bit her lip regretting her words, knowing that they would stir terrible pain in him. She tried to soften her words. "How do you think gay men-"

"And you know all about this of cause? I should have guessed what you would have been up to with... with that other man. How can you so insensitive?"

"It wasn't ment by anything. Severus?" He expression and tone in voice took in desperation.

"I know I'm inexperienced, frigid and repressed but..." His voice trailed off into nothing. "And I suppose you've mastered the majority of this filth? Did it with your boyfriend?"

"He's not my boyfriend now. You are and he was a mistake. A stupid mistake."

"Was he better than me? Are you jealous because I wont go down on... on your arse?"

"You're behaving irrationally. It's only a book." Her words were useless as was her futile attempts to calm him. "Don't tear yourself up over it." She silently wandered over to the book case and slid the offending volume back into place.

"Did you enjoy it when he took you from behind?" Severus suddenly lent forward burying his face in his hands. She stepped faward reaching out and this time he responded to her touch, falling heavily against her, pressing his head against her chest. "I'm sorry," he moaned. "I shouldn't have said that."

"What was it like?"

"What was what like?"

"Having that done to you." He tensed.

"I don't want to talk about it." He looked up at her. "I thought you already knew how it felt, you're an empath aren't you?"

"Yes, but I didn't look into you as deep as that. There are something's -"

"Better left alone. I know."

"Yes but others are better let out into the open. Keeping them shut away wont let you heal. I felt your pain, but I never properly assimilated it. Feelings were just so jumbled, so disconcerting and random. I couldn't really make them out."

"I'm sorry," he said simply.

"I am sorry for being so nasty. Tell me in your own words. Let it out into the open and let the air suck it away instead of it compressing inside us." He turned his head.

"I can't. It's too horrible."

"I'm your friend and your lover. You can safely confide in me."

He took a deep breath. "It's not that. It's just..." He sighed.

"Tell me."

"Look Taya I can't speak of this."

"Tell me. Let it free. You expressed your pain to Dumbledore. If you can't share your pain you can't heal." Severus nodded, realising that she was right. Keeping it in only made it worse.

"...I feared that I would be left for dead every time, or bleed to death. Sometimes I wished that would happen."

"Gods." He noticed she was weeping and slid an arm around her. Although what he was explaining was merely words they made her heart break and she wished she had never discovered that confounded book. 

For a moment their eyes met and she felt herself falling, being swallowed up by those dark eyes, taken to some other hidden place beyond the physical. Then she felt it. The twisting, the stabbing agony of it all. Severus abruptly pushed her away, shielding her from most of the carnage. She cried inside him feeling the burning of her soul, and every nerve crying out in protest from the feelings and sensations that were now in some kind of order, unlike before, a juggling of twisted images and feelings because she understood. 

Taya found herself back inside in library again, listening to the chiming of the grandfather clock in the background. It struck midnight, the witching hour, the hour of death. She noticed that Severus was watching her intently, perhaps still inwardly seeking her consciousness. He averted his eyes. 

"I'm surprised you didn't bleed to death," she said hoarsely.

"A spell had been cast that enabled quick healing for all other times."

"What about infection?"

"Again a spell was used so that I wouldn't catch anything untoward. Although when I came back to Hogwarts I made a potion that eradicated any...symptoms and bacterial infections just to be on the safe side."

"What about your basic.. . needs," she asked.

"Difficult. Painful." Very gently Taya brushed a loose strand of hair from his eyes.

"Where did you live exactly?"

"There was this house. It was large and would have been really quite magnificent years ago. About forty rooms. I had my own room, it was basically a laboratory with a single bed. It was small but accommodating. I had clothes and food although I rarely felt like eating anything. When I was called I would be taken from my room to the cells, the dungeons." Taya stood up.

"Thank you for telling me, sweetie." Severus followed her lead. "Why did you come here?" She questioned.

"I have seemed to have lost my grade one textbooks and Magical Drafts and Potions."

"They're in my room where you left them last night."

"Foolish of me to forget. Thank you."

"Will you be coming with me tonight or would you rather be alone?"

"Thank you for your kind offer, but I would rather return to my dungeons tonight. I'll drop by tomorrow to pick them up."

Taya collected her books off the table. 

"Let me carry those for you until we're at your door. They look heavy." She smiled at him and dropped him a gentle kiss. 

"Thanks." Together they walked out of the library hand in hand.

"Good night then," he said dropping the books onto the table in that hall. She hugged him for a moment then let go.

"Sure you're be okay?"

"I am certain. I'm sorry about that book. Maybe one day when I feel stronger we will look at it again." She saw a slight twinkle in his eyes. "Why were the images us I wonder?"

"Because we are a couple. It said on the inside page, I quote, 'Those who know where true love lies shall see thee and their lover unite.'" 

"It said that. Doesn't sound like ancient Indian to me," he said scathingly.

"No. Someone must have written it on there, it was hand scribed. The book was Muggle published and had been charmed so that the illustrations moved.

"How do you know that?"

"It said, 'Made in England. 1981.'" He smiled faintly and she took her leave of him. "Well then my dearest Severus nun nite." He nodded.

"And you." They kissed then he left, leaving her wondering. She sighed as she closed the door, her heart feeling heavy despite that they had made up. She needed to do something nice for him.

****


	17. Chapter 17

****

Chapter 17

Guilt

It was nearing the end of March. Winter was slowly ebbing away into the distance and spring was gladly welcomed. The air was fresh and clean, although still chilly. It was an appreciated change to the bitterness of the winter months. The snow was gone except at the very tops of the surrounding mountains. 

Although the land was dry and frost free it was still icy to the touch. However the first signs of greenery was blossoming, along with the rich promise of lush vegetation. The first appearance of wild flowers mingled with heather and in the succulent grasslands could now be seen that was previously covered under the thick covering of snow and ice. Trees were gradually forming leaves and buds. They no longer appeared like eerie twisted spectres dotted on the landscape. 

The lake had finally thawed. 

Severus Snape had just come from breakfast feeling unusually content and was now making his way back down to the dungeons. He and Taya Matterson had been together just over two months. For the first time in his fifty years he was feeling joy. Love was like nothing he really had imagined. At least not with her. It was better than that. She was sweet and caring, but with a mischievous side to her as well. And perhaps a little too overly affectionate for his taste, not that he was complaining. The potions master loved her unconditionally if not a little to possessively, but Taya didn't seem to care or notice. She was still too wrapped up in their new unbridled romance.

To her it was like a dream. Her greatest fear was that one day she would wake up from it. The beginning of their relationship hadn't been elementary nor was it any easier. Severus was still dealing with his hidden demons. His past still depressed him which was to be predicted considering the circumstances of his upbringing and lost childhood. That hurt her, but she presupposed all those years of repression, his hidden anguish, he was feeling a little overwhelmed by it all and her. Only now had he really began to explore his softer quieter more innocent side complimented by a favourable passionate sexuality.

There were times he required isolation and needed to be alone. Perhaps to assimilate the new found reasoning and expectancy that he wasn't entirely infallible and could no longer live on nerves, wits and independence alone. 

Taya had given him reason to go on, to live and to trust again. To accept help when offered and bathe in the glory of freedom. Had it not been for that letter she had found on his desk he may never had let himself fly free. 

He hadn't exactly been enraptured by her returning to Hogwarts and the distinct possibility of re-opening old wounds had terrified him but there she was, a new colleague and quite un-expectantly his lover.

Sometimes he felt as if she was treating him like a child, but that was only sporadically, neither the less it was a trifle embarrassing. Perhaps she was trying to get him to find that lost little boy trapped inside his mind. He had to grow up fast in the late sixties. His childhood was lost the moment his mother died.

The telepathy between he and Taya had grown impenetrable during those few months. Over time both realised they could control their minds at will, only sharing what they wished the other person to see and feel. This was a great improvement on their relationship. She had feared the times when she was unceremoniously dragged unconsciously down into his eyes. 

In one way linking like that was a blessing, during love making it was an added bonus, she could impose feelings upon him, intense powerful sensations both physically and mentally that could literally send him into the apex of desire simply by mind touch alone. Both could feel what the other was feeling thus sending her into the stratosphere as well. 

In more strained times, strong negative emotions had also wrenched Taya into him against her will. Now that she had mastered the ability to consciously will herself from being dragged down into the darker pits of his soul she could afford to give him more of her direct attention instead of worrying about her own emotional well-being.

There were times when she did choose to reach into those dark uncharted regions of his mind. Those times sharing with her his deep harrowing experiences were traumatising for both parties and it wasn't easy. 

Despite his occasional weak spells Severus was strong. He had always been a strong man. He had to be. Only with her did he consent himself to be taken through the esoteric gateway into warmth and light. 

On the outside he still shut himself off from people. He trusted few, and hadn't changed much in reference to his teaching style. He had to keep is unwavering dignity in check.

Severus Snape ment so much to her. He was like a father, a brother, a friend, and a lover all wrapped up in one package. She felt safe with him, enclosed in his strong arms, being cherished and protected. He was the man she was destined to be with. But God, didn't she want to kick herself over the Karma Sutra episode though. That had really put a blow to their blossoming relationship. 

Although he had forgiven her she knew he had been deeply upset if not disturbed by the incident and had hid that fact from her for a while. Only when she touched his thoughts did she realise how much it still worried him. 

He was sitting at his desk in the potions classroom when she brought up the subject once again.

Severus looked up from his work. A sheet of parchment was rolled out in front of him dabbed with various small almost indiscernible squiggles. Taya couldn't make out his small intricate hand writing from where she was standing so strained her neck to get a better view. Severus met her eyes.

"Ah, my dear what is the honour of this visit?"

"I still keep thinking about the other day." She watched him as he bent and opened a drawer in his desk and removed a large red bound book. Severus placed it on the table with a startling thump that made Taya nearly jump out of her skin.

He opened the book and started leafing through it's pages intent on searching for something.

"Ah!" He exclaimed quietly. "There." His finger slowly slid down the page to the article in question. 

"What are looking for?"

"Madam Pomfrey has requested me to brew her an antihistamine potion. Since new discoveries have been made concerning hay fever, cold and flu illnesses, medical experts reckon that triple horned slug mucus is now the key ingredient for this potion to work. I was looking up it's properties up in my book. I endeavour to make one you see. Of cause vast experimentation is required before the potion can be freely used."

He made a startlingly devilish grin. "Any offers Miss Matterson?"

"You must be joking," she hissed. "You are going to have to find your victims else where."

He closed the book. Leaning forward slightly he raised his arms and let his elbows rest against the table and steeped his fingers together.

"As you were saying before?"

Taya sighed.

"I keep thinking about the other day. That book I found in the library." Severus abruptly clasped his hands together, slackening them when he realised he was positively squeezing them too hard.

"I told you to forget," he said soberly.

"Yes I know, but it still troubles you. I saw it in your mind again last night." He shifted awkwardly, letting his arms drop down onto the desk in front of him. He picked up his quill and started jotting notes down again.

Taya neared him. The pen dropped when he felt her mouth stroke against the soft skin just below his earlobe. 

"I feel really bad though."

"I told you to forget it," he said casting her a cold glance. "Can't you see I have work to do?" She nodded.

"Is there anything you would like me to do? I feel so wretched over it."

"Yes," he answered in a slippery tone. "Let me get on with this. I must finish my preliminary research. _Today_ preferably." He didn't notice her defeated sad expression because he was re-reading the text he had just written on the paper scroll before him.

"I love you, Severus." He looked up. The scowl immediately dissipated and his face relaxed into a strange visage of melancholy. "Why look so sad? You are supposed to be happy when I tell you, 'I love you.'"

He exhaled a deep sigh and let his head drop down onto his folded arms, eyes looking straight up at her. 

"All right," he began. "That book really upset me. It still does. I admit curiosity got the better of me when I first saw it, but then I found it disgusting, amoral. I can understand why you found it...a turn on, but with me..." He closed his eyes. "I know I've said it before, but I've seen such terrible things in my life that..." He was shaking his head.

"What have you seen?" She asked quietly. Some things he still managed to keep from exposing her. This was one of them. 

"Rapes, torture, beatings, the non magical stuff. That's just to begin with..." his voice trailed off and he fought back a wave of nausea. "I never really got involved in that, much."

Taya's head shot up. "Much?"

"Yes. We were always required to be there at the massacres, join in if we wished but I... Even when I was a Death Eater it repulsed me. I never did understand why or how anyone could get aroused over such disgusting scenes."

"Severus, can I ask you a really personal question?"

"I never joined in." he pointed out defiantly. "You know me better than that and we have discussed this matter before. I've never been with anyone else other than you or..."

"I didn't mean that."

"Oh."

"I mean," she swallowed. "Did...did you ever kill anyone?" Her voice shook slightly.

"I would be lying to you if I said no." Taya felt all blood leave her face. What was she expecting? After all he had freely joined them. Was she that foolish to think that he dwelled solely for the pleasure Lorsekruker and make nondescript potions for Lord Voldemort?

"Not directly, or personally," he said. "Not my style. It was more subtle than that, possibly more cruelly than slaying personally. Some potions dragged out suffering, sometimes days or weeks, 

"It seems amazing despite what they did to me, but I was a member of Voldemort's inner circle, completely warped ethics on their part if you ask me. That's why I worked so closely with him and why he entrusted me so. I had a knack with potion brewing, the delicate preparation of the ingredients. The methodical procedure is more of an art than of logic and so on. He trusted no other than himself or me."

"So you made potions."

"Yes." No more words needed to be said.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you about that book. It was inappropriate," said Severus after a few silent minutes.

"I think you had every reason to, Severus."

"Just thinking about it," he shook his head and his voice became muffled, "seeing those images of me doing that to you. It made me feel sick." Taya sat down on her haunches.

"I'm sorry." He took her hand.

"You can understand can't you?"

"It's not the all and be all of it. Sex that is."

"That's saying something my dear lady. You can't help it, being a bleeding nymphomaniac." His mouth twitched slightly then spread into a fiendish smile.

"Oi!" She slapped him on the arm playfully.

"It's not as if you aren't getting any is it?" Her mouth opened in surprise.

"Severus! How crude."

"Crude? Considering some of the things you have done to me I thought it was rather tame in comparison to your actions." The smile seem to spread to his eyes. They were twinkling oddly. "As they say, 'action speaks louder than words.'" He turned around. "Come here." He patted his lap.

"Oh, an invitation to sit on the Potions Master's knee?"

"Yes. Hurry up now." She stood up and stepped nearer. Taya leaned forward as if to kiss, but his hands abruptly grasped her behind almost roughly and dragged her closer still. She gasped. "Did you like that?" She smiled shyly. "And do you like this?" He slid a hand under her long skirt, fingers lightly flickering up her bare thigh. She looked shocked. 

"Sit facing me." She obliged and straddled him, pushing herself down onto his legs. Immediately she felt his arousal pressing against her. Automatically her pelvice started to rub against him, riding him until Severus himself found that he was quickening against her. 

Taya felt the rush of familiar sensations hit her like a steam engine at full speed. She cried out his name in a throaty scream.

"Silence." 

"Huh?"

"Subtleties isn't a virtue with you is it?"

"What? Oh..."

"You can get off me now." He tried to push her away but she did not yield. "Had I known you would try something like that-"

"What were you expecting then?" 

"Taya it's nearly ten o'clock. I have work to complete before my first class within the hour."

"It's not very nice to be taken for a ride like that?" She said angrily.

"It wasn't?" He scoffed. "You seemed to react quite the contrary."

"I didn't mean...you know what I ment you annoying git." He smiled at her.

"I was merely going to kiss you."

"Bollocks Severus," she snapped. "I knew exactly what you were thinking. And you were as hard as an iron rod."

He cleared his throat and pretended that he hadn't heard her last sentence. "Did you honestly think I was going to let you have your way with me here in my classroom just before my first class? The door's open. There are no charms put on the room. What if one of the students came down here early?"

"I've never known anyone to turn up to a Potions lesson early," she palavered.

"Yes okay. But the point being-"

"You were nasty to tease me like that."

"Come now," he touched her face.

"Unfortunately you tried to push me off before I had the chance and I don't feel very able now. I'll hold that thought for this evening then." She pushed herself off. 

"What?" He frowned the saw the rapidly progressing grin spread across her face. Understanding suddenly dawned on him. Severus scowled his most intimidating glare. Taya chuckled and circled him for a moment. He looked up at her.

"You are disgusting," he drawled. "Absolutely fowl." She giggled.

"I know." And with that her tongue lightly stoked the tip of his nose. 

"Pervert!" He growled. 

"Yep. What other names can you think of?" He didn't reply. Instead he answered her with a kiss then stood up.

"Off with you now. Before I pick you up and resort to physically throwing you out."


	18. Chapter 18

****

Chapter 18

The New Caretaker

It was Thursday morning.

Taya was already sat at the table in the school staff room, unconsciously thrumming her fingers down on the dark polished surface. There were four other people in the room who had smiled at her but she didn't seemed to notice. She was lost in thought, lost in Severus. Of last night... the way he kissed her... 

"After this morning I found myself hardly able to concentrate all day," he had said moments before he pulled her into his bedroom then into his bed. She seemed to merely exist on his adoration alone and he gave her so many reasons to be happy.

The door opened and a few other teachers and staff entered the room including the potions master. Taya's eyes lit up when she saw him and she practically sprung out of her seat to greet him. Not that she would overtly fondle, kiss or pet him in public that would be humiliating. 

Furthermore their relationship was no longer a secret with the staff and they were pleased for them especially for the potions master who they felt had mellowed to a certain degree much to his disgust. Certainly the children were never told, whether they were aware that had to be said. Severus positively didn't want the whispering, the hurt comments or the backlash if any of them did know. He knew rumours would fly at a speed faster than a Nimbus 3001. Undoubtedly some would speculate how he had done it. Had he cast a spell on their DATDA teacher or poisoned her with a potion? 

__

Nobody in their right mind would ever want to be with me let alone consider sleeping with me. He felt his heart fall and a heavy depression settle on his shoulders. Then he remembered that someone had and she was smiling at him that very minute. Severus chastised himself for his stupidity. It was still taking him time to get used to the fact that he had a companion now and having a lover still seemed the most absurd thing in the world.

One girl did know, but that wasn't by any fault of her own. She was a born telepath and had sworn her allegiance to Taya not tell.

He let a small smile touch his lips when he saw her and stood up in greeting. She whispered something in ear, a term of endearment and they sat down side by side. 

The meeting had been called to introduce the new member of staff. 

It had been a sizeable number of weeks since Filch had left. The school being without a caretaker, tasks were left to the services of Hagrid for the time being.

When everyone was settled Dumbledore finally joined the expectant group. With him was a man.

Severus flinched awkwardly. Taya heard the sudden gasp he made and looked at him directly. He tensed, his eyes were wide and he had to physically and mentally stop himself from lunging towards the door _or_ the man's throat.

"Severus?" He didn't hear her words but clutched her hand with fierce determination under the table. "You're hurting me," she whispered. He immediately withdrew and she pulled her reddening hand away, shaking it slightly to alleviate the pressure caused by his un-expectant grasping. Professor Snape stared, his dark eyes were narrowed and rage was clearly showing on his face. He seemed drawn to the stranger like a moth to a flame. Ultimately but with great reluctance he pulled his vision from the man standing only a few steps away from Dumbledore and arrested Taya's bewildered expression.

"Forgive me. I..." He stood up paused for a short strangled moment, struggling to capture the words that had been sucked from him, to say something to the assemblage of people. "I must go..." then dashed out of the room. 

Nobody noticed the thick stare that was thrust upon him by the new caretaker and certainly no one noticed the Potions Master's deathly cold eyes, glazed slightly and the obvious tension in his jaw.

Dumbledore cast an expression of surprise in Severus' direction as did the others, that is before the man clad in sweeping black robes literally ran out of the room, carelessly nearly tripping over his cloak in his haste to exit the chamber and nearly knocking Minerva McGonagall off her feet as he lurched past her. 

The headmaster leant forward and said in a voice that only Taya could hear, "You better go after him." She nodded and made her leave of them.

She found him struggling for breath outside the door of the Potions laboratory, clinging almost desperately to the door. He turned as if his nerves were on fire and if someone from his past were about to attack. He almost cowered when she stopped at his side then she saw his eyes.

He was trembling not from running but from genuine terror and a cold rage.

"Severus?"

He pulled around some what dramatically, wand at hand ready to strike if necessary. Taya reached out but pulled away when he lifted his arm aiming the wand directly at her head. Suddenly with relief he lowered it.

"Thank Merlin it's you. I thought..." His voice trailed off into empty space leaving nothing but the silence between them. Taya gently touched his arm.

"What is it?"

"That man-" he began.

"Sylvester Cloppe?"

"It's not Cloppe at all."

"I don't understand," she said in a puzzled voice.


	19. Chapter 19

****

Chapter 19

Why Must He Hurt Me Again?

"Then who-?"

"It's him, Dionysius Lorsekruker."

Taya had never felt so sick to the stomach in her life. The prospect or the actual realiity shook her not to mention what it was doing to Severus right now. Old battered wounds and painful memories stood out in clear relief. The idea of Lorsekruker being in the actual school seemed utterly ridiculous.

"Oh Gods," she murmured. "Are...are you sure?" Severus's eyes widened. "Of cause you're sure."

"I would never forget his face," he said. "I see it every night."

She didn't quite know what to do. Whether he would want to be touched at a time like that. 

What was he feeling? Taya took a deep breath and struggled to withdraw the sickening shivers that stole through her body. She clasped his hand firmly into hers and led him back up into the daylight.

"We'll go to my rooms," she said quietly. Any louder and her voice would have broken into an outright sob.

She was still holding his hand when they reached the fourth floor, only releasing it when the passed a student or two running in the corridor. A third year Hufflepuff boy who was bad enough, but much to Severus' annoyance he was accompanied by a tiny first year girl, a member of the much despised Gryffindor brood. 

They were the unfortunate victims of Professor Snape's wrath. Both were chastised for sprinting in the halls and points were deducted. 

Despite the girl's angelic innocent appearance Severus distinctly saw the glare she cast him as she and her friend passed. His keen hearing picked up faint muttering between the two.

"Stupid git," said the girl loudly. With a flick of a finger she pushed back a straying tangle of dark blond hair from her eyes.

"I think he heard you Mina," replied the elder child casting anxious glances behind him at the potions professor.

"Good-" She began to reply in a hard conceited tone, but stopped when Severus abruptly swooped down over them again. 

"Taya stood standing a short way back looking slightly anxious.

"I did here that Mr Gallows," Severus snapped. He glowered at the girl who cowered slightly and took a step behind the boy.

"Your supposed Gryffindor valour seems to have depleted itself," he growled at Mina. Severus' eyes were hard and glistened darkly. They seemed to bore straight into hers. She lowered her head realising that it was a stupid mistake to goad Snape. 

"Detention, both of you. Since Filch is no longer here and I myself have better things to do than watch stupid children, you will report to Professor McGonagall directly after your evening meal." Severus took a side step away. His jaw twitched slightly. "Now get out of my way both of you."

Abruptly Severus thundered off behind them closely followed by an uncharacteristically subdued defence against the dark arts teacher.

When they were out of sight Robert Gallows stopped. "Look what you've done now. We're in for it big time!" He exclaimed. The girl could only manage a weak smile.

"Sorry Rob," she said with a shrug of her shoulders.

"McGonagall's gonna go ape."

"Yea well, you should count yourself lucky she's not your head of house. It's me that's going to probably get killed."

"Well, it's your stupid fault."

Taya draw out her wand and whisper 'moonstones and chucklepuffs' to open the door to her private chambers. She stepped inside with a infuriated Severus Snape lagging on behind her. 

The candles immediately flickered into being as soon as they were inside, as if they were alive.

"Calm down." she intoned noticing the tension in him. He looked ready to explode at any given moment. 

"I AM calm." he bit back angrily.

"Obviously." Taya rebutted sarcastically. She glared at him and he glowered back. From what she could make out Severus was apparently fighting an inner battle with himself.

"Insufferable bloody kids."

"Now now." She raised a chiding eyebrow. "You were one once. Give them a break. They don't understand."

"Indeed not," he muttered to himself. Taya smiled at him gently and pressed her hand against his chest.

"Sit down," she commanded and he sat down on the armchair next to her bed. She positioned herself on the side of the bed leaning close to him. Severus simply sat there gazing out of the window not really looking at anything at all, but he had to stare at something.

"Why is he here?" He croaked.

She shook her head. "I don't know."

"Why?" This time there was desperation tinged in his voice. "Why must he hurt me again?" Suddenly Severus moved and ran for the bathroom slamming the door with abrupt resoluteness in her face. She stopped at the door then sat back down to cry.

That evening he stayed with her. He was just content to let her hold him that night. He didn't know what he was feeling, other than bewilderment and somehow desperate. 

His eyelids flickered closed. Severus, regretting sleep as soon as he realised what he was dreaming.

__

The man, Lorsekruker was hitting him then the image changed. 

He was laying on the cold icy floor his abdomen ached from the previous assault rubbing against the cold stone, rubbing against the chaffed skin, burning the tender flesh until he simply wanted to die. 

He was breaking him apart, tearing the delicate membrane that was holding his fragile wits and sanity together. Then there was nothing. Blackness followed. For a moment he thought he was dead then he heard the calling. The tiny female voice reaching to him from far far away.

He found her hugging him from in the inside. He knew this caused her pain to have to touch him like that but did she really have much choice? Severus realised that he must have woken her up and she had come to him, felt and heard his outcry and reached inside. 

She took him and guided him out from the depressing evil, the pressing and crushing darkness, an abysmal heat that had nearly swallowed him. Then-

Severus opened his eyes. He lay on his side wrapped in her arms. Her fingers stroking his bare arm, the place where the stigmata of the Dark Mark had been cast years before. It was burning. Not because Voldemort was summoning him he had been dead for a few years now, but because of the memory. He gazed at the ugly tattoo, a skull with a snake writhing out from it's mouth, black in colour, not red like it would have been, not inflamed and now no longer burning. 

He heard a whimpering sound. She was crying. He moved closer, at least as close as possible and he felt something like silk slide through his mind, a mental caress. He closed his eyes, suddenly feeling very drained and he slept. This time a dreamless sleep.

Morning came and Severus found himself alone. Where was she? He sat up. He could still smell her distinct sweet musky scent on the bed clothes. She couldn't have been gone lone. He pulled off the bed covers and got to his feet. She wasn't in her small office. 

She must be elsewhere, he thought as he padded naked into the bathroom. His body ached and he felt slightly sick. He thought that he would have got used to regularly vomiting. The dreams caused the weakening of his stomach. This morning he felt no different. 

He was now feeling as sick as a parrot.

"Severus?" he heard a voice. "Where are you?"

"I'm in here," he groaned.

"Where? Are you okay?"

"The... the bathroom." He gazed down into the pan feeling another wave of nausea sweep through him.

"Can I come in?" There was no reply. "Severus?"

The door opened. He hadn't locked it. She found him stooped over the toilet. 

He felt her body press behind him, her arms encircle him and her hands stroking circles over his convulsing tender belly.

"Feel sick again my love?" She held him. Severus couldn't reply. He began to retch. He felt so cold he was shivering, but his waxy skin was clammy to the touch. He felt soft fabric being draped around him. He was grateful for the warmth. 

In any other circumstance he would have demanded privacy. However, right now he needed her support and compassion. Her arms were around him as he began to retch again. 

When the sickness passed he became aware of her fingers running over his scalp, massaging away the pounding in his head. Taya pushed back that irresistible loose strand of lank black hair that was dangling over his face then embraced him fully.

"Where were you?" He said against her warmth.

"I was looking for Dumbledore, but he's left to visit London for the day. On some important mission I 'spose. I dunno when he'll be back. I'm going to see him tonight." Severus looked up into her face. "I'm not letting that... that man stay a second longer in this school." She pulled away from him when he stood and he stiffly padded over to the bath. 

"He should be left to rot in Azkaban for what he did to you." Severus didn't reply. He was concentrating on drawing himself a bath. He simply wanted to be left alone for a bit now and soak perhaps for an hour, just lying there and letting the warm water release the strain in his aching limbs and torso.

"I'll leave you too it then." She brushed her hands along his naked back. Severus turned permitting her a weak smile and a nod. "I've... um got a number of appointments today." She glanced at her watch. Half past eight. She hoped that the meeting she had to attend would finish in time for her first lesson of the day. "Actually...Damn, one's about five minutes time. Oh and Jym Jams is asleep in the bed." The rabbit had taken up residence in Taya's rooms lately. 

"Gotta go." She turned to leave then stopped casting him a concerned took. At least he didn't have a class until late morning. It would give him some time to capture his thoughts. "Will you be all right?"

"Yes I'll be fine. Just need a bit of time to myself that's all." Taya nodded.

"Okay."

"Thanks," he muttered. She smiled back at him and closed the door letting him have some reposing time to himself.

He only had one lesson that afternoon. 

Severus Snape would be glad to go to his dungeon rooms and spend the night alone if allowed. Taya would no doubt forbid him being alone at a time like that but he could be very persuasive when he desired. He needed some peace and quiet and some time to relax maybe pick up a book and fall asleep in front of the fire. That was his plan anyway.

The children hurried out of the classroom as if there were no tomorrow. Non of them particularly liked to hang about down in the dungeons after class particularly if their potions master was in a bad mood. He wasn't feeling particularly happy today for obvious reasons and the brats or so he liked to call them irritated him even more. Both houses, fourth year Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw had been deducted thirty points a piece.

He sighed when they were all gone and looked around his classroom with a mixture of resentment and pity. Pity at himself for having to deal with such useless stupid imbecile brats and resentment at such a group of dunderheads. 

There had been two cauldron explosions, someone grew an extra hand from the potion that they were supposedly brewing, a shrinking potion, and another accidentally splattered theirs at their partner resulting in the poor unfortunate victim being reduced to the size of a mouse. At least that gave the angry potions master something to be mildly amused at while not enraged at the same time.

Taya left her lesson feeling mildly crushed, Severus will still causing her concern. She suddenly came to a stop when she saw Dumbledore. And then she remembered.

"Hello my dear," said Dumbledore with a smile as he passed. Taya hurriedly stopped him.

"Professor you're back early?"

"Indeed I am Miss. Luckily the meeting with the Board Of Magical Education didn't take as long as I expected." He saw frenzy in her eyes. "What is Taya? You appear a little desperate."

"I need to talk to you. Urgently."

"Of cause. Come this way."

****


	20. Chapter 20

****

Chapter 20

The Attack

Severus left the room with it's disarray deciding to sort it all out in the morning. He couldn't bare to face it all this afternoon. Why hadn't he made those god dammed children scrub the place. He supposed that there was still time if he ran after them, but then he'd look stupid so he slammed the door closed, locked it and left.

He'd get one of the house elves to sort it all out, he decided as he slowly wandered up the warn stone steps. There was no way he was going to waste his time, do his back in, in the process if he did it. He wouldn't never stoop that low. That was what minors, like the house elves were for, to do all the chores.

He smiled coldly.

Severus stopped when he reached the top and came to a deserted alcove something made him turn. The hairs on the back of his neck prickled and an awareness slowly unfolded in his mind and body that wasn't a pleasant sensation. 

There was a man's voice, like a hiss, similar to...

_Shit,_ was his first thought. He felt an icy chill slide down his spine. Something intangible but clammy and stinging took hold of his throat forcing his breathing to shudder slightly. His tongue went lank, his mouth seemed to dry up from lack of saliva and then his eyes widened. 

He couldn't move.

Lorsekruker stood there looking mighty pleased, mighty intimidating. The two men together would have sent the entire first year students running away screaming if they saw the look on Severus Snape and Dionysius Lorsekruker's faces.

The potions master quickly withdrew his wand from his robes, but too late, a cold hand grasped his neck. Severus' reflexes were slow from the surprised attack, but he managed to wiggle himself free from those damning fingers.

"We meet again Snape," came the hissing voice.

"Why aren't you dead?" Spat Severus.

"I saw from your little outburst in the staff room that you remember me. How nice. How touching. I of cause never forgot you."

"You should be in Azkaban."

"And you. You were a Death Eater too you know. Or had you forgotten?"

"I never forget."

"Dumbledore is so weak at heart to let you stay here."

"Why are you here?" The other man ignored Severus' question. To him it was obvious. Lorsekruker simply wasn't at the school because of employment, there was something more too it than that. It gave him the chills. Something told him that he was the reason for Lorsekruker's return.

"Easily forgiving." The elder man went on."

"You are a dead man, Lorsekruker." The potions master's voice was calm and silky dangerous. "You don't have a chance in hell before you are recognised." He frowned. "Why aren't you dead?" snapped the professor venomously and tossed his raven hair back. "All the others-"

"Escaped the down fall. Made it out of the country. Only now after all that time I could actually come home without any questions asked. I see that you are very much alive and well," "How is your little tart by the way?"

Severus spun around, flexing his fingers. This time it was his turn to reach out and grab at the other man's throat, but his fingers were pushed away with deft magic. Rage consumed him, he could feel himself shaking with the vehemence. He found himself almost growling into a scream. Lorsekruker was left of balance for a moment and gazed with shock. It was quickly replaced with an evil grin. 

"Is she a good lay?"

"You..."

"Now, now, Severus. Not in a school."

"You never answered my question Lorsekruker?"

"And you never answered mine. I may take her. As you know I always take that which I call mine. Severus raised his wand, but with a keen Death Eaters skill his arm was twisted behind him painfully, the wand jerked out of his hand and snapped into two before his very eyes.

That did it. Severus lunged. Intending to take out Lorsekruker's throat with his bare hands. Instead something was prodded against his chest.

Lorsekruker's own wand.

"Where is your classroom?"

Severus growled. 

"Where is your classroom?" He repeated again. 

"Kindly remove your wand from me.""And If I don't?" Severus' mouth twitched. 

"I will be forced to kill you." The other man's head fell back and he shook with laughter.

"You, you silly little prick. You couldn't hurt a fly. You don't have one gram of stamina in that pathetic body of yours."

"You underestimate me Lorsekruker."

"Severus contemplated his choices. He could knee Lorsekruker in the genitals and hopefully make a quick exit or try and grab the wand. His first choice seemed some what futile. 

Even if he successfully kicked the other man in the testicles it still left a pretty small margin or error on his part. Lorsekruker could still pin him down despite the pain, despite his age the man was still surprisingly agile. 

One thing remained. He still had the wand. That left Severus to retrieve the device and if that failed who knew what would happen. 

He could let his pride and dignity go to the wolves, or to the werewolves, he thought, and head his former master in the stomach, shove him against the wall and grapple with him until Lorsekruker weakened enough to either drop dead, drop the wand or pass out.

Non of those choices seemed much of value, especially since the potions master was already weakened by an upset stomach, fatigue and now a roaring headache, not to mention the constant stabbing and jabbing of Lorsekruker's wand on his chest. 

With only one logical option left open to him, Severus foolishly reached out, grabbing with all his strength at the narrow wooden rod. Instead of getting a good grip his hands pulled away in sudden reflex. He heard the sound of hissing and his nostrils detected the scent of scorched flesh. Severus looked down at his hands. Immediately the pain registered in his brain. His palms were red and shiny, small blisters began to pucker the raw exposed skin. 

Severus growled venom. A small puff of smoke was expelled from the wand.

"Can't do much now can you?" Lorsekruker laughed. "Stupid twerp."

Pure hate shone through the blackening orbs of his eyes. Severus gritted his teeth, muttering dangerous dark oaths under his breath. 

If only he had thought it sooner, he could have disabled the assailant with words, but incantations alone were futile. He needed the power and control of his wand to filter his inner magic through. 

At that moment he wished he was one of the gifted few who could cast spells without the need and guidance of a wand to focus his magic energy through.

"Where is your bloody classroom?" Repeated the other man. Severus stood rooted to the spot and only moved when a small painless burst of electrical efficacy hit. "Just to prove that I'm not afraid to use this on you. Where is it?"

"Up there," he said begrudgingly and pointed at the staircase leading into a blique, darkly lit corridor.

"Well? What are you standing there for? Move." Severus turned around and instantly regretted it. The wand immediately stabbed into the small of his back. "MOVE," ordered Lorsekruker. The point of the instrument jabbed a bit harder. The professor shuddered despite himself and he was pressed up the stairs and back along the corridor he had exited moments before.

"Just to reassure you that my promise is sincere..."A puff of green smoke was expelled from the wand and hit Severus fully in the chest. A sharp pain twisted through his heart sending fingers of contracting agony, squeezing him from inside his ribcage. Severus doubled over. 

Gradually the pain subsided and he became aware of Lorsekruker's eyess.

Taya and the headmaster bustled up the moving spiral staircase in impetuous speed and entered into the privacy of the circular office.

"Do sit down."

"I'd rather stand," she said excitedly. "Besides we don't have much time. I think." Taya squirmed slightly. Her mind, with every available thread of reasoning and patience was forcing her body to relax and not leap out of the room at any given moment like a mad woman.

"What is it? Tell me?" Said the elderly man as he calmly strode over towards his desk with an air of sedate detachment.

"About the other day. You remember when we had the staff meeting and met the new caretaker, Sylvester...Sylvester..." She shifted from one foot to the other virtually hopping. Taya threw up her hands cursing Dumbledore's calmness, while desperately harnessing equanimity into herself.

"Cloppe," added Dumbledore. "What about it or him?" The headmaster frowned slightly and slipped the half moon glasses up his nose a fraction. "Was Severus all right? I must say he didn't look well. I haven't seen him to talk about it. Has it got anything to do with Mr Cloppe, then?"

"Yes," Taya hissed angrily. "He's not Cloppe, Uncle Albus."

"What do you mean, Taya?" Dumbledore scratched his head. 

"Couldn't you sense what was happening with that inner eye of yours?"

"No." He shook his head and looked a little nonplussed.

"It's Lorsekruker." 

Dumbledore gasped. "Oh dearie me. Is...is Severus completely sure? Time can play horrible tricks on people."

"Yes he's sure as day."

"Then my dear..." Dumbledore pulled a surprisingly ornate silver birch wand from a draw in his desk. "We may this. It'll help direct more power if need be." The headmaster glided over towards Taya who was looking at the wand in confused interest. Quickly Dumbledore pulled his familiar one from out of his robes. 

"This wand," he held the other, the glowing silver instrument, up into the air, may be the only thing to save dear Severus."

"Is that an Ocuriam wand?"

"Indeed. Rare and very valuable. Been in my family for seven generations. Now, do you suppose that Lorsekruker will seek him out at any given opportunity?"

"Yes. I dare say if he's obsessed enough and from what I've seen...erm, heard he will," she replied.

"We must hurry then and find Lorsekruker before Severus He circled his wrist and flicked his regular wand back and forth muttering, "Anoculas Visirus, Dionysius Lorsekruker."

A puff of smoke vaporised into a small scene hovering in mid air. Taya covered her eyes and squeaked pitifully. She made a grab for Dumbledore's hand.

"Hurry," she moaned. "He has him all ready. The dungeons." 

The headmaster waved the wand through the image and it vanished. The headmaster turned towards the door. "Isn't it quicker to use the fireplace?"

The headmaster felt a jolt of unfamiliar anger.

"No," he whispered sadly. "All fireplaces in Hogwarts are being refurbished due to some misfortunate accidents concerning the foo network. We'll have to go by foot."

"Open the door." Severus glared at him.

"You will never get away with this you know."

"Must I repeat my action Snape? Open the door."

The potions master stared with coal black eyes. 

"Alohmora." The door slowly swung open. Lorsekruker pushed him inside the darkened room.

"Lumos," cried the elder man. Immediately the candles were alight and a soft eerie glow filled the empty class room. Something cold was probed against Severus' stomach. A crystal globe. He could even feel it's chill through his layered clothing.

He gazed down at it frowning.

"What?"

"More than a crystal ball my friend."

"I can see what it is."

"I've watched her and I've seen you. I wasn't too pleased."

"You you lying pervert-" He suddenly found himself pressed against the cold stone wall, his ears stinging from the sound of grating laughter. 

"I repeat, I usually get what I want, Snape. I want you and..." Severus didn't notice the wand being raised before he completely collapsed. The words only registered afterwards. "Imobilus Totalus!"

Before he could even reach out to stop himself from falling his body had given way. His legs were flung up awkwardly. Rubbery paralysed arms slung out as if they weren't even attracted to his scapulas so he was unable to stop himself. He fell, sending a stool flying across the room and slamming against a locked cupboard. He himself hit the cold stone floor with such force that it collided with the base of his spine.

Severus, without any conscious thought or warning yelped out as his coccyx impacted with the floor. His right shoulder twisted painfully backwards corresponding with the right shoulder blade as it cracked from the pressure of hitting the ground. He lay there, breathing hard, dangerously close to shock and all Lorsekruker did was laugh at him.

"Well, not so tough now are we?"

Severus didn't answer, he was to engrossed in the blinding agony that was tearing his nervous system to shreds. He couldn't move for the agony. He knew Lorsekruker had used the curse 'Imobilus Totalus' instead of the other, 'Petrificus Totalus' because it caused the most physical distress unlike the later which simply immobilised a person into a full body bind.

His head flopped back, eyes wide. They stared at the grinning lunatic baring over him. The professor wanted to scream for help, but even his tongue didn't work. It lulled back in his mouth. He was dangerously close to swallowing it.

"Cat go you tongue, Snape?" He cruelly chided him. "It's better like this,

"All hell will break loose if you screech your head off." Weakly the potions master reached out his burnt hand in a futile attempt to push the other man away. Lorsekruker laughed at him coldly. "You wont be able to do much now, Snape. I've made fast work of that." Severus coughed. "This seems all to familiar doesn't it?"

Lorsekruker turned around inspecting the room with his eyes. "This is where you teach? Poor little bastards." He shook his head and ignored the damning rage in the professor's dark eyes and the sound of raspy breathing. "And it's been...oh, twenty four years exact to this day, Snape, since you slipped quietly away. And now-"

Severus was choking, gasping for air. His face had turned a deep shade of purple. His dark eyes previously adulterated with hate were now wide with fear. Spluttering he once again desperately reached out. Lorsekruker sighed and finally raised his wand.

"Shame I can't leave you like this. Silence is a welcoming commodity, Severus. Unfortunately your abrupt death wont help me get any satisfaction." He waved his wand at Severus' mouth. "Resumaus."

Before the potions master could cry out a hand was slapped against his mouth. Obviously Lorsekruker had another idea to keep him silent. 

"You owe me a lot of debts Snape. Tearing off like that. You disowned us. Turned your back on Lord Voldemort and now you shall pay unduly."

He made a sound that resembled, You're mad.

"Silence Mudblood," Lorsekruker hissed. Severus managed to just about move his head to one side and look at the other man in the eye. A hand roughly brought his head back until Severus' eyes were fixed directly at the wooden beams on the high ceiling.

Suddenly there was yelling, evidently Lorskruker, a burst of brilliant yellow light. Professor Snape moved his head, a sweep of maddening pain shot down his spine and he passed out, not noticing that his attacker was unconscious on the floor and his saviours rushing over to him.

****


	21. Chapter 21

****

Chapter 21

A Surprise Visit

Harry Potter hiked up the familiar secret passage way leading from an old trap door in the basement of the old sweet shop, Honeydukes in Hogsmeade, all the way up to Hogwarts castle. 

He would make a pretty dramatic entrance if some one saw him suddenly jump out the hump of a statue of an old witch. 

Harry had been pretty surprised to hear that the tunnel had been re-opened. Something to do with the worker of the foo network wanting quick unhindered access to Hogwarts by foot without being in the way, or so he had read. It had sounded a bit weird to Harry, but then things in the wizarding world weren't governed by normality.

"Come on," he murmured at the slight red headed woman closely following behind him. "Hurry up."

"You don't wear long skirts you...you stupid...person," answered a perturbed Virginia Weasley. She barely restrained herself from using course expletives. "Couldn't we just walk there the normal way?" And she nearly lost her footing and tumbled on an old root. "Like everybody else," she spat.

"Lumos," she yelled waving her wand furiously in front of her. A slight light glinted in the darkness, not much to go on, but better than braking your leg when you trip up on something." 

Her foot collided with something small, fat and hairy with a slimy tail. It was like a slug with fur. "Ugh," she exclaimed in horrified disgusted. 

Together they quickly came to the top of the tunnel. The hump slid back. A vibrant warm light filtered into the chamber long enough for the two to get their bearings and climb out.

"Nox," Harry whispered and their own feeble beam of greyish light went out. Jinny looked back the way they had just come and shivered.

"Never again," she thought aloud. She was to cultured to go climbing through dirty dank hidden passage ways again. In her youth it was different. Children do disgusting things, she thought. Unfortunately for Harry Potter he hadn't seemed to have grown out of it.

Luckily no one saw them when they emerged from the old lady. It was bright. Harry Potter shielded his eyes with his hand, shutting out the glare of interior candles and sunlight glaring into the place.

They were on the third floor.

"Can you remember where Dumbledore's office actually is?" Jinny questioned.

"'Course I do. Unless he moved residents or swapped with Snape. Can't see Dumbledore living in a dungeon. Can you? And Snape, well to push him out of those dark damp prison cells, some one would have to shove a poker up his arse."

"That's horrible, Harry," but Jinny laughed anyway.

"Maybe he will spontaneously combust."

"Snape's not a vampire."

"Act's like one. Wonder if he's still the same?"

"What do you mean? He dresses in sunshine yellow, had his hair cut and dresses it flowers, or nice different?"

"Neither probably. Come on. We need to get to Dumbledore's tower."

"Even if we do Harry, you don't have the password to go trooping up there. Have you actually considered that Professor Dumbledore might not be at Hogwarts at this moment?"

"Shut up Jinny," Harry grumbled. "We'll get in even if we have to wait. They will recognise us immediately."

"They might call the authorities and we'll get arrested for breaking andentering."  
"We didn't break anything Jinn."

"Well, we are intruding. You could have at least sent an owl."

"God, you are sounding like Hermione. And besides it would take to long if Dumbledore isn't there for a few days."

"You are such an eager beaver, Harry. What if he's not?"

"Then I'm sure they will put us up until he gets back."

"You are a raving loony bin. You know that?" Said Jinny disdainfully haking her crimson head.

"And you're boring. Come on."

"Hello Harry," said a small unexpected voice behind them. Both turned and regarded the tall noble figure clad in dark shimmering blue and silver robes. Harry recognised the man the minute he set eyes on him. "And Jinny, how you've changed." He smiled and offered his hand to both of them.

Albus Dumbledore had a mysterious penitent for appearing out of apparent nowhere. 

He doesn't looks any different at all, thought Harry as a wide grin spread across his face.

"Well, I must say that was an impressive entrance." Albus Dumbledore passed the tea cups and the chocolate muffins. Harry began to dig into his cake the very second he saw it.

"Glad you like the muffins. Double chocolate with dinglop berries. Quite delicious."

"I agree." Harry looked up at his former headmaster and grinned.

"So what has brought you to Hogwarts?"

"We have some news," chimed in Jinny."

"Oh? Is it that important that the two of you had to sneak into the school through the secret passage." The headmaster rested his tea cup on his desk and studied the two with enquiring eyes.

"It's not a secret any more sir," said Harry. It was in the Daily Profit. I see you have been having a bit of trouble with your fire places?"

"Indeed. But to go back to our original subject. You could have owled me a letter."

"Sorry," Harry looked guilty. He turned to look at Jinny and noticed a snide pompous expression on her face.

"He couldn't wait," she said out loud and was met with the embarrassed gaze of a slightly blushing Harry Potter.

"Wait for what?" The other man pressed.

"Jinny and I are getting married. "

"That's wonderful," exclaimed the headmaster who clasped his hands together in delight. "Wonderful."

After tea the elderly man smiled. "It's wonderful to have you with us again. Two years is a long time away from home. The wars were particularly bloody and intense. But you are a remarkable Aura. Equally, a remarkable young man." Harry blushed. "Good job they've settled things out, now.'

"How long have you two been back?"

"Two weeks," Jinny replied.

"Yea. Now I'm recovered."

"Looking out for new adventures, Harry?" Asked the headmaster quietly.

"Not really," he commented. "Rather have my feet firmly on the ground." He smiled. "Or at least on a broomstick. It'll be great to play Quidditch again."

"We had a great holiday too," Jinny said. 

"Visited the Weasleys, Ron and Hermione. Did you know that they are expecting their first baby?" 

"I did not," chimed Dumbledore merrily. "How delightful. I am sure Mr Weasley is over the moon."

"Now with all the celebrations over I need to find a job," said Harry. "I'm going to try with Daverner's Muggle Trinkets, until the Ministry can sort me out with a good job." 

"Ah." Dumbledore cast the boy who lived, now the man who helped save the world a second time, a strange glance.

****


	22. Chapter 22

****

Chapter 22

Hidden Pain

How long had he been unconscious? Severus had no idea. His ears picked up the sound of voices. A man's voice that sounded faintly like the headmaster's and two female voices. Someone was stroking him. Her palm was pressed against his damp forehead and another was holding his wrist. Evidently the other was taking his pulse. Slowly he opened his eyes. His cloudy vision took a while to focus and to get used to the sun light streaming into the room from a large open window.

The first person he saw was Madam Pomfey smiling at him.

"You are back with us, Professor," she said quietly. He frowned and looked around him. The spinning room gradually solidified into a space that resembled the hospital wing. "You gave us quite a scare."

"Why am I here?" Confusion plagued his mind and shone on his weary face.

"Lorsekruker tried to rape you again." Taya murmured, clasping his face gently between her palms and he moved to look directly at her. He reached out a bandaged hand then stopped to glare at it.

"Oh God," he whispered.

"You remember?"

"Did he...?"

"No," said Dumbledore gently. Miss Matterson found you just in time. I followed shortly. We got you here where you've been ever since. Under Madam Pomfrey's expert care I might add."

"How long have I been unconscious?"

"Two weeks," said Taya. "You were in a coma for one."

"It was touch and go for a time," added Poppy Pomfrey.

"We thought we nearly lost you at one point," said Dumbledore. "Miss Matterson was your saviour once again." 

Severus turned and looked at her and she smiled.

"Do you remember any of it?" She asked.

"Not much."

"What do you remember, Professor?" Said Poppy.

"I left my classroom and bumped into ...into him. He cast various spells on me, broke my wand and dragged me back down into the dungeons... I remember nothing more."

"Good," said Taya."

"I don't understand."

"It's better this way," she went on. "That you don't remember some of the bits, at least not yet. Perhaps in time we can both explore your experience, but for now it's best if it is kept from you. You don't have to worry about nightmares either."

"How?-"

"I'll explain it all, all in good time. All you need to know is that Lorsekruker was removed before he could really hurt you. I assure you, love he never got far enough to... to do that to you again." Severus looked down at his body. Still bruised and slightly battered from his ordeal.

"He did enough to cause these," he indicated as if he had forgotten others were present. Taya rested her hand against his chest.

"Yes, but the main thing is that you are safe."

"I assume all of this is out in the open then?"

"Indeed not my friend. Only the four of us know and it will stay that way. I assure you." The younger man nodded. "I'm so sorry Severus. If I new who that man really was-"

"There is little point in regret, Headmaster."

"Your so kind, Professor." 

Dumbledore stayed a few more moments patted him on the arm then glided out of the hospital leaving Taya and Severus alone with Madam Pomfrey.

"Tell me Professor are you feeling any pain?" 

"I ache."

"I'm glad that's all." 

"We thought that you might be paralysed," said Taya.

"Paralysed?" Severus frowned.

"You fell heavily and damaged your spine. Luckily the skeigrow potion along side spinal nerve treatment worked wonders," said Poppy with relief. "Now my dear Professor Snape, I believe a good sleep is the order of the day," Poppy smiled then wandered off to her office. 

Now finally alone with only Taya present he could completely declare what was on his mind. 

"It feels like forever since I last saw you," he commented.

"It feels like forever for me too."

"How come I don't remember what happened. Tell me the truth?"

Taya leaned over him and straightened the robe he was wearing. "I joined minds with you. I took your pain inside of me and kept it there. My own consciousness is shielding it from you. You've no need to worry, Severus because like I said, when you are ready we can go through it together. We, Poppy, Albus and I thought it would be easier on you if you had one less thing to worry about as you recover. That way you will get better quicker."

She saw the apprehension in his features and soothed them with gentle kisses repeated over his forehead, nose, cheeks and chin.

"Don't worry," she said.

"How can I not when I can't remember a darn thing?"

"I know it's hard, but really it's best this way. One thing I can say is that despite what Lorsekruker has done to you in the past, although it was just as horrible, this time it wasn't as great as what has happened before."

"That makes a lot of sense," he grumbled sarcastically. "He still touched me. Assuming these wounds."

"Yes.

"I don't know whether to be glad or angry about this whole situation. I mean not remembering." 

"I understand. You feel denied of your experiences, but this is really the best thing to do, darling. Your body needs to finish recovering before you can start on your mind, 

"Now, like the Headmaster said, get some more sleep and for goodness sake don't fret over it. You are no longer alone." A slight smile touched his mouth. "I'm here," she murmured.

"Thank you for helping me," he whispered. 

Taya gently kissed the potions master upon his still swollen pink lips.

Another week had passed before Severus Snape was permitted to leave the medical wing. 

Sitting up in bed Madam Pomfrey examined his shoulder then finally declared that all his internal wounds were now healed. With a smile she removed the last of the bandages on his newly healed hands and before leaving him alone with Taya said, "I'll leave Miss Matterson to help you off with the rest of the bandages. I'm sure you will be more comfortable with her rather than me." Severus realised that the matron was sparing him a little dignity. Only they knew what he resembled when he was brought in. Severus didn't like to dwell on to much. "Take a few moments to rest. Then you can go." 

Poppy gazed at him for a second then a remembrance popped into her mind. She fiddled about in her pocket for something, then retrieved a piece of folded paper. "Oh, and Professor Dumbledore left this with me to give to you." She handed him the parchment. He took it without question.

Once she was gone he opened the enveloped and read the message aloud.

Severus,

Please come and join me in my office when you are ready. I need to discuss a few something with you. Oh, and by all means Miss Matterson may join if she wishes. I believe she may be interested.

Albus Dumbledore

Washed, shaved and wearing his customary comfortable billowing black robes he and Taya headed towards Dumbledore's private office and rooms. It was late, but not late enough for students to be tucked away in their dormitories fast asleep and Severus Snape hadn't lost his ability to sneer at several giggling girls as he passed them with Taya at his side. 

When they stepped inside the circular room that was used as his office, cups of sweet tea were immediately thrust into the hands.

"Come on in. Sit." Severus frowned suspiciously. 

"What do you want with us sir?"

"Well, Severus it's you who I want to speak to mainly, but I thought Miss Matterson may as well join since she's The Defence Against The Dark Art's Teacher." Dumbledore cast her a strange curious smile. "I'm sure you will find what I have very interesting." His pale blue eyes twinkled. 

Severus grunted and Taya's eyes widened slightly. Although she chose to remain silent.

"What it is Severus, I need your help." Dumbledore extracted a small crystal sphere from out of a compartment in his vast robes.

"What do you make of this?"

"It's a crystal globe. Lorsekruker's I presume?"

"Curious. And what do you think is so significant about it Severus? I find it odd that he should be carrying one about on his person."

"May I see it?"

"Of cause." Dumbledore handed the misty globe over to the potions master who took it cautiously. 

"It's a shielding sphere. Not your ordinary crystal ball. I am sure Professor Trelawney can elaborate. It was created during the dark times. They are rare, most of them were destroyed I believe. There was one left. Lorsekruker had it. The spheres enabled one to spy and also cloak the owner against possible threat of being uncovered." Both Dumbledore and Taya both looked curious.

"Quite a remarkable device then. I myself have never come across them." 

"Doubtful that you would sir. Death Eaters only in high regard ever had one."

"Hum." 

"It is composed of negative dark energy. Highly dangerous."

"I see. A very valuable commodity to the Ministry I would imagine. Thank you very much for your help. We have been speculating over it for weeks now.

"I advise caution when handling it, Headmaster. If it got into the wrong hands again-"

"Indeed yes. Better get it to Cornelius Fudge as soon as possible then." The Headmaster plopped the globe into his desk draw.

"Oh and Severus I have informed the Ministry Of Magic that you request not to be questioned to deeply on your involvement with Lorsekruker in this...um delicate matter. They agree, but I'm afraid there will be a trial and they want you there as an immediate witness." 

Severus swallowed. "Do they have a date for the trial?"

"Here," Dumbledore passed him a piece of paper. "The date, time and venue is clearly printed." He smiled gently. "I know this wont be easy on you but hear this, Lorsekruker will be thrown away and the key swallowed. I assure of you that. And you my friend aren't on trial yourself. They just need some information like I said."

Severus nodded and gazed dully at the piece of parchment with Dumbledore's script written on."

_August the twenty third._

The Ministry, 

Chief justice department. (War crimes - section 302)

London, at ten o'clock.

"Very well," Severus folded the paper and slipped it into a pocket."I knew he was allusive for years and with the crystal ball, but something would slip. It always does."

"Good always triumphs over evil in the end."

"I find it strange that he was never captured before," said Severus irritably. "Twenty four years is a long time. And he seemed to vanish off the face of the Earth."

"Yes."

"I thought perhaps he was dead. He said he, Lorsekruker that is, left the country." Dumbledore frowned.

"Indeed he did. However, how he foiled the Aurors I have no idea. I am sure all of that will be revealed at the trial.' 

"Oh, and just before I forget, the matter of compensation-"

"Compensation?" Severus frowned. "They owe me nothing. It is I-"

"Lorsekruker the foolish idiot. You were the one that picked him out Professor. If not in a rather extreme way. I believe the money will be a substantial amount." He smiled. "You will receive an owl in the next few weeks.' 

"Take a few more weeks off. We don't want your excellent recovery hindered by the tension of work. 

"Thank you."

"Oh, and one last thing." Dumbledore smiled wistfully.

"I have word on Mr Potter."

"Potter?" Snapped Severus. "What about him? And what has it got to do with me?"

"He's getting married."

"So?"

"You are invited."

Severus almost laughed. "Me? Why on God's name would Potter of all people want me at his stupid wedding?"

Dumbledore shrugged. "That's not for me to know, but in case you are wondering he visited the other day."

"I see where you are going. You told him I nearly died so the silly brat took pity on his old spooky potions master."

"That's not what I said, Severus."

"Hum. Is there anything else you would like to shock me with?"

"No-"

"Goodnight then." he said firmly and nodded. Taya noticed the familiar gleam in the headmaster's eyes, amusement dressed his face and he hugged her quickly before they departed.

"Well," She gazed down at her watch. "It's quarter to seven. You've had a horrible couple of weeks. Care for an early night?"

"Taya?"

"Yes Severus?"

"Harry Potter came back here." It was a statement not a question.

"Yea, he visited you too when you were asleep."

"And you let him in?" He sounded appalled.

"Well, I couldn't very well say no could I?"

"I suppose not," he grumbled.

"He was asking where you were. He and his girlfriend where here for a few days and seeing you not around he wondered about you."

"I think I've had enough surprises to last me a life time." He closed his eyes.

"I guess so, love." 

"Are you sure you are okay?"

"Yes. Still a few bruises I believe, but nothing worse for wear."

"I'll check them for you." Severus nodded.

"But one thing remains."

"What is that my love?"

"I still love you."

Her room was warm and inviting. Together they sat on her bed. He leaned forward as her hands expertly massaged the soothing emollient into his skin, rapidly healing the remaining bruises that hadn't been remedied in the hospital and easing the tense coiled muscles in his back. 

He relaxed as her hands slowly slid around to his front stroking his bare skin, lightly caressing his collarbone and planting gentle kisses over his throat, pausing deliberately to give extra attention to the silver scar there.

I keep seeing you on the floor. Taya closed her eyes fighting back exhaustion and tears. The last few weeks had been a strain. The image of him laying there had made her stomach turn. She silently cursed Lorsekruker to complete damnation. 

Feeling herself tense up while he himself was relaxing she forced herself to calm. He moaned slightly when her fingers slid up his scalp. 

Taya gently pulled his hair into a pony tail and held it there, exposing the nape of his neck. _Evil bastard,_ she thought with a shudder then mildly stroked her fingers over the smooth skin. _I swear if I was left alone in a room with that... that animal. Christ, he doesn't even deserve to be labelled as an animal. I'd rip him to shreds for you._

Mental images are one thing, but seeing you laying like that for real really takes the biscuit.

"He is gone now," said Severus.

"How did you know-"

"The way you were looking at me."

He managed an exhausted smile. 

Taya pressed him back against the soft sheets. Unfastened his trousers and slid them down his legs. She placed them with his shirt on the near by chair. He moved slightly as her hands slid over him, gently stroking down his belly until they stopped at the waist band of his boxers. She slid them down also. 

Sadness claim her. Would he feel so relaxed and open to her caresses when the truth finally was revealed? It would take time she knew, like before, she thought. We have all the time in the world. 

"Bed time." She whispered then pulled the quilt over him. 

****


	23. Chapter 23

****

Chapter 23

The Boy Who Lived

"Potter!" He said, spitting the word out if it was something nasty.

"Snape," came the rebuff.

"So who is the poor unfortunate victim then?"

Harry Potter smiled despite the sarcasm. He sipped from the can of Coke so kindly given by Professor Snape, grudgingly mind you. He had waved his wand and the drink fell out of thin air dropping onto Harry's knee painfully much to the warped delight of the other man sitting there sneering devilishly.

"So," Harry began. "You still like me then?"

"Like? Like is a contradiction. And you didn't tell me. Who is she? A rejected house elf?" Harry laughed despite the scowl he was given.

"Yea and Dobby is the father of the bride." A small quick smile brushed Severus' mouth but then it disappeared. "It's Jinny."

"Not a Wesley?" Came a snide voice.

"The very one."

"Why on Earth would you want to marry one of them for?"

"Because we're in love?"

"Love," Severus scoffed and looked at his office floor.

"Yes." Harry smiled peculiarly. "Any way how long has it been since we last met?"

"Since your graduation which you were very lucky to meet I might say, Potter.' 

An after thought. "Oh I was wrong actually. It appears you paid me a little visit while I was ill. Did you not?" Harry dropped his gaze onto the brim of his can of Coke. It felt like Severus' questioning was like some sort of test or inquisition.

He's changed much, thought the professor as he studied the young man in the chair. His hair was as dark and as unruly as ever, the lightening bolt scar etched across his forehead still remained so did that annoying 'Potter' personality. 

Still the same Harry Potter, but the premature wrinkling around his eyes, signs of stress made him appear at least ten years older than he actually was. Harry was taller, leaner and sinewy and quite handsome. He no longer wore his glasses which made his face slightly more reminiscent of his mother's although James Potter was still clearly there somewhere.

At present he sat in a comfortable arm chair positioned in the corner of Severus Snape's dungeon office. 

"Well, at least you can't take points off me for no decent reason."

"Huh," said the potions master. "Then I will take points off someone else in your honour when a good enough reason grants for it."

"Oh please don't do that on my account." Harry said.

"Quite the reason. I will very much enjoy it."

"You haven't changed," said Harry.

"No? Nor have you. You've only been in my office for five minutes and you are starting to irritate me."

"My pleasure, sir."

"Any way Mr Potter why have you chosen to visit me? Surely I would be the last person you would wish to visit, let any one converse with." Severus frowned wondering what the sudden change of heart was. Harry Potter hated him, like so many others. He still hadn't got over the shock that Harry had invited him to his wedding. "And I am slightly suspicious to the reason you would wish me at your stupid wedding."

Harry smiled faintly.

Always dubious of a genuine reason that I might like you there because... Harry frowned at himself. Why did he want him there? Did he want to genuinely to know and understand the man who had always been such a mystery and a misery. He had always picked on Harry, always belittled him far more than any of the other students.

Harry knew he had a grudge against his father, James Potter, but surely there was more reasons to it than that. 

Harry had left Hogwarts and thought very little of his old potions master. Then one day, while going through the old wedding and school photos that his parents had kept and were now in his possession, he came across several mysterious photos of his mother and a very young Severus Snape he had never seen before.

The first one he came across, the potions master looked no older than eleven, and strangely, much to Harry's surprise he was smiling in the picture. Harry had never known Severus Snape to smile, not a real one. The black haired boy in the photo looked genuinely happy. Harry had never known his ex teacher to be genuinely happy. He was always so broody, or enraged about something or another.

To see that photograph and so many others like them, even one, where they were about sixteen, again smiling happily together, holding hands made Harry start to wonder.

Harry gazed up at Severus and studied his eyes. What had those black eyes seen, what had he known all those years ago. Something inside that he was slightly afraid to even admit to himself wondered whether Severus Snape and Lilly Potter had been...lovers? Harry dared not even to think the possibility until now when he watched the man before him.

The young man shook his head. He wanted answers to those questions.

Even at school, from what Harry had heard about him he had been the same grumpy, enraged Severus Snape. Innocent and young, but neither the less the same.

Time didn't change some people.

Then he began to wonder all kind of possibilities and reasons. Why had the nasty Snape joined the Death Eaters?

Harry realised he was staring too intently for comfort because the man of his observation started to sneer. Those huge inky eyes were squinting at him.

"What?" Demanded Severus eyeing up the younger man with suspicion again.

"Just thinking of old times," came a voice that sounded absorbed with nostalgia.

"Stupid Gryffindor," Harry distinctly heard the elder man mutter. 

Abruptly Harry turned his gaze away and looked around the room. It had barely changed from when he had last seen it. The walls and cupboards were still lined with books and slimy things in jars and various scrolls littered the desk.

I'm not your student any more you know, Harry thought looking back up and meeting the stern black gaze in front of him. He shifted his position and thrummed his fingers on the arm of the chair.

"Will you stop doing that. You are annoying me," said the potions master getting up. He strolled over towards his desk and opened a draw.

"Sorry, Professor," came Harry's voice as his eyes narrowed and he jerked his head to peer at whatever the Slytherin was doing.

"Here." Severus flung the small package at Harry who grinned in alarmed surprise. He held it in his hands and just stared at the small paper covered object. "Well? Aren't you going to open it and let me revel in the misery of you gift?"

"A present for me?"

"It's a Wedding gift you stupid fool."

"Perhaps I better wait until I see Jinny. She may -"

"Haven't you got a mind of your own? Or are you going to let a stupid woman walk all over you for the rest of your life?"

The door banged open.

"I heard that," said an annoyed female voice. Taya glided into the room dressed in exquisite green satin.

"Ah, Miss Matterson, this is Harry Potter. I'm sure you have met him before." He scowled at her strangely. Taya smiled anyway and offered her slender, creamy white hand to the younger man. She beamed when he kissed the back it and noticed Severus flinch awkwardly.

"I remember you from school," said Harry.

"Yes. I saw you win the Quidditch cup a few times."

"To many few times," muttered Severus. Both ignored him.

"You are the new Defence Against the Dark Art's teacher aren't you?" 

"New, I suppose," she said. I've been here since January."

Severus pushed in. "If you don't mind I have things to do. Please continue conversing in my office," he added sarcastically then strolled to towards the door. "Oh, and you never told me when this 'Wedding's taking place?"

"You'll come?" Harry looked delighted.

"Don't count on it. I'll have to check my schedule." The younger man turned his head and fixed a bemused glare at Taya who laughed loudly. Severus made a sound that clearly expressed his indigence to the situation.

"August the twenty third. Next year."

"You are here early enough aren't you? Knowing the youth of today I assumed it to be next month."

"Aaaaaaaaa, I see" said Harry with sudden understanding. "The present you gave me. Did kind wonder why."

"You got them a present, Severus?" Chirped in Taya. Again Harry frowned noticing the strange way Miss Matteron was leaning over Professor Snape's shoulder as if without a care in the would. She didn't seem at all intimidated my him and he didn't flinch. "How thoughtful."

Harry frowned. 

"So what are you still doing here?"

"I live here." Harry Potter scrubbed at his tousled black hair, confused and bewildered.

"What?" Professor Snape looked as sour and as flustered as he had ever appeared.

"Didn't they tell you? 'I'm the new potions assistant."

"You're what? Then all hell broke loose.

"Headmaster sir, I am not having him assisting me. Even if I asked for an assistant in the first place I wouldn't even consider Potter the slightest bit competent-"

"You need some time," said Dumbledore.

"Time," Severus snapped. "Time. I've been as good as dead for two weeks shut up in hospital. I've had enough rest. Why didn't you tell me this before?"

Dumbledore picked up his wand that lay on his desk and sighed.

"Because you needed time to re-adjust."

"Re-adjust? So, I'm virtually blown away by the fact that Potter not only took pity on me because of my... and is now not only living here but is my bloody apprentice. Why?" He slumped down into a soft chair and bored his eyes at the headmaster's demanding an answer.

"Harry has been through a bit of a time with it as well, lately. He spent two years in Bulgaria fighting in the gnome wars as an Auror. He came home exhausted and jobless."

"So the little bugger came pestering you for a job," he declared.

"No he didn't, but visited me to let me know his fabulous news."

"The Wedding?"

"Indeed Severus. Quite right. He was waiting for the Ministry to sort his affairs, however long that would have taken, so naturally I offered him the job."

"I didn't even know the 'job' existed."

"Nor did I until last week," said Dumbledore smiling. "Now go home. Sleep and let Mr Potter take away some of your responsibilities."

Responsibilities, my wand, he thought as he made his way down to the dungeons. Severus stepped into the empty classroom and found the person he didn't want to meet sitting at his desk.

"Hello Professor," said Harry looking up. "Just preparing tomorrow's lesson."

"With all respect Potter, I've already done it. If you took the time or the mentality to look in the second draw of my desk you would have found a schedule."

"Maybe I could, sir, but it was locked." Severus would have slapped himself in the face. Harry Potter had won an argument yet again.

"Be sure you don't blow up my classroom then. Oh, and if you think you will be able to gain free access to my office, Potter you can think again," he said quickly then walked out.

****


	24. Chapter 24

****

Chapter 24

A Secret love

The gradual reawakening of his memories hadn't been easy, quite the contrary. Taya had promised night times free of the terrors, but as the days and weeks progressed, he becoming more like his old self again. He even had to admit that Harry Potter's assistance had helped a great deal. Shame it had been him who was his assistant, but as the weeks passed Severus grew to know the younger man who had angered him for years. It was almost a pity that he would soon have to deal this those terrible memories of Lorsekruker.

It was true that he was now gone and he would never bother Severus ever again, but those memories that she had been so carefully shielding from him were slowly breaking towards the surface. It had been only a matter of days for her, that she finally had to stop shielding them from him. 

It had been a long and plainly slow drawn out process. Having to go through each memory, each thought. Dumbledore had advised using a pensieve but Taya reasoned that it was better doing it her way. Being thrown into a three dimensional living representation of a memory as if it was real would cause more harm than healing.

They had gone through the feelings, the emotions, the bitter rages, and the resentments, like before similar to the other memories from the past.

"How is it going with Harry," Taya asked one evening.

"All right I suppose. As well as it can be considering."

"Good. At least you aren't yelling at each other now." 

Something still worried her. Was Dumbledore's choice in a helper the right person? Granted he was now on more equal terms with Harry, and the scales had been changed, but was it in their best interest to let him work in such close proximity with Severus who still harboured a great dislike for the young man?

"I still see hate in your eyes," she said sadly. 

"I never hated him," he re-assured her "I just saw him turning out just like his father, arrogant, big headed, the centre of the universe. And Lilly-"

"...was his son. Yes I know. I'm sorry. I know it hurts you still. But he hasn't. He is a very respectable man. But I would have thought you would have felt an empathy with him. He's an orphan like you."

Severus looked angry. 

"He had everything that I could only ever dream." He realised how childish this was but he felt the same neither the less.

"At soon as he stepped into this blasted school he was cloaked by followers, people who cared about him, loved him. I had nothing. No one, no body treated me like some kind of special deity. So what if he defeated Voldemort. All that worship could have gone to his head.' 

Potter needed guidance and the realisation that not everybody will bend knee to his every whim. The world is primarily still an evil place. A small boy needed protecting, despite his own reasoning. It could have gone to his head. Power is seductive like I experienced and to be offered it on a platter...If only Lilly knew," he whispered sadly. 

"If only she knew what... "

Taya looked at him deeply and saw something in his dark eyes that perhaps she didn't want to see. She ignored it at first, but over a few moments of time that expression began to haunt her.

Taya swallowed.

"Do you still love her?" His head shot up and he was met with desperate verdant green eyes.

"Stupid question," he spat.

"Answer me."

"I love her memory."

"That's not an answer, Severus." Suddenly she felt guilty. How could she make him answer something like that. Lilly Evans had been his one and only true friend and later he had burned himself for loving her. Here she was a woman who claimed she loved him and trusted him and she was jealous over the memory of a dead woman. 

"I'm sorry," she said quietly. Severus let himself be held in her arms as she eased his head to her shoulder. 

He tensed and gritted his teeth debating over and over to tell her how he truly felt. In the end he pulled his head up and met her eyes.

"I wanted him to have been mine."

Taya reacted completely opposite to how he had thought . 

"I guessed the reason would be something like that. Him being a part of the only person who gave you a little happiness at that time." He pulled away. 

"Every time I see those eyes," he swallowed. "I see her, and I see something in Harry that should have been part of me. Not him. I don't hate him Taya." He clenched his jaw painfully hard. "I love him."

Taya was silent, but she replied to his pain in the only way she knew how. She kissed him tenderly. 

"I think you should tell him how you feel," she said.

"He would laugh in my face. The old Potions Master really loves Harry Potter. He didn't really hate him for all those years. I can see how he would react. He'd never speak to me again. If you can even label bickering and patronising as a decent conversation, may as well slam each other's face against a wall and be done with it."

"You don't know that. He's not a child any more."

"Child or no child. I still feel the same." Taya nodded.

"Just think about it. I wont pressure you further but he's probably going to be here for a time yet and if your differences don't connect then it'll only make you feel worse."

He contemplated her words and made a decision.

****


	25. Chapter 25

****

Chapter 25

Recollection

Taya was in her study when Severus arrived pale faced and obviously perturbed. She looked up from what she was doing and turned around. 

With unfettered access to both quarters both of them could gain entrance freely without the annoyance of asking admittance or waiting at the threshold to be let in.

"I had another nightmare," he said coldly. Taya looked at him with surprise. She felt or sensed no indication that he had a bad dream.

"Oh Severus, I'm sorry. I must have been concentrating so hard that-"

"There is no need to apologise," he said with a sigh and slumped down on an easy chair close to the desk. Taya smiled and clasped her hands together. The professor sneered at her and let his rage extinguish any control he had over him in the given circumstances.

"This feels like a god damned doctor's office," he growled as he got up and began pacing the small room. 

A hand clasped around his upper arm and he spun around.

"Then perhaps we better go into the other room?" She enquired.

"I'm sorry," he sighed. "My temper you see seems to have a will of it's own lately."

"Come on then." The stepped into the living chamber. "Do you want to sit or lie down and let the 'doctor' examine you?"

"Don't be stupid," he spat. "This isn't the time or the place. It's serious."

"I know," she soothed.

"I... think I want to tell you what happened to me out loud."

"Okay."

Taya sat down on the couch near the fire, the one she had enlarged from a chair months before. She patted the cushions with her hand indicating him to sit beside her. Severus did so and slumped bodily beside her then twisted to pull his cloak free. With an annoyed grunt he yanked it from under him then flung it onto the chair next to the sofa.

"Lay back," said Taya as she pushed herself hard against the arm rest and made room for his head to rest against her body. Severus moved, curling his long form into a foetal position and lent his head and shoulders against her breasts.

There was silence. He became aware of her stroking fingers on his face. For a long moment he closed his eyes relishing her touch. He suddenly felt quite warm and comforted. He realised he could very well fall asleep in that position but that wasn't the reason why he came to see her.

Severus opened his weary eyes when he heard the whisper of her voice calling his name. He stirred and realised that he had indeed fallen asleep. He shifted his position so that he could curl one arm around her and that she could lay down on her side as well. Pressed against each other in such close proximity made him feel cherished. He lent his face into her warm bosom breathing in her scent. He felt ever so drowsy.

"Severus?" She called again. 

He looked up at her for an instant then once again eased his head against her warm soft curves.

"I had just finished my lesson and the children had gone," he began. "I was annoyed with them for leaving the classroom in such a state but felt to weary to do anything about it that night. As I came down the stairs I sensed a forbidding presence. The next minute Lorsekruker appeared and before I could do anything he had grasped my throat. I struggled to free myself.'

"I told him that he should have been in Azkaban. I asked him why he was here. He never answered me, but I already knew the answer. It was a silly question really, because it was so plainly obvious. Then he insulted the Headmaster." Severus swallowed. 

"It's okay," she said. "Go on." 

"I told Lorsekruker that he didn't have a chance in hell before he was recognised. He told me he escaped and made it out of the country. Spent years abroad, biding his time I suppose." Taya nodded.

"Yes. That bit you told the Headmaster."

"I tried to retaliate but Lorsekruker was too strong. I was still feeling unwell from that morning."

"When you were sick?"

"Yes." Severus paused as if debating his next words. "Then he said some stuff about you. You realise he was only trying to make me react."

"I understand Severus.

"Of cause I did react trying to defend your honour and he snapped my wand, rendering it into two useless pieces of wood. Next he asked me where my classroom was."

"You had no choice you know," she whispered.

"I wish I had run, but-"

"We all think of alternatives after things happen."

"He thrust his wand against my chest. I tried to scare him by threats of death if he didn't remove it. Instead he laughed. I contemplated my next move and summoned various scenarios. All pretty useless. At that moment I knew what I had to do. Kicking him in the... the balls probably wouldn't give me enough time to get away or extract his wand form him. I was under a rather substantial amount of stress at the time so the only feasible choice remaining open to me was to try and force Lorsekruker to give up the wand by force."

"That's when you burnt your hands?"

Yes. Quite correct. He carried on about the classroom again. I realised that I had no way out and he already shocked me with a bolt of electricity. At that point it was quite painless, but just to prove the point again he administered another jolt as he pushed me back up the stares. This time it wasn't so painless. I think he did the 'aortiraica curse.'

Taya moved against him. Her hand rested against the right side of his chest over his heart. "Bloody hell Severus, that must have been-"

"Quite. Gradually the pain did subside enough for me to open the door and he pushed me inside the darkened room which abruptly lit up from the 'Lumos 'spell.' 

"Lorsekruker pressed the crystal ball into me and said a few nasty words."

"About me?"

"I called him a lying pervert."

"Do you think he really saw us ...?"

Severus looked repulsed and fearful. "I don't know," he said. "I hope not. If he did..." his jaw clenched. It was a familiar reaction to stress for him. Severus sat up on the edge of the sofa, now unable to face her. He felt her move and slide beside him. 

"I love you," she traced. Severus looked down at her hands as they clasped his and enjoyed the feeling of her thumbs rubbing against the fleshy mounds of his slightly closed palms. He turned his head to look at her. She was smiling. He reached out and took a coil of her dark hair between his fingers then let go. It sprang back, dangling seductively against her face. He leaned close and they gently kissed. Only when she heard a stifled sob did she pull away. Tears slid freely without restraint down his sallow cheeks. Severus curved over, leaning forward and he squeezed his eyes shut.

"I was scared witless and could no longer defend myself. He then used the 'Imobilus Totalus' curse so that my body wouldn't be ridged when-"

"I know. I know," she soothed.

"That is when I fell and hit the floor with such force that it collided with my coccyx, twisted my shoulder and shattered my right shoulder blade to smithereens. I knew that I was dangerously close to shock. All Lorsekruker did was laugh and say 'not so tough now are we?''

"My whole body was numb including my tongue and I nearly suffocated. He said that he didn't want to, um have... he said 'Resumaus,' but he kicked me for it all the same." 

"That's why you were gagged when I found you." For a moment his eyes seemed glazed and vacant. Inside a new memory resurfaced. It was Taya gently pulling off the gag and wiping his mouth of the blood and spittle.

He looked back at her in the present. Severus glowered dangerously and stood up. Making a quick grab for his cloak he headed towards the door only to stop when her arms slid around him and she had pressed herself against his back. He moaned in defeat and submission as her hands came to rest against his stomach then he slumped and let her take him over to the bed. She sat him down and Taya herself sat cross legged beside him. 

"Sorry," he moaned wiping his wet face on the cuff of his jacket. He already knew that he had no reason to be sorry but wanted Taya to tell him anyway. 

"There's no reason to be," she said. "You know that." He nodded.

"He told me that I had a lot of debts to pay because I left the Death Eaters and returned to the good side. I told him he was mad. He pushed my head up so all I could see were the beams in the ceiling." He swallowed. "Then I passed out." He was about to say something more but stopped, frowning at the floor. He felt suddenly so very tired. A second later his eyes flickered closed for a moment then opened them again when he heard Taya call him. 

"What is it Severus? How do you feel now?"

"Bloody awful." 

"Come on. Get yourself undressed and rest. I'll still be here only in my office if you need me."

"What is the time?"

"Half past three," she replied looking at her watch. Taya stepped over to the window and drew the curtains closed, blocking out the sunlight that flood into the room.

__

I feel bloody crapping, terrible more like, thought the professor as he lay down against the soft sheets and closed his eyes. 

****


	26. Chapter 26

****

Chapter 26

Harm

__

He was running, running away from the black shadow that pounced ever closer. The harder he ran the quicker the thing drove. Drove out from the darkness, something slick and black and the more he fought it the more it hurt him. 

Heart pumping, blood coursing, his stomach muscles tightened as a thick wave of nausea nearly swallowed him up, but he couldn't stop, to rest would endanger his life further. But he couldn't help it. A dense coating of morose fear clouded his mind.

Severus stopped, he was exhausted, he could no longer keep up the fast pace. The thing would always get him in the end. It would always claim it's prize. 

He knocked against something hard and rough. Steadying himself he reached out a hand and lay his palm flat against the wall. He couldn't see anything only pitch blackness, but he knew it was there, and for the time being it was enough to support his body. And as long as he was hidden by the wall and didn't let his eyelids flicker close he was safe. The thing couldn't get him. But he heard it. An ugly screech sound.

Severus slumped forward when he felt another wave of vertigo and queasiness course through his body. He cradled his abdomen and groaned then slunk down towards the floor. 

For a long time he just crouched there leaning, and listening to the churning of his stomach and the howl of the thing circling near by. If he could just shut his eyes for one moment and relax he would feel better, but he knew he couldn't. The creature would sense his vulnerability and strike. But he was so exhausted and powerless he could hold out no longer.

The second he closed his eyes it pounced.

Far off barely discernible there was a tiny voice, a strange slither of silk passed though him. Then it was gone.

Professor Snape screamed, or for a better world a death cry. The shaggy black dog shook itself and slowly padded toward him. To terrified to move he remained paralysed at the spot. Was he going to die? Would death finally take him into it's black embrace and he could finally rest forever.

No such luck. He knew he was dreaming, but even in dreams where he himself was conscious of his being he was too weak to bring them to a cessation. His tormented mind was too exposed to dark stimuli to put an end to the inner torments that still butchered him.

For a while they had almost faded away, until recently. Only a few months ago Lorsekruker had broken into his inner sanctum and nearly raped him again. That was enough to bring back his inner demons and they had come back in prodigality.

He had thought about the black dog dreams a lot in the past. Dissected them into the most minuscule pieces and studied them with the uttermost intensity. They had haunted him for years, long ago he had dismissed them for the dog of death, the hell hound or grim.

__

It was Lorsekruker.

He squeezed his eyes closed and fell on his side. When he opened them again the dog's jaws were inches away from his face. A desperate struggle to move away was halted when the things jaws snapped out at him. He fell on hands and knees. He could feel the things hot dank breath on his bare body. 

Then he heard a voice. It was a woman's voice. Her tone desperate and high pitched.

"Wake up," she was pleeding. "Severus come out of this." Her words rang in his ears summing something from deep down inside his soul and bringing it up to the surface. Her desperate pleadings continued muffled, from an external source. "Let go, Severus." He struggled to follow her voice, but the dog was pulling him further and further away. "You must come out of this!"

Something hard and stinging slapped his face.

"Wake up," she screeched. 

He bolted half upright, eyes snapped open. His vision came to fix upon a sobbing woman's face.

"S...sorry." His voice gagged into a spasm as an outright desperate sob wracked his body. He pressed his face into the pillow biting down into the fabric. 

"Sush now."

Severus shuddered. The dungeons were freezing.

"It's all right," she soothed, cuddling him gently.

"I'm sorry," he moaned againwhile pressing his face against her throat. "I'm sorry."

"I know you are. I promise you this, it is going to be okay. You'll see. In the end it'll be okay. You will be free from all this pain and suffering."

"I hope so."

"Will be. No more nightmares," she said. "Not tonight." Her left hand brushed against his forehead and brought his consciousness into hers. The nightmare he had experienced, he had resisted her. This time already being inside him she could protect him, make bad dreams fade before they could get a grip and tear him. 


	27. Chapter 27

****

Chapter 27

Secret Conversation And A Spy

The rumours concerning the physical state or mental health of Professor Severus Snape had flood the school like the parting of an ocean. One half of the student population thought he was slowly loosing his mind while the other thought he was putting it on to gain sympathy. 

"He suddenly realised that being such a miserable old greasy git doesn't make people like you. Respect, yes but like? Definitely not," someone had said over lunch at the Gryffindor table.

Harry Potter heard the rumours too. He certainly wasn't oblivious to them. And he was noticing the gradual decline in Severus Snape's physical and mental well being. 

He looked wan at best. Not that the oily potions master didn't look pale anyway. Being down in dark cold dungeons couldn't be doing much for him on the inside as well as his sallow complexion. Lack of sun light deprived a person of valuable nutrition's. 

Then there was the vampire thing going around. Again. The black hair, the black billowing robes gave him a flair of mystery, a swooping black figure, cloaked in the darkness, with a raging temper, quick to bite. A common euphemism for a extortionist.

Harry rolled his eyes. He had heard it all before and nothing seemed to change from one generation to the next. Myths and legends about the head of Slytherin came like a popular allegory, perhaps changing direction slightly, but over all the same. 

Harry certainly didn't believe that Severus Snape was a vampire. Not now. When he was a boy he wondered a few times. The mentality, an almost inhuman quality seemed to cloak the man. 

Yes he acted like one, looked like one, even dressed like one and had the intuition and secret sensitivity expressed in his birth sign that led some people to believe he could read minds. But to Harry, Severus Snape was just a man. A horrible vindictive nasty man, but human, very human, quite mortal, despite his appearance. He seemed to never age. Then again Professor Dumbledore was believed to be well over one hundred and sixty. Magic people generally lived longer than their Muggle compatriots. 

Certainly right now Professor Severus Snape most defiantly looked like death warmed up.

When he had arrived at Hogwarts to be told that his least liked teacher was very sick, some unlabeled, intangible feeling pulled at Harry's heart. He felt guilty about it at first because, 'didn't he hate him?' Who cared whether he lived or died, but something told him, at least after he found those photos of his mother and Severus, that perhaps he wasn't so bad. 

Yes, Severus Snape was horrible, needed some kind of therapy, but a thought nagged at Harry's conscience that said that there was something more deeper, ingrained to the very core of Severus than simple primordial inbred hate. Severus Snape had to much of an intellect to hate for no reason, he realised. 

As an adult Harry had a different reflection of him, unlike a child who only sees the outside appearance. 

Now a man, Harry had begun to wonder why Severus Snape was the man he was.

Death Eater, double agent and teacher was stressful enough. 

Bad memories? Harry wondered, possibly nightmares? As a child, sneaking about the school in the dead of night only shrouded by his father's invisibility cloak, Severus had always been there, nearly succeeding in catching him out of bed. Insomniac? Definitely. That might account for nightmares. 

Harry knew all about nightmares, what with Voldemort, his parents and then the gnome wars.

But there were things Harry supposed, Severus Snape had seen far greater than anything he himself had witnessed, no wonder he was always so cruel. 

Then Harry began to notice a dramatic loss of weight from an already slim man. He had appeared a little more stockier when Harry had first saw him to speak to in his dungeon office. Gods they even had a reasonable conversation about nothing. 

A heavier build seemed to suit Professor Snape, but now he was so thin, thinner than he could remember. Harry couldn't have helped noticing how his robes had started to hang on him and his skin looked stretched over exposed cheek bones. 

Severus always arrived for his classes later than normal, shuddering slightly and in a cold sweet. If Harry hadn't been so observant and knowing, he would have said that the potions master was bulimic. Some days he looked so sickly Harry feared he would collapse any second.

He would try and offer unspoken help, take extra classes and prepare assignments and the such, subtle help that Severus would'nt really notice, but he was as stubborn as ever and of course, he noticed. He had a keen eye for things that seemed out of the ordinary.

It was all Harry could do, but in the end despite the bickering Severus conceded and let Harry get on with it. Arguing was a waste of precious energy for which he didn't have. 

He was spending a lot of time alone in his dungeons, resting.At least that's what Harry hoped._ Knowing Dumbledore, if Snape pop's his clogs, who's the man whose entire responcibility will it fall upon to take over until a replacement is found?_ Harry had thought with a groan. _I'm not qualified to be a full time potions teacher. I ain't doing it. Job or no job._

He knew full well the children were curiously suspicious when the normally unfazed Professor Snape was having so much time off. Then there was Harry Potter himself as Severus' assistant. 

Professor Snape never had an assistant before. Not any time while as a teacher at Hogwarts. If he didn't know any better Harry would have thought he was worrying about him.

Harry skirted down the corridor in haste, it was late and he had an important assignment to finish. He was faced by two fifth year Gryffindor girls standing, muttering in the corridor and they made no effort to hide who they were talking about.

"I tell ya Chris, he's turned into a complete wreck. Did you see him the other day? I would have sworn he was close to tears. The eyes, I've never seen him look so desolate." She shrugged.

"Probably killing himself with one of his own potions," said the other girl with a laugh. "Good riddance too."

Harry shuddered. He stalked right up to them.

"Don't you dare say things like that about Professor Snape. OK? He's just having a bad time at the moment."

"Sorry sir," said the girl.

"Go on then." Harry pointed the direction to the Gryffindor common room. "Bog off." Both girls looked at each other in shock and dived around a corner. 

What on Earth had possessed him to say that? Harry winced at the evident anger and lack of control. He had an image to set now he was a teacher. _Oh,_ he thought. He already had quite reputation. 

'Harry Potter, the boy who lived. The man who defeated Voldemort once, and for all!' That was the familiar title he had grown accustomed to reading in the papers and hearing from the lips of strangers.

Harry sighed and made his way down the corridor towards the dungeons and the Potions classroom.

He turned a sharp corner and stopped. It was Professor Snape and Taya Matterson. Harry slid himself inside the alcove and watched.

She's actually quite attractive, he thought randomly. 

Only three years older the woman depicted a creature far older than her mere twenty five years. Physically she was small, tiny even. The top of her head barely came up to Severus' shoulders. Her hair was softly tousled, auburn with gold flecks. Her skin was pale, but she didn't look sickly, quite the contrary. 

__

Delightful. Harry caught himself thinking and mentally slapped himself. _Jinny,_ he thought and a wave of familiar comfort shrouded him like a security blanket. His first love and very soon his one and only love, his wife. So he should stop looking at that beautiful creature over there.

Harry blinked. She was touching the professor and he let her. _They must be really good friends,_ he thought, _to let her touch him like that._ Harry frowned. "Odd," he breathed aloud while watching the potions master abruptly pull away and stare blankly for a time at a stone gargoyle. 

"Bloody hell," Professor Snape exclaimed in an exasperated voice. Taya moved forward, closer again. Harry continued to watch with interest, and saw that the elder man was rubbing his forehead in an abrasive manner. 

Harry gasped as the girl took a side step over into his direction. He swallowed fearing that she had noticed him. He was relieved to see her step closer to Severus again. 

A slight gust of wind caught her long cotton gypsy style skirt, sweeping it against her legs. Severus' cloak flapped against his body like a great black sail. And as Harry continued to view the scene he remembered. 

She had a strange air of mystery about her much like Severus Snape. Taya had been in Slytherin as a student. If Harry remembered correctly she was really strange, and hadn't fit in that house at all. Her friends, when he saw her out and about had been anyone but a Slytherin. 

Harry shook his head. Strange? What was strange? All of this was strange, especially in this life. Nothing could have surprised him more until he saw the girl gently touch the potions master's cheek and held his hand in hers. Harry's eyes widened in disbelief at the spectacle. Severus didn't seem to notice her touch him. He seemed to much absorbed by an inner struggle.

"I am afraid," he whispered. To hear Severus Snape admit fear, a course of surprise thread through Harry's veins. "The trial's soon."

"You are bound to be. It's a very intense situation."

"I wish I never have to see him again."

"It'll be over soon."

"I know, but... they will ask those questions of me. Dumbledore just said that so I may feel easier but..." For a moment his voice trailed off. "I am terrified that I will go numb."

"They will question you and you will answer them as best you can. It's not you that is on trial..."

What trial? Harry thought. He peered closer and watched as Taya brushed an uncooperative strand of dark hair off Severus' forehead. 

"...not even a trial in the first place, love." Harry couldn't hear properly, but from what he could gather of those mostly random words was that someone was in trouble.

"We will to get through it. You have to remember he has nothing and we have-" Harry didn't hear the last few words but from what he was gathering something serious was going on.

"The Ministry will be gentle with you," she said. "They wont let Lorsekruker get anywhere near you. You know that. And I'll be right there with you, so will Albus. You're not alone. Remember you are never alone, not any more. Those years are gone. They are destroyed and all gone." 

__

What's he done? Thought Harry totally absorbed by their conversation, it was a keen invitation to keep listening.

Harry watched with a frown as she pressed her palm against the potions master's chest. _And to believe that they are rivals._ The Potions master and the DATDA teacher. It was still a knowing fact that he still greatly yearned for the position kept from him for years. _It's so blatantly obvious she likes him. _Harry rubbed his chin then jerked the neck of his T-shirt away from his throat.

"I'll be in here," she whispered. Severus suddenly moved.

"Listen!" he said jerking his head, causing the loose shiny waves of hair to violently flick around his narrow face. "I sense someone is here." 

"Shit." Harry swore aloud not realising his foot had scuffed on the stone floor when he had moved. Quickly he made a dive further into the shadows. Where was his invisibility cloak when he needed it? Back in his room. 

He heard Taya say something.

"You are just imagining thing. Feeling jumpy?" She rested a hand against his stomach. "You really ought to eat more you know. You are getting too thin." Harry never heard the rest. He squeezed passed them, luckily without being seen. 

****


	28. Chapter 28

****

Chapter 28

Dealings With Hidden Feelings And A Certain Harry Potter

It was one thing having to work with Harry Potter, the new potions assistant, but talking to him about private matters was another whole kettle of fish altogether.

Severus sat at his desk marking students home work not paying much attention to the youth hovering and dithering about. Washing tables, cleaning cauldrons and so forth. Severus looked up with a small smile. Perhaps it wasn't to bad. At least he, the potions master could now spare himself from the most basic tasks when dealing with the general student body.

For a long while he watched Harry, not realising he was still smiling slightly. He flipped the feather quill between his fingers a few times before letting it fall of it's own accord down onto the wooden desk. 

"Potter you can stop now," he decided. "I think we need to have a little chat." Harry looked up wearily from his manual scrubbing and glanced at the professor. God he hated cleaning by hand, but Severus Snape always had a penitent for doing anything like that the un-magical way. Including the house elves. 

__

Poor things, thought Harry. Must take them hours to sort stuff out in here. Harry shook his head. He had forgotten that Professor Snape generally didn't trust them to sort out his things. They did the basic menial tasks like scrubbing, cleaning and sorts. Something they should be doing today if that little group of elves weren't on holiday. 

Holiday? House elves on holiday? They were born to believe that they were nothing but the property of their owners and their very existence depended on hard work. Dobby had been an exception of cause. And it had probably been him who was their gang leader fighting for their cause. Of cause had it not been for Hermione in the first place and her 'House Elf Liberation Front' non of it would have even been considered, let along acted upon. 

Harry had missed a lot in past few years away from home. Elves had rights, respect and holidays. They even wore proper clothes, not tea towels like he had seen Dobby wear, nor grubby rags. 

At least at Hogwarts they wore clothes, shabby in their form and appearance but clean clothing neither the less. However, the small, floppy eared, bulging eyed beings still refused payment for their toiling. _They are lucky,_ he decided. _An hour or two in here and well... _

Severus despised the use of wands in his classroom even when children weren't present. 

Harry had a sneaking suspicion that Professor Snape loved to watch people toil to the point of exhaustion in his presence. Especially Harry.

"Yes sir." Severus glowered. "Is there something wrong?"

"Surprising I would have to say no. Your work is exemplary and you have helped me a great deal since you came."

"Thanks, Processor," he said letting the astonishment show on his face as well as in his voice.

Harry picked up the bucket and scrubbing cloths and carried the lot over to the sink. The gargoyle tap immediately flung it's serpent head back and spewed out cold running water. Harry sloshed out the contents of the bucket and rinsed his rags.

Severus got up and tossed the feather quill into the pen stand.

"When you have finished, Potter join me in my office."

"Yes, sir."

"For God's sake boy, you aren't a student any more stop with the yes sir, no sir. It is driving me insane."

"Yes s...I mean Professor." 

"Better," muttered the other man as he swept to the back of the room and down a small hall.

Harry entered Professor Snape's office with caution. 

Slowly he reached out and rapped his knuckled on the closed door. He heard a quiet, "Come in," and swallowed. Harry took a deep breath and pushed the door open with a startling creek.

Why was he still as nervous around this man, even now? He had left Hogwarts as a students nearly four years ago. He still found Professor Snape a mystery and as intolerable as he had done as a boy. 

The main question he kept asking himself was why was he here? Why had he excepted Dumbledore's offer in the first instance it was offered, the very second the words had passed Dumbledore's lips. Why had he not given himself some time to actually think it all over properly? _I mean, for God's sake,_ he thought. _I should have known I'd be working with him of all people (Severus Snape,) closer than ever before. _

I must have been bonkers, Harry contemplated rubbing his damp brow. He really did need a job, but could have lived with the fact that he would have been unemployed for a few weeks or so until the Ministry came up with something suitable for one of the youngest war veterans in years. 

Perhaps if he tried to get to know Severus Snape as a man and not as the imposing force of nightmares. Perhaps he could begin to understand him a fraction. Also, he needed some answers concerning those strange photographs. If he succeeded in getting to know 'the old over grown bat,' as a human being and not the son of Satan he may well get some real answers out of him. _Or,_ thought Harry. _He'd kill me given the chance. _

Severus looked around from the task he had completed and saw the small form of Harry Potter dawdling near the door frame dressed in a blue dishevelled T-shirt, black jeans and nubuck leather shoes. 

__

Huh, still wearing those ghastly Muggle fashions I see, the elder man thought. He placed the newly labelled jar back onto the shelf and slid the remainder of the labels into a small cubby-hole propped up on his desk.

"Come in, Potter."

Harry walked into the familiar room and without invitation plopped himself down. Severus peered at him.

"Feeling exhausted are we?"

"Yea," replied the younger man. "I'm knackered after all that hard work." 

"Want a drink?"

"That would be great, Professor." Harry was surprised by the potions master's strange civility.

"Care for a brandy?" Now he was darn right suspicious.

"Is this a polite way of asking me to leave, Professor?"

"Why would I want to do that? You've only just come into this room."

"No. I mean, do you want me to leave Hogwarts? I've tried to be nice to you and that. Since you've had a hard time of late I thought I was helping."

"It hadn't even crossed my mind, Potter. Here." He passed him the glass. Harry took a long swig and nearly choked. Severus smirked.

"I should have warned you. It's one of my own brews. Potent at best."

"In...deed!" Choked the younger man grasping his throat and coughing.

"That is one of the bonuses of being a skilled potions master, Mr Potter. Perhaps you may wish to consider the..." Severus' brows knotted together noting Harry's scarlet face. "Or perhaps you don't drink alcohol?"

"Not as strong as that stuff," he replied after recovering.

Severus sat down in the second arm chair and placed his untouched glass on the floor.

"Um, Professor there is something I would like to ask you if that's okay?"

"What?"

__

Harry was sitting on the floor in the lounge of his and Jinny's house. A building standing in the village of Hogsmead that he had rented since leaving school. At that moment in time Harry was sifting through boxes and boxes of things that once belonged to his parents. Only recently had it came to his notice that his parents belongings had been stored away in one of those large storage bunkers underground.

With it all now safely in his home, Harry had the task of going through it all. He and Jinny had only just returned from their holiday. It had been a lazy Sunday afternoon and it was a good enough time as any to have a good rummage through his parents things.

It had felt strange to Harry to touch, smell and see items that had been buried away from humanity for years long, only now to be seen again by a son who had never known his parents. There were clothes, books, furniture, baby things - 

Harry smiled as he reached and pulled out a soft yellow teddy bear from one of the storage boxes. It had belonged to him as a baby, and once again he was holding it in his hand now. He had a vague impression that it was his favourite toy as a baby.

He lay the teddy down on the floor. 

Kneeling forward he pulled a heavy looking package toward him. Harry drew out his wand and waved it over the top of the box. Quickly the top opened to reveal it's contents. Harry waited for a moment, slightly apprehensive to what he might find.

Finally he pulled out a book. It was large, bound in dark brown leather and inlayed with gold hearts. Across the front bore the initials of his parents, L J

Harry felt a lurch in his stomach. He opened the book to find the pages were blank. "Odd," he muttered and remembered with a shudder the diary of Tom Riddle he had found years ago while in his second year at Hogwarts in Moaning Mertyl's bathroom.

Harry wouldn't make the same mistake twice by accidentally pouring ink onto the blank pages. 

"No way." 

Harry went to put the book down on the floor when something very peculiar happened.

There was the sound of distant laughter and clapping and Harry clasped the book tightly in his hand pulling it to his ear. Indeed the sound was definatly comming from the book. Only that it was getting distinctivly louder now. Harry jerked the assorting sound away from his hear and coughed when a puff of colour shot out of the inner pages.

A delicate cloud of glittering pink smoke gradually rose from the the book until most of the room was fogged with the stuff. Harry plastered his hand over his mouth to avoid breathing the essence in. He found that his eyes didn't sting though.

Slowly the fog dispersed and the room cleared. Harry frowned again, puzzled at what magic had caused such strangeness. He again picked up the book and noticed with surprise that the book was a photo album, a wedding album to be exact. His mother and father's. 

Harry had only one album of his parents at that point in time, given to him by Hagrid upon leaving Hogwarts after his first year for the summer holidays. 

Tears formed in his eyes and he gave no indication that he was going to wipe them away. 

Over all there were about twenty to thirty moving images in this album. He had one or two pictures from Lilly and James' wedding in his other book, but to see the entire collection together was wonderful. Lilly was radiant in her sparkling gown of silver and peach, decorated with a delicate silver brocade across the bodice and sleeves. Her hair was dressed in ringlets. Interspersed between the fiery curls were the tiniest pearls he had ever seen. No. Harry looked closer. It was fairy dust intermixed with angel drops. 

Standing beside her was James with that familiar grin upon his face and that black dishevelled hair, hair that Harry seemed to have inherited. 

James suddenly moved and ruffled his hair spilling out angel dust that had evidently been sprinkled onto his head to. The delicate dust fell, coating his black suit giving it a strange sparkle that reminded Harry of Muggle game show hosts.

Finally he put the book down to continue searching through the other contents of the box. There were photograph after photograph, family members he had never even heard of before, pets, images of houses he had never visited, gardens, other people's children, pictures of him as a tiny baby, pre scar days of cause, and then- Harry picked up a rather warn photo that he would have never guessed.

Lilly was about eleven. Beside her wearing a strange childish bashful smile was non other than Severus Snape. Harry gasped in surprise. It was un-mistakenly him. The dark eyes, the black hair. Presumed he was younger, his face carried the immaturity of youth. Harry had never ever in his entire life seen the potions master smile like that. The sweet purity of a young boy that would grow up into a man twisted with hate and self doubt. 

Harry flipped the photo aside and there was another and another. An entire collection of photographs of Lilly Evens and Severus Snape. Then he saw one that definitely caught his eye. They were holding hands.

"I was going through some of Mum and Dad's photo albums and stuff, when I came across several of you with Mum and...you were smiling and holding her hand." Harry looked directly at Professor Snape and swallowed. "Where you two lovers?"

"No," came a voice. Harry was surprised by the lack of emotion. No biting defence, no sarcasm, just a simple bland no.

Severus felt a strange sensation hit him. It was as if young Mr Potter had read his mind. He studied the man before him and wondered how he was going to address the subject of his feelings without causing Harry to run out of the room wracked with laughter, as if someone had made him drink a laughing potion.

"But I do intend on discussing your mother. The reason why I brought you in here," Severus said slowly.

"Okay, but what about her? Why were you holding her hand in that photo and-?"

"Slow down Mr Potter. One thing at a time."

"Sorry, Professor." Harry looked down at the floor then up again and straight into the eyes of Severus Snape.

"Your mother and I were best friends at school."

"You were! Bloody hell, Severus Snape and a Gryffindor. My Mum." The shock hit neither the less. He saw the potions master squirm uncomfortably in his chair, but seemed to recover fast enough to respond with a quick sneer. Even being best friends shocked Harry enough so that he short up from the chair as if he had been jolted by a spark of electricity.

"God's sake Potter calm your ever so grating emotions and stop acting like such a twurp." 

"Sorry," Harry felt stupid. He was being foolish he knew, a bit outlandish in the shock treatment he had just been given.

"Before you ask how she a lowly Gryffindor and myself managed to get together I remind you to keep a check on that stupid permanently adolescent brain of yours." Before Harry could think of anything to say, rebuff or not, Severus continued. "She was hopeless with potions."

"Oi! My Mum was really good at that. It was one of her best subjects."

"Really? Humf, that is because I helped her with it. Had you yourself put your mind into the subject you may have done better."

"I was okay."

Severus raised a brow. 

"Perhaps in your little world. There is more to life that Quidditch and killing gnomes."

"Hay, there's more to-"

"Exactly. Anyway, Lilly... your mother, I helped her out since I am an adept with that subject." 

__

You don't cover up your pride and pretension much do you? Harry thought.

"For your information, Potter, in regard to our relationship..." Severus swallowed. "We simply became closer if you will."

"Closer?" A strange quirky expression touched Harry's face. A mixture of surprise and odd humour.

"This is ruddy stupid," muttered the professor also now standing. "You obviously think that she and I had an affair. On the contrary." Sad memories floated up into his mind robbing him from reality for a moment. Finally his mind came back to the present to discover Harry watching him puzzled. "You may go now."

"But I'm interested, sir!" Severus groaned inwardly. There was no beating around the bush, he realised and the sooner he came out with it the better.

"You are correct on one aspect of our relationship."

"Oh?"

Severus swallowed. "I did love her." The world suddenly seemed to come to a halt for both of them. Severus felt his cheeks flush and quickly looked down at his hands, nervously playing with the folds of his robes.

Harry nearly choked again. This time he had no brandy pass his lips. In fact the glass was still standing on the side table next to him. He closed his mouth quickly when he realised he was gaping.

Severus twitched uncomfortably.

"I suppose you are going to laugh at me now."

"Why would I do that, Professor. I mean yes it was a bit of a shock, but-"

"You thought I was incapable of feeling?"

"To be perfectly honest yes," Harry replied awaiting the thunder. Strangely nothing happened.

__

I was, thought the elder man. 

Severus paced the room for a long minute then turned when he heard Harry's voice.

"Did she know?"

"Of cause not. She married your... your father." Severus fumed at the thought of the elder Potter and the pain he intentionally and intentionally caused. "She told me of their engagement the same time I was going to reveal my heart," came a sorrowful after thought.

"Sir, I hope you don't mind me asking but-"

"Go on."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I feel that you are now old enough not to snivel with shock, horror or hilarity at me for my weakness. And you are Lilly's son." Severus squared his jaw and stared un-nervingly into Harry's eyes. _Lilly's eyes,_ he thought sadly. "There is something else..."

"What?" Harry frowned and tried desperately to pull away from the professor's mesmerising gaze.

"And because I care about you."

Another shock. Harry gaped.

"Are you having me on?" _Stooping over far too many bubbling cauldrons has defiantly addled his brain._ Harry shook his head bemused at the elder man's weird admittance. _He'll be telling me he loves me next,_ thought Harry. _Must be the medication. After all he's been ill. Wonder what is wrong with him for Dumbledore to request an assistant and for him to actually agree_. "Oh, Bloody hell."

"I am sorry that this had to come out this way."

"How was to come out?" He said not expecting an answer. "I thought you hated me," 

"I never hated you," he said. "Would I have gone out of my way trying to save you from falling off your broom on your first Quidditch tournament if I hated you that much?" 

"I thought you were trying to kill me."

"It was Quirrell who was the danger to you," he said silkily.

"Well, I know that now, but at the time you..."

"I was the horrible bat." Harry laughed out loud.

"What do you find so amusing?"

"You knew what people called you behind your back then?" The humour in his voice faded to sadness.

"Of course I did."

"Why didn't you do anything?"

"It was necessary," he said simply. There were just something he couldn't say. Severus gritted his teeth. 

"And all this time I thought you swooped around drinking the blood of unfortunates." Severus froze.

"It was a joke Professor."

"I fail to see what is so funny."

Harry reacted. All those solid beliefs the Severus was just a man were flung out of the window. "You're not are you?"

"What?" Severus felt annoyance creep up. He had spent too long with the annoying Potter.

"A vampire?" Harry responded with a start when he heard a sound he had never heard before come from Professor Snape. A sound he honestly thought he was incapable of.

"What's so funny?" 

Severus stopped laughing.

"I look like one don't I?" He said. "But the disguise is necessary."

"Why?" It was another thing Severus felt he couldn't explain.

"To keep you lot in line," he almost shouted. 

Harry swallowed. "There is one thing I wanna know."

"And?"

"Why did you pick on me more than everyone else, even Neville-"

"Ah, Neville Longbottom," he muttered to himself. The child that blew up a cauldron or several every lesson. What's he doing now?"

"Last I heard he went to Ireland to study with a group of half giants there. He was looking into care of magical creatures as a career I last heard."

"Good," said Severus slowly. "I am...pleased...that he had found a vocation. The by was vertually a squib."

"Um, Professor, you did'nt answer my question."

"Which was, Potter?"

"Why did you pick on me more-"

"Ah," He swallowed. "Potter, I hated your father not you," he admitted. "I saw you turning into him, arrogant, big headed and thinking yourself the centre of the universe."

"I'm nothing like Dad."

"Yes I know. And I am sorry." Severus sighed, not believing he was telling this to the boy who vexed his spirit and nearly cost him his sanity for seven long years. Telling Harry about his father, the man who had saved his life. A life he had whole heartedly had wished dead those many years ago. Severus chose not to disclose that piece of information. And he found himself owing James Potter a life time debt to repay. "And I was jealous."

"Jealous of me. Why?" Harry was shocked and took a small sip of the brandy. 

"I was a deprived child." He sat down.

"I lived in a cupboard under the stairs."

"I was regularly beaten. I never even saw a girl until I was ten when I ran away from the Muggle orphanage where I lived." Harry sat in silence. Snape beaten? Living as a Muggle. The idea was absurd. He thought that Severus hated Muggles. 

The professor felt his heart beating rapidly.

"One of the things you heard about me was correct."

"Sorry?" Harry hadn't heard him.

"The rumours. I did have a deprived childhood," he repeated, doubting that Harry believed him.

"So did I, but you didn't care less," said Harry bitterly.

"I cared, Harry in more ways than one. You never saw it."

"If you cared so much why did you treat me so nastily?" 

"Because....because....It was very childish of me... You came from a world that treated you cruelly and stepped into another that more or less treated you like a god."

"That's putting it a bit over the extreme."

"You had everything that I could only ever dream, you had friends, people who cared about you. I had nothing at all your age. I was too shy for my own good and I isolated myself. You on the other hand-"

"But I didn't want all the attention. I was just..." He shrugged. "I was just Harry. I didn't know I had saved the world." Severus' eyes narrowed. "I didn't. I just wanted to be a regular boy, not chasing after evil sorcerers. I was thrown into it unprepared. Every where I went people would stare, or point, whispering Harry Potter, did you see him? My God it's Harry Potter! Can I see your scar? May I take your photograph? Weren't you brave? Do you remember it? Aren't you the luckiest man, boy alive!" 

"Yes and you needed protecting, even from yourself. It was all for your own good you realise that is why I came down particularly hard on you. Someone had to keep an eye on you." 

__

I did it for Lilly, he thought. _Not for James._ But he knew part of his dept for James Potter was looking out for Harry. Despite his outward nastiness he did care about him. There was more to it than keeping the boy who would later defeat Voldemort alive. He had always felt a deep paternal instinct in his bones towards the boy even if he denied it from himself. 

"I was saying to Miss Matterson, power is seductive. It seduced me."

"Is that why you joined the Death Eater?"

"Yes and no." Severus paused. "I wanted that power, but I also wanted security. I acquired neither. I was lonely. I had lost Lilly. Loneliness makes one do desperate things, Harry."

The younger man's eyebrows raised in recognition of his own name. Professor Snape had never called him by his first name. At least not until now.

"You may as well address me as Severus," he said noticing the name slip.

"Okay Severus."

"Not Sev or Sevvie."

"Certainly not," said Harry amused. He'd barely recovered from having being called Harry than to start addressing his ex potions master with a nickname.

"Then was it my Mum that made you...?"

"It would be uncharacteristic and foolish of me to lie to you. Partly." Harry sighed.

"Love does make you do stupid things," he said. "Can I ask you a personal question, Severus?"

"Depends."

"Do you still love her? Is that why you have always been alone?" Harry was treading on very delicate grounds. He realised that very moment that it was partly a broken heart that had pushed Severus into the shadows of despair and bitterness.

"Again Miss Matterson asked me that question. And my answer- I love her memory. She was a very gentle loving person. Your father was a lucky man to win her heart."

Harry smiled dreamily.

Again the potions master debated long and hard whether to tell Harry how he truly felt about him. He gazed at his pocket watch and tucked it back into his pocket quickly. Harry looked up un-expectantly. His expression was calm but his eyes betrayed him. 

__

Severus disappeared into the mists of times to the moment he first noticed the small bespectacled boy nervously awaiting his turn at the sorting ceremony. As he sat watching, a deep emotion passed through him, a feeling of familiarity as he stared at the boy shifting towards the three legged stool.

"Slytherin," he had pleaded silently. "Let him be with me."

A dull pain clasped him when he heard Harry mutter, "Not Slytherin, not Slytherin." 

The sorting hat responded, "Not Slytherin ay?" And they exchanged a brief conversation. 

"You would be great you know...It's all here in your head...Better be Gryffindor then!"

Of cause Severus heard every word and it stung. 

No one noticed the resignation on his face as Harry grinned with delight and the students residing at the Gryffindor table cheered for their new member. The famous Harry Potter, a Gryffindor like his parents before him.

"I wanted you to have been mine," he thought. Suddenly he caught another startled expression on the younger man's face and realised he had spoken his thoughts aloud.

"It is true." he said. Harry didn't know what to say. "Every time I look you," he swallowed. "I see your mother, and I see something in you that should have been part of me. And -"

"You really were in love with her then," whispered Harry. 

He clenched his jaw, but was glad that young Potter questioned him no further. Harry despite the shock and the absurdity already knew the unspoken three words.

"I'm glad I know," said Harry getting up. An impulse to reach out and grab the other man into a hug took hold, but he pulled back. Severus stood.

"And I mean no disrespect to you because of your father."

"Thank you," he whispered. "You're really not so bad."

"Thanks." Severus smiled slightly.

"Can I make a suggestion Prof...I mean Severus?"

"What?"

"Find someone to take care of you. You need a bit of love in your life. Taya seems to like you a lot. I don't know whether you have noticed it."

"If only you knew," he said to the empty room when Harry had left. "If only." 


	29. Chapter 29

****

Chapter 29

Sexual Healing 

April was quickly passing into June. 

It had taken Severus Snape, Potions Master, head of Slytherin House two months to properly assimilate the lost memories. 

It was Saturday and they had spent a quiet evening in, indulging in a romantic candle lit dinner for two.

"That was really wonderful Severus," she said after taking a final sip of her wine. He looked up modestly, peering over the flickering candle at her face. He to took a last gulp of his wine then carefully positioned the crystal glass onto the table.

"You are just saying that," he replied, "just to be nice." His expression changed to one of annoyance.

"No I didn't. You really are a good cook. Better than me. If it weren't for the house elves I don't know what I would do. I swear I would probably even burn an egg to ashes."

"You can't possibly be that bad," said Severus with a frown. He folded his arms.

"Yea, but without a wand I'm hopeless. Thank Merlin that you can cook without the aid of magic."

"That isn't entirely true my dear. In fact I used magic to cook the ingredients."

"You are a potions master. Cooking something comes easy with folk like you."

"Maybe, but-"

"Oh and that Cauldron pudding you spent seven hours on was delish." Taya leaned closer. "Are you blushing again?"

"No," said Severus who quickly got up. He waved his new wand over the table and everything vanished. He watched her as she moved slightly in her chair adjusting the sleek figure hugging gown she was wearing. The fabric was black, but sparkled with enchanted stars so every time she moved they glistened with jewel like intensity.

Severus swallowed. She looked positively beautiful. Her hair was fastened loosely upon her head. A few random selected locks danced provocatively as she moved. They hung about around her forehead and neck, coiling down almost to her waist.

The sight of her, a temptress, his temptress was provoking dangerous thoughts, and those dangerous thoughts mingled with her scent and the image of her lovely being roused deep feelings. Emotions he hadn't felt for a long time, not since Lorsekruker's re-appearance and his desperate longing to be touched briefly the day he had come to her room to speak of his troubles.

"Taya?"

"Yep?"

"Would it be rude of me to ask something of you?"

She laughed. "Depends. What?" He stiffened and took a deep breath. 

"Forgive me for sounding obscene but..."

"What is it Severus?" She smiled. "What do you want?"

"We haven't... um, I feel that I would like to..." He was hunting for words. "This is silly. What I'm trying to say is that we... I mean that I need -" 

"Are you sure? I mean it's only been a couple of months since it happened?" 

_Thank God,_ he thought, _that she understood and also didn't bath in my awkwardness._ "Yes. I... I need it. Desperately." Her eyebrows shot up, nearly disappearing into her fringe. Severus felt like shoving his foot into his mouth. _Damn you Snape for being so..._ He clenched his jaw. _Desperate. _

"It's okay. I think I need you too ... right now." She noticed the haunting hopelessness in his eyes despite his apparent attempts to mask it and the longing need for some kind of sexual healing, a release.

"I wish I could declare how much you have helped me, given to me," he said. Taya smiled tenderly and felt her cheeks heat up and she knew that it wasn't from the wine.

"You can. Okay?" she said smiling and she casually stepped over to him and eased him into a snug embrace. She felt his body react almost instantly to her. She reached up onto tip toes and they kissed. 

Moments later he had shredded himself of the clothing, heavy fabric that was irritating his aroused skin and it had fallen to the floor in a matter of seconds.

Now he was laying on his bed, on his back with Taya sliding over him. His dungeon quarters had never felt so comforting. 

She kissed his mouth and felt him quicken. Her lips skimming down his neck to his throat, warm flesh soft and smooth beneath her mouth. Warm and tempting. 

His hand eased around her pulling her down until she was laying on top of him. She smiled into his mouth as the gathered cloth of her dress was pulled off her shoulders. Hastily she climbed out of it then worked on removing her hair from the binds that held it up. It slid down her back into a sea of loose curls. For a moment he grasped the silken tendrils in his hands then reached them over the fabric, cupping her breasts over the soft satiny fabric of her corset, lightly stroking her until she moaned his name out loud.

Not content with touching her over her underwear he reached behind and unfastened the clasps. 

Quickly he resumed his gentle fondling, only this time he eased his hands under the boned fabric, under the cups and onto bare skin, lightly flicking the pads of his fingers over her tantalised flesh. 

Hastily Taya removed the garment and slung it aside along with any other items of clothes she wore. His hands eased down and made their home secured around her waist. She moved against him feeling his erection against her thigh. 

Noticing his heat spiralling further she moved down his body kissing every inch. Licking, nibbling his skin caused him to stretch against her. 

Her hands hovered over his arousal for a moment.

"I desire you," he breathed into her hair. He took her hand tracing it along his body then placed it against his hip.

"Trust me, Severus."

****


	30. Chapter 30

****

Chapter 30

I Love You

"What are you going to do?" He asked expectantly and was met with a finger on his lips. 

"Open your mouth Severus." He did it without thinking because he was going to say something else. She slid her index finger inside before he could utter a single word and closed his lips around it, only to have it pulled out again.

Almost with frenzied desperation he grasped her hand, forcefully pressing her finger into his mouth again, sucking on it as if he were actually performing fellatio. She realised he was coping what she did to him when she gave him oral love. He heard a low feminine giggle. 

She stroked the soft pad of her finger tip over his tongue, over the roof of his mouth, down the inside walls of his cheeks, over his teeth and the behind his lips. His mouth was warm and moist. Automatically Severus began to suck again, sliding his tongue along the length of her finger. Abruptly she pulled her hand away quickly replacing her finger with her mouth.

Their tongues collides and seemed to play out a futile battle of strokes and licks. She could taste him, feel the inside of his mouth almost burning as she caressed the delicate pink red tissue. A moment later she gently bit him, and slid her tongue along the outer orifice of his lips. He cried out. 

Taya buried her face against his neck marvelling at his strong hands when they ran over her sides, such strong, noble yet gentle hands. Hands that could do so much for her.

She reached over him and ran trickling fingers down his back, wavering slightly before fully grasping soft pliable flesh as they passed over the curve of his bottom. He pressed himself to her and Taya was abruptly inundated with a ripe hardness pressing against her groin. She reached down between them. 

The friction of their bodies crushed together was rapidly causing her to buckle and she wondered how long she herself could hold out and maintain self control before she finally couldn't contain her passion any longer and pressed him into her.

He was squeezing her so tightly to him she could feel the vibration of his throat pressed against her neck each time he moaned her name. 

He softened slightly when she released the grip on the tip of his shaft. She wanted to make him feel this as long as possible. Then she began the painful raising of his pleasure all over again. Her free hand grasped his shoulder as her other eased him along. 

With each stroke he hardened. She moved her thumb and forefinger together over him, gradually adding friction as she moved from the tip to the base. Then she stopped when she heard his voice.

"I must have you now." His hand came down between his legs grasping her fingers lightly and pulling them away. Taya moved onto her back, readying herself. Severus moved over her pressing himself into her heat.

Gasping as the final plethora of overwhelming pleasure drove through his veins, Severus moved one last time then slumped back against the bed. Taya kissed him tenderly and fell asleep slumped over his chest. 

He smiled down at her feeling a rapturous contentment inside and a burning love for the small woman he had thought he would never find again. 

****


	31. Chapter 31

****

Chapter 31

A Corruption Of Innocence

23rd of August

Gazing out of a window was a past time Severus Snape secretly enjoyed when not cooped up in those dark depressing dungeons, but today even watching the goings on down upon the ground or watching the sky, as clouds sailed slowly past didn't give him any assurance to what was going to happen today.

Severus would never had been considered a dreamy soul, or a poet, but things such as those he religiously kept to himself. If it got out that he had one redeeming quality about him there would be whispers, and Minerva McGonagall may even have passed out from the shock..

There were always whispers concerning him, but whispers that rumoured that he was in fact a romantic at heart would probably kill him on the spot if anyone, but Taya had found out.

She had found something that indicated poetry, probably the beginning of an elegy, some thoughts he had taken to writing down in poetry kind of a manner. It had been roughly scribed on the back of an unused test sheet and had brought her to tears upon reading it. Severus quite defensively pointed out that he had written it a long time ago. Perhaps that was true because the paper had started to yellow at the edges from age, but the indication of whom the woman spoken about in the verses were quite obviously her.

How long ago had he written it? She had wondered. When she was still at school? When she was in Norway? Taya didn't have any real evidence, but she suspected that the words were first scribed after her graduation, when the pain of realisation that he probably would never see her again had hit him the hardest.

She had held it up in her hand looking at the folded sheet curiously after finding it lodged between two heavy volumes in one of Severus' large bookcases. 

She had unfolded it carefully and sat down on the couch to read.

_On the outside no one could ever know_

They just see a broken shell 

Within a withering effigy of life,

A ghost of a man once dwelled.

On the inside is an empty heart

Frozen by a million dreams broken,

Untrue whims of the heart.

The beast does wreck my hold

Like the lies I've told so many years to those

And to me, 

I am frozen.

Locked inside my empty heart

No one should ever behold.

And all I have is my dreams.

They haunt me by day, 

As I see those faces

Untouched by rage and crime

Myself, purity lost, 

And long forgotten.

They say I am cold,

Bitter,

And Cruel.

They do not realise that I am shielding them

From thy bitter rotten core

No one can know of the twisted knot that

Binds me to my isolation.

A twisted coil of hopelessness

And morbid disposition

In a world governed by secret evils

Doomed dreams and wishes,

I know not much difference

My secret past haunts my dreams.

I can not rest for fears and consternation

A language of my inner soul

Does spark my inner tears.

Why must I continue to walk this Earthy plane?

A corruption of purity and Innocence.

I listen to my own jaded thoughts,

And hope soon, 

To be forgiven

I am a master of many guise,

A sorcerer cloaked in pretence

But deep inside I weep for thee

For longings,

Wants,

And needs

Needs that have never been given,

Wants that have never been expressed,

And longings that have never been freed,

Inside my heart, 

Does it not break every time I think of thee.

Inside I cry for the touch that only she can give

I keep my silence and I can only hope 

And wait for this pain to be abridged.

And silently I weep

Signed, Severus Snape 

Summer, 1996

Severus Snape continued to gaze out of the window, but this time he wasn't really interested. Even the check he received that same morning, his reward didn't cheer him up. It had been a substantial amount of money, but even a hefty supply of gold galleons, silver sickles, and bronze knuts didn't make him feel better. 

He took a deep gulp of air. 

This was better than the pacing he had kept up for almost an hour, continuously. However despite his obvious gaze his thoughts were also clearly elsewhere.

Beside him, his love, his companion and his soul mate eased an arm around his shoulders in an attempt to soothe him. He had been feeling particularly nervous all week and expressed his obvious unease with his usual crotchety self. Spitting venom at anyone who may unintentionally say one word wrong.

Now he lay back, leaning against the arm that was draped around him. He turned, finally freeing his eyes from the outside, from the window.

He watched her and she smiled.

"You okay?" She asked easily.

"As well as can be expected for someone just about to face their most terrible nightmare again," he bit.

"Once we get this over and done with, we'll be able to get back to some kind of normality,"  
"Normality? What ever that is?" He replied grimly. Taya smiled, but this time her smile did not express happiness nor joy, but only concern and unease.

She moved forward, delicately stroking her fingers through the soft strands of his black hair. Abruptly she stood up and wandered over the dresser to retrieve his hair brush.

When she returned by his side she smoothed her hand over his head then bushed.

"Beautiful," she breathed and kissed the crown. Severus looked up.

"You like my hair don't you?"

"It's soft as silk and the colour of the night sky." He smiled faintly.

"I try to do something different, but nothing works."

"It's perfect the way it is."

"It's annoying."

"It's annoyingly beautiful. Your hair is in better condition than mine."

"I try to cut it-"

"Don't do that!"

"It always grows very quickly. I gave up doing anything with the length years ago."

"Your hair is perfect."

"It is greasy."

"No. It shines." Severus moved his head and stared at her scowling. "What are you doing?"

"You said you wanted something different." She replied completely seriously and pulled him to his feet. "Look. Come here and see." He stood in front of the mirror and groaned.

"What on Merlin's life have you done to it?"

"Like it?"

"It looks bloody stupid." Taya laughed. Severus reached his hand to his head grasping a few braids. "Change it back. NOW."

"You look...different. Sure you wouldn't like to keep it this way?" She chided.

"No."

"Oh, Okay." Taya raised her wand. "Hair reversus."

"That's better," he said sliding his hands through the now loose waves.

"Neh, dreadlocks didn't suit you anyway. Come on, love," she said with a gentle tug of his hair. "Lets get this over with." 

Severus tensed visibly, and felt the sensation of nervousness disturb his stomach. Quickly he pulled at his clothes.

"What are you doing?" She enquired. He tugged at her hand to stroke him there. She rested her hand against his belly noticing that he now had regained most of the weight lost over the past few weeks and she liked it. Her palm stroked until she felt the coiled abdominal muscles relax. She looked up at his face and for a brief moment she embraced him. Then she let go.

Taking his hand they exited Taya's rooms and went to find Dumbledore.

****


	32. Chapter 32

****

Chapter 32

What The Paper's Say

Walking briskly toward them, dressed in rich embroidered crimson robes with a matching pointed hat was Albus Dumbledore. From his expression he did not appear in the lest bit happy, but he forced a weak watery smile at the two teachers who had just stopped to meet him in the corridor.

"Severus." Dumbledore nodded at him demurely. "Taya." She made something more of a grimace than a true smile. Severus Snape didn't even venture that far of fearing that his face might actually crumble from the fatigue. 

The elderly wizard pulled out his pocket watch. "We have thirty five minutes so there is no great hurry. I suggest we stop off at the Leaky Cauldron before going? Yes Severus?"

Professor Snape snarled nastily. "To get me drunk enough so I'll spill all the beans?" Taya clasped his hand.

"No. I don't think he ment it like that, love." 

"Of cause not." replied the headmaster gently, but cautiously. From his present state the potions master looked ready to flip at any given moment. "To calm you down before hand." 

"My hat," snapped Severus.

"You could always drink a butterbeer if you didn't want anything alcoholic." Dumbledore leaned closer to Taya. "To be perfectly honest I wouldn't recommend anything stronger than a butterbeer or pumpkin juice in his present condition. He needs to be calm, but not out of control." Taya smiled strangely. "You have never seen a drunk Professor Snape then?"

"No." She shook her head. Severus jerked his head over at Dumbledore and threw a look that could kill. 

Severus stopped, his feet apparently rooted to the floor. "I'm not going. You can't force me," he said childishly. Resolution was set firmly on his pale face. Taya noticed his was chewing his lip. 

"But-"

"Didn't you hear?"

"Yes love, but- Hello Harry," she said with a cheerful smile as the young man stopped by.

"Severus, Taya, Headmaster," he commented quietly. The potions master nodded.

"I just came from the staff room and was heading down here and have bumped into you three."

"Indeed," said Dumbledore reclining his head slightly to see what Harry was holding in his hands. 

"What's all this then?" Said a bewildered Harry Potter wrinkling his nose. He held up a rather tatty copy of today's Daily Profit.

The head lines read -

**Missing rapist and murderer Dionysius Lorsekruker revealed after thirty years on the run. **

Official verdict - awaiting punishment. 

Lorsekruker, eighty six, thought to be Voldemort's second, was discovered nearly three months ago at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft And Wizardry, Scotland and was safely removed before he could have possibly caused more harm.

Lorsekruker had been spending the last few months in Azkaban awaiting trial and is still awaiting sentencing.

Remaining victims of his who were subjected to the most unforgivable of non magical crimes will be compensated.

One man, a Professor Snape who actually teaches at that school was keenlyknown through the Death Eater community now gets a substantial award for bravery and keeping the peace. Pay out due to reasons un known - speculation -possibly a cover up of darker misdeeds?

Is the Hogwarts Potions master one of Lorsekruker's victims?

Severus felt his blood run cold.

"Bloody Rita Skeeta," he spat. "Why can't people just leave me alone?"

"What does that mean Severus?" Harry was glaring intently at him. "Victim?"

How in Gods name was he going to explain all or this? He had only just began to associate himself with Harry Potter, not confess his life story. He was as much a stranger to him as Severus was to Harry. Trust only came later, much much later, and when it concerned this! He knew he wouldn't tell him. He wouldn't.

"There is nothing to discuss," called Severus, but was staring at Harry with intense dark eyes. "And it's non of your business, Harry."

"Ay?"

"Your lack of politeness is disgusting."

"But, you told me about Mum."

"Yes, fool. That much but I am not about to disclose any more of my personal past."

"But you said you loved me." Taya and Dumbledore gazed at both of them surprised. Severus flinched.

"I DID NOT," Severus stated defiantly.

"I thought that you at least liked me now?"

Severus clenched his jaw and leaned down close, close enough so that his face was virtually pressed against Harry's and his right index finger wiggling menacingly close to Harry's nose.

"You listen here, Potter. Do not misunderstand. There are things that even you, the famous Harry Potter should never know about me. Understand?"

"Ye...Yes sir," came a strangled confused voice.

"Good, Miss Matterson? Professor Dumbledore?"

"We're coming Severus," said Taya.

"Be what it may Potter. Ask no more questions." And with a quick shove he muttered, "Get out of my way Potter." Than they were gone.


	33. Chapter 33

****

Chapter 33

Questioning

Outside Hogwarts at the far reaches of the Quidditch pitch was a spartan segment of unkempt grass. Well hidden between the green and fawn coloured leaves, but glistening slightly in the sun light was a small purple bottle. 

Three figures all cloaked marched towards this spot of wild grass then stopped. The first figure a tall willowy elderly man with long white hair and a beard to match picked up the bottle and vanished.

The second figure, a much younger man with glossy ebony hair turned to his female companion and excepted a tight hug of reassurance. Not that he was afraid of the port key. Not in the least. It was the events that were to transpire after that which terrified him.

Together they grabbed the sparkling bottle and held on tight. 

Severus Snape felt the familiar tug at his navel as he was pulled through time and space to old wizard London. To the foray of the Ministry of magic to be exact.

Waiting for them was Albus Dumbledore. He smiled pleasantly and glanced at his watch again. "Appears that we are a little way from the Leaky Cauldron," he said. "The officials appear to have wanted us here directly. Not to worry though. We are only ten minutes early. Wont have to wait long. It'll probably take just that to find the room." He smiled, eyes twinkling and noticed Severus Snape's perplexed expression twinged with fear. Abruptly Severus relaxed his frown until his vision caught tell tell flashes of white light and his ears picked up the sound of click, click from cameras.

Severus shuddered from rage, and marched with angry determination over to the small group of reporters situated in a vacant corner of the large marble foray. 

A woman, dressed in what appeared to be a blue designer suit and wearing large gold heavy earrings that were dangling precariously from her lobes flashed him a false smile and thrummed her red talon like finger nails on her clip board.

"Hello Mr Snape. I'm Rita Skeeta from the Daily Profit," she purred while fluttering heavily coated mascara lashes. Her bee sting red lips curved into a quick puffed up smile before she pouted.

"Professor," he hissed. "I know who you are."

"You do. I am charmed." She swooned over dramatically and fluttered her eyelashes again. 

"What are you doing here?" He almost lunged at a small man dressed in tartan robes as he hysterically began flashing his camera into the potions master's face. Quickly Severus made a grab for it and tore it out of his hands. The small bald man with the shiny head and a shock of grey hair projecting out of his ears made an aggravated squeak sound. 

"Oi give that back."

"Don't you dare Oi me, sir!" Severus abruptly dropped the camera onto the floor and stamped on it. The photographer gazed at him in surprise, open mouthed. 

"You, you..." Severus sneered, obviously completely satisfied with himself. 

"Out of my way you snivelling idiot." And he gave the impression that he had shoved the crowd back by physical force, not by simple voice alone.

Taya couldn't help a giggle escaping nor could Dumbledore suppress a smile at the spectacle.

Coolly Rita Skeeta emerged from the crowd of flashes again and stepped back in front of the professor.

"What?"

"Tell, me Professor were you one of...." Prior to realising what he was doing he had his wand level at Skeeta's overly made up face. Before she could even slide away a puff of smoke was discharged from the wand. Skeeta howled like a banshee and there was a loud pop.

Someone gasped. Another took a photograph then the crowd went wild. Flashes of light, bickering and excited gibberish was exchanged and then there was silence.

"Croak."

Everyone looked down at the shiny floor.

Sat there was a large toad. It's warty slimy skin was plastered in thick foundation and it's overly enlarged lips were cherry red. The toad croaked again then moved, revealing a tiny hand with red painted talons.

"Rita?!!" Someone gasped.

"I see no difference," muttered Severus drawing away from the crowd of shocked people and the frantic chatter. He was sure his eye caught a tiny fist being raised and jabbed angrily at him on the floor before he walked away.

A smug expression crossed his face before shortly returning to a normal sneer and Severus rejoined Dumbledore and Taya.

"I can't believe you did that," said Taya.

"I can." Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. Even without words his feelings were apparent, just from the look in his eyes. "She deserves what she gets." Severus said then pulled his cloak tightly around his body preparing for what was to come next.

"That will certainly make the front page. Better be careful Severus in case she tells the authorities," Dumbledore warned. 

"The authorities will agree with him. The press shouldn't have been in here anyway," said Taya. "Look!" She pointed over at several richly dressed men standing together watching the spectacle with amused interest. "See, they are watching over there."

Somebody cheered, unbelievingly it was one of the ministers. "Good work there Professor Snape," he called jovially. "I always wanted to see that stupid Skeeta crone put down a peg or two."

Professor Dumbledore led the way through the vast building until they came to the correct department. 'Chief Justice-War crimes- Section 302.

They were met by a small stout witch with long sticky out blond straw like hair who quickly ushered them into a tiny room.

The chamber was sparsely decorated. An ornate desk and three chairs consisted of the furniture. The walls were painted a deep red, while the picture rail and skirting were inlayed with gold. The floor was bare floorboards, highly polished, but covered with an ornate Prussian rug, the tassels slightly ragged and torn.

A single moving picture hung on the wall of a man apparently in Ministerial robes carrying what looked like a long golden staff and several papers, certificates judging from the scene. The man was standing proudly, smiling at the three people who had just occupied the tiny room.

"May as well be seated," said Dumbledore, but the door abruptly opened and he remained standing where he was.

A man, evidently the same in the photograph swayed over towards the desk and placed a huge scroll down on it's surface.

"Be seated," he said kindly to the younger wizard. Totally ignoring the other two. Severus choose to stand for a few moments and gaze around the dark windowless room. A gentle hand touched his and Taya smiled tenderly.

"It's okay," she whispered.

"Your loved one?" Inquired the man. Severus scowled angrily. "May I offer you refreshments. There is tea-"

"Cut the pleasantries," snapped Severus. "Just get on with it will you." Dumbledore gazed expectantly at the potions master.

"Be easy," he murmured.

"How can I possibly be easy?" He snapped and roughly yanked his hand from Taya's.

"Very well," said the questioner. "Albus and I have met before I believe?" He gazed at the silver haired wizard.

"Indeed. It is a great pleasure."

_Flattering him up,_ thought Severus grimacing. 

"I do not have the honour of meeting you two fine people before-"

"Paf," spat the professor which the young minister before him ignored. 

"My name is Minister Eggbert Grot. I am here to interview you on your experiences with a Mister Dionysius Lorsekruker. I am not here to judge, just to ask questions,

"Before we do start is there anything you require or wish to know?"

"No," he stammered. 

"Professor Severus Snape," called the man looking up from a long scroll of paper. "You are not on trial, you are not guilty of the crime. We only need your information on what happened to you. Your experiences. If for any reason you find this too painful we will have a interim then follow again later. Anything that you feel you are unable to say out loud may be recorded via 'wisperpad.' Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"This interview will govern the best punishment to suit the crime. Dionysius Lorsekruker is guilty of the murder and rapes of hundreds of innocent Muggle and Magic persons alike."

Severus tensed, feeling his stomach flip at the mere mention of the name again.

"This is a closed room, no information offered and gathered will leak out. Wards have been set and every necessary precaution has been undertaken. We will undertake this questioning as quickly and as painlessly as possible. Confidentially is the prime of importance here. I assure you again,

"Now," said the man. He cleared his throat noisily and ruffled the long curling parchment in his pale freckled hands. "May we begin sir?" He took out a volumous bright red quill. Held it upright so that the tip hovered over the page and let go.

"Hurry up with this nonsense."

"Very well, sir. Your experiences as a Death Eater brought you to Lorsekruker in...let's see." He looked down at his papers. "Nineteen seventy one?"

"I never want to see that... that evil man ever again." The pen started to write.

"Why were you under his order and not directly governed by..." the questioner paused for a moment so did the pen. "Voldemort," he whispered. The pen resumed it's scratchy writing. Minister Grot's voice caught slightly as if the name was still difficult to say aloud even after so many years had passed after the Dark Lord's destruction.

"You are misinformed Minister, I was not governed. I was enslaved."

"How so?"

Severus swallowed and un-realising it reached out his hand to Taya who took it.

"I spent nearly two years under Voldemort gradually working my way up to his inner circle. I thought that I may have soon be granted the position of high order third. Lorsekruker was Voldemort's second." He swallowed down nausea and felt a head ache slowly squeeze his head. It felt as if his scull was retracting against the soft tissue inside, pulverising it into pulp. Vivid gruesome images of this twisted Severus' concentration. He abruptly shook his head, black shaggy hair swirled around him for a moment then settled down, framing his face.

"Instead he appointed me to Lorsekruker."

"As what exactly?"

"Is this entirely necessary Minister?" Interjected Dumbledore getting to his feet. "There doesn't appear to be a valid reason to these questions."

"We must start from the beginning Headmaster Dumbledore. I respect Professor Snape's feelings on the aforementioned matter, but we must know the exact story."

"This is blatant nosiness," said an enraged potions master. He dramatically shot up from his chair and headed toward the door.

"Respect sir," said the man. "But you do want this man to come to justice?"

"Justice?" Severus snapped. "What justice? This twisted perversion of questions. What about my injustice. I refuse to answer any more questions."

"With all due respect sir," the man bowed slightly. 

"You sicken me, fool." He stopped.

"I clearly understand your apprehension, but we must discuss this. I only have the power to grant a recess, but if you perhaps wish to commence with this tomorrow-"

"Be damned with these questions." Dumbledore looked over at the still scribing feather with interest. It was recording every word said.

"We need your side of the story. Only you can put Lorsekruker away forever. You yourself only just said that you wished never to see or hear from him again. Perhaps the wisperpad?" He pulled out a heavy green book from a drawer in his desk and opened it. "Anything you think will be recorded here."

"Fool. It doesn't make any difference. I'm not permitting my entire thoughts to be recorded in your stupid book." _You would probably arrest me for my murderous thoughts._. 

"Okay," said the sandy haired man cautiously and put the book back into the drawer.

"I don't give a damn what you do with him. Just let me be." He headed back towards the door and found it was locked. A groan of defeat shook him, and took him by surprise. "Why is this door locked?" Grot stood up.

"Security reasons."

"Open it then. I no longer want to be cooped up in here."

"Sir, please calm down." Dumbledore stood up and guided the overly fervent man back to his seat. Taya immediately took both of his hands.

"Love, the man is right. Calm down."

"Your lady is in fact right, too." Grot sat and hitched up his britches a fraction. "Understand dear sir. I mean you no personal disrespect. We do not judge-"

"As you already said." Severus bolted upright again, seemingly unable to stay seated for more than a few minutes.

"Severus?" Whispered Taya. "Darling, tell him what he wants to know. Then it'll be done with. You don't want to come back tomorrow."

"Indeed." said Dumbledore nodding. "Sit now." Severus allowed himself to be pulled back down onto his chair by the headmaster. "Now, close your mind to those feelings and answer best you can." He gently touched his younger professor's shoulder in a fatherly way, squeezing tight painfully knotted muscles. 

"What?" Severus spat.

"You commented on that you were his slave."

"I was his toy. I brewed potions by day," The man nodded. "By night..." Severus swallowed.

"And how long did this abuse go on for?"

"As I already pointed out sir, nearly two years. What has that got to do with it?" He spat angrily.

"We need to know exactly. While during this time did you ever consider leaving?"

"Of cause I did."

"Why didn't you?"

"I was unable. I was physically too weak. They kept me prisoner."

"Very well," replied the man. "As a prisoner or... slave what _exact_ duties _were _you obliged to do other than potions brewing?"

He stiffened. He knew very well that the question would be asked sooner or later, and it cast terror over his entire being.

"What...what do you mean?" He stammered feebly.

"It's okay." he heard Taya reassure him beside him. Despite her gentle words her tender touch the fear was penetrating to the very core.

"What did you do other than your day time duties? At night. Forgive me for my bluntness but you said you had to do something at night."

"S....sex."

"You had sex. Is that all?"

"No. I mean..." Tears formed in his eyes. Severus clenched his jaw and forced his mouth to obey his brain. "No. It wasn't ...it...it wasn't..." he turned to face Taya and from the tender look in her eyes he longed to fall into her arms and sob, but he had to hold on. He had to get this over with. Above all he had to be strong. "It wasn't love making." He said to Taya.

"Have you had any homosexual relationships prier to your rapes, Professor?"

"No." Severus turned around dramatically and scowled at the questioner.

"Is this necessary sir?" Questioned Dumbledore disdainfully. 

"I apologise again. It is. Please continue answering the questions, Professor. Have you had any heterosexual relationships prior?"

"IT'S NON OF YOUR BLOODY BUSINESS," he burst.

"Were you a virgin prior to your assaults?" Severus' lip curled slightly from the sudden on set of rage. He was ready to kill at any moment.

"May we have a few moments please," said Dumbledore.

"Yes of cause."

"Severus." Dumbledore clutched his shoulder and led him to the corner of the room.

"Was that your first sexual experience?"

"Why must I tell you?"

"Because if it is, to touch an untouched pure wizard in such a way is tantamount to the most grievous of crimes. 

"Isn't rape already the most grievous?" He replied sadly, but with a hint of sarcasm.

"The purity of a virgin to be taken in such a brutal way can not be punished by imprisonment alone. You know our beliefs Severus. I do not know what you believe, but the primary belief, however ancient says that a person attacked while still physically pure can issue whatever punishment they see fit."

"Never heard of it," spat Severus. "I don't care what happens. I told you before."

"Tell Minster Grot. Despite your personal pride, justice must be set, your broken soul will rest then." Severus swallowed. "Okay?"

"Yes."

"Good good, son," he patted him on the arm.

"Continue with ridiculous sham of an interrogation," muttered the younger professor bitterly.

"Then will you answer the question Professor Snape?"

"Yes. Prior to the attacks I was still...pure."

"The year being nineteen seventy one again. That made you twenty did it not?"

"Yes."

"What year did you join the Death Eaters?"

"Nineteen seventy."

"Very well. Can you tell me, on estimation how many times you were raped the time you spent with the Death Eaters?

"How should I know? He quipped. 

"Roughly?"

"Nearly every night. Work it out yourself, damn you."

"Do you have any physical indications of your abuse?" At that Taya shot up off her seat.

"Sir, Severus will not disclose any further information." She turned to find a hunched figure beside her trembling. "Severus?" He appeared to be weeping, but when he looked up she gasped in horror. He ripped open the fastenings of his robes revealing the pale scared skin of his chest and stomach. Dumbledore was suddenly on his feet again. 

"Severus, this really isn't necessary. " He ignored him.

"What else do you want from me. Do you wish to see the bite marks and scars on my-"

"Stop it." Taya said firmly. Abruptly she pulled the fabric back over his chest. "Come here." Abruptly she pulled him into a firm embrace. 

For the first time he didn't care who was in the room with them, be it a complete stranger or Professor Dumbledore standing, slightly shocked and muttering to himself.

"That will be all," said the man who plucked up the still scribing feather. He drew out his wand and muttered a spell to which the door swung open.

"Sirs, and Madam. I understand how grave and painful this has been, I however must request Professor Snape's permission to use his information in Lorsekruker's conviction. As you know, since you are, I mean were a virgin, you have the right to order punishment."

"It is an abomination. I don't give a damn. I want to go." He stood up drawing his cloak around him. 

"I need your permission sir," offered the man again.

"Use it... bloody hell how you want. I don't give a damn anymore. I told you." He turned to storm off out of the room, caring less what he looked like, his still partially open shirt flapping, reveling an exposed strip of belly and the salty tears drying on his cheeks.

"I need you to sign." Severus grabbed the quill and scribbled something that may have been his name onto the piece of parchment in front of him.

"Thank you," said the man. "Take care."

"Go to hell." 

Before Taya or Dumbledore could stop him, Severus had already gone and had stepped through the port key.

Sometime back at the castle, sobbing bitterly in her arms, Severus Snape rocked himself into a black oblivion.

****


	34. Chapter 34

****

Chapter 34

A little Chat

__

Why did I do that, thought Severus Snape as he looked down into his brandy glass. _Why did I act like a complete moron this morning?_ He swirled the dark amber fluid around then gulped it down. So much for alcohol abandonment. God, didn't his head hurt. It wasn't from the brandy he was sure of that, but from the adrenaline rush hours ago. He felt like a dead waste. His eyes hurt, his back hurt, his shoulders crunched when he moved.

"Getting to old for this," he muttered getting up from his chair and leant out through the open window staring across a section of the Quidditch field. Some students were playing out there.

How he wished to be free and innocent, no worries except for whether that girl fancied you or your home work being completed on time. He realised he still resented the children. _To be young and happy._

He had never been happy at their age, never, not once really. He felt trapped and alone. His eyes burned. He feared he was going to break down and cry again.

More so since that fateful morning. Much to his humiliation he had passed out as soon as Taya had taken him into her arms. He had slept solidly for three hours. Upon waking he was burning hot and shaking. Taya was curled up beside him.

It was now quarter past six. He felt hungry, but sick at the same time. His mind kept mulling over the morning events. The questions, the humiliation, that annoying Minister Eggbert Grott. Severus had a hard time suppressing a shudder. He trembled, his hands were shaking. He flexed his fingers a few times and took big gulps of air. His head still felt fuzzy.

Severus poured himself another brandy.

And he remembered with embarrassment he had ripped open his shirt in front of a complete stranger and his employer. Under normal circumstances he would never dare do such a thing. Normally he was covered up to his neck in dark heavy fabric. He was too shy to reveal his pale scared body in public. 

Since this morning the only persons to see him naked were his mother, Lorsekruker, Voldemort, Dumbledore briefly once before, when Lorsekruker very nearly raped him again in Hogwarts itself, Taya his lover and Madam Pomfrey. 

He tried his hardest to deliberately keep away from Poppy Pomfrey's tampering even in a weak state, near death. He knew that she had seen him in several states of undress on more than one occasion. Luckily he was always unconscious those times, but it didn't make him feel any better. 

Most of the time he managed to creep back to his quarters before being spotted and dragged to the hospital wing. 

__

Stupid fool. She's a nurse for heaven sake, he thought grabbing a large container off the shelf.

He was a keen healer of sorts in his own right. Mixing potions and brewing them He knew all about plants and animals and their medicinal qualities. It was only natural. He himself brewed most of the potions used in the hospital. He remembered Taya saying that he should have been a healer.

_Some healer,_ he thought satirically. _She was obviously just being sweet._

Suddenly there was a knocking at the door. Severus sighed, wishing that he could be left in peace. He shoved back the large glass jar brimmed to the full with some kind of magic herbs and pushed his chair back with a loud screech.

Since the door to his office was unlocked whoever had the nerve to push it open and peak inside was soon met with an explosion of insults.

"Oh, it's you," Severus said after the final curse. "What do you want now, Harry?"

"Back to calling me by my first name again then?" 

Severus sneered rudely.

"If you've got something important to say, say it now or, I put this as best polite as I can 'GET THE BLOODY HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE."

"If that was supposed to be a threat. It wasn't very good. You sound more scary when you whisper."

"Get out, Harry," came a feeble reply.

"I...I came to apologise."

"Why should you do that?" Severus scoffed.

"Because you were right. Whether Lorsekruker hurt you or not it really is non of my business, but-"

"Damn right it isn't."

"But is the paper right? Are you..."

"I will not answer any more of you stupid questions. Good day." Severus gazed down at his desk and decided it needed tidying.

"I...I hated you before but..." Harry swallowed. "But I think I like you a bit better."

"Your endearments weaken my heart," Severus scorned scathingly, but inside he felt a little puff of happiness. "Believe what you want, Potter, but remember Skeeter has a large tendency to exaggerate." 

Something in those green eyes betrayed Harry.

"Now do I need to repeat my message?"

"Of cause not, but...but if you need someone to talk too-"

"Thank you," he said quietly and to Harry's surprise the slightest of a gentle smile brushed the head of Slytherin's mouth. He gazed at Harry deeply. The smile quickly turned to a sneer. And a remberence of past things concerning the young man came to mind. 

"I believe there are a few things you wish to tell _me_?"

"There are?" Harry was puzzled.

"Perhaps you will feel better if you finally make your confessions." He narrowed his eyes and lent forward paying particular attention to the way the younger man twisted slightly and look at his hands.

_Whip my arse more like,_ thought Harry glumly and felt his cheeks redden.

"In case you were wondering, I did know that you stole from me in your second year here, to make that Polyjuice potion. Much to my misfortune I had no proof." Harry gulped. He always had an inkling that Severus Snape suspected him of everything.

"You did?"

"Hum. I am the ears and the eyes of the school after Dumbledore that it." He gave a weird grin, more like a grimace as if he were in pain.

"Actually Severus. It wasn't me. It was Hermione."

"Ha, that little know it all. A bit below her reasoning, wasn't it?"

"Necessary."

"I am sure it was."

Harry quickly changed the subject. "Where were you this morning?"

"At a meeting." He lied.

"Must have been important?"

"It was. I would rather be alone now. I have work to finish."

"Is that why you are drinking that?"

"GET OUT POTTER!"

"Okay, okay. I'm going." 

"And be sure to lock the doors before you go. I don't want any misfortunate accidents or incidents occurring like students steeling from my personal stores! Now I ask you kindly. GET OUT!"

Inside her room, Taya re-read the poem.

Afterwards she whispered, _I love you_ and kissed the parchment before folding it and placing it under her pillow. How sad of he to think he was a corruption of innocence. In truth he had been corrupted, certainly his innocence had, but that was long ago and this was now.

Severus undressed quickly and slid into the bed beside her.

"Why do you keep that old thing?" He questioned her in disgust.

"Because it reminds me of how far you have come. You never thought you could ever find that love, feel that love, but you did. Ever considered writing more love poetry?

"It wasn't a love poem. It was like the letter."

"And did it work?"

"No."

"Then why keep it?"

"I don't know." He thought for a moment. "I hoped that one day my wish were to come true.

"And it did, love." 

He lay down, and pulled his hair tightly up off his perspiring face, off his neck until he let go and it spilled from his fingers like a halo onto the pillow.

"I am concerned, I think Harry Potter knows about me," he said blowing cool air. 

"What makes you so sure? He can't possibly suspect everything."

"He asked me if any time I felt like I needed to talk to let him know."

"He cares about you."

"Sorrow, more like. I don't want his sympathy. It's hot," he said changing the subject pulling open a few buttons on his night shirt, and pushing back the one sheet they already had on their bed.

"Then why wear clothes in bed when it's baking like tonight?"

"You are right, my love," he said smiling and sat up again lifting the night robe up and pushing it over his head. 

"Is that better, my little love muffin?"

"You what?" He pushed his arms up above his head, stretched slightly and yawned.

"Come here," Taya said. "You look tired."

"I am tired," he said defiantly.

"Lets cuddle, I like falling asleep in your arms


	35. Chapter 35

****

Chapter 35

Swimming Lessons

Taya had the strangest dream. In her dream there was a small voice, a voice she was unfamiliar with. It was a tiny garbled imprint. Not words exactly and neither images, but a communication neither the less.

Once she had awoken she felt something soft and fury quiver by her leg. She reached down to discover Jym Jams curled up in a ball.

How d'u get in here," she asked as she gently lifted the rabbit out from under the covers. "I spose Severus forgot to secure you in your hutch again." Carefully she placed her down on the floor. "Go find somewhere else to sleep. I might had led on you. Severus would never forgive me if I hurt you." The rabbit looked up at her with indigence. "Well? What are you looking at me for? Go find yourself a nice cushion." Taya smiled at the creature as it hopped out of the moon lit room. She would have sworn that Jym Jams had sneered at her.

_Just like your master,_ she thought tossing and turning unable to get back to sleep. 

For a time she watched the man beside her as he slept, content to watch the rise and fall of his chest.

She lay awake for another hour, counting the ticks from the grandfather clock and jumping slightly as soft chimes from another clock far off in Severus' sitting room rung on the hour.

_Two o'clock,_ she counted and shifted again.

Half past two. Taya sat up. She gazed over at the sleeping form of her lover then decided. She moved over him, positioning herself gently over his body so that her head hovered over his and slowly kissed. Severus moaned. She smiled into his mouth and kissed deeper until he woke up.

"Hello," he said smiling then kissed her back. Taya dropped down beside him and took his hand pressing it against her belly.

"Hello."

"Is it time to get up yet?" He said groggily. Severus turned over and closed his eyes. "Still dark." He yawned.

Taya pulled on his arm. "I can't sleep. It's too hot. Fancy a swim in the lake?"

"What time is it?"

"About quarter to three."

"To early. Go back to sleep." And he fell asleep.

The next minute the covers were pulled back.

"Come on sleepy head. Get your dressing gown. That's all you'll need."

"What?" He raged.

***

Severus Snape, the potions master had never before indulged in the pleasure of swimming in Hogwarts' lake, least of all stark naked. It was something he frowned upon. Yes he could swim, but not very well.

Taya clasped him to her as she pushed her legs out under the water. It wasn't to deep where they were and they could feel the peebles beneath their toes if they chose to rest their feet on the lake bed.

Severus kicked out after he nearly crashed head first into the water that volumed up to his waist. He listened with embarrassment to the shrill sound of Taya's laughter at his near misfortune.

Finally both stopped swimming and their bare feet made contact with the curved stones beneath the clear warm water.

It was still August. Summer days were hot and sweaty. Children were now absent and for the most part so were the staff. Only Hagrid, Filch, who had returned after his holidays, Harry Potter with his girlfriend Jinny Weasley who had come up to visit and themselves remained.

Despite Dumbledore's protests for Harry and Jinny to go away for the summer, Harry quite stubbornly declared that he wanted to remain in Scotland for the summer. He had spent two long hard years away from home.

Usually Severus travelled in the holidays, discovering new potions and ingredients in his passage to unfamiliar lands and terrain's, but this year he remained at home. At Hogwarts with Taya.

Together they paddled out towards the shore clinging to each other giggling.

Harry Potter looked up from where he was floating magically, hearing the sound of a woman's laugh. He moved his position casting a glance at the sleeping Jinny beside him and strained to see who was out there.

Obviously the couple had the same idea he and Jinny had. Harry rubbed the bridge of his nose. There shouldn't be anyone else here, he realised. 

He swam a few metres towards where the couple had been swimming, seeing no sign of them he told himself he must have dreamt it. Harry shook his head then turned to swim back to Jinny.

"I could go back to sleep I suppose," he said out loud as he glanced back at the red haired girl curled up asleep on the water's surface. "Or..." Harry decided and swam off exploring. He hadn't swam the lake for years. He wasn't in danger of getting lost or drowning, the giant quid was always there to save any misfortunate people should they be swept out into the dangerous currant or become weak.

Harry stopped as his ears picked up the sound of a man moaning. At first he thought someone was in trouble until he turned towards the bay and saw the couple again. Harry turned away from the scene.

The woman lay on her back clutching the form of a pale black haired man against her body. Her legs rode up his sides as he...

Harry looked back at the couple and listened to the mutual groans of pleasure they made. He watched. His heart beating madly in fear of getting caught, but excitement as well.

The man tossed his head back as his orgasm claimed his body, dripping black hair spewed water droplets into the air as it splayed out then cascaded down around his neck.

Then Harry saw the face.

"Oh my God," he said aloud. Harry slapped his hand against his mouth and lost his concentration, nearly plummiting beneath the water. It took a few moments for him to regain composure. He looked at the passionate couple fearing that they had heard him.

Obviously not because they were still making love on the beach and were too engrossed in each other to hear any outside distractions.

Harry told himself he really must leave, but he remained where he was watching his cranky old potions master riding Harry's new friend, Taya Matterson.

And for someone who wanted the DATDA job so much, he seems pretty content now. Harry giggled despite himself. So much for my advice. He already seems to have got involved. Harry finally turned away from the loving scene intent of waking up Jinny.


	36. Chapter 36

****

Chapter 36

A Lesson In Discreetness

"Harry can you kindly pass me the dried monkshood jar, please," said Severus as he peered into the odoriferous concoction simmering gently in front of him.

"That stuff stinks," said Harry as he brought the container containing the dried herbs and set it down on the table. Why did healing potions always come with such a disgusting smell?

"Your nasal ability excels over the rest of your abilities, Harry Potter," said a stern voice.

"Thanks," muttered Harry defeated. He was well used to the other man's familiar bating, Severus was so used to chastising him that it was a habit for him to reply anything just short of sarcasm or out right cruelty. Severus looked up at him.

"And we need to make sixteen litres of this for Poppy when the students come back. Coldicure is one of the most commonly used potions." He remained silent. "Bitten your tongue there, Harry," he said. Harry smiled slyly.

"No. Just that I saw you the other night with Miss Matterson. Again." It got the desired reaction.

"Where?" Stammered Severus whose ebony hair suddenly swung dramatically off his face revealing a sharp jaw line and two elegant shell shaped ears. Harry laughed suddenly. The sudden new appearance startled him into staring. 

He really wasn't that bad looking, Harry decided. Obviously Taya finds him powerfully attractive from the way they were at it the other night. And he's got a strange leonine beauty about him. Harry mentally coughed. Here he was a pure red blooded male, heterosexual in all sense of the word and he was now studying the face of a man who had always heavily repulsed him before.

_Darn it,_ thought Harry in self disgust. He screwed his face up slightly and stared at the other taller man. _What's wrong in admiring other men? Women do it, they admire other women. _

Severus glowered at him.

"What?" he whined.

"Your hair isn't greasy at all!" He exclaimed.

"Harry you are scaring me. When I ment that I care about you I didn't mean it in that kind of way. Leave at once and do what ever you do with your girlfriend."

"And what do you do with yours?" Harry slapped his hand over his mouth regretting the words that had unintentionally passed out of his mouth. Severus froze. Harry shuddered. _Shit,_ was the first thing that came to mind. He knew how Severus Snape acted when he was angry. It wasn't pleasant. God he wished he kept his gob shut. Harry Potter couldn't keep himself out of trouble even if he tried and even in adulthood especially around the man who was once his most hated teacher. "Get out," Severus said in an oily quiet tone.

"Gods, don't worry about it."

"Why where you out there?"

"It's too hot in this castle in summer, Jinny and I decided to sleep outside. It wasn't my fault you two woke me up."

"If you breathe a word of this to anyone, be it deliberate or accidentally I promise I will throw a curse far worse on you than the Cruciatus. I swear it Harry Potter."

"You know me better than that."

"I hope my dear boy you are correct."

"I'd never hurt you intentionally," Harry whispered. He gently lay a hand on the other man's arm. "Especially after what you told me." 

"I didn't tell you anything," he said while violently shrugging off the hand resting on his shoulder. "Didn't I say that I wanted it left alone?"

"I understand."

"No you don't. And I would appreciate it if you would kindly shut your gob now."

After a time Severus' relaxed a fraction, but there was a silence between them. They spoke neither a word to each other for half an hour, then Severus looked up.

"You wont let this go will you?" Harry smiled faintly.

"It's not because I'm being nosy, you know."

"Ha," Severus glowered. "It's not?"

"I know you've had it bad in the past," Harry said. "Like I said before, you deserve a little happiness. Now I know that you never hated me-"

"I can quickly put a change to that if you are not careful, Potter. Harry looked up slightly wounded then saw Severus' eyes. 

"I thought you were serious."

"I was." He smiled ever so slightly.

"Anyway, now that I know you never hated me, you...and how you felt about Mum and everything, I think I know why you joined the Death Eaters."

Severus looked up sharply.

"You were lonely. People hurt you at school, you felt dejected-"

"That's only part of it," said the potions master gazing into his potion as if it had suddenly produced gold." "Take a few minutes," he said. "Sit down,

"My mother died when I was one and I was left to be brought up in a terrible Muggle orphanage. I ran away when I was eight and shortly after was thrown into the Death Eaters from there. I spent two years living with this family then I went to Hogwarts. As you can probably expect people hated me then just as much as they do now. However I soon became friends with your mother, and that as they say is history,

"I joined the Death Eaters two years later, after studying advanced Potions and Defence Against The Dark Arts at Yignot University and earning the title of Professor, then later Potions Master.' 

"I was soon to be quite disillusioned." Then he stopped. Harry noticed a strange glassiness to Severus' normally cold eyes and quickly he turned to stair at his own bubbling cauldron.

"Is that when-?" Harry bit his tongue.

"Lorsekruker did terrible things. Things that you should never know about, or see." He paused. 

"It must have been terrible when you found out she died."

"To put it mildly." Severus felt himself fall back in time. Feelings from long ago were uprooted and fresh, as clear and new as the day he felt them.

Lilly was dead.

He felt a dull emptiness at first. Shock came soon then the agony of loosing the only ever person in his entire universe. 

He hadn't seen Lilly Potter for years, not since school to be exact, but the knowledge that she was gone, her life completely destroyed at the hand of Voldemort, a man he almost believed to be his friend, had nearly shattered his very own existence.

The knowledge of her death rocketed him further into a black depression of morbidity and choking loss and he collapsed into himself. Too absorbed in the cruelty of useless pain even to weep for her.

And she had left a son, a child that should have been his, a child that had defeated the darkest wizard of all time, now a young man who was sitting across from him, watching apprehensively.

Severus clenched his jaw. That was then and this was now. He had a love, he had someone who loved him, unlike Lilly who did not return his feelings and had fallen for someone else, but the twenty five year old girl who had stepped back into Severus' life, who he had feared lost forever was now here. She was his. His mate, his life, his joy.

"I will finish here." Harry nodded in understanding.

"Taya loves you, you know." said Harry smiling cheerfully.

"I know she does. Sometimes I think she loves me too much."

"You can never love any body too much Severus." He smiled thinking of Jinny.

"Ever thought of getting married?"

"No I haven't."

"I wonder if she has?"

"Probably. Most woman fall into idiocrasy concerning love."

Harry laughed. 

"Too right they do, but I've never looked back. The day I proposed was the best day yet."

"This is all knew to me you know," Severus said fleetingly.

Harry frowned. "What's new?"

"Relationships, trusting...needing."

"It is?"

"Yes. "

"How long have you been together then?"

"Since February," said Severus carefully chopping up the monkshood.

"I can see that she loves you a lot. I've never seen it in any body before. Even Jinny." He sighed. "It's as if you were ment to be together."

"You are very perceiving, Harry. We are."

"Do you love her?"

"That's not a very polite question Harry. One does not discuss such intimate matters."

"Okay." Harry shrugged. "Just asked."

"Why?"

"No reason."

"Then I suggest we finish before you precious Miss Weasley comes calling for you after hours."

***

Severus felt sick again.

"He knows," he whispered in a defeated tone.

"Who knows and what?"

"Harry Potter. He saw us last night."

Taya dropped the tome she was carrying across the library to the shelves and only managed from letting it hit the floor with a quick grab or her wand and an incantation, 'Wingardium Leveosa.'

"What was he doing out there?" she said angrily. The ancient tomb nearly crashed to the floor again. Severus clasped it before it hit and put it onto a reading table.

"I asked him the same question. He and Miss Weasley apparently slept outside."

"Well, it is still very hot and unpleasantly sticky," she wiped her forehead with the back of her hand. "Perhaps they had the same idea we had."

"I wouldn't even like to venture out on that one, but he said we woke him up."

"We were that loud?" She smiled.

"Aren't you cross?" 

"Not any more."

"Good, but..." He swallowed, desperately trying to calm his short strangling breathing. "He also knows about my past."

"How?" Taya frowned.

"I told him. He practically gabbled on until I said something. And..." He swallowed again and forced his chest to relax. "My suspicions were correct. He does think I was Lorsekruker's victim."

"Let it rest love. He can't prove anything." She rested a hand against his chest in a subtle gesture to ease his erratic breathing.

"Indeed he can."

"How..." She gasped. "You didn't tell him? Did you? You could barely talk to me about it!" Severus picked up a strange whine in her voice as if she were slightly hurt, as if he could confide in Harry easier than her.

"Indeed not!" He said indignantly. "As much as I hate to admit, he's an intelligent man and figured it all out. I think he could see into me." He gulped for oxygen and felt a bead of sweat slide down his face. I...I had no choice but-"

"Oh Severus," she hugged him. "Deep slow breaths. Calm," she recommended noticing his difficulty. He took a shuddering gulp of air forcing it into his lungs. "Better. Slowly or you'll pass out. Come here." She took his hand and led him out of the room leaving the heavy book on the table. "Your home or mine?"

"What about my wounded pride?"

"Harry wont betray you. If he does I'll kill him for you."

"That's what I said."

"Then I'm sure he wont even mutter a word to the bees."

"And I certainly wont tell him a thing more."

"Good. 

"I'm your saviour not him." She giggled softly then sobered. "Do you feel any better now?"

"Yes."

"So would my darling like a little kiss better anyway?"

"Will it help?"

"Oh yes."

"How can you possibly prove that?"

"Like this?" 

They reached forward and kissed.

****


	37. Chapter 37

****

Chapter 37

You Wont Believe It!

"You wont believe it," said Harry shaking his head.

"What?" 

Jinny Weasley looked up from the open book she was reading in bed. "Severus."

"What about him, Harry? I'm trying to read." She frowned into the pages and flipped one over.

"'Banishing Bogey Men'?" Harry looked nonplussed. "Why are you reading that for?"

"It's quite interesting. Funny to. Here it says, wave a gold ribbon into the eyes of the monster and utter, 'Diddly loma bilop.'" Harry laughed out loud.

"Sound's like a fake. Where in Merlin's beard did you get that thing from?"

"The library."

"Bogus magic if I've ever heard."

"Written by Muggles," said the flame haired girl. "Probably an interesting read for Muggle studies, their weird ideas concerning real magic and strange superstitions. Seen any of their UFO books published?"

"Hum," said Harry Potter wistfully and settled himself down beside her in the bed. "Some of the stuff that come about has some truth and scientific value to it."

"But non-magical folk are so...closed minded. I mean look at the strange stuff Dad brings home! There are easier ways to travel than by car."

"They have their ways," said Harry remembering his years living with Muggles. Not the most fulfilling years, memorable, but for the wrong reasons. "You know it would be too much for them to suddenly be told that monsters and other things really do exist along side real magic. Science does have it's virtues though. Muggles have a kind of magic in their own right."

"I suppose. Anyway," Jinny looked up from her reading. "What about Snape?"

"You know that girl, Taya?"

"Hum?"

"He and she... they are together."

Jinny closed the small book and placed in on the bedside table. She turned back quickly when the words registered.

"Severus Snape, the old greasy git has finally got himself a girl?" Jinny said wondrously. "Blimey, Harry. How do you know? She's the Defence Against The Dark Arts teacher too isn't she?" Harry Potter smiled. 

"Yea." For a fleeting second he remembered the other evening when he had seen them together on the banks of the lake. However, respect for his old potions master kept him from spilling the beans completely. Harry kept that little secret to himself. 

He and Severus were getting on fine. Harry definitely didn't want their fragile friendship breaking on something so painfully humiliating, yet oddly funny at the same time. Harry smothered a laugh. 

The arguing and sarcasm had began to diminish to at least mild cutting remarks. Sometimes there was even civility and politeness at unexpected moments, other times genuine fondness had began to peak out of Severus' iron clad masquerade. The main thing was that they weren't at each other's throats. 

Perhaps Dumbledore had been right in offering him the job as potions assistant all along. Severus had even revealed some of his deepest feelings, a thing he would never had done five years ago.

Taya Matterson was good for him. She had helped him open up and embrace love and life not shut it away in an angry box never to be released. 

Harry turned over on his side and studied the youngest Weasley offspring. She had grown into a tall willowy woman with long red hair and a pretty face to match. 

Harry smiled to himself. He was glad Severus had found someone, glad there was someone in this cruel wicked world who could at least take away some of the terrible burden that had rested on his shoulders for years. Give him something that he himself had thought incapable off.

"They're in love," Harry muttered quietly. Jinny yawned.

"I'm pleased for him. It'll do him the world of good, but I can't stop thinking how on Earth he ever managed to snatch up some one like her." Harry smiled again.

"Dun know. I'll ask 'im."

"You really are getting close to that miserable old bloke aren't you?"

"He's not realy that bad." Harry nodded. "There is more to him than you think, Jinn." 

"Must be." Her brow creased. "She was a student here weren't she?"

"Yea. Slytherin."

"Funny girl if I remember. Nothing like a Slytherin. I remember saying to Susan Bones that she seemed more suited to her house."

"There is a reason for everything," said Harry. His expression darkened a fraction. "I think they suit one another. He was hurt in the past. She's given him a lot to live for."

"Hurt? Snape?"

"I know it seems utterly amazing, but..." Harry's voice trailed off.

"Totally. I don't mean to sound if I disbelieve but he still seems as angry and as bloody minded as ever. I didn't think anything could penetrate that stone wall of his. Hurting." She shook her head. "I can't imagine anything hurting him. He just doesn't have the compassion for it." She shrugged.

"Severus had to keep up the facade. It'll cost him his image. Told me so, you see."

"And he just told you his life story? Just like that?"

"Not exactly. There is still lodes of stuff. Jinn?"

"Yea?"

"He told me he never hated me." He shrugged, Her eyebrows flew up. "I should have seen it before, really."

"Seen what before?"

"Severus and Mum."

"What about them?"

"You know those photos I was telling you about? The ones I found?"

"Yea."

"He was friends with Mum."

"Snape and Lilly? She was a Gryffindor. You know what his feelings are on mixed relations with other houses?"

"That's the funny thing you see. He loved her, A Slytherin, Snape the Slytherin not only was best friends with a Gryffindor, but he loved one too. That's probably why he hates Gryffindor so much."

"Severus Snape hates everyone. Harry, just because he was ill and nearly died doesn't mean you have to take pity on him. You've changed. Why all these strange so called new revelations?"

"Why? 'couse...couse she never knew. He was about to tell her how he felt, but she beat him too it and told him she was marrying Dad. He said he wanted me to have been his."

"And you believed his every word?" Jinny scoffed. "Sound's like he was taking the pee."

"Oddly I do. As I said there is more to old Sevvie than what first appears."

"Must be." She gave him a strange look. 

"I know you don't believe," Harry smiled. "That's okay."

"Just don't let him squash you, Harry. I swear if that swine puts one foot out of line-"

"I can certainly defend myself."

"I didn't say you couldn't Harry. I ment emotionally. Just be careful. I know what you are like Harry Potter. Don't let the greasy creep get to your heart," Jinny murmured as she stretched over to extinguish the glow of a single candle. "He's not father material."

He curled up beside her and held on tight. _Problem is, though. He already has,_ Harry thought shutting his eyes. 

****


	38. Chapter 38

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Chapter 38

An Indian Summer

September the first came and went. The school was now re-occupied with an abundance of rowdy students, new and old. Familiar faces greeted Taya Matterson with a smile, while with Severus Snape they simply tended to avoid his scowling gaze as if a simple look from him would turn them to stone. The first years of cause were terrified of their potions master and naturally many trembled at the mere sight of him.

"Damn," Taya thought, she was sweating from the heat and swaying slightly. It was still stifling down here in the dungeons, giving little shelter. The potions classroom was un-naturally hot, but it seemed to be the coolest part of the castle.

She smiled at a few children making their abrupt exit from their last lesson of the day, Potions. She noted that they made an effort to at least pause momentarily and smile back, but not for too long. They were gathered in an eager rampant swarm, chattering as they passed. Some even took the stairs three steps at a time to get away, back into 'the land of living,' somebody had said.

Taya couldn't help smiling a bit though. Her love was still cold and frightening in front of the students, but in another way she also felt sorry for him. He had no comprehension on how to react in front of the youngsters in any other way. Being nasty and sarcastic seemed the only thing he was comfortable with.

That was heart breaking really. He could only open up, and be how he really was in front of her. He felt it was to late to change. He was having a hard enough time expressing himself as near to his true personality to Harry Potter.

She admired him greatly for that. It had taken him a great deal of energy and perspiration to confess his true feelings of the young man, not to mention telling Harry himself, who wondrously seemed to have taken it all in his stride, in a calm laid back manor. Severus Snape on the other hand had felt far from laid back with his confession. In fact he was hyperventilating when she saw him. 

Then there was the messy business of Harry having put together the other pieces of information and came up with a valid reason for Severus' past nastiness and cruelty toward him, and life in general.

She stepped into the room in a daze of strange apprehension. 

The first day back would bound to have put Severus in a bad mood. She could only hope that his disposition wouldn't remain for the rest of the evening and Taya wasn't particularly up to his bitter, cutting over emotional tirades.

She felt terribly sick. Her head throbbed and nausea had suddenly leaped onto her every morning, for the past week. She agreed that it was probably heat stroke that had caused the symptoms.

"I'm feeling sick," she said stepping towards the pale man hunched over his desk. He looked up at her with bleary dark eyes.

"Again?" The remark was cutting, unsympathetic, not his usual gentle and caring temperament.

"Yes," she hissed clutching her belly as sickness oscillated and pulsated within her abdomen. Taya feared any moment that she may regurgitate the contents of her stomach, what little food she had consumed that day.

The sickness progressed into dizziness. The next moment she felt herself collapse and blank out.

Taya opened her eyes to the fearful gaze of her lover's. He was hugging her to him protectively and poured what tasted like sweet honey between her lips. Immediately the sickness vanished as did the fatigue and she pulled herself up. He set the empty still steaming goblet down on a table.

"Sleep," he said pushing her down. She realised she was laying on her bed. How and when he carried her to her own rooms she didn't know. Judging from the darkness outside it was very late. 

Severus lay down beside her, a hand gently stroking circles over her belly. She smiled weakly at him and pressed her own tiny hand on the top of his.

"You were over heating," he said. "The weather is un-naturally hot still. Drink more water." He placed a cool damp cloth over her forehead. "I have informed Albus that you will be out of service tomorrow, Taya."

"But-"

"This particular heat stoke has taken a lot out of you."

"But what about my classes? We only started lessons again yesterday."

"Your health is all that matters. The Headmaster is fond of you. Since you are his only remaining living relative he feels a certain responsibility to your heath and happiness."

"Only Uncle Albus would be that considerate," she murmured with a smile and closed her eyes. 

"If this nausea continues you must see Poppy, Taya," he said gently, but firmly. "You still haven't had your period. I know you can't be pregnant because of the charm set on the school and we haven't made love any where out side the school perimeter so conceiving accidentally is out." 

"I know." Taya cast him a worried look and swallowed. "Severus?...There is something I-"

"Rest now. Tell me later," he said interrupting. Exhaustion took her with full force and she couldn't even gather the stamina and energy to open her eyes when Severus gently kissed her.

****


	39. Chapter 39

****

Chapter 39

Hidden Message?

Taya was drifting in and out of consciousness. She felt hot. As hot as ever and it was an uncomfortable sticky heat that made her smooth skin itch and sweat. Her night-dress felt rough on her skin, irritating and it stuck to her back and neck. 

"Severus?" When he didn't reply she punched him in the ribs causing a few choice words to leak from his lips. "Severus?" She said again, this time louder.

"What, woman?" 

"I'm thirsty. Get me some water." He was about to tell her to get it herself when he remembered she was still indisposed. Sighing gruffly and scowling with determined impotence he sat up then stalked naked across the room.

When he returned Taya smiled and gladly took the water from him, drinking deeply. Severus sat down beside her.

"Feeling any better?"

"Bit," she said without much conviction.

"You don't sound it my dear lady." He took the drained glass from her and put it down on the table. With a quick sweep of his wand it vanished into thin air.

"I 'spose not. It's just..."

"What?" Taya swallowed.

"It's nothing."

"Indeed fair maiden, tell me."

"Really Severus, it's nothing," she said with a shake of her head.

"Suit yourself. But if you wish to declare yourself later I shall listen."

"I know." She smiled unconvincingly."I think I need to use the loo now. Can you help me there?"

"Of cause." Taya reached out and wrapped her arms about his shoulders. 

"Carry me Severus."

He brought her too him. Carefully he lifted her. She moved her legs up and around his waist. Severus gazed into her face, half bathed in darkness, but reflected in her eyes was the silver orb of the moon.

The window was wide open, barely moving the net of the curtain sailed up slightly. Outside the dark wilderness lay in nocturnal splendour. The sky a pitch of black velvet with the scatter if diamonds blinking their knowing eyes at the world below.

"Oh, you wish to be carried like a child!" He stated dryly. Shifting her slightly so that he could support her behind with one forearm. Taya rocked forward, letting her head rest against his shoulder, letting him take care of her delicate handicap. 

With ease, as if she weighed nothing more than a tiny child he brought her across the open planned living area and lowered her down to the floor outside the bathroom door. She gazed at him wide eyed.

"Surely you didn't wish me-"

"Don't be daft." Taya smiled and pressed the door open and went inside.

Severus sighed, longing to go and fall back into the bed, to close his weary sleep starved eyes. To clamber into a welcoming hush of dark and internal rest for a few more hours.

The door opened again. He looked over startled. His pleasant imaging was interrupted. 

"Are you able to walk back to the bed or must I carry you again like a baby?" Taya smiled and hugged him.

"I think I can walk if you support me." He slid one large hand around her waist and led her back to the bed.

"You are sweating," he said.

"Yeah, well. It's to flipping hot."

She moved down against the softness of the bed and closed her eyes. Severus' hand brushed against her forehead. Snuggling up he rested his head near to hers and fell asleep. Moments past and she also dropped into a sleep.

_Taya found herself drifting. Drifting aimlessly within what could only be logically described as, the interior of a crystal ball._

She stood dressed in her pale night gown, bare footed and her hair was trailing down her back.

In the distance muffled by the soft white and silver fog was a tiny voice. Taya frowned and bent her head to listen.

It was the voice of a child, faint indistinct, but a child's neither the less. Taya moved toward the voice, the fog thickening the further she moved, the denser it became. She turned around. 

Suddenly she was very cold. The fog was icy and her lungs hurt from breathing. Was the mists surrounding her harmful? But she wasn't frightened. She was more preoccupied with that child's voice. A calling that she could not refuse.

She moved, her arms were stretched out in front of her. Taya's vision was hopeless. She saw nothing in front or behind, and she realised that she was in a quandary of which way to turn.

Interrupting her contemplation the voice grew louder, almost like a shout and then she heard a giggle.

Taya looked forward and saw a little girl.

The child, no older than perhaps four or five was smiling at her. In her hand she held out a tiny silver locket. Taya crouched down beside the girl smiling gently at her.

"What are you doing here in this fog?" She asked. The girl didn't answer but smiled.

Taya frowned and then she noticed the eyes.

The darkest loveliest brown she had ever seen. So dark, so warm they could even be mistaken for black. The dark coal of her eyes were almond, like cats eyes. The child blinked demure black lashes and pushed the locket further towards Taya.

"Is that for me?" She enquired delightfully. The child nodded. "A present?" She nodded again. 

The girl dropped the glistening heart shaped silver onto Taya's palm then took a few steps back. Taya watched with a confused look on her face.

"But where are you going? Aren't you going to stay?" The girl shook her head then pressed her finger to her lips. She faded from view as the mists closed around her leaving Taya alone with a strange feeling inside her belly.

She looked down at her opened palm, at the silver. Carefully she opened it.

A bright ray of sun light sprang out from inside, burning the mists away. Taya hesitated a moment longer then gazed into the centre of the opened locket.

Then she woke up.

****


	40. Chapter 40

****

Chapter 40

The Gift

After a pretty arduous day, Severus felt ready for a long relaxing rest in his favourite armchair and a good book to read. The class had been nothing short of a nightmare. Somebody had let off a screech bomb. Not only did it nearly deafen the potions master's ears but probably the who schools too.

Dumbledore moved with startling grace and agility for a man of his great age. "Severus!" He called out regretting that he had raised his voice. And felt the dull throb in his ear. "May I have a word with you privately?" He pressed his palm against his right auricle.

The potions master grimaced painfully. It felt as if somebody has ruptured his eardrums with a sharp pointy metallic instrument.. "What is it Headmaster?"

"The Ministry Of Magic has sentenced Lorsekruker.Can we go to your quarters. It is closer here to yours than mine."

"Very well." Silently the two men strode off towards the potions master's rooms.

"Please sit down," Severus offered. 

"Thank you but I will not stay. I am due at a bowling convention in France in fifteen minutes."

Severus nodded.

"I have spoken to Minster Grot, who said that Lorsekruker will be punished severely. The Dementor's kiss."

"Good," muttered Severus coldly. "I don't want to talk about it any further." He turned to the young woman appearing beside him. A clutch of paper was shoved under her arm and she was still holding her quill in her hand. 

"Hello love, I thought I heard voices in here. How are you Uncle Albus?"

"I'm fine my dear. How are you keeping? Are you recovered nicely?"

"Just about. That deathening noise took me by surprise though. I had a headache all morning."

"Indeed. It doesn't seem that anyone is immune. Did you ever catch the little rascal, Severus?"

"Yes," he said heartily. "The.. the person or rather persons involved have a weeks worth of detention. They are at my disposal." A cruel grin suddenly broke the normal sombre glare.

"Oh dear, oh dear," muttered the headmaster.

"I shan't enquire what you have planned for them to do. I hope it isn't to grotesque, Severus. I don't want another episode like we had with Miss Jelly."

"No."

"Good. As long as you don't get to carried away." 

"Oh, and Headmaster, I cough Mr Jenkins and Miss Smith playing 'Donkey wrestling' in the halls again last evening, two hours after curfew."

"Tut, tut," muttered Dumbledore. "I shall have a private word with those two. First year students should have been asleep hours ago, not prancing around the halls." He shook his head.

"Although, I suppose I can understand the appeal. I myself-"

"Sir, this is a serious matter. If they continue with their ridiculas games their grades will suffer and so will Gryffindor." 

"Dear oh dear. Minerva will be having serious words." He turned towards Taya. "Any ho, I'm off to a jolly good bowling convention by the way. The lovely Professor McGonagall is in charge if you need anything." Dumbledore smiled cheerily at her. "Oh, and I don't know if you just heard my dear, Lorsekruker punishment is the Dementor's kiss."

"That's fantastic," said Taya.

"Humf," replied Severus stalking off.

"He's happy really," she said. "He's still grieving that's all." Dumbledore nodded.

"I know dear. I see you are busy," he indicated. 

"Students homework." She wiped her damp forehead with the back of her hand.

"When will this heat stop?" She asked randomly as if Dumbledore would know. Sometimes he gave the impression if he could answer her every question.

"A few weeks yet, or so I heard."

"Got to get through these tonight," she with a groan pulling the papers from out under her arm. "Working makes you hot, doing nothing makes you hot. Besides they'll be wanting them back in the morning."

"First class?"

"Yes. Never had time this morning. I'd rather be doing something else but..." she shrugged and Dumbledore smiled. A strange twinkle in his eyes caught her attention.

"Really, Headmaster, It was an innocent comment."

"Oh, indeed, my dear." He gazed at his watch. Taya squinted to see. It was the most strangest watch she had ever seen. It was gold and had twelve hands but no numbers, instead little planets were moving about the face. "I must go otherwise I'll be quite late." He produced a rather large iridescent ball from his pocket.

"It's a beauty isn't it?"

"The bowling ball?" She made a face. "As bowling balls go I suppose." Dumbledore chuckled.

"It's a new one. Took eight weeks for it to arrive. He gave it a quick polishing with his handkerchief and tucked it away inside his robes again. From first appearances no one would have guessed he had a large heavy bowling ball tucked away in his pocket. "Quite an effective size and weight too. Shrinks as soon as you put it away." Taya shook her head. Men and their sports. She was so lucky Severus Snape wasn't interested in them. 

She was mystified by Muggle men and how they obsessed over football. Such a boring sport. At least Quidditch was exciting. Flying sports were far more favourable in the wizarding world than on the ground. Flying bowls mystified her though. It was kind of funny seeing someone fling a bowling ball through the air. 

"Have a nice time then."

"Thank you."

As Taya watched him go Severus slowly emerged from his bedroom pale and shaky.

"Are you all right?"

"Yes," he smiled slightly. "I'm relieved." She walked up to him and brushed his cheek with the feather. He rubbed his face.

"Ticklish," she said. 

"Don't get started on that one Taya. I am warning you." She grinned devilishly. "Don't you have students home work to finish?"

"Yea, you're right." Her face dropped and she sighed. They kissed quickly and she went back into his private office.

Sundays were always boring. That realisation had come to Taya years ago while still a child. She scraped her hair off her head and fastened it into a loose knot at the back of her neck. 

__

God, it's so hot, she thought. Will it never end? She gazed back down at the pile of sheets in front of her then dipped her pen into the ink.

She was sitting at Severus Snape's desk in his personal rooms. This particular room was now equipped with an invisible fan. It had been conjured up three weeks ago, but unfortunately gave little respite from the heavy atmosphere. 

_September the eighth, and it's still bloody too hot._ She shuffled a bit through the papers and finally finished her grading. The first years were doing well. Home work had been simple, read the document on page 342 in 'Mystical Creatures And Their Living counterparts' about Irish pixies and write up your own explanation on their origins and behaviour. So far all assessments were very good. 

She smiled down at the pages before her then placed them into the file ready to be taken back up to her classroom tomorrow.

"Taya," called a familiar voice coming from the direction behind her. She looked up at the man clad in black robes as he approached her, hands in pockets. "I have something for you."

She smiled in delight at the prospect of him giving her a present. 

"What is it?" She almost jumped with excitement. He had never before bought her anything. 

"Close your eyes and sit still." She felt something cold dangle against her throat and the sensation of his warm fingers lightly rub against the back of her neck. "Okay you can open them now."

Taya looked down and saw the silver and green pendant pressed against her chest. It was small, delicately crafted and glistened. She smiled and gasped. 

Taking the rose in between her fingers the silver effigy of a snake slide around the flower then solidified. The petals changed colour to a soft almost indiscernible pink blush.

"This...this is beautiful!" She exclaimed. _It must have cost you a fortune,_ she thought. The rare stone Moixite was clasped inside a delicately sculpted solid silver serpent. Rare indeed and quite valuable. She dare not question him.

"Like it?" He said smiling slightly.

"It's gorgeous. I love it."

"Here, let me show you." He took the pendant from her fingers and caressed the snake which wriggled and slithered behind the rose. The delicate flower opened. In the centre was a silver motif. _'For thy cherished love, Severus'_ was engraved over it's surface. She kissed him. 

When she broke away and opened her eyes she was met with another surprise. He was smiling.

"I love you," he whispered and lifted her into his arms. "You have done enough work for today. You must be tired."

"I'm not tired," she said eagerly. "And I've finished reading the kid's homework."

He carried her into his bedroom and gently laid her down on the bed then resumed the kiss that they had broken off before. After a long tender embrace he pulled away.

"And now my dear..." She took his hand dragging it down her bodice pausing at her belly. "How is our tummy today?" He whispered smiling.

"It's better. How is our libido?"

He swallowed. "Delightfully puissant." His hand travelled of it's own accord lower. 

"Too many clothes," she muttered drunkenly and plucked his hand off her skirt. 

"Will you allow me?" He said in a some what gentlemanly fashion indicating that he wished remove her clothing. 

It took him less than ten seconds to strip her naked then he kissed her again. Starting with her lips then slowly, enticingly deliciously he licked her all the way down.

"Severus I want to see all of you." He nooded and undressed. Just as he was about to pull her into his arms again Taya pressed him back.

"What is it?"

"Put on your cloak." He looked at her slightly alarmed, but complied. 

Noticing her obvious aproval he lifted her and wrapped the black silky fabric around them both. Coiling her legs around his waist she clung on feeling the heat dissipate off his skin. 

Severus sat down with Taya still latched firmly onto him. She fastened her legs behind, content to sit and lean faward, sliding her hands under the black cloak and run them down his back.

He moved his hands easing them up to her breasts to caress and squeeze until she literally convulsed in the ecstasy. And she gazed into his eyes. Seeking a deeper intimacy, a contact deeper than the rapture itself. She fell, plummeting inside, falling and falling until she penetrated his soul, bringing him inside her as he pulled her into him. 

"Severus..." she gasped as the thrill of his physical love, entombed her in it's powerful embrace. 

"Kiss me," he whispered inside. She complied. Her lips hovering over his for a second. The minute they touched he felt shots of pleasurable energy shoot down his spine. He gasped into her mouth as he felt her fingers stroke his back.

Taya pushed him onto his back.

"Close your eyes," she whispered as she took an unused fresh feather quill off the bedside cabinet. Severus cried out in abandonment, such a subtle sensation that was obviously further arousing his tenderised flesh.

She slithered over his his body, squirming slightly, feeling her centre heat up, 

"It's my turn, close your eyes," he said.

Taya did as he asked and shuddered exquisitely as the feather, the one she used on him slid down the centre her back, caressing her to the deepest levels.

He looked down when her hands fell between them. 

_No,_ he said inside her mind. She gazed at him, looking at him from the outside as well as from within. _I want to do this for you._ His lips formed the words, but he spoke the sound internally. 

He moved and eased her onto the flat of her back before slowly moving her legs apart. 

"I desire you," he said in a ragged heaving breath. She felt him slide down. The only indication of what he was about to do was the trickle of long hair as it brushed against her inner thigh. 

He soothed her for a long moment and listened to her moans, savouring her cries as she gyred further out of control. 

Abruptly Taya pulled away. "Wait," she exclaimed, her fingers still grasping the dark strands of silken hair. "I need...need you..." Before she could finish the sentence she had already pushed him down and pressed him into her.

"No, not like this," he gasped as a wave of dizzing warmth glided through his lower body.

Still linked together they rolled over until he was on top, but on his knees, he clasped her legs to prevent her from slipping free then rocked his hips in time with her pelvis, relishing the contraction of muscles that clasped around his member. 

Taya watched him move, his body soaked from sweat, hair plastered against his scalp. He was glistening in the paling moon light. 

He finally started to withdraw, but she stopped him. "No. I want you to stay inside me." He carefully pushed back in and flopped down beside her, moving her slightly onto her side too. 

Severus turned his head noticing that his cloak was shredded beyond repair. She had torn it to pieces in the throws of her lusts. What was left was saturated with the musky scent of sex and moisture. 

"Oh. Blast!" He muttered, "What have you done to my cloak?" But she was fast asleep. He gazed at the clock and bolted upright, nearly disconnecting the intimate link between them. It was half past seven in the morning. 

They had made love all night. 

_Damn,_ he thought. He had a class at nine o'clock. That left him little under half an hour to sleep. That is if he could be bothered to actually turn up to his lesson in the first place. No doubt the class that morning wouldn't mind if their stubborn, cruel potion master didn't turn up. 

He sunk down against Taya's soft body, her legs entwined around him preventing him from accidentally slipping out and he listened to her heartbeat. She moved slightly, her arms were reaching up above her head exposing the smooth hollows of her armpits. "Mmm," she moaned in her sleep. He reached his lips towards the right one and lightly kissed the soft skin then he slumped completely down against her, using the soft swell of her bare breasts as a pillow. 

****


	41. Chapter 41

****

Chapter 41

The Daily Profit

It was late evening, bordering on night. 

Since it was still early autumn, the darkening of the skies were still dilatory, but the feeling of closing in was rapidly progressing. 

When she last looked at her watch it had been half past seven, now it was nearly ten o'clock. 

Dusk was rapidly turning to night as the sun gradually dropped down below the horizon creating an array of spectacular colours. From the deepest purple hues fading to pale wisps of white, laced with the scarlet ribbons and golden orange blooms in vibrancy and heat. They too all gradually faded into velvet black. 

Taya was sat in the empty staff room sipping sweet tea. Without taking her eyes away from the tattered daily newspaper that appeared to have seen better days she dunked one of 'Madam Batterburg's - sweet homemade cookies' into her drink.

She gazed out of the window watching the magnificent pallet of colour as it washed together to perform the most amazing sunset she had ever seen. 

Barely visible, but apparent neither the less, a pin prick of white light punctured through the scenery. Tiny as it was, but as significant as any satellite, this spectre glowed and twinkled. 

Jupiter was soon joined by it's neighbouring stars that quickly wiped out any remaining spectres of the day.

_Bugger_, Taya thought plucking the soggy remnants of the biscuit out of the teacup and draping the slop onto the saucer. She hated it when it did that and peered at the remainder of the swirling mess in her tea and the remnants of it on the table top. 

Quickly she waved her wand over the entire mess and everything vanished including the cup and saucer. She sighed as she got up. She would have to make a fresh one now. 

She turned to leave for the small kitchenette situated at the right of the staff lounge when something printed on the ragged newspaper caught her eye. 

Tucking the copy of today's Daily Profit under her arm she swiftly made it to the door. Her tea and biscuits were forgotten. At that present moment in time there were more important matters pressing her. 

By the time she reached the dungeons she had thought that Severus had already locked up and left. Not to be to disheartened she stopped outside the potions room anyway. Even if he wasn't inside she could reach his private suite of rooms by another route. It was close to a small spiralling passage well hidden behind a painting of a hanged man down just a few feet away from his classroom itself.

No student would venture down there alone, except for a Slythern perhaps or their own house ghost, 'The Bloody Baron,' so he was called. Severus Snape's room were at the opposite end of the dungeons to the Slytherin common room and dormitories. Long ago he had expressed his wishes that he wanted to be as far removed from the children when not dealing with them.

Dumbledore recommended a tower in the west wing of the school. It was large, warm, bright and spacious. Despite his attempts to brighten up Severus Snape's life, No. Severus wanted to dwell 'like a creature of the night' somewhere dark and silent where he could spend his free time 'thinking' and wouldn't be disturbed. 

Noticing a very subtle orange light coming from inside she crept in. Most of the candles had been extinguished. The room was silent and placid. Hidden in the shadows, cloaked by darkness was Severus Snape. Books and books were laid out around him, some piled so tall that they nearly reached the high arched ceiling. 

He was sitting in his leather armchair. An assemblage of books rested on the arm. In his hand he was clasping a large pheasant quill and was furiously writing. On a table near by was a flickering candle. Enough light to see by. His desk a little further away also carried a lit candle, almost depleted of wax by now. It's flame however, was still burning brightly, casting spooky shadows on the opposite irregular textured wall.

Taya smiled to herself. He was so engrossed in what he was doing he didn't notice her approach and nearly flung the ruled book and his quill onto the floor. He moved his leg narrowly missing the full bottle of ink standing tucked away next to his right ankle.

Heart pumping madly he looked up raged. Severus had never been caught off guard like that before in his life.

"Stop creeping up on me like that," he fumed. Madness was evident in his eyes, burning like coals in the darkness. Taya saw the reflection of the flame in them and couldn't help but smile slightly. Had the room been brighter she would have imagined smoke billowing from his ears. 

"I'm so sorry, love. I didn't mean to make you jump nearly out of your skin."

The sour expression on his face could have written a thousand words. 

Quickly Taya retrieved the newspaper from under her arm and put it in front of him. He lent over to his desk near by and dropped the quill down onto blotting paper, straightened then roughly grabbed the tatty parchment. 

Despite his shock and the sudden onset of a bad mood and a headache, he couldn't resist a small grin upon seeing the animated photograph embellished on the front page of the newspaper. 

A rowdy crowd of witches and wizards hustled around the creature, a strange looking toad silently croaking, with blood red lips and nail varnish to match. 

The headline read as thus.

****

SKEETA HEXED BY POTIONS MASTER

A Mr John Tadpole was quoted in saying, "Silly witch deserved everything she got. Good on him, Professor Snape!"

Rita, apparently 34!! who was last transfigured into a cockroach in the year nineteen hundred and ninety four appears not to have learned her previous lessons when commencing with Hogwarts matters. 

Early on last Friday morning at the Ministry Of Magic, she was metamorphosed into the form of a toad and is a currently a sight to beheld. 

Onlookers, Ministry officials said that it was coming to her. Now is the problem of turning her back. 

Apparently Severus Snape used a very complex spell. Under normal circumstances the charm would have worn off in a day or two, but apparently this one may take several years.

And does anyone feel sorry for her?

A Mrs Mildred Catapult said, "As much as I feel for the poor dear, I could not help but think she deserved it. Hurrah to the professor."

"But look at this." Taya turned a few pages over. Severus' mouth set into a thin grim line. Frowning he read the headline, 

****

MISSING DEATH EATER, LORSEKRUKER FINALLY MEETS HIS CUNUPPENCE! 

His arms went rigid for a moment then his fingers squeezed the parchment with deathening force, rendering the already limp paper into nothing but crumpled fragments.

He retrieved the bottle of ink still standing on the floor and stood up. Slowly Severus stepped behind his desk and put the ink and newspaper down facing him. 

Severus forced himself to relax and folded his tense arms on the desk before him, clutching his biceps perhaps a little too tightly for comfort.

"Relax," Taya said stepping over. The professor looked at her for reassurance. "It's good news." She smiled sweetly. He managed to un-clamp his jaw just enough to express to her that he felt at least a little easier.

"I know it's silly, but I'm almost afraid to read it," he said. Taya nodded.

"It's okay. I'll read it out loud for you." She moved the newspaper around so she could see it and picked it up. For a moment she studied Severus then cast her eyes down at the creamy yellowing parchment in her hands.

"Well? Go on then."

"Okay, okay, just finding the article again." Her index finger scanned the printed surface then stopped. "Here it is." She cast another quick glance at him then read.

"Lorsekruker was finally sentenced Monday at half past seven in the evening. One of the most dangerous men since Voldemort's rein is awaiting his punishment, scheduled today at half past nine this morning,

"The tyrant is due to receive a kiss from a Dementor, 

"Azkaban officials are to be present as witnesses..." She didn't read the rest. The information already received was enough and Severus probably didn't want to hear the rest of the article. 

There was quite between them that spanned several minutes. When she still didn't get a reply Taya called his name with concern. "Severus?"

"Hum?"

"He's probably near dead now," she commented.


	42. Chapter 42

****

Chapter 42

Blood, Sex And Death

Severus gazed around his classroom and took a deep breath, the air he sucked in caught in his throat for a second and he coughed. 

"Yes," he answered almost to himself. The man was probably gone once and for all, but that knowledge brought about memories he had never shown Taya. 

"The kiss from a Dementor is worse than death itself. I for one know how they suck the very essence from you."

"Oh?" 

"You don't even have to spend a night in Azkaban to feel their effects on you."

"My God. You didn't spent time there did you?" Taya felt a knot in her stomach, and a trickle of dread slid slowly down her spine. 

"Only one night," he said reassuring her. "Not that it bothered me in the least. I had no hope nor any care so they mainly left me alone."

"You should have told me, or shown me." She pressed her hand against her heart. "Why not?"

"Was there any point? As I said, I only spent one night there. It was just after my confession to Dumbledore. It took a great deal of his determination and wits to bid for my release. I still don't know why or how he managed it."

"But...but it must have been terrifying?"

"No more than under Lorsekruker. I shut myself down. No one could get through or inside me, not even a Dementor. But that night, the time before Dumbledore rescued...me the screams and the wailing, I admit got to me. Thank God I never stayed any longer."

"What would have happened if you...um were sentenced and found guilty?"

"I have thought about it a few times. Left to rot in Azkaban probably."

"Even though you had physical evidence of your assaults?" Almost without thinking Severus pressed a hand flat against his chest.

"I don't know, Taya. There would have been very few that would offer me any pity. Even now I am scorned by many members of the public. After all I have the Dark Mark on my arm. I felt I deserved what was coming to me. I no longer cared. I felt as though I had already been sentenced long before I managed to get free from Lorsekruker." 

"What did Voldemort say about all of this? Wasn't he suspicious?"

"I explained that it was all part of the strategy, a ploy. His faithful servant that I was." He smiled faintly.

"And the stupid fool bought it?"

"Amazing how it was. Yes. Not without penance though. I was subjected to a number of unspeakable curses."

"Oh...." She was shaking her head. Her eyes were wet. Taya reached a hand out to him and touched his cheek. Severus closed his eyes. "The bastards," she spat. "You couldn't even rest after your escape. Why in Merlin's name did Albus make you become a double agent?"

"It was my atonement. It was agreed with the Ministry that I would. Either that or go on trial. I suspect they thought I wouldn't survive for very long that is why they granted it to me, 

"Headmaster Dumbledore wanted me to remain at the castle anyway. 'For my own Safety,' he said. Voldemort still thought I was his loyal servant. I could obtain valuable information from the other side that would undoubtedly be forsaken or unknown had I not watched. I offered misguided facts to him. Knowledge that was useless to him and he still believed me."

"Severus you probably saved many many lives by continuing to risk your life like that."

"Perhaps, but I felt different. I still feel it. I probably killed just as many."

"There is nothing you can do about it now, lovie. The past is what it is. Dead and gone. You were used and abused. You thought you found a place that you could call home, genuine friends. It was all you knew. You felt unloved, rejected from humanity. I think I would have done the same."

"My dear girl. You would have had enough sense to see the reasons of not joining them. Death Eaters are evil, they congeal the very heart of goodness and take away all purity and compassion. There wasn't any room for tenderness with them. You would never had joined. Or if you tried they would have seen the goodness in your heart and wiped you off the face of the Earth the moment you stepped into their territory."

"Perhaps, but Voldemort knew your vulnerability. You were grieving from a broken heart. You were breaking. He used your feelings against you. You're not evil Severus. Maybe you did kill, but you felt terrible about it." He nodded. "Others wouldn't have felt that guilt." She shrugged. "Didn't care less. I read that many had blood orgies."

"Yes." His stomach lolled at the memories. "It's not something I like to think about," he said turning away. 

"And it made you feel sick the way Voldemort and his chumies abducted Muggle men woman and children and did those awful things to them."

Severus squeezed his eyes closed. He couldn't bare to remember. Remember the terrified faces and the pitiful sobbing of those raped and killed for the pleasure of a few drunken men. He had to just stand back and watch, view the horrifying spectacle from afar. He had no choice. After all if he were to be believed a servant of the Dark Lord he had to be there. The pain in his arm couldn't erase the pain his eyes saw.

_He was standing near the doorway of a broken room. Wallpaper was peeling off sooty smoked walls. Furniture was broken and scattered in dismembered pieces throughout the house and upturned candles spewed smoke and fire only to be extinguished by blood and magic. _

The screams.

Oh, god the screams. There were people every where. Woman howling in terror and men trying desperately to get away from the maddening evil and depravity of Death Eater gatherings to try and free other unfortunates.

All was hopeless. They were powerless against dark wizards. Death could be administered quickly from a expeditious bolt of green fire from a wand, a muttered word or two, or at an agonising length, at whatever means necessary, be it physical or by magic alone.

Severus shuddered. He could do little but watch and absorb what was happening around him. A jagged array of colours and shapes, movement and sounds. The air was ripe with the scent of smoke, blood and sex.

In his hands he cupped a smoky glass of brandy. It was the only thing that could at least take away a little of the sharpness from his vision. He tried to watch the spectacle from afar, cut himself off from reality, but it always scorched into him however much he turned inwardly. 

He never joined in, even when he was a faithful Death Eater, it was all to fetid and grotesque. He had no choice to watch then and now. A Professor at Hogwarts and he stood alone, his chilling eyes burning holes into the wall he stared at. 

His eyes were wide, his vision bleary, but the image before and the panoramic sounds of hideous calamity wound around him in crystal clarity. He was disturbed.

For a moment his attention was pulled away from the chaos when he felt a hand grabbing and clenching futilely at his robes. A woman no older than twenty was grasping with all her might as she slithered on the floor trying desperation to free herself from the dirty hands of the man grabbing her waist.

And Severus did nothing. He could do nothing but stand and wait for it to end and then he could go home and vomit all night to his hearts content. 

He gazed into those terrified eyes, jaw clenched and he whispered in a voice so low even she probably never heard, "I'm sorry." 

Every time he was called to participate in one of those orgies, he had no choice. He had to keep his composure and his cover, but as soon as he returned to Hogwarts shaking and shivering from the horrors he was forced to witness.

He pulled himself into check. "...here once..." Taya was saying something, but her words sounded jumbled in his ears. He couldn't allow himself to cry now. It would only bring about the desperate sobbing and loss of control he had finally began to beat. 

"Wha...what?"

"They were here once weren't they?" 

"Who?"

"The Dementors of Azkaban." 

"Indeed. To protect the school when Voldemort was regaining his power."

"I can remember vaguely. They were horrible. Didn't one get on the Hogwarts Express? I can vaguely remember someone saying so. I'm glad I wasn't there. Uncle Albus and I returned a few days earlier from a holiday."

"You have quite an attachment to the Headmaster, don't you?"

"He's my only remaining family. Great Aunt Mordrid died a few years back. It's only him and me now." Taya looked sad.

For a moment she looked lost in thought. She grabbed a stool and sat down beside him. Severus smiled sadly.

"Do you still miss them?"

"Yea. They were the only ones I had for ten years. I miss my sister's singing, Dad's grumbling, even Mum's outrageous laugh that used to drive me nuts."

"I wish I had memories like that." He took her hand and crouched down on his haunches.

"You don't really," she said rubbing her eyes. "You had enough pain in your life, loosing your family would only have added to the misery."

"I lost Lilly."

"I'm sorry. I forgot. But, you have me."

"I know. And I an eternally grateful."

"I suppose _she_ was like family for you. You must have been devastated when she was..." Her voice trailed off.

"I was there," he said softly. Taya gasped. There were still so many things, hidden inside buried within his mind that she still did not know. Taya's eyes burned. She found herself pulling him gently toward her. He rested his head on her lap for a moment then drew away.

Standing he slowly circled the room, letting his hand stroke one of the work benches before he once again stopped at his desk. 

"Do you want to talk about it tonight?" She prompted.

"Perhaps some where else more comforting." Taya took his hand.

"Your room?"

"Very well."

She stood up and watched him extinguish the burning candles the old fashioned way, only that they didn't remain dead. As soon as he blew them out they re-lit.

Severus muttered something under his breath. Something probably rude, Taya guessed and she couldn't help but giggle at the sight of him huffing and puffing.

"You did this!" He accused. 

"Don't blame me. Why would I want to charm your silly candles?"

"You have a twisted sense of humour."

"I didn't do it. Honest." He felt her arms come about his waist. Taya lent into him then gently brought him around to face her.

"You my dear are as honest as a klinkwuddle sprite."

"But they can't help themselves."

"Exactly."

"I didn't do it," she giggled.

"Prove it then?"

"How can I?"

"Like this." He pulled her close and they kissed. 

Moments later when the kiss was broken and they were about to step through the secret passage way at the back of the classroom Severus muttered "Nox," and the room was pitched into darkness.

****


	43. Chapter 43

****

Chapter 43

Lilly's Child

Severus Snape clutched Taya, a girl who he had only ever dreamt about nine months ago. Never in his wildest imagination would he had deemed that she would be laying with him now.

He reached out his hand and lightly brushed his fingers over her bare arm and down her back. She moaned softly and clutched him even tighter to her.

It was nearing midnight and they had been taking, or at least he had been talking about Lilly Potter for the last two hours.

"Have you ever told Harry about it?" She asked dreamily into his neck.

"No," he whispered.

"I think you owe it to him to tell him it was you who found him that night." He looked down at his hands. Taya yawned as she slunk closer to him. 

For some time he watched her sleep, his mind going over the past, the present and the future until he too eventually managed to drop off to sleep. 

For a time there was nothing but darkness. Darkness in sleep was a welcome reward compared to his nightmares that still visited occasionally. But this one was almost as treacherous.

The dream tonight was vividly real, like so many of his dreams, Severus Snape tossed and turned. 

__

A foggy image was glowing green in the sky over the small cottage. An image that incited terror throughout every wizard community. To see this distinct ugly representation of pure evil etched in the air, a skull with a snake, galvanised the very core of raw primordial fear to transgress into mass narcotic panic, but the Dark Lord was defeated. 

The air smelled of smoke, charred flesh, and dead earth.

A dream representation of himself moved up the narrow garden path his ears picking up the sound of a baby's pitiful sobbing. He swallowed as he neared the open front door. He could see light behind the entrance. The closer he got the louder the child's desperate wailing's were.

He stopped and reached out his hand towards the wood then thought better of it. It was unlocked. He pushed the door open with the point of his wand. 

Severus entered the house with unease and caution. 

The narrow hall was empty. He moved inside followed shortly by another man. Strangely the baby's sobbing had ceased.

"Check in there," his dream voice ordered. The other man nodded his shaggy brown head and soon disappeared inside the living room. 

"Severus." Remus Lupin called. "You...you better come." The professor's stomach lurched. He pushed the door open and prepared for the worse. 

He was dead. James Potter's lifeless body was spread in an awkward position on the floor. Beside him was his wand, useless against that who had killed him. 

Remus turned and fled the room after nearly vomiting. Severus threw back a deadly glare at the man who had been James' friend. A man who couldn't face his compatriot in death. For a moment Severus felt guilt. The werewolf was in shock he realised. 

For him on the other hand, he had seen so much death while as a Death Eater it had almost hardened his heart into ice. 

Severus Snape crouched down beside his most hated foe. The man who had stolen his love away from him and who had taunted and ridiculed him relentlessly while at school. 

Severus looked down into the lifeless dull eyes that gazed a blank stare into nothingness. Gently the professor closed them. "There was nothing you could have done," he murmured to the silence. "Voldemort was to powerful even for you, Potter."

He stood up, remembering the baby. Perhaps Lilly was still alive and had some how quietened him down. His mind captured her image, her beauty, her smiling face then he imagined her cowering in the corner of some room clutching her baby to her. Or worse...

But he didn't want to think like that. He couldn't otherwise he would never be able to go and explore the rest of the house. He moved out of the room, away from it's disarray and death. 

Remus was leaning against the wall in the hall, shuddering clasping tattered robes against his narrow frame and barely managing to hold himself together. 

"Lupin, Dumbledore will be along soon. I suggest you go wait outside." The sentiment was clear, but the cold acidity to his voice was sharp and biting, but the other man was grateful all the same.

"God, Snape. I'm sorry." Remus turned away and stepped back out into the darkness outside.

Severus paused a moment longer then heard the sound. The baby was crying again. The sound was coming from upstairs. He sprinted three steps at a time until he came to the landing. The baby's bedroom door was wide open. A charred burn was centred around the door handle, evidently the portal itself had been forced like that of down stairs. 

A light was on. 

He stepped inside and stopped.

She was dead. 

There was no time to break down now. Only the baby mattered. He lay on the crumpled form of his mother bawling his eyes out, his tiny mind not understanding why his mother wouldn't hold him, why she wouldn't respond and comfort him.

Severus took a deep breath and knelt down close to the terrified boy. He reached out his hand, but the child screamed and hid his bloody face on his mother's shoulder.

"Harry Potter!" He said. "You must come with me. It is not safe here." The boy poked his head out. Severus spoke gentle but firm words. He reached out his hand. "Come here. We must go." Again little Harry buried his head against his mother. Only when Severus' gentle hand brushed his cheek did he look up with those big green eyes. Severus swallowed. 

Lilly's eyes, was his first thought.

He had never seen Harry. He hadn't seen Lilly since their graduation, and then he had only mumbled a few words. He hadn't gone to Lilly and James' wedding either. He had been invited, but that would have only twisted his heart further into two.

For a moment he glanced down at Lilly's face. Terror was captured upon it. Unlike James' downstairs her eyes were closed. That much he was grateful for. He carefully eased Harry into his arms then lent down, gently pressing his warm mouth against Lilly's. Her lips were cold, dead.

"Don't worry." He swallowed. "Lillian Evans, your son will be cared for." He pulled away careful not to disturb the scene. The investigators, and aurors would be here in a matter of minutes. Lord Voldemort had done his worst on this house and this family.

He stood up awkwardly lifting Harry with him. The boy turned his head to meet Severus' eyes. Harry's face was chalk white. The baby coughed and lulled against him like a rag doll. Almost lifeless. 

Severus gently pressed the child against him. He squeezed his eyes closed, preventing tears from slipping free. 

"No," he said firmly. "You mustn't die. I promised Lilly." But it was too late. Harry's eyes were closed and his breathing barely existent. He realised there and then there was nothing more he could do. 

Gently Severus lay him down on his mother again. He slid her still limp arm around his small body then he turned around. 

"I'm so sorry." He moved toward the door. 

Something made him stop and turn around. 

The professor gazed grimly at the mother and child then he noted the ruby liquid that had started to drain from the head wound again. Severus knelt down, pushed back the black wisps of hair to expose a lighten bolt shaped cut on Harry's forehead. He gingerly pressed his finger to the cut and to his surprise it stopped bleeding instantly. 

Harry howled with all his might.

His lips quirked up briefly for a moment then his usual solemn expression captured his pale thin face. 

Only recently freed from Voldemort's clutches, no less than three weeks before. He was a bedraggled waif, still recovering from the traumatic horrors experienced prior. Despite his physical appearance Severus was surprising strong. He had almost given up on the last day with Lorsekruker, but that was then and the child he was holding in his arms was his preoccupation of the moment. 

This baby was alive. Obviously his fragile life had come with a legacy, both for Harry himself and to others. Severus knew this child would forever be celebrated throughout the wizarding world. He had defeated Voldemort and had survived. How? Severus didn't know. Yet.

He grabbed a soft blanket from the cot near by and wrapped it around the infant then fled the house he never wanted to see ever again. 

Images blurred and distorted, then the hazy shadows of colour whirled into shapes again, images he could recognise. Severus found himself watching his younger representation make his way down the staircase and a familiar voice greeted him.

"Severus? Where are you, son?"

"Headmaster?" He had never in his life ever felt so pleased to see him. 

"Merlin's ball are you all right? I should never had requested you come. What an atrocity." Dumbledore held his head for a moment. "What was I thinking?" He said tutting recklessly. "And two of our very own, finest Gryffindors." The headmaster saw Severus' pale grim face.

"Is she?"

"Yes." Dumbledore closed his eyes.

"Such a waste. Such a waste, but alas, you have the boy. Is he...?"

"He is alive now, headmaster, but he was dying," spoke the dream Severus as they carried the baby out into the fresh air. Air had never tasted so sweet. The taste of death had left a bitter taste in his mouth an a knot in his stomach. 

"I know he's alive."

"How?"

"Voldemort is gone, had he not been defeated then the boy would have... the Death Eater order is in chaos and..." Severus passed the baby to Dumbledore.

"He nearly died sir."

"Indeed," said the elderly wizard knowingly.

"I do not understand, sir. One minute he seemed to be breathing his last breath then the next he was bawling off the top of his lungs."

"Do you have any idea why this should happen Severus?"

"Non." He was shaking his head. No one had ever survived the maddening wrath of the Dark Lord's power and lived to tell the tale. Not until that day. Not until a very special little boy had some how broken the darkness that had swallowed the world into chaos. 

Dumbledore was now smiling defiantly. "Do you realise that the world can be safe again. At least for a short while." For a moment the professor's cheery face dropped slightly. "But we mustn't think of that yet. This tiny baby has saved us all." 

"How?" Severus genuinely wanted to know. But surely even a powerful man such as Albus Dumbledore wouldn't know such forces. Then again the old man seemed to have harnessed the world between his very finger tips.

"He was still alive when you found him, correct?"

"Of cause, but he was-"

"Harry here was bestowed with a very special gift."

That much is true, thought the potions master. "What?" Said his ethereal dream counterpart and the watcher found himself drawn into the dream Severus' body.

"Voldemort...yes. I speak his name aloud." Severus gasped slightly at the mention of the Dark Lord's name. The headmaster smiled knowingly. "He was defeated by something so powerful, so pure that despite the most darkest of spells, the most evilest of enchantments and hexes this thing can break them all,

"It is pure and untainted, something I always believed you had in you from the moment I found you."

"What is it?" Severus hated riddles, especially Dumbledore's

"The world can be an evil place, but even evil has it's weaknesses and blind spots. Every living being has this instilled in their hearts, even you my dear Severus, a former Death Eater. We can not even count out the Dark Lord himself. He had it once. Even if for a split second. It's love, Severus."

"Love?" The young potions master looked repulsed.

"Pap."

"Perhaps, but neither the less it exists."

"Why do you think Harry survived this abominable attack?" The dream Dumbledore closed his eyes for a short moment. "You just said he was still alive when you found him."

"Because Lilly loved him? What a stupid question, may I point out. Why shouldn't she? She was his mother after all."

"Of cause. Lilly's powers were stronger than we all new. Even she didn't know, I would suspect. Un-realising it she passed on a protection, the only way to protect her son from Voldemort, so powerful-"

"As you said, sir."

"And he nearly died did he not? Then you came along. You gave him your own-"

"What are you saying, Headmaster that I-"

"You loved her did you not?" Severus reddened with both embarrassment and rage. Dumbledore smiled gently. "You saved him too Severus. Your love for his mother gave him extra strength." 

The younger man gritted his teeth. Nothing was a secret from old Dumbledore. Blue open eyes twinkled knowingly and met dark suspicious ones. 

"How can you possibly know about..." Although he didn't reply to Severus' question a mysterious wizened smile touched Albus Dumbledore's mouth.

"Severus, we must get going," he said gently. The younger man turned to look up at the sky, the smoky green Death Eater sign gradually faded into nothing. The potions master turned abruptly when he felt a slight bony hand touch his wrist.

"Are you going to be all right?"

Severus avoided the question. Of cause he wasn't going to be 'all right.' Harry Potter and his strange legacy would plague him forever. 

In his mind's eye he saw Lilly's dead face. He clasped his control firmly in check and pushed back hate into the darkness.

"Where is Lupin?" He said coldly.

"Ah, poor poor man. I sent him back to Hogwarts." 

Just at that very moment there was a rumble, like the sound of thunder. Both men looked up at the dark sky and saw a black shape moving at a deathening speed. A giant of a man was perched atop a huge moter bike. The roar of it's engine grew louder and louder before finally spluttering to a holt and the huge man landed.

Rubeus Hagrid swung his mighty frame off the bike and stood stock still, horror reflecting on his huge hairy face. 

"I got 'ear as soon as I could."

"I know you did." Dumbledore smiled sadly. 

"Oh no…," muttered the giant in horror as his eyes took in the full view of the green scull hazily glowing above the house. "Were ye too late Professors?" He wimpered.

Dumbledore sighed.

"I'm afraid so, Hagrid."

"But there might be a way. Ye might be wrong." Hagrid started up the stone steps. 

"Hagrid, they are dead." 

The giant turned, big fat tears slid down into his bushy black beard. Hagrid sniffed and wiped his nose on the back of his hand. "An' an little 'Arry?" He swallowed fearing the headmaster's next words. Severus stepped forward.

"He's still alive," he said with a detached air to his voice. 

The headmaster looked down at the sleeping bundle in his arms. 

"We have him, Hagrid," said Dumbledore who gently pushed the child towards the giant. 

"Oh thank Merlin," sighed Hagrid with relief. "An' the others. Gotta go get them." 

"Hagrid, James and Lilly are dead. I…I saw them," interjected Severus.

"But…but…" Hagrid was spluttering. "I gotta see for meself. I don't believe." And he turned and went. Severus moved to make a grab at the giant's massive arm, but Dumbledore pulled him away.

"Severus leave him be. He has to see for himself."

"Shouldn't someone go in with him?" Dumbledore looked directly into Severus' fathomless dark eyes. "The grounds keeper…" Severus sneered slightly then bowed his head. "What if-" he swallowed.

The Headmaster interrupted. "We must get Harry back to Hogwarts, he said gently. "He needs his head seeing to." Dumbledore looked down at the baby gently cradling him against his chest. "Ah here they come and Hagrid will be fine Severus."

Professor Snape looked out at the group of investigators , Ministry personal, medical assessors, and aurors who had just apperated onto the scene. "They may wish to speak to both of you later, so get back and clean up." Dumbledore glanced at his watch. It's time.

With a quick pop they were gone. 

And he awoke.

That night and that night only the ward against appariting directly in and out of the school had been unobstructed.


	44. Chapter 44

****

Chapter 44

A Dangerous Realisation, And A Hard Task To Bare

Harry heard the scratchy noise interrupt his light sleep with a start. He sighed loudly. What was the point of having a lay in when even on your off work days you were disturbed. Harry groaned inwardly and lay there for a moment longer simply letting the scratching noise continue.

Perhaps if he lay perfectly still and closed his eyes the noise would stop and he would be left alone. How wrong could he be. The was a loud screech coming from the vicinity of the curtained window, then a tap taping sound, another screech. The thing or whatever it was wouldn't leave him be, so Harry got up, grudgingly though.

He walked over to the window dressed in pajama bottoms and slid the dark reddish gold curtains aside. Outside was a raven, the blackest he had ever seen, it's feathers were an inky black blue and glissened with health in the sun light. 

The bird opened his long pointed beak again and screeched. 

"Okay, Okay. I'm hurrying as fast as I can," grumbled Harry as he unfastened the window. With keen proficiency the bird swooped in and dropped it's burden on the floor then landed itself on Hedwig's vacated perch waiting.

"So?" Questioned Harry with a glare at the magnificent bird. There was doubt who the raven belonged too. Hegwig wouldn't be very please if she knew that Severus Snape's raven was currently occupying her stand. 

The bird cast it's beady eyes in Harry's direction as he opened the sealed envelope. 

__

Harry,

Please make time in your busy schedule to see me one day, possibly this week!

Regards, 

Severus Snape

Harry chuckled. The man could even be sarcastic in letter form and he sounded from his writing that he was addressing a naughty student.

Harry turned the paper over and fished for a pen in his desk drawer. He dipped his quill in the black coloured ink and began to write. As each word was scribed across the page the ink changed colour, into a bright pink shade then slowly transmuted into blue, red, yellow, green, purple, then back to pink again.

__

That'll show him, thought Harry as he returned the cap to the bottle of 'Magic Mischief's incredible colour changing ink' and popped it into the desk drawer. He knew that his fancy letter would annoy the hell out of the potions master.

__

Okay, Professor. Will tomorrow at six be okay? Your office?

__

Love and kisses, he wrote as an after thought, knowing how much this would jab at Severus' nerves until he could do nothing more than burn the letter with his own fingers.

__

Harry

He looked over at the raven who squawked in disapprove at him. Yes, it was childish behaviour, but it was funny. Fred and George Weasley would have been impressed.

Harry tucked the letter back into the envelope and re-addressed it. 

__

To Professor Snape.

He tied the note onto the black bird's leg. It took one last look at Harry and fled the room.

Harry shut the window behind it then crept back into bed. Jinny stirred slightly but didn't awaken.

***

"Yes Potter, your joke was very amusing. Your humour would go far among a bunch of three year olds," said Severus with disrelish, although Harry swore his words were mingled mildly with a slight concoction of irony.

Uninvited Harry sat down. Severus scowled at him.

"Please sit down Mr Potter." Harry smiled bashfully.

"Sorry, Severus." The potions master sat down opposite his protege and studied him. 

Harry sipped his tea and smiled. "So, what do you want to talk about?" He put the cup and saucer down onto the table.

"You," he said in his best intimidating voice. Harry's expression dropped.

"Me? What have I done?" He sounded like a frustrated elder offspring always getting the blame for his younger siblings misdoings. 

"Why do you always assume the worse of me Mr Potter? Or are you guilty of some unspeakable crime you have committed under my nose without me knowing about it? Have you...?"

"I've done nothing Severus. I'm not a kid any more."

"Hum, I beg to differ sometimes." Harry sighed and absent mindedly rubbed his scar.

"I must speak with you about your past." Harry's eyebrows flew up hiding behind the fringe of messy dark hair.

"My past?" His shoulders sank. "Everybody still seems to know more about me than I do myself," he said resignedly. Severus nodded.

"Yes I know. It must be frustrating." Harry looked him straight in the eye. They had touched a similar battle scar. Harry knew far less about himself than he cared to and the professor remembered far to much from his past that he promised not to reminisce over. Sometimes however his mind did otherwise and while he lay in bed at night, his inner vision played out memories of forgotten miseries and anguish against his better judgement and will. 

"Professor Dumbledore preferred to keep you unaware of them until you were old enough."

"What is then?" It was a question that Harry had started to wonder whether he did want an explanation to. 

"It concerns Voldemort."

"Voldie?" Harry looked puzzled.

"Yes, Voldemort." Severus said coldly. "And your mother." The younger man frowned. "I am unsure where to begin."

"Professor?"

"Yes?"

"Has this by any chance got anything to do with you?" Severus took a deep breath.

"How do you know?"

"The way you are...don't be offended but you are kind of constrained and touchy on the subject."

"It's not really about me, but...more about your survival as an infant."

"Dumbledore said Mum protected with parental love."

"_Dumbledore_ was correct."

"He said Mum saved me from Voldemort because she loved me. How's this got to do with you?"

"I believe a bond between a mother and child is unique. Not that I _know_ anything about bonds mind you." Harry didn't know that he and Taya were bonded, nor did he know about the unusual circumstances that had brought them together.

"And nor do I have any recollection of a bond between my mother and myself either," he said flatly. Severus looked at his hands for a brief moment. "I will put this as plainly as possible to avoid any more awkwardness and un-necessary questions.

"When your parents were killed that fateful night in nineteen eighty one, I and Remus Lupin were chosen to help find you. Unfortunately we got to Godrick's Hollow to late to save your parents." Harry looked stunned.

"Close your mouth, you will catch flies," snapped the professor glaring at Harry in disgust. 

"You were there!" Said Harry in utter amazement. 

"Indeed. But the werewolf had to leave before he wretched his guts out and thus it was me who found you." 

"This is all too weird. I remember a green light, but nothing else much."

"You were one year old. Hardly."

Harry swallowed nervously. He blinked. "Why you? Why was it you that got me and not..." Harry frowned. He had never thought much before about who had rescued him. Dumbledore had been his first choice of person. He didn't even venture to fantasise that it had been the dreaded potions master, the one he had thought hated his guts since the moment he lay eyes upon him.

"You nearly died of shock." Severus went on. "You had been bleeding,

"I picked you up and was prepared to carry you down stairs when you were breathing your last breath. Instead I lay you back down with...I turned to leave but something made me turn back. Your head started to bleed again. Whatever possessed me to turn back I have no idea. I know that I wouldn't have left the room until...anyway I touched your head and your wound, the lighten bolt on your forehead stopped bleeding. I carried you down stairs just in time to meet Professor Dumbledore."

Harry continued to listen in silent shock.

"Unknown to me at that point you would have died had it not been for me. Or so the good Professor told me later on."

"But..but why? Why didn't he tell me this before? I had a right to know," said Harry. His voice caste a wistful sound around the room. He stood up and for some reason found the things floating in their jars quite fascinating.

Harry spun around. "Why didn't _you_ tell me?" He was angry. "Why keep it all a secret for so long? I don't understand."

"Would you have honestly believed me, Harry?"

"I 'spose not."

"Exactly. Was I not your most hated teacher? The bat I believe?" Severus glowered at him which for some reason made a small smile appear on the younger man's face. 

"Then you loved me even as a baby too." Harry continued to smile, this time somewhat wistfully.

"Forgive me for intruding into your fantasy, Mr Potter but I never even met you until that night. I hadn't seen Lilly since graduation. I could hardly love you then." 

"Oh."

"Don't look so disappointed but, neither would I leave a defensive baby alone."

"I don't understand, Severus. What has it to do with you that helped me survive? Voldemort-"

"Dumbledore explained that my...attachment to your mother saved you." Harry looked disappointed. 

"I am sorry, Harry. I _was_ secretly angry that Lilly had you and you weren't mine. I felt rejected beyond belief but chose not to tell any one let alone her, but listen here," Harry turned his face and gazed directly at his ex teacher, "circumstances changed. I found you. I ...grew to..." Harry smiled very faintly.

"I'm glad I now know the real truth. I'm glad you care and I'm glad you have Taya. You have changed so much, Severus. She has helped you more than you probably know." He nodded, if not a little bashfully.

"I've been thinking," said Harry.

"About what?"

"I wish I knew you properly then, when I was a boy. I wish I new you as a person and not just as the scary 'Potions Master.' I wish I could have seen through my childlike perspectives of you and seen you as a person. I wish you could have shown me who you really were back then."

Severus nodded slowly.

"I think I understand you," said Harry.

"That is a very bold statement, if I have ever heard. Griffindors," he said tutting. 

"You were scared." Severus looked up sharply. Harry had hit the nail on the head. Severus though couldn't bring himself to answer. His pride had been hurt. "It's okay you know," said Harry gently. He stood up. "Severus?"

"Yes?"

"I...I'd like to get to know you... deeper. Will you let me in?" His words reflected a similar sentence that Severus was offered months before.

"I can't promise anything, Harry. I certainly can't be a father replacement."

"God, I know that, I wouldn't deem you of anything."

"Good."

"Then...?"

"You know there are things, terrible things that have happened. I see that you are still hoping that I can confide in you but...I can not give you that satisfaction."

"It's not my satisfaction. I just thought..." 

Severus stood up and cross to stand in front of the younger man. He gazed down into those green eyes.

__

Lilly's eyes, he thought.

"Does Taya know?" Harry's voice broke him out of his revere.

"Does Taya know...what?"

"Does she know you were raped?" At that very moment Severus Snape thought his heart had stopped. The world was spinning in slow motion and his stomach spasmed in argument from the tightening of his internal organs, and his vision lost focused. 

He clenched every muscle in his body then came to reason that doing so was causing him to gasp for air. Or was he gasping out of shock?

"It's okay," said Harry very softly.

"How did you come up with this preposterous reason?" He stormed over toward the exit of his office, black robes billowing after him. He yanked open the door.

Suddenly Harry touched his arm. He recoiled and pulled back.

"Get out," he said softly. His vision was blurring again, hot rage was melting his control. Harry was in immediate danger. 

Quite un-expectantly Severus turned away and sat back down retaining his head in his hands. He had suspected Harry had known for quite some time really. Only when he had said those words aloud did it feel like a kick in the centre of his heart. Had he thought years ago that his life would lead into this confrontation he would presumably have fled for his life. And to have Harry Potter say it to his face. He may have well thrown himself off a bridge.

"You are right," he said ever so softly.

"Severus, as your friend, as your...Look you can't go through life keeping this to yourself. It'll break you in the end."

"She knows," he said quickly and quietly. "She knows everything."

"I'm glad." Harry turned towards the open door. "Thanks for the tea."

"You're welcome."

"Don't dwell on this in silence." Severus cocked an eyebrow at him. "That's precisely what you would do. I know. Got back to your girlfriend and talk it out."

"I have already talked it out, a countless number of times. It gets to the point that whatever you say, nothing can make it any easier and it gets down right boring."

"I can't pretend to understand what you are or were going through, but I can try."

"No, to understand you would have to have been there, Harry." The youth nodded.

"Severus?"

"What?" The elder man sounded drained. He slumped forward, his head almost leaning on his knees. Harry felt pity for the man. He knew that Severus would rather die than be pitied over, but neither the less the feeling stood out, right central in the heart.

"Will you tell Taya that I know?"

"I wont if you don't want me to."

"Tell her."

"Harry?"

"Yea?"

"Promise me that you wont tell anyone. I won't go back on my last threat."

"Know you wouldn't. I give you my word, Scout's honour."

"Scout's what? I'm in no mood for your foolishness."

"It's a Muggle thing. It's a club for boys. Dudley joined it once."

"Your nephew?"

"Yes. He stayed for ten minutes before they chucked him out."

"What did he do?"

"Punched the lights out of two other boys."

"Foolish thing to do."

"He was stupid and still is," Harry quipped. Severus managed a weak smirk "Good night then." The professor nodded, but he was immersed into deeper thought to really avow any further. He didn't notice it when Harry left and was finally left to his reticence again. This conversation hadn't turned out like how he had foreseen it, not in the least.

How life had changed. 

He sighed and rubbed grit out of his weary eyes. Severus moved forward and lamented, ignoring the cracking of joints in his neck and shoulders.


	45. Chapter 45

****

Chapter 45

The Dark Mark

Severus slumped down at his desk after Harry had left and lent forward resting his head on his folded arms. He didn't hear the soft swoosh of fabric from nearby and looked up when he felt a hand gently rubbing his back.

"I suppose you saw most of it?" He said. Taya removed her invisibility cloak. 

"No love, not all. I promise. I only just got back from the gardens." Avoiding Professor Sprout was a new pastime of hers. Whenever she saw her she simply couldn't get away from the woman's long boring conversations about her prized winning plants she grew for competitions.

"You heard enough." He stood up and paced for a short time. Severus stopped by the unlit fireplace and gazed into nothingness.

"Severus? Speak to me."

"Harry Potter knows I was..." he swallowed. "Raped." This time he let the arms slide around him completely. Taya rested her head against his chest.

"And that has upset you." It was a statement, not a question.

"Damn right it has up set me." He spun around and marched off toward the door. "The brat virtually demanded admission from me."

"Severus, I think that you are exaggerating a bit." She folded the fluid like fabric over her arm. 

"I am not used to having my feelings and my past exploited in such a way."

"Love, you're not being exploited."

"I feel over powered by it all." She nodded and took his hand. Together they walked into the empty potions classroom. She followed him up to his desk.

"You've never had so may people care about you all at once."

"I suppose not." He looked down into her face and their eyes fell into each other. 

Taya slid two fingers between the buttons of his jacket and found to her surprise bare skin beneath. He had taken her advice about wearing so many layers of clothes.

Pleased by what she found she opened several of the clasps and kissed his throat. He watched silently and let her gently stroke down the centre of his chest.

"Do you feel any easier now?" She said aloud and placed her hand flat against his heart and felt the flutter of it's beating. 

"A little. It's going to take a long time. Pain has a hard time of extinguishing itself."

__

I know. Her voice echoed in his head. She nodded and picked up his feather holding up in front of her. Without giving it any thought she slid her fingers over the delicate fibres then blew, curiously watching the delicate wisps of filament ripple slightly. 

"I just have to see my reflection in a mirror and ..." he went on.

Taya stroked the tip of the feather over one diminutive silvery scar on his chest causing him to tremble slightly. He captured the feather from her and placed it back down on his desk. "Why don't you have the scars removed then?"

The scars?" He frowned. "I didn't mean it in that sense." 

"Hum?"

"I always saw _him_, it was like he was leaning over my shoulder all the time and-"

Abruptly a sharp pain jabbed down his left arm like threads of golden flame centring around the branding of the Dark Mark. Severus grasped his forearm squeezing the burst of fire that had exploded under his very skin.

"Gods-" he yelped as the burning progressed and he no longer could contain the gasp of fury and shock that was devouring him at his expense. Tay recoiled from the shock too. She quickly pulled free from his mind, unable to handle the burning that seared up her entire left arm to her shoulder and neck. She needed to be completely in control to help him.

"Severus?" Taya moved beside him. "The mark?" She said frantically.

"Yes." He hissed. Severus turned around. 

"Wait a minute." She turned and hurriedly removed her shawl dampening it quickly at the sink. Severus had already torn most of the buttons off his jacket arm and was clawing at the throbbing flesh beneath. Taya was quick by his side and finished the job for him. She rolled up the sleeve to his elbow exposing the skull and snake. 

Quickly she compressed the sodden fabric over the tattoo. Severus turned his head away, unable to watch. He heard hissing and beneath the fabric his skin bubbled. A jet of green, copper smelling steam was discharged into the air. Quickly she pulled the material away.

"Severus!" Her fingers lightly stoked over the surface of his arm.

"I can't bare to look."

"It's okay. It's not that bad. Look." Slowly he turned his head and gazed at his arm. It was blotchy and red, swollen, still slightly hissing, but as his eyes focused and he saw, what his eyes viewed made them widen in surprise. 

The Dark Mark was gone.

He pulled his arm up closer, prodding it cautiously and he found it no longer hurt.

"My God...It's gone." He smiled. "The Dark Mark has finally gone. How?..." He was shaking his head wondrously.

"You don't know?"

"No." Then he remembered something from long ago. "Perhaps the last remaining true Death Eater is gone at last. It was him!"

"I don't understand."

"It was spoken only once to me. The mark of Voldemort would only go when the last of his faithful servants was killed."

"Does that mean that Lorsekruker was the only one left?"

"It appears so doesn't it?" He pulled open his jacket again and looked down. "The other scars remain though." A look of disappointment touched his face.

"They weren't done with a spell though."

"No" He shook his head. Taya pressed her hand against his chest feeling the heat from his skin. Slowly she dragged a finger over one of the deep slashes inflicted there years ago. It's point just ending by his left nipple.

Taya kissed the scar.

"Somehow you wouldn't look right without them," she said with a smile. "You know how particular sensitive to the touch some are." He closed his eyes relishing the feel of her mouth gently nibbling.

His arms dropped down by his sides.

"Does that mean that Lorsekruker's body has been killed too?" She asked.

"Yes."

"Then, you are free."

"I believe that I am." He smiled again. _To an extent._

****


	46. Chapter 46

****

Chapter 46

Snow Fight

Snow fell with an abundance over ice capped mountains and the lake was frozen. It's icy surface like a gigantic mirror reflected the cold white sky and mountain ranges around.

It was a state of desolate abandonment. Silence, but the roar of the wind. Trees looked dead and ghostly black as they stood like skeletal growths on the landscape. The biting winds and the cutting chill would set any body's heart to shivering ice if they ventured out there in the storm.

No one fool hardy would dare go outside in cold blizzard like conditions until it had at least calmed itself considerably except for fool hardy children or two unsuspecting adults. A tiny young woman clad in two pairs of tights and socks under her jeans and a thick woolly jumper beneath a heavy quilted coat. Around her neck she wore a cashmere scarf and her hands were gloved. Her head was covered in a dark green velvet hat, leaving coils of brown hair to snake wildly around her shoulders.

The man beside her, much older, nearly twice as tall was dressed in black and sooty dark grey. Also wrapped around his neck was a doubly resistant black scarf. Although the man neither wore gloves or a hat his thick black hair would protected his head nearly enough had it not blown savagely around his face exposing blue frost-bitten ears.

His face was ice white, dark lashes were dusted in snow, his nose slightly red and his lips blue and trembling. 

At this moment in time his hands were clasped in tight fists inside the pockets of his heavy woollen coat. His warm breath turned to chilled fog as he exhaled. He couldn't speak for it was too cold nor could he do much else than force his stiffened cold legs to march toward the castle, his boots crunching on the soft white grown as he strode beside his female partner.

She was deranged even to suggest they go out in weather like this, let alone drag him outside against his will. He had been out in it already once today, against her knowledge. 

A trip to Hogsmead for once in his life had been unusually pleasant. Christmas shopping had been uncommonly cheering. Finding a gift for Taya had been a difficulty. 

Severus Snape shivered violently as they re-entered the empty castle through a side door nearest the frozen Quidditch pitch. He dreaded the thought if he caught a cold from all of this. A Snape with a cold was a most unpleasant predicament not only for him but for anyone else unfortunate enough to be under his feet.

He shivered even more as they slowly crossed the small entrance hall and went up three flights of stairs. Severus coughed and rubbed his almost frozen nose, swollen now from the shock of the icy death bleakness of outside and the heat from within. He found himself sweating suddenly, and raged at the mad woman who had grabbed him from his quiet meditation and forced him outside.

__

Snow ball fights, building snow men, rolling about in the snow, making snow angels. She was quite delusional. Had he touched her brow before they left he would have said she was feverish with stupidity.

There was no way on this Earth that Severus Snape, the broody, bitter potions master was going to frolic about in the snow. If she, the deranged person he called his girl friend wished to partake in such jovial activities so be it, but he? It was out of the question. He was too civilised and mannered to do such stupid things.

Or was he.

Outside Taya had caught him off guard as he stood wrapped in a cloak of scorn and lobbed snow at his face. Snarling he grabbed her and through her onto the ground, virtually sitting on top of her he had grabbed as much of the frozen stuff as he could hold and flung it down her woolly jumper making her gasp a bit. She had pulled him close as to kiss him but he had pulled away flinging her bodily with him. 

They were outside for about half an hour flinging snow, and damp ice before Severus realised the stupidity of the situation and marched the deranged woman back toward the warm, jolly, festive castle.

Christmas at Hogwarts.

Severus marched straight into her rooms, shed himself of the many layers of clothing and slumped into a warm welcoming arm chair. 

"Bring me brandy, woman," he jeered. Taya crossed the room flinging her gloves at him.

"Get it your bloody self," she yelled and took off her coat, boots, half frozen jeans and slippery wet woollen jumper. She crossed the room without even batting an eye lid at the smiling potions master turning to watch her peel the two pairs of socks off her still chilly feet and start on the tights.

"Come, sit here." Taya followed his order and stopped before him. He made a grab for her waist and pulled her onto his lap. He almost leaped out of the chair when she sat astride him. "You're ruddy freezing. Get off." She laughed and looked at him disapprovingly.

"You told me too." Severus got up and poured himself a glass of the brandy from a glistening decanter standing on the table. 

"Want one?" He asked turning half toward her while reaching for another glass.

"No thanks. Me thinks I'll have a bath."

"Oh." He raised a brow. "That sounds interesting." He gently took her arm.

"On my own."

"Why thank you my dear," he replied in a slightly hurt voice. A strange glint was in his eyes which caused Taya some worry. He smiled ever so slightly. 

Taya folded her arms across her chest then turned to head toward the bathroom. Instead she was stopped with a great strength unparalleled to hers. _Gods,_ she thought as he grabbed her from behind forcing her to stop and be pulled against him. _He's strong._ She felt a quiver between her thighs at the thought of his mishandling her. He grabbed the waist bands of both pairs of tights and knickers yanking them down in one go. She felt herself bending forward slightly from the shock then felt his hands.

Quickly he spun her around to face him. He was smiling.

"Tell me, do you still wish to take a bath alone? If at all? Or may I join you?" Taya grasped his arms, fearing her knees were about to buckle.

He pulled her tighter to him, his mouth making contact with hers, a slow kiss and then she pulled away.

Taya laughed almost maniacally. "On. my. own," she spelled out. Severus made a noise reminiscent of a soft growl, but did nothing as she swayed past and entered the bathroom. 

Severus swallowed. He knew what she was doing. She was cruelly teasing him, setting the bate then pulling it away and watching the poor creature practically dribble over her. She laughed again.

He could only guess how long she would spend in the bathroom.

"Severus?" Called her voice from inside the bathroom. "Are you coming or what?"

He heard the door suddenly open and Taya stepped out with a towel wrapped around her.

"When I ment I was going to bathe alone it normally means an invitation for you to join me," she explained. Taya reached out her hand.

"Women," he mumbled, "Why must they say one thing that means the exact opposite?"

"Because it excites the man. Now come on." She took his hand and led him inside the bathroom.

For a moment Severus Snape stood miffed as to what to do. Taya dropped the robe on the floor.

"Well, get your clothes off then before you catch a cold or would you rather me do it." At those words he looked down at her. "God's sake come here you foolish bat." She grabbed his robes flinging them to the floor until he was as naked as she. 

Taya stepped down the narrow steps into a bath that appeared almost as big as the room itself. The room smelt of warm spicy incense. Fragrant candles burned from alcoves set against the four corners of the room, burning their way slowly down and emitting an equally intoxicating scent of vanilla. 

Golden elaborate taps spat soft pink and blue bubbles into the warm water, fogging up the chamber with a rich warmth that was inebriating. 

Taya slid down to water that nearly came to her waist. Severus cautiously followed her suit. She sat down and opened her legs and invitation for him to lay in front of her and lean against her breasts. 

"Come," she whispered reaching out to him. He sat down and lent against her. Without any thought her arms slid around him and he closed his eyes.

For a while they just sat their in the rich steam watching the coloured bubbles as they jetted out of the golden taps. 

"Don't you normally wash when you take a bath," he said rudely and turned. The steam had sodden his hair, it was slick against his head, coiling slightly at the soaked ends where the waters edge had saturated it.

"Normally, yes." she replied sliding her hand over the top of his head. "But in this case I would rather just wash you, your hair especially." She smiled.

"Go on then."

"Lay back down," she said as she gently cradled his head in her hand and lowered it into the water completely drenching his hair. She pushed him up again. He heard a pop sound as she opened the lid from a shampoo bottle, spilling a small glob into the palm of her hands then gently massaged his scalp.

Severus closed his eyes. She rinsed his hair then repeated the process with the conditioner finally wringing out the excess water.

"Lean forward," she whispered, which he did. Her hands slid down his spine, caressing the warm silk of his skin, the enriched water alone cleansing his weary body. Her hands then rubbed with delicate care over his muscles, relaxing them until he almost lent forward too far, slapping his face in the water. She caught him in the nick time and pulled him back.

Kissing his cheek gently, her hands moved over his front, slowly rubbing circle patterns over his torso and lower.

"There, done," she said loudly and begun washing her own hair. Abruptly his eyes opened in start and gazed around at her with slight disappointment. Taya looked directly up. "You're clean. I...." He turned around, moved onto his knees and pulled her with him. Taya clasped her legs around him, resting her feet on the upper part of his buttocks.

"Not now, Severus," she whispered as his fingers made their voyage between her legs. 

"Why?"

"Because I haven't finished washing."

"What makes you so sure I wasn't doing just that?" He cocked a black eyebrow.

"Because..." she looked at him square in the face. Her hand reached between them. "Because my favourite Master..." she took his hand and pushed it toward him. He felt the iron rod between them.

"Oh." He looked suddenly quite embarrassed.

"You must learn to calm yourself. I know it's taken you fifty years to get to this position, no pun intended." She cleared her throat. "But you must learn to control your desire, or otherwise I will be forced to take you in check."

"What is that supposes to mean?" Severus said, elegantly standing up. Droplets of water spilled down his body as if he were just stepping out of a water fall.

There was a loud dong noise, then another.

"My God," she exclaimed getting out of the bath. "Christmas day is allready here." The clock struck again and again, then another seven times. "We really ought to dry and get to bed. Albus will want us up early for the celebrations." 

****


	47. Chapter 47

****

Chapter 47

Joys and Fears.

Taya gazed at her figure in the long oval mirror standing in the corner of the bedroom. She lay a hand against her belly. Worry was etched arrows her face. How long was it now? On estimation three and a half months since her last period. She was foolish not to have taken Severus' advice and see Poppy about her condition. If she weren't any wiser she would have believed that she _was_ pregnant, but she was not. It was impossible.

Her desperation to have a child years ago had caused her great sorrow, but she had come to terms with the fact she was a barren woman. The prospect of not being able to give Severus a child at first hadn't even entered her head until recently. Would he be upset that it was impossible for her to conceive?

She needed to tell him. When? She had no idea. He hadn't mentioned children at all in any point of their relationship. She felt sadness that she would never feel his child quicken in her womb or hold his baby in her arms.

Then there was that strange dream. The dream that was repeating itself every night. The child, the fog and the heart shaped locket that whenever she opened she woke up.

What did it mean? Did have any significance at all? Was it her subconscious mind playing tricks with her heart. Who was that little girl? Why did she give her the necklace in the first place? What did it symbolise?

And now she was sensing things. Hidden impressions, not thoughts exactly, nor communication, by a subtle glow inside her mind told her the thing she was sensing was inside her.

It scared her. She could sense Severus, the link with him was strong and distinct. She wasn't supposed to be able to read anyone else. 

Was she kidding herself?

Taya sighed as she gazed at her frowning reflection. She turned and looked at her sleeping lover in the bed then gazed back at her double. She knew that Severus was silently wishing her to seek help. He could do nothing but give her advice and respect her wishes when he expressed worry over her lack of periods. _I'm going to go,_ she thought. _I_ _need to get this sorted out once and for all._

It was eight o'clock and he was still sound a sleep. Taya shook him gently. He awoke from a hazy dream that he could no longer remember.

"Up." Taya ordered. "Up, up, now lover boy." He glowered at her slightly, but the annoyed expression on his face changed to subtle joy when she wished him a 'Happy Christmas.'

Abruptly Taya heaved him up. De-tangling himself he pulled back the covers and shivered from the icy atmosphere. Taya whipped open the curtains to a world still white with frostings of snow.

"Hurry up, Severus," she called as he stepped into the bathroom. "Pressies are awaiting."

"For me?" He looked utterly surprised.

"You've had presents before, haven't you?"

"Yes but..." 

Severus Snape had never enjoyed Christmas. Partly because mostly everyone else had left Hogwarts at that time of year, gladly most of the children, but even most of the teachers left for their own families. He never had a family to go home too. He had heard of Snape manor. He new his mother's side of the family resided there, but whether they would except him now was for their knowledge only. His mother's estate which would have been handed down to him had he been a pure blood and conceived in wedlock was passed to another relative or so he had heard.

He took very little interest in their affairs. He knew that he would feel rejected, and scorned the moment he would pass those huge oak doors and set foot inside. A bastard child wasn't a child of theirs for the Snape's, an old and noble family, yet a family with old fashioned ideals.

He had been banished even before he was born.

Christmas was always a lonely and sombre affair for Severus. He much rather hibernate for the entire holidays, for the next year to be perfectly honest.

He was always given gifts from staff, mostly things he didn't want or need. Usually foolish joke gifts, like a packet of Muggle condoms. Non other from Sirius Black. A cruel tasteless joke that ruined an already dismal festival any way.

Someone gave him an automatic blow up cauldron that exploded and rocked the castle on its foundations every time he tried to burst it. That left him in an extremely bad mood, he hadn't appeared to either Christmas feasts that day, not that he was going to anyway.

Only Albus Dumbledore gave him gifts worthy of his favour. Usually rare potions books or nick knack that he didn't really want but was too polite to refuse, but they were genuine presents. Not the silly sort that here useless novelties.

He knew that other staff members saw him as a miserable old recluse, who's only pass time was to brew potions and fall asleep in front of the fire, if he could bother to light it, than enjoy the merriment's of the season.

This year was different. As different as any Christmas he had the misfortune of spending.

When he emerged a time later he found Taya giggling on the floor next to the tree she had insisted on Hagrid putting there. She had decorated it herself. Severus, being the over zealous person he was took no part in it.

"Look," she said pointing to an abundance of gifts wrapped in a variety of paper, some even changing colour, or whistling with merriment if you touched them.

He discovered that his curiosity had got the better of him and sat down cross legged on the floor, forgetting that he was only wearing black silk boxers Taya had bought him.

He lent forward examining the boxes with curious interest. 

  
"Here," said Taya, taking a small long oblong shaped box from under the sparking tree and handing it to him.

"Who is this from," he asked suspiciously. "I already have a vast collection of useless gifts."

"Yes," Taya said. "So I heard."

"How?"

"You repackage them and give them to people the next year. "Madam Hooch, said to me she received the same Conoodles' with Cootslopps three years running from you." 

Severus scoffed. "It is a known fact people redistribute unwanted gifts each year, and besides it saves me buying stupid presents for them." Taya laughed. 

Severus turned the label over that was sealed with Muggle sellotape on the brown paper wrapping. _'To Snape, Sirius. Hope this helps you in your ever ending quest for sexual enlightenment.'_

"Take it he doesn't know about us," said the girl watching her love turn over the package so carefully that it might explode. Gingerly he tore it open then nearly choked. Inside was a very large black vibrator.

"My God!" He exclaimed suddenly feeling very sick. He passed it to her without even touching the inner box. "You have it. You seem to know what to do with whatever that thing is for." Taya looked at him then back down at the toy.

"It's a sex toy, love," she said.

"I guessed that. It's repulsive. Why on God's name would he send me such an atrocity?"

"Does he think you are gay?"

"Wouldn't know, wouldn't care," he said. "It is repulsive. What are you doing?"

"Opening it to see if it does anything else..." She shrugged and gave a very sloppy grin. "It might be charmed or something. Actually this can't be Muggle. This takes on the appearance of whoever or whatever you are thinking about at the time."

"That's just splendid." He got up and paced the room, his face darkened with embarrassment and anger. "Is that all you think of me? A bloody ...willie?"

  
"'Course I don't." 

"You are not putting that 'thing' anywhere near or in me. That I am sure of young lady. Please remove it away from my person. NOW!"

Taya flung the vibrator onto the bed and took Severus' hand. 

"Wonder where your friend got it from." Taya mused.

"Stole it is the most likely answer."

"Severus!" Taya looked at him with obvious disaprovement. "That's not a very nice thing to say about your friend.

"And for your information my dearest," he drolled sarcasticly, "Sirius Black is not my friend. Never has been, most certainly never will be. Merlin's beard, he even tried to kill me when I was at school."

"Kill you?" Taya gasped. 

"Humm, The Whamping Willow incident. I'll tell you about it later. In any case Black is my idea of a perfect disaster. No doubt the bloody fool will be coming to Harry's wedding." Severus sighed heavily. "God I never even thought of that. Having to attend the blasted event is bad enough now that the fool is going as well...should have been taken back to Azkaban...bloody living in Hawii. " he trailed off tutting and grumbling in annoyance.

"Is'nt he Harry's Godfather?"

"Worst mistake anyone could ever make, but yes. Blasted James Potter!" He blurted out. Taya gently squeezed his shoulder.

"Cheer up honey bumpkins. It's Christmas."

"God forbid. Don't you ever call me that in public you here me?" Taya smiled. "I mean it." 

"Don't worry. Come on, there are lodes of other presents to open. She pulled him back over to the tree and she sat down. 

The potions master pulled on a long dark grey robe then settled down beside her. Taya grabbed another gift wrapped in simple dark emerald paper. This time it had her name written on it. The wording was small articulately delivered and very loopy. "Severus?" She smiled over at him. He sat stiffly.

__

To Taya, from Severus xx

She ripped open the elegantly wrapped package and took out a small velvet box. Carefully she opened it and gazed in shock at the small delicate bracelet. It was barely a thread of silver and crystal, interlaced with minute iridescent stones that glistened magically. She pulled it out of the box and unfastened the chain. 

"Give me your wrist and I will put it on for you." Taya reached out her hand. He took the delicate threads of silver between his fingers. For a moment she feared he would crush it. Severus lay the bracelet over her wrist and attached the clasp together. 

She gazed down at the delicacy encircling her wrist then pulled her lover into a deep meaningful kiss. 

"I love it," she whispered into his mouth and their tongues swept together in a tender moment of passion. Taya was first to pull away and retrieve another package. She gave it to him.

He look the pack entwined in red fabric and read the label.

__

To my love, Severus

Seasons Greetings

Love Taya, xx

"What is this?" He asked with a smile.

"Open it and you will see."

Carefully he freed the squashy packet of it's wrapping and pulled out a cloak made of the softest richest velvet with a silk lining, trimmed with emerald. Smiling demurely he stood up and pulled the dressing robe off. Quickly he wrapped the cloak around his shoulders pushing his arms inside the long wide sleeves. The silk slid easily over his bare skin, a sensation of rich extravagance.

"This is glorious, Taya. Utterly so. I love it." He moved around, the surprisingly light material swooshing around his slender body. 

"That's for destroying the other," she said coyly. Again they kissed. Severus removed the cloak and folded it carefully. He put it on the bed.

Again they took turn in opening gifts, some purely ridiculas, he got a bright pink lycra body suit, a silver lama dinner jacket with matching bow tie, both of which he would never wear. Taya thought they were funny even if he sneered and threw them aside on the floor. A baked bean jigsaw that couldn't be put together with magic. That to hit the floor without a second glance.

'Snake Charming For Beginners by Sharlene Slither' was pretty useless, but at least he could sell or swap it in Diagon Alley for something of a more favourable read. A book on Voodoo was much more interesting, 'Hoo do Voodoo by Abu Bugabooboo.'

The Muggle Britney Spears CD was immediately given to Taya who didn't have a CD player, not that she was bothered anyway. She could still play the disk by magic had she even liked Britney's kind of music. Something classical would have suited Severus better. A wizard world version of a video called 'Complete Workout by Andi Aerobicus' was chucked in Taya's direction to.

The bottle of Muggle shampoo 'Wash N' Go' Madam Pomfey had given as a joke was caste aside on the 'to be burned' pile, as was the Grecian 2000, given by Minerva McGonagall. Taya had found that hilarious, that Minerva had a wicked sense of humour.

Hagrid's gift was a Yeti skin rug. What Severus was going to do with that he had no idea. 'How to keep and Cultivate You Own Devil's Snare by Skarlete Scare,' given by Professor Sprout would be an interesting read if nothing else. As for the 'Wand Waving For Beginners' book aimed at children, that could be sold too. It was unthinkable that Severus would ever give it away to a needy student. The bright yellow balaclarva with jiggling and giggling green bobbles was a surprise. 'The burn pile.'

And 'How To Perfect The Perfect Sneer,' was down right stupid, again was chucked on the to be sold pile.

Although the bottle of home-made 'Dragon's eggnog' from Dumbledore was a welcomed change to the silliness he had been opening and a rare valuable volume on potion brewing, the bag of Weasley's tongue twister lollys, they weren't. They literally did twist your tongue.

Taya on the other hand had received a crystal ball from Madam Trelawney, a bag of sweet muffins from Hagrid that were so hard she nearly broke her teeth on them and a bottle of 'Grow your Own lawn' above other things, a few girlie nic knacks, like magical makeup - lipstick that changes colour depending on your mood, soaps, perfume, a few pieces of costume jewellery and finally a selection of different sweets from some of her students. 

Severus had even managed to procure a long sleek black gown for her. How, where and when he had got this she had no idea. Perhaps he had asked one of the other female teachers to buy her a suitable garment. She couldn't imagine Severus visiting 'Madame Je'nui's' boutique of ladies evening attire.

Taya had promised to wear it Boxing day.

Although most of the presents were stupid, they were funny and tickled her sense of humour, especially Severus' gifts. Those which he groaned at made her laugh out loud.

There was gift to both of them and it was from Harry Potter. 

"You or me?" Questioned Taya on who should open it. 

  
"You definatly. I dread to think what Potter has come up with."

"Did he give any clues before he left with Jinny for the Weasley's?"

"Non. I don't know whether that is good or bad." 

"Let's see." Taya pulled back the label.

__

To Severus and Taya

From Harry

She ripped it open. Severus sighed with relief. Inside was an expensive green and silver leather photo album.

"How thoughtful," he muttered. 

Taya didn't know whether he was being particularly sarcastic or genuinely thankful. Probably the former, but the album was a beauty, crafted with the most expencive materials and fine workmanship in Slytherin colours. 

Just as they thought that they had come to the end of the pile Taya spotted another one lurking behind the bottom of the tree. 

"Ooo, wait a mo jo there's another one. Just over there. Can you see it?" 

Severus stretched over and picked up the rectangle of wrapped paper. He turned it over in his hand then saw the label. Taya found herself laughing when she heard a small chuckle from him.

"You are bonkers," he said. "You really are. Do you honestly believe that I would think this _rea_lly came from Jym Jams?" Severus shook his head. He ripped it open anyway. "Speak of the devil." Taya turned around. The rabbit was hopping over toward them.

"She obviously wants to know what you think of her present for you."

He was frowning. "How generous of her to buy me a new shaving set. I may use it on her. She sheds over everything."

"How cruel. Look she even went out of her way to have your name put on the case." _S. S._ Severus gently picked up the rabbit and nuzzled into her fur. Taya couldn't help smiling at the tenderness he was showing toward the creature.

He put the rabbit back down onto the floor. "Taya?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you. These gifts you have given me are very special. I shall treasure them always." 

Taya clasped the rose pendant at her throat. The delicate cut stone had turned to a shade of pink. 

Of love.


	48. Chapter 48

****

Chapter 48

Christmas Day

There were only a hand full of teachers present at that years Christmas lunch, Dumbledore being one of them. Minerva had gone home to visit her daughter. 

Filch the caretaker and his cat were sat at the table, both scowling through stubbily beards. He was sat next to the gentle giant, Rubius Hagrid, who at that moment was making the hall wobble with his tremendous laughter, a joke that Dumbledore had presumably made. 

Seated at Hagrid's other side was the giantess, Madame Maxime. The pair had grown quite close over the past few years. She had come to spend Christmas with Hagrid and was residing with him in his hut.

Since there were such few people staying over, just one table was being used. Two small Gryffindor first year girls sat huddled together shyly, tucking into their Christmas dinner. Next to them was a Slytherin fifth year boy and girl. Unbeknownst to the teacher they were holding hands under the table. 

Sitting side by side were Taya and Severus. A unique blend of Potions and Dark Arts teachers in a strange union between each other. 

Taya smiled after taking a gulp of her wine. 

Dinner was a regal lovely affair. The great hall had been charmed like it was every year. Warm dry snow flakes fell from the ceiling. The huge trees in the corners were dressed elaborately by tiny Professor Flitwick. Nothing went unspent. Even the jingle of slay bells could be heard faintly.

The ghosts even took in the festivities by joining together and singing carols, spookily though. Peeves the poltergeist took the season in his strife, lobbing real snow balls at any one who passed his way. 

The Slytherin ghost, The Bloody Barren was no where to be seen. Nearly Headless Nick was even seated at the table with the living, a plate of rotten food on his plate that was charmed so that only he could smell it. 

The day went as all Christmas' did, long walks in the grounds, Christmas teas, singing carols, playing games. 

This was nothing to how Severus Snape had experienced before. Although he had to admit he was enjoying it all, the extravagance, the food and the fun, he viewed and absorbed it from affair.

He had to admit this Christmas was the best he had experienced. Ever experienced.

The day was coming to a fold. 

Severus followed Taya down into his dark dungeons feeling slightly drowsy from the merriment and alcohol. She opened his door with her wand and they stepped inside a cold darkly lit chamber.

Quickly a roaring fire was lit and a cosy atmosphere was delivered inside the darkly decorated bed chamber. 

Taya slunk down on the large four poser bed with a sigh. She even felt too tired to slip herself free from her robes. She had worn a dark crimson medieval gown with long sleeves that flared at the wrists, and a fine silver chain that hung over her superb hips like a trail of fluid mercury.

Severus had worn his new cloak and had a few admirably glances throughout the day. Even a couple of the children, the two girls had stared in awe to see him wear something other than his usual work robes, also a shock to their systems he was wearing a splash of colour. He heard someone mutter that it gave him a bit of colour to his cheeks.

Probably the red wine had achieved that more than a slither of green along the hem of his cloak.

He slid himself free of the cloak and placed it onto the chair beside the bed along with the rest of his garments. Taya lay like an elegant doll across the bedspread, her creamy skin giving contrast against the dark pigments of red dress and dark green bed linen.

"It has been wonderful today," he bent whispering into the pouting pink lips. "All because of you." At this she opened her eyes and pulled him onto the bed. Severus moved over her, kissing her exposed breasts that peaked up over the low neck line of her dress. His hands slid behind her, freeing the steys and pulling the dress down. 

"Severus," she moaned. "I want to taste you." Before he could reply she had already slid beneath the blankets.

****


	49. Chapter 49

****

Chapter 49

Cognisance

After leaving the hospital wing following her appointment to see the Matron, Madam Poppy Pomfrey, Taya was feeling strangely bouncy. She had to forcefully stop the bout of giggles from escaping and tried to crush the sensation of elation. She wanted to jump up and down, run through the corridors yelling at the top of her lungs, do everything that was forbidden under the school rules. She wanted to hug every person she passed. She felt so happy. 

If someone saw how she was currently behaving, especially one of the students they may have deemed her mad. 

The dark forbidding dank atmosphere of the dungeons didn't dampen the elated feeling that was still captured even when she had entered the potions laboratory. 

Taya gently eased the wooden door open and cautiously peeped inside. There were no students present, the only living soul that occupied the room was the man she had been seeking standing behind his desk apparently marking papers, again.

She heard him grumble about some delinquent teenager for getting his assignment wrong, despite the fact that the potions master believed that the task was the easiest thing in the world to accomplish.

"Foolish boy," he muttered. Taya made her way silently to where he was sitting. "Bloody Gryffindors.'" 

He didn't seem to notice her creep up on him until he lifted his dark head slightly and moved it a little to the side.

"Stupid children," he said to her.

"Why are they stupid?" She said smiling and came to a stop in front the lectern.

"Because...because..." he sighed. "Look at this." He pointed down at the childish writing, "Everybody knows that monkshood and wolfsbane are the same plant. The foolish boy never listens to a damn thing I say in class. No wonder his marks are as pathetic as they are."

"Now, now. Everybody learns at different speeds. You must have had difficulty in at least one subject while at school. Didn't you?"

Severus frowned at her down his long nose, thinking. "Actually...No."

"Well then Professor Perfect, some people just do. Perhaps if you lighten up a bit they wont feel so...intimidated and get things wrong?"

"Lighten up? HA. Hardly. I still have a reputation to live up to and I like being intimidating and besides it goes with my image." Taya snickered.

"Then perhaps give...What's the lad's name?"

"Samuel Johnson. Why?"

"Then perhaps sneak in a bit of support. It doesn't hurt for a bit now and again. Nobody need know if you have a chat privately. And I don't mean a detention." He managed a slight nod.

"A pep talk?"

"Yea." 

"I will have to see, and why have you come down here? Don't you have assignments to mark, lessons to prepare?" He said in a sneering contradictory voice.

"Yes lodes." She looked defeated.

"Just a visit then to get yourself away from it all? You poor child, my heart bleeds." 

"Your being horrible Severus. Stop being so sarcastic. I can see you are in one of your moods. Perhaps I'll see you later?" She turned to leave but stopped when she heard his voice again.

"No. I mean, no you don't have to go. I am sorry I have taken it out on you, but those bloody brats they're driving me to distraction,

"Believe me when I say that I am glad to see you. I was beginning to think I would never get a break from all of this marking." He waved his hand over the pile of texts.

"Thank you." Her face lit up. Severus gazed at her suspiciously through narrow cold as ice eyes. She watched him evidently still engrossed in what he was doing. Severus dragged the quill savagely across the parchment leaving a huge drawn out blood red cross over the page. Her heart sank for the poor unfortunate victim who would see it the next day.

"There is something I need to tell you," she said standing up again. Severus pulled his shirt together and fastened each button.

"Oh? So there is a reason to your visit other than devouring me. And what would that be my dear?" He pulled on his jacket and started on those buttons too.

"I've just seen Poppy." He looked up abruptly. And she noticed the sudden concern on his face.

"Are you still ill?"

"No, no. I'm not." She shook her head and smiled shyly.

"Then?"

"I don't know whether you will be happy or cross with me?"

"Why should I be cross?" A definite sneer started to form on his lips. 

"What have you done? Did you take any of those ingredients I keep in my rooms? I warned you about them. How did you get the key when I keep them in my robes, you never asked. You are lucky you never blew yourself up" She laughed nervously.

"I am quite capable you know, I'm not a student any more, but no. It's got nothing to do with potions or dark arts lessons."

"What then?"

"It's rather what we have done." Severus' expression seemed to drop. "I knew you would be cross with me."

"I don't understand what you are talking about," he muttered.

"Um, I better try and explain then. When I was with my last boyfriend there was a time when we wanted a baby."

"Oh!!" Shock registered in his voice. Taya lay a hand on his shoulder.

"Please let me finish. Him and me, well we tried and tried, but I was finding it impossible to conceive, 

"Any way back then I visited a healer and she performed several tests on me. She told me that I could never have a baby."

"If it's that is worrying you I will still care for you whether you can have children or not,

"We have plenty of others to look out for anyway. The blasted things are everywhere." He looked about him as if one had un knowingly crept into the room like a garden gnome would. Luckily students didn't have sharp pointed teeth and bit you. At least most didn't anyway. Non would in Severus Snape's class. They dare not cross him especially if he were angry they would probably get the same treatment back.

"Why do you teach still if you hate them so much?" She sounded sad and pulled away.

"I do not hate them, they merely annoy me. And besides they need someone to administer discipline in their sorry little lives." A slight smile touched his lips.

"You seem to hate them with a passion."

"Taya, I do not hate them."

She frowned at herself. She felt awkward discussing children with this man even though he worked with them every day. "Severus, that enchantment that was put on Hogwarts guarding against unwanted pregnancies..." She swallowed, wondering how on Earth she was going to explain all of this. "Um, I'm not making this sound very clear I know, but-"

"Try."

"I still didn't come on. I was-"

"Was it your period, or lack of it causing your sickness after all? What has it got to do with the enchantment? I thought-"

"Let me finish, Severus," she pleaded. "I thought I was infertile. I tried to tell you before but you didn't give me the chance." 

"Tell me now. I shan't interrupt you any more."

"I thought about what you said and I decided you were right. I saw Poppy about it today. I told her I couldn't have children. She explained things to me, said that since you're my soul mate only you could give me a baby that's why we, him and me couldn't before. She did this test. She still didn't know how I could conceive in Hogwarts 'couse of that spell." Taya waited for an answer but non came. He was staring at her blankly, brows knotted together. 

Taya sighed. Feeling awkward in her difficulty to confront him with her knowledge, Taya grasped the front of his deak, smooth finger nails stabbing into the wood grain, her hands visibly reacting to his unassuming gaze at it captured hers.

"Severus?"

He blinked and his mouth dropped open as the realisation of her words finally struck a cord in his mind.

Severus blinked. 


	50. Chapter 50

****

Chapter 50

The Turning of The Tide

"I'm having your baby Severus," she spelled out. There was more silence. Taya didn't know whether he would yell at her, storm out, cry or what.

"You... you're having my baby? You're pregnant. Are you sure?"

"Yes one hundred percent."

"Taya..." He hugged her and for the first time she had ever known him he laughed out loud, a real laugh, not a quiet subdued one, or a hollow choke he sometimes used in class, but a real tension relieving laugh, it was a sound she had never heard from him before, and it touched her. He leaned forward hugging her, kissing her deeply and laughing softly into her hair.

"My baby," he said. "Ours."

"Are you happy?"

"Yes." He touched her belly. "Very happy."

"I am too." She smiled at the feeling inside her, Severus' feelings too that were now flooding through the subtle link between them. 

It felt as if a weight had been lifted from his heart and as if all those crushing negative emotions from before had never existed. 

"I love you," he said squeezing her tight. "I love you." He was crying. "Love you more than anything in the world." They kissed. 

"Oh Severus." She felt herself cry too. Taya pulled the pendant free from under her robes and slid a finger over the snake. It slithered back revealing the hidden message. 'You are my cherished love too," she said holding up the rose for him to see. It was glowing the deepest red. "I love you so much, Severus," she whined, her voice garbled slightly from the choking emotion. 

The reason of her dreams also came to an understanding and the subtle communication that whispered in her mind like the calling of the breeze. It was her baby. The child in her dream was a symbol of fertility. The locket, a representation of a new beginning.

"Thank you. Thank you so much. I never imagined even in my most wildest of dreams that I will have a love and a child."

"You've got both, sweet love." He nodded and made a small sob of delight. Such powerful emotions. He had never before wept tears of joy. 

Severus knelt down in front of her pulling her body as close as possible to him. He lay a hands against the swell of her abdomen, against their unborn child. His finger reached inside the waist band of her skirt seeking out her skin. Gently he kissed it.

"Um, scuse me...I...sorry to barge in like this but..." Said a small rather embarased voice. Severus quickly pulled away and turned around. 

"Harry!" 

"Um, God. I..." He expected Severus to fall into a deathening rage of tantrums. Instead- Severus wiped his face then realised he was grinning. "Um sorry this is a bad moment. I...I'll come back later."

Severus turned to Taya who was bashfully looking at candle with sudden interest.

"No...Stay. You are here now. Taya?" She looked away from the unlit candle and stepped beside Severus. "We have something to say."

"What?" Harry appeared a little startled and dumbfounded.

"You are the first to know."

"What?" 

Taya took his hand. "Tell him Severus," she wispered. "Or...?"

He turned his head "I'll say now. This may come as a shock to you Mr Potter, but as amazing as it sounds. I myself can hardly believe but..." He swallowed. "We are having a baby."

"Oh my God," whispered the boy who lived. "I mean... Congratulations to both of you." Severus reclined his head.

"Thank you. Oh and I better straighten this out young Potter. When at the point you burst in on us we weren't um... we were not doing what you thought."

"I believe you, Severus," Harry retorted happily and winked. He turned toward the door.

"You disbelieve your potions master?" Severus shouted after him.

"Ex potions master!"

"Very well. Think what you may. No word of this to any one you hear me!" His face hardened back to normal. Severus rose a finger. "To no one. Not even the Headmaster."

"No, I promise."

"Good. What did you come here for?"

"Severus we could have a double wedding." Harry grinned.

"Not on your life we will." He sneered and turned his head when he heard the musical sound of Taya's laugh.

"What is so amusing young lady?"

"You. I think Harry came here for a reason, didn't you?"

"Oh yes." The younger man slapped his forehead with his hand. "You told me to check on those Luglimper potions in your office, Professor. I... I didn't think any one would be here."

"Nor I," he muttered. "Damn," he spat angrily. "It's too late now. He dangled his pocket watch out in front of him. Mr Potter we will have to start again tomorrow. Miss Matterson?" That gave an indication for Harry to leave. 

"Gun night then. I'm glad to have seen you happy for once." Harry smiled slightly.

"Out." Severus pointed toward the door. Quickly he left the dungeons before any more amazing revelations were devolved. He had enough shocks for one night.

When Harry Potter was gone he stood in silent awe. Since the potion was off and he had nothing further to do that night he lifted Taya up into his arms and carried her to his rooms.

"I thought people only do that when they are married," she said hugging on to him as he carefully lowered her to her feet.

"That's true. However I have been thinking. Marry me Taya." Tears were falling like a steady stream down her cheeks. Severus' face dropped. "Whatever is wrong?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all. It's just-"

"What?"

" I never thought you'd want it."

"Marriage?" Taya nodded. "I'll marry you. Oh, I love you so much." Taya tightly clung to him, kissing him deeply. "This is the best thing that has ever happened. Actually come to think of it we are already married in a sense."

"How?" 

"We're bonded. You should have seen Harry's face." Taya wispered with a chuckle against his ear. Her betrothed shuddered slightly.

"Yes. If he breaths a single word about this to anyone-"

"Yes, I know you will kill him." She moved her hand up and touched his face. Abruptly he captured it in his hand and stroked her ring finger.

"We must purchase a ring for you," he said.

"I don't need a ring on my finger to prove that you love me."

"Neither the less my fiancée must _have_ a diamond ring on her finger." A determined expression was set on his face. "But until tomorrow when I shall buy you one we have tonight."

"What do you fancy on doing love?" 

"What do you have in mind?"

"I don't know."

"Consummating our marriage?"

Taya laughed and suddenly found herself inside his sleeping chambers. "Blimey, we did that half a year ago. Look what you did to me." She patted her belly.

"Exquisite," he mumbled before his lips were pressed against hers. Taya enveloped him with her arms. "How many months gone are you?"

"Three and a half according to Poppy."

"Everything has come all at once hasn't it?"

"Yes," he said kissing her again.

"I love you, Severus, We love you. And..."

"Pray tell."

"I forgot to mention that I sometimes sense her thoughts."

"It's a girl?"

"Yea, that's the impression I get. I only felt a few times, but I know."

"We are going to have a daughter?" He laughed softly against her hair. "What other surprises do you have hidden up your sleeve?"

"Ah, that my dear potions master is for me to know and you to find out."

"And what is that supposed to mean?" He said stepping away. "You are teasing me."

"It's hot," she said randomly and I am tired." Taya smiled. "Are you?"

  
"I am rather warm. Why?"

"I didn't mean it quite like that… You turn me on Severus. " 

"You think I am sexy?" He turned away. Taya captured his chin and brought his face up to meet hers. 

"You are blushing again sweet Severus."

"I do not-"

"Make love to me Professor Snape. That special way."

He knelt down in front of her. Severus leaned toward her belly and kissed it. "I love both of you," he said and rested his cheek against her. Listening to a barely discernible sound of a thrumming heart beat. 

Perhaps a baby could help put to rest the remaining demons floating around in his head. Someone else to cherish and give what he never had as a child. 

Love.

The End.


End file.
